BILL CLINTON’S CONSPIRACY, CHEESE RACE, MACY’S PIRATE, AND HIRE A CAT
BILL CLINTON’S CONSPIRACY THEORY
Just because I’m paranoid doen’t mean there isn’t a conspiracy. Fox Mulder isn’t the only one seeing conspiracies. Former President Bill Clinton, campaigning for his wife in South Dakota, said Sunday that she was the victim of a conspiracy. He said some were trying to “cover up” Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning in key states that Democrats will have to win in the general election. “I can’t believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these superdelegates to come out,” Clinton said. ” ‘Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.’ She is winning the general election today and he is not, according to all the evidence,” Clinton said. “And I have never seen anything like it. I have never seen a candidate treated so disrespectfully just for running. Her only position was, ‘Look, if I lose I’ll be a good team player. We will all try to win, but let’s let everybody vote, and count every vote,’ ” Well, certainly he is correct about one thing. Let’s count all the votes. As a nation we definately learned how just a couple fo votes meant everything in Florida. We all remember “hanging chads.” The results of that election proves our election system needs to be looked at and overhauled. For a country that is suppossed to set examples for the democratic process, we haven’t been doing too well in the last few years. We the people have a right to have our say and the Clintons are correct in this. Is there a conspiracy? Anything is possible in politics and there seems to be an awful hard push to make sure Obama IS the democratic candidate. I’m certain the Republicans would like to see him instead of Hillary Clinton. All they have to do is point at his inexperience and McCain is the winner. Obama hasn’t even sat in his Senate chair long enough to get it warm. There’s a reason they call him “Junior” Senator. The important thing here is fairness. As the Clintons ask, count ALL the votes. If Obama wins fair and square, fine, if Clinton wins fair and square, fine. The important thing is getting back to Democracy and everyone having their voice and vote. This country has had enough controversy over the elections of its leaders. Is there a conspiracy? Let’s hope not, because that means someone else is deciding for us, fixing our elections and taking away our right to vote for whom we want. That’s not democracy.
CHEEZY CONTEST IN ENGLAND INJURES 19
This is probably the cheesiest thing you’ll read in this blog. I know I shouldn’t make those kinds of statements, but I suspect it’s true. OK, picture this. A really steep hill, a large collection of people with no common sense, and a race to catch a rolling, runaway, cheese wheel that rolls down the slope, then it rains. That’s what goes on annually at Cooper’s Hill In Gloucester, England. This year it was attended by more than 3,000 spectators and over 30 first aid volunteers. A 19-year-old, Christopher Anderson, won the first race but was carried from the hill on a spinal board after tumbling past the finish line head over heels, hurting his back in the process. Hmm. I wonder how that could have happened. “The conditions were horrific, you just have to get your head down and hope for the best,” said his friend, Shane Beard. “Chris went absolutely flying. He is completely fearless but I hope he hasn’t hurt himself.” Oh, and don’t worry, the women can get in on this too, proving that they can be just as dumb as the guys. A 17-year-old student, Flo Early, won the women’s race and got to keep the wheel of Double Gloucester cheese. She then declared: “Next year I want to take on the boys.” Believe it or not, this race has been going on longer than people can remember. It is believed that it originated with the Britons and Romans. I think I know what it was. They gorged themselves on ale, lined up all of the village idiots and declared, “Chase the cheese.” And they did. And they still are.
NOW FOR A VILLAGE IDIOT MOMENT:
PIRATES BOARD MACY’S
Ar, this guy be no Jack Sparrow, he got caught. Listen up mateys, a man who was carrying a rusted pirate-style sword through Macy’s flagship store in Manhattan is facing charges of criminal possession of a weapon. It’s a sad day when a pirate can’t carry his sword. Police say 29-year-old Lawrence Jackson was brandishing the curved sword while visiting Macy’s Herald Square store Sunday with his girlfriend. Ar, trying to impress the wench he was. Parlay? He told police he was carrying the sword because he is a member of a kickball team whose players dressed like pirates. He swears by all that be holy he was on his way to a game when he was arrested. He sailed away with a fair wind. Sea turtles mate, Sea turtles.
FINANCIAL TROUBLES – HIRE A CAT?
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