PRE-SCHOOLER SHOOTS BEAVERS, 2009 YEAR OF… And MALDEN MUD RACE
4 YEAR-OLD HUNTS BEAVERS
Who says babysitting isn’t dangerous. Just ask the Beavers of Jackson, Ohio, Nathan Beavers that is. Nathan was babysitting with some friends when he accidentally stepped on the foot of a four-year-old. The rug rat got so mad that he went into a closet in the bedroom and pulled out a shotgun. He then proceeded to shoot Nathan with it. I bet this won’t sit well on his resume. “Done some babysitting in the past but was shot by pre-schooler.” Beavers was hospitalized with minor pellet wounds to his arm and side. Let this be a lesson, next time you volunteer to babysit, make sure you know where the weapons are.
2009, ALL THIS AND MORE
Let me see, why am I humming the words to Aquarius? “Peace will guide the planets and love will rule the stars ” Oh yea, 2009 has been officially designated the International Year of Astronomy, the International Year of Reconciliation… and the International Year of Natural Fibres. So this means we’ll have peace while watching the planets orbit, but we don’t want people getting naked like they did in the sixties so lets make sure we have clothes in there and oh, by the way, we’ll call it “natural fibres” so it’s sounds more politically correct and environmentally sound. Who comes up with this crap. I bet somebody got paid to legislate this.
BRITISH MUD RACE
Apparently mud slinging in Parliament wasn’t enough for these Brits. They decided to start their year out right by going for a wallow in an Essex mudhole. Officially dubbed the “Annual Malden Mud Race,” this bit of winter insanity entails getting dressed up in strange costumes and then trying to race from one side of the mudhole to the other. I expect large quantities of alcohol are mandatory for this. Some 250 people braved sub-zero temperatures to scramble through 365m (1,200ft) of stinking mud. Stink is an understatement. “I work just around the corner from it, it stinks because of the bilge dropped out by ships basically sits on top of the mud (and I guess mixes) when the tide goes out,” says Dave B, Chelmsford, of Essex. Lovely, makes you want to meet up these these guys at the pub afterwards. “That was hard. It was freezing out there. The mud got deep and I just had to crawl,” said 23-year-old Vicki Sharman, the first woman to cross the finish line. The race, dubbed “the best hangover cure known,” has been a firm fixture on the River Blackwater in Essex since the 1970s, raising thousands of pounds for charity. That’s one batch of cash that probably needs laundering afterwards. This years event was attended by 10,000 smarter people as they were only spectators.