CARLSBERG BEER EMPLOYEES RIGHT TO DRINK, FIRST CLASS THIEF, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN BREADLESS SANDWICH, and MAN’S PENIS STOLEN BY POLICE
Carlsberg Beer Empoyees Strike for On-the-Job Beer Drinking
Beer, one of the few things worth fighting for. At least it appears that’s what employees at Carlsberg Beer in Copenhagen, Denmark, think. Almost 800 staff walked out, with 250 remaining on strike after the new rules came into force. No more beer except at lunch. Wow, no more drinking on the job. Jens Bekke, spokesman, said that drivers retained a right to three beers per day outside lunch hours and that warehouse employees claimed the same right. Did he say a right? Does that mean their worker’s union negotiated beer into their contracts? The warehouse guys too? “Yesterday, beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch. Because of that, the warehouse staff went on strike yesterday, with other staff striking in sympathy,” he said. I suspect at this point a lot of these employees have alcohol problems. Can you say withdrawal? They went on strike cause they all went to the pub in need of beer. He stated that Carlsberg shipments from Copenhagen would not occur on Thursday and that delays would occur in the rest of the country. On the upside, weaving beer trucks on the highway would be severly reduced. Carlsberg’s trucks are fitted with alcohol locks, preventing drivers from drunk-driving. As many beers as they were allowed they didn’t need the locks. I’m sure a couple of carry-ons would fix that.
Thief in the Mail
Now, I have to admit for once, this one is pretty clever. A thief in Poland pulled off a series of robberies by climbing into large parcels and mailed himself to businesses, then climbing out and having his way with them at night. Not bad eh? It gets better. Stanislaw Muchy, 39, would then make his getaway by sealing both himself and the loot in another box addressed to his Warsaw home. Mailed in, shipped out. How creative is that? Well, there’s always a flaw in every plan. His ”best laid plans” came to an end after he fell out with an accomplice, whose job it was to deliver him to courier firms. He contacted police and reported the scheme. Well it looks like your P.O. Box is about to be cancelled.
After being tipped off, police said: “We arranged a special delivery of our own.” I bet they did. The only special deliveries he’ll be making will be through the rear entrance.
KFC’s No Bread Sandwich
Now from our disgusting mass of goo department, here’s the next brilliant, and I use that term sarcastically, innovation in the fast food revolution. It’s the no bread sandwich. I have to wonder what brilliant think tank came up with this one? KFC’s bosses reasoned that burgers just don’t contain enough meat, so have released the Double Down Chicken Sandwich, which says “no to bread” replacing it with chicken that sandwiches bacon, cheese and the Colonel’s special sauce. That’s what reasoning will get ya. Like I said, “Mass of Goo.” You really don’t want to try this with clothes you want to keep. The KFC Double Down sandwich website says “this one-of-a-kind sandwich” features “two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel’s Sauce.” Don’t you just love the company propaganda. Well, we can only hope this remains a one-of-a-kind sandwich. Can you see giving this to one of the kids? You better hope you have a Labrador to clean the car and the kid. The Double Down is set to launch in America on April 12. Hmm. I’m thinking Arbys.
Police Sieze Furniture Store Owner’s Penis
It appears a case of penis envy has led to penis siezure by a law enforcement agency in Britian. 46-year-old Jason Hadlow’s prized stone Indonesian penis carving was snatched by police after a member of the public complained about the $400, four-foot phallus, which was on display in his furniture store window. That’s what happens when you show your penis in public. He was told to pay an $150 fixed penalty notice, or face prosecution for causing “harassment, alarm and distress” and was told he can only have his penis back if he promises not to put it on display again. No more Indonesian penis flashing for you. Hadlow, who runs the store in North Yorkshire, has now started a Facebook campaign for the return of the phallus, which he has naturally called the “Free Willy” campaign. What else would it be? His experiences have not discouraged him though, he told the Northern Echo that he’s ordered over a hundred more of the phalluses: “I have got a container of them coming in four weeks, which contains a minimum of 150 of the willies.” Wow, the police are going to need a warehouse just to house their arrested penises. Sounds like this could develop into a fixation. Local police said they were within their rights to seize the penis, insisting that Hadlow was “committing an offense.” Cuff ‘em Dann-o.