BRUCE WILLIS, OBAMA – CLINTON, KENTUCKY DERBY, FERRIS WHEELS AND CINCO DE MAYO
BRUCE WILLIS ROBS THE CRADLE
Bruce Willis has got a new babe, er baby, er Demi Moore look alike. She’s a lingerie model, must have picked her out from a catalog, named Emma Heming. She also claims she’s an actress. Well, this ought to get her a role. She’s just 10 years older than his daughter. Bruce, can you say “Old Life Crisis.” Right now lawyers everywhere are lining up for when these two break up.
OBAMA COMPARES CLINTON TO GEORGE BUSH
Hillary has apparently made the statement that if Iran launched a nuclear attack against Israel, she would obliterate them. Obama, who is clutching at straws anyway since the Wright problem, has fired back that the statement was reminiscent of something the Bush administration would say. I bet he had to work to get Hillary and Bush in the same sentence. Clinton is unrepentant. “Why would I have any regrets? I’m asked a question about what I would do if Iran attacked our ally, a country that many of us have a great deal of, you know, connection with and feeling for, for all kinds of reasons.” Yes, her connections and all kinds of reasons add up to campaign funds, can’t bomb golden geese.
ILLINOIS MAN ORDERS BEER CAN COFFIN
Bill Bramanti has ordered a coffin made out of cans of his favorite beer, Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yes, they did actually make it for him. Maybe he thinks he’ll hold carbonation better. Though he doesn’t expect to use very soon, he did throw a party Saturday where he he filled it with ice and beer. Yep, you guessed it, Pabst. When they bury him I think they should throw in a 12 to go.
SAD DAY AT THE DERBY
Our sympathies go out to the owners of Eight Belles and the fans of the Kentucky Derby. It’s amazing how history and tragedy seem to go hand in hand.
SANTA MONICA FERRIS WHEEL SELLS ON EBAY
This proves once again that you can find absolutely anything on Ebay. The ferris wheel from the Santa Monica pier sold for $132,400 and will be relocated to Oklahoma City. Moving it will probably cost more than the ferris wheel. It is reputed to be the world’s first solar powered ferris wheel. Grant Humphries, the new owner, plans to put it in one of his community developments. Now you will be able to get a bird’s eye view of everything your neighbors are doing. I guess nude sunbathing is out.
IN HONOR OF CINCO DE MAYO WE PRESENT THE FOLLOWING VIDEO: Don ‘t forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses!