Archive for the Culture Category

CARLSBERG BEER EMPLOYEES RIGHT TO DRINK, FIRST CLASS THIEF, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN BREADLESS SANDWICH, and MAN’S PENIS STOLEN BY POLICE

Posted in Culture, Entertainment, Food, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2010 by mclassen

 Carlsberg staff responded to a recent beer ban by going on strike

Carlsberg Beer Empoyees Strike for On-the-Job Beer Drinking

Beer, one of the few things worth fighting for. At least it appears that’s what employees at Carlsberg Beer in Copenhagen, Denmark, think. Almost 800 staff walked out, with 250 remaining on strike after the new rules came into force. No more beer except at lunch. Wow, no more drinking on the job. Jens Bekke, spokesman, said that drivers retained a right to three beers per day outside lunch hours and that warehouse employees claimed the same right. Did he say a right? Does that mean their worker’s union negotiated beer into their contracts? The warehouse guys too?  “Yesterday, beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch. Because of that, the warehouse staff went on strike yesterday, with other staff striking in sympathy,” he said. I suspect at this point a lot of these employees have alcohol problems. Can you say withdrawal? They went on strike cause they all went to the pub in need of  beer. He stated that Carlsberg shipments from Copenhagen would not occur on Thursday and that delays would occur in the rest of the country. On the upside, weaving beer trucks on the highway would be severly reduced. Carlsberg’s trucks are fitted with alcohol locks, preventing drivers from drunk-driving. As many beers as they were allowed they didn’t need the locks. I’m sure a couple of carry-ons would fix that.

Thief in the Mail

Now, I have to admit for once, this one is pretty clever. A thief in Poland pulled off a series of robberies by climbing into large parcels and mailed himself to businesses,  then climbing out and having his way with them at night. Not bad eh? It gets better. Stanislaw Muchy, 39, would then make his getaway by sealing both himself and the loot in another box addressed to his Warsaw home. Mailed in, shipped out. How creative is that? Well, there’s always a flaw in every plan. His “best laid plans” came to an end after he fell out with an accomplice, whose job it was to deliver him to courier firms. He contacted police and reported the scheme. Well it looks like your P.O. Box is about to be cancelled.
After being tipped off, police said: “We arranged a special delivery of our own.” I bet they did. The only special deliveries he’ll be making will be through the rear entrance.

The KFC Double Down Sandwich: Say 'no' to bread

KFC’s No Bread Sandwich

Now from our disgusting mass of goo department, here’s the next brilliant, and I use that term sarcastically, innovation in the fast food revolution. It’s the no bread sandwich. I have to wonder what brilliant think tank came up with this one? KFC’s bosses reasoned that burgers just don’t contain enough meat, so have released the Double Down Chicken Sandwich, which says “no to bread” replacing it with chicken that sandwiches bacon, cheese and the Colonel’s special sauce. That’s what reasoning will get ya. Like I said, “Mass of Goo.” You really don’t want to try this with clothes you want to keep. The KFC Double Down sandwich website says “this one-of-a-kind sandwich” features “two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel’s Sauce.” Don’t you just love the company propaganda. Well, we can only hope this remains a one-of-a-kind sandwich. Can you see giving this to one of the kids? You better hope you have a Labrador to clean the car and the kid. The Double Down is set to launch in America on April 12. Hmm. I’m thinking Arbys.

Police Sieze Furniture Store Owner’s Penis

It appears a case of penis envy has led to penis siezure by a law enforcement agency in Britian. 46-year-old Jason Hadlow’s prized stone Indonesian penis carving was snatched by police after a member of the public complained about the $400, four-foot phallus, which was on display in his furniture store window. That’s what happens when you show your penis in public. He was told to pay an $150 fixed penalty notice, or face prosecution for causing “harassment, alarm and distress” and was told he can only have his penis back if he promises not to put it on display again. No more Indonesian penis flashing for you. Hadlow, who runs the store in North Yorkshire, has now started a Facebook campaign for the return of the phallus, which he has naturally called the “Free Willy” campaign. What else would it be? His experiences have not discouraged him though, he told the Northern Echo that he’s ordered over a hundred more of the phalluses: “I have got a container of them coming in four weeks, which contains a minimum of 150 of the willies.” Wow, the police are going to need a warehouse just to house their arrested penises. Sounds like this could develop into a fixation. Local police said they were within their rights to seize the penis, insisting that Hadlow was “committing an offense.” Cuff ’em Dann-o.

WEREWOLF HUNTER ARRESTED, VAMPIRE BITES CABBIE, DUCT TAPE LESSON, and WOMAN CALLS POLICE ON POLICE

Posted in Animals, Culture, Entertainment, Ezine, Humor, News, Politics, Random, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on March 25, 2010 by mclassen

 

Werewolf Hunter Arrested in Washington  

I keep hoping this guy was just out LARPing and got seperated from his Dungeons and Dragons group. In Bainbridge Island, Wash., Police have detained a man who was found wielding a sword in a parking lot where he said he was “hunting werewolves and chuds.” Sounds like LARPing to me. For those that aren’t geeky enough, LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing. Now you’re all caught up and you can laugh the jokes. At approximately 1:45 p.m. Tuesday, police responded to reports of the man aggressively waving a sword around and stabbing objects in a parking lot. That’s the first place I’d look for werewolves. Officers found the shirtless man standing in front of the store with a large nanite sword in his hand. The man had several scrapes and cuts on his body, officers said. Forsooth it seems he’s engaged the foul beasts. When instructed to put down the knife, the 35-year-old man did so without incident. Officers also found on the man several throwing knives and other sharp weapons. He’s hunting werewolves, did you think he’d be unarmed? The man told investigators he was “hunting werewolves and chuds” who, in many cases, take the form of humans.  Based on this information, the officers took the man to Harrison Memorial Hospital for an evaluation. Good decision. Officers said the man had also been spotted approaching customers and displaying his sword and knifes near Ace Hardware in the past. Ace Hardware, a front for a clan of Werewolves? Hmm, the guy in the power tool section did look a little…naw.

Vampire Attacks Cabbie During Robbery

Wow, more vampire stuff, all of a sudden they seem to be coming out of their coffins. New York police are hunting a “vampire” attacker who bit a taxi driver during an attempted robbery. The man attempted to rob the cab driver after allegedly pulling out a semi-automatic handgun. I think I might have handed over the cash. The sight of guns do that to me. When the driver refused to hand over any cash, the man proceeded to bite the driver on the neck. Bites were found on the drivers neck, arm and back. Sounds more like a mad dog than a vampire. I hope he got his rabies shots.  The ‘vampire’ fled the scene of the attack shortly afterwards, after failing to steal anything from the cab. Another sucessful day in the world of inept crime. The attacker only began his attempt once he had arrived at his chosen destination near Bronx Community College. Get out the stakes, light the torches, his coffin must be nearby.

Duct Tape not acceptable for silencing the little woman

A Florida man was sentenced to 90 days in jail and a year probation for binding his girlfriend’s hands and taping her mouth shut “so she would listen.”  OK, I admit, I’ve had these moment where, yes, I thought about it. But dude, you don’t actually do it. Kevin John Franco of Port St. Lucie pleaded no contest to felony false imprisonment, misdemeanor battery and tampering with a witness after the sleeping woman woke to find him binding her hands with heavy-duty plastic ties. I have to ask, what’s with this tampering with a witness charge? During the October 2008 incident, he also taped her mouth shut with duct tape, TC Palm reports. He apparently wanted her to listen real good.  The victim was able to free herself as Franco ripped the phones out of the wall. Uh, Oh, I’m sensing a poorly done tie job here. She used a cell phone to call police.  The 34-year-old man admitted to police that he tied her hands and taped her mouth “only so she would listen.”  I wonder if the judge will listen. I bet he won’t be able to duct tape him.

Woman Calls Police to Get Her Out of Jail

Ever come across one of those people that just seems to have something missing? This would be one of those people. 29-year-old Carly Houston was arrested in Naperville, Illinois after she allegedly screamed and swore at a taxi driver when he asked for directions to her destination, and then refused to pay the fare when police showed up. Obviously she has issues. She was arrested and taken to the local police station, where she was offered the chance to make a call to a friend or family member. So far so good, but here’s where it all goes so wrong. Instead Houston used the call to dial 911, which connected her to Naperville police dispatchers, to whom she reported that she was “trapped inside the detention facility.” Ok, what brain process could have happened here that could remotely make this seem like it was a good idea? Unfortunately for her, the Naperville police department proved strangely reluctant to free her from the clutches of the Naperville police department. Imagine that. Instead, she was charged with “theft of labor or services,” criminal trespass, disorderly conduct and, for good measure, making a false 911 report. somehow I’m guessing, all that shouting she was doing at the cabbie somehow was carried over to the arrest and frankly, they’d heard enough.

KOREAN MAN MARRIES HIS PILLOW, MONOPOLY MONEY DRUG DEAL, and BREAST MILK CHEESE

Posted in Culture, Food, Humor, Life, Love, News, Random, Technology, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2010 by mclassen

Lee Jin-gyu pillow wedding

Korean Pillow Wedding

Some guys are just really hard up. Love can take many forms.  A Korean man has fallen in love with and married, a large pillow with a picture of a woman on it. I don’t even want to have to picture the honeymoon. Lee Jin-gyu fell for his ‘dakimakura’ – a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan which has an image of Fate Testarossa, from the ‘magical girl’ anime series Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha. Talk about not getting out of the house. A little pillow talk anyone? Recently he wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. I would have loved to see the look on the priest’s face when Lee approached him with this one. “I want to marry my pillow and I would like you to perform the service.” Personally, I think I might have put in a call to the local shrink.  “He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,” said one friend. I suppose that would make for a cheap date and you don’t have to worry if you’re going to get turned down about spending the night.  “They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal,” other friends commented. He has friends? I might be inclined to keep him at a distance… of several miles.

Don’t Buy Drugs with Money Printed  by Parker Brothers

A Kansas man told police officers that he had been beaten and left with a head wound after he tried to buy drugs using Monopoly money. Right from the start that just sounds like a brilliant idea. If they would have killed him this would have been a Darwin Award. The unidentified 33-year-old was pulled over in a traffic stop in Wichita, Kansas last Thursday, and was found to be bleeding from the head. He told officers he had attempted to buy several hundred dollars worth of crack cocaine using money from the popular Parker Brothers Monopoly game. This guy just reeks with stupidity. No wonder they beat him. He uses fake money and tells the cops. To even think this would work proves the guy had to be on drugs. Police spokesman Gordon Bassham said: “The man from whom he had bought the drugs was upset and invited him over to his house and upon arrival struck him in the head several times with a handgun and other people jumped into the fray.”  The man’s injuries were not serious, and he has now stopped cooperating with the police’s investigation. Authorities are still searching for his assailants. I bet they’re not searching for them over the assault though.

This isn't just any cheese... it's breast milk cheese.

Breast Milk Cheese

OK, when my wife gave birth and was lactating, I did not think “Wow maybe we can make cheese out of this.” Silly me. Daniel Angerer, head chef at Klee Brasserie in New York, has created breast milk cheese for experimental customers from his wife’s excess breast milk. I guess I missed the boat on that one.  After giving birth to their daughter, his wife produced so much breast milk the pair began to freeze the excess. This led to Daniel beginning to wonder if he could use the ingredient in his culinary creations. I thought there were health laws against these kinds of things. Are his wife’s boobs FDA approved? He took his concept to his kitchen, and has since created the special breast milk cheese. Matured for a fortnight, Daniel describes the taste as “Just like really sweet cow’s milk. It wasn’t like, ‘Hey, this is such an amazing cheese.’ It’s just like, ‘Can you use human milk? Yes, you absolutely can!'” I have to admit, that’s not much of an endorsement.  Any customer at Daniel’s restaurant can order his breast milk cheese, obviously for a limited time only. Better hurry, he might soon run out of his mediocre tasting cheese. I’ll stick with cheddar.

CANADIAN WOMEN’S HOCKEY TEAM BEER AND CIGARS, CHICKEN WING BANDITS, and ZOMBIES WIN APPEAL CASE

Posted in celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Food, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Sports, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2010 by mclassen

Party at the Olympics

If you’ve been living in a box and haven’t heard the women’s Canadian Hockey Team won a gold medal. Congrats, I say. But what? Some party poopers didn’t like the fact that the victorious ice babes celebrated winning one for the “Home Team” with beer and cigars.  The International Olympic Committee will investigate the actions of Canadian women’s hockey players who celebrated their gold medal victory Thursday night by swigging beer and smoking cigars on the ice in Vancouver. A number of players, including 18-year-old superstar Marie-Philip Poulin, were drinking alcohol on the ice following the team’s 2-0 defeat of the United States. Hmmm, let’s see the single greatest moment in your life and you have a couple of beers, I’m thinking the IOC should be happy they weren’t driving. (The legal drinking age in British Columbia is 19.) Players lingered for more than 70 minutes after the awards ceremony reveling in the arena. Gilbert Felli,  the IOC’s executive director of the Olympic Games who has his panties in a bunch over this, said that drinking in public was “not what we want to see” from athletes at an Olympic venue. Ah, that’s the problem, someone saw them, hippocrittical jerk. In other words, if they would have done it somewhere they weren’t seen by the media, it was alright. Steve Keough, a spokesman for the Canadian Olympic Committee, told the Associated Press, “We condone celebrations. … We don’t condone actions of irresponsibility. I think Canadians understand it’s quite an emotional moment for our team. It was not our intention to go against any IOC protocols.” I didn’t see any of the team’s parents out there trying to jerk them off the ice saying “Naughty, naughty.” Actually if they would have been one of my kids, I’d have brought the beer. Congrats ladies, we’ll be seeing you at the Zamboni races.

Beware of Bandits with the Munchies

Police in Columbus, Georgia are searching for a pair of hungry bandits who stole an order of chicken wings from a pizza delivery driver. Now you know times are really tough. Columbus Police say the 19-year-old Domino’s driver was approached outside a home Tuesday night by two men who asked for money. One of the men pointed a chrome pistol. No wonder they needed money, designer handgun maybe? Police say one of the men then said, “give me the wings.” Put your hands up and step away from the chicken wings. They fled the scene with the $36 order. So what do you do, shadow a delivery guy until he hits his destination and then rob him during delivery. I can see this showing up in some teen movie somewhere.

A US court has ruled that 'Zombies have free speech rights'

Court Rules Zombies have Freedown of Speech

If you’re a zombie fan, I know I am, you’re going to love this. A court rules that horror-movie style zombies have the right to free speech after a group of protesters dressed as zombies were arrested by Minnesota police. Do Zombies actually talk? I guess it depends on which movie you watch. A court has allowed a group of protesters dressed as zombies to continue with a lawsuit against police who arrested them for disorderly conduct. Were they eating anyone? The appeals court overturned a previous finding that the group had correctly been arrested over a 2006 protest in a shopping center. I’m impressed this made it to an appeals court. Their lawyer was obviously NOT a zombie.  The group had been wearing makeup designed to make them look like extras in a horror flick, with white faces, fake blood and black circles round their eyes. They then proceeded to stagger round the shops, urging consumers to “get your brains here”. Must be the brains they were selling was those of local law enforcement. They also carried audio equipment, which police described as “simulated weapons of mass destruction”, even though they were mobile phones. Apparently police got their intel from the same people George Bush did. The appeals court ruled that the police had no reason to imprison the protesters simply for “dressing as zombies, and walking erratically in downtown Minneapolis.” It seems to me that describes a lot of people in Minneapolis.

OHIO IGLOO WITH SURROUND SOUND, NATIONAL ENQUIRER PULITZER, and NINJA RESTAURANT – TAIWAN,

Posted in Art, Culture, Entertainment, Food, Humor, Life, News, Random, Sports, Uncategorized, video with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2010 by mclassen

Jimmy Grey igloo

Jimmy Grey’s Party Igloo

With all of the snow falling this year, Ohio resident Jimmy Grey decided to do something with it other than shovelling. It’s an awesome idea. The unemployed man from Ohio has built himself an ‘extreme igloo’ in his yard, a four-room monster that even has an entertainment room with cable TV and surround sound. I can’t imagine what his kid’s snow fort must look like. His four-room creation has 6-foot ceilings and an entertainment room. He powers the TV with an extension cord plugged into an outlet in the garage. He also ran wires for cable television with surround-sound stereo, enabling him and his friends to watch the Superbowl in his icy mansion. Party at Jimmy’s house. Grey told The Plain Dealer newspaper that candles help to add ambiance for night time get-togethers with friends, and the freezing temperatures mean that the beer is always chilled. This dude has serious priorities. I can’t wait to see the sparks fly from all those electronics when the snow starts to melt.

Pulitzer for the National Enquirer?

It’s official, the National Enquirer has applied for a Pulitzer Prize. America’s largest gossip rag is actually trying to legitimize itself by stepping into the the Pulitzer arena. The application is based on their story of exposing John Edwards and is unsavory affair with Rielle Hunter. This is probably the only thing the Enquirer has ever done that remotely smacks of real journalism. And of course they expect a prize for it. And  not just any prize, THE prize. Where do these guys get off thinking they finally do one little bit of reporting and they should get the prize that most journalists and real news agencies strive for every day in every piece. The Pulitzer is for excellence in writing. If the  National Enquirer wins this, it is my hope there has been a new catagory created for excellence in Bullshit. 

Ninjas For Dinner.

Alright let’s go eat where we can be randomly attacked. Ninja patrons see waitresses wield swords and flare flames at diners, who have to get past a moat before sitting at their table in the dimly lit dining hall. The same customers are also encouraged to take photos with the warrior-like waitresses, who dress in black or red to look like ninjas in keeping with the theme of a dark but lively restaurant that opened last month in Taiwan’s capital. “The ninja is mysterious,” said Ou Chia-wei, owner of the restaurant simply named Ninja, explaining why he chose that theme for the Japanese-style restaurant. “On that premise, we can do magic tricks and light up the food.” Waitresses working the barely lit dining room floor burn specialty menus, which vanish without a trace of ash, and send flames snaking across tables as customers watch. A moat and screen of cascading water just past the front entrance make customers wait a few minutes until the drawbridge goes up, leading to a dark stairwell toward the dining hall. There are professional magic shows, as well as cabarets, for those who walk in at the right times. Now that’s entertainment. “The owner had already liked ninjas and figured that would be a pretty obvious, visual theme for the restaurant,” said restaurant sales manager Hsiao Dai. Ninja competes with restaurants that specialize in airliner, dinosaur and toilet decor in a city teeming with theme diners. Ok I have to ask, who was the idiot that thought up a toilet themed restaurant? Video of Ninja at the link below.

Video of Taiwan’s Ninja Restaurant

BUBBLE GUM EXPLODES-KILLS CHEWER, BOARS THWARTED BY DUMPSTER, PUSHPIN ART and DRUNK IDIOT TRYING TO BUY BEER VIDEO

Posted in Animals, Art, Culture, Humor, Life, News, Personal, Politics, Random, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2009 by mclassen

Exploding Chewing Gum, Kills One

OK, this has to be one of the weirdest things I’ve ever come across, death by chewing gum explosion. You just can’t make stuff like this up. 25-year-old chemistry student Vladimir Likhonos, from the city of Konotop in northern Ukraine, died at his parent’s house  after relatives heard what was described as ‘a loud pop’, and rushed into his room. There they discovered that the lower half of his face had been severely disfigured by the chewing gum blast, with his jaw entirely blown off. I’m guessing that wasn’t the original plan. Medical workers who arrived on the scene attempted to treat his injuries but were unable to save him.Forensic tests carried out on the chewing gum revealed an unidentified chemical substance on it. It is thought that the student, who has not been named, had a habit of dipping his chewing gum into powdered citric acid and investigators believe that he may have mistakenly dipped the gum into the wrong substance, as the two powders appeared very similar, leading to the deadly explosion. “Anybody could have mixed them up,” said police spokeswoman Elvira Biganova. My reply to that is – apprently not anybody, it’s not like this happens everyday. Authorities are waiting on the results of further tests by explosives experts to identify the mystery substance.

Saved By A Dumpster

Did you ever think that dumpster diving might save your life. Well, that was the conclusion some German hikers had. Police in Darmstadt, Germany, south of Frankfurt, say they received an emergency call at nearly 3 a.m. on Sunday from a man who said he and three companions had fled into the container after being surprised by a group of boars during a nighttime walk in the woods. Yes, I said boars, wild pigs. Their trip had become anything but boring. Yea I’m aware it’s a really bad joke. They didn’t dare to emerge. A police statement Monday says that a patrol found the four shivering in the metal container and escorted them from the scene. The boars already had disappeared, apparently bored of the entire situation.

Pushpin Art

Eric Daigh pin portrait

It seems that everything is a medium for art these days. This one is pushpins created by Michigan resident Eric Daigh. The artist creates incredibly life-like portraits using coloured pins from noticeboards, and has sold some for thousands of dollars. The 32-year-old uses only five colours in each picture and it can take him up to eight months to put one together. His biggest portraits are almost 2m high (6ft 6in) and use more than 20,000 pins. “Millions of people use them daily but nobody had stumbled upon this before me,” said Mr Daigh, who holds the Guinness World Record for the biggest push pin mosaic. “How I got as far as getting the first one done is some alchemy of divorce, boredom and idiocy. But after that it was easy.” Mr Daigh, from Michigan, US, buys the pins in batches of between 75,000 and 100,000. He said: “I worked as a video editor before doing this and it was addictive to have people look at my work and say, ‘That must have taken for ever,’rather than ‘That took all that time?’.”

Eric Daigh pin portrait

For Some Fun Follow The Link Below To See The Worst Drunk Ever.

Think about it, this guy probably drove to the store.

EMBED-Worst Shopping Run Ever – Watch more free videos

QUEEN VICTORIA’S UNDERWEAR, WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS, and A ROBBER WANTS A DATE

Posted in celebrities, Culture, Family, Humor, Life, Love, News, Personal, Politics, Random, Religion, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2009 by mclassen

RETURN OF THE QUEEN’S PANTIES

Let me get this straight, they paid how much for a pair of Queen Victoria’s panties? Ok, I can see where an argument can be made that these are historical artifacts. But, come on, we’re talking about the Queen’s bloomers here, and they’re over 100 yeards old. Have they ever been washed? The underwear, which has a 56-inch (142-centimeter) waist, has been added to Britain’s Royal Ceremonial Dress Collection at Kensington Palace. With that size you could darn near pitch a tent with them. It has a matching chemise, is embroidered with a “VR” and is believed to date from the 1890s. Queen Victoria had a 20-inch (51-centimeter) waist as a young woman. But curator Alexandra Kim said Tuesday “over the years, particularly having given birth to nine children, that changed entirely.” Not only did she gain major poundage, she got cracked pretty hard with the ugly stick. The collection purchased the bloomers for 600 pounds ($993) earlier this summer. Kim said it’s likely the item had been handed down to a servant after the monarch’s death. Again, I have to ask, why would you want to save the Queen’s underwear? If the servant was looking for momentos, I have to think this one is a little weird. Wow, a thousand dollars for Queen Victoria’s panties. Amazing.

 

I HAD MY WEDDING AT MY SON’S FUNERAL

Some people think that in some cases a wedding can be kind of a funeral, but our next case is ridiculous. The parents of a 7-year-old boy who died after an upstate New York car crash have fulfilled his wish that they get married, and they did it at the child’s funeral. I’m guessing that wasn’t exactly what he meant when he wanted them to get married. I’m thinking Vegas.  Amilcar Hill and Rahwa Ghirmatizion (ger-MAT’-ee-zahn) got married during Monday’s funeral service in Buffalo for their son, Asa Hill. Asa died a day after his grandfather’s car was involved a chain-reaction highway crash last week. Hundreds of people packed the church for Asa’s funeral. The couple surprised attendees by getting married, which the parents say their son had been asking them to do. I bet they were surprised alright. Certainly makes for a full day for the preacher. The honeymoon had to be weird.

ROBBER NEEDS A DATE

What do you do when you rob someone’s house? Why, return later and ask the cute chick you just ripped-off out for a date. Seriously. Police say 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett of Columbus, Ohio was among three men who robbed a couple late Sunday. There’s a key word here, “couple.” Where on any level did he think this was going to work. Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird says the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative call 911. Police say Bennett was arrested in front of the home. It’s those first impressions, they’ll get you every time.

EASTER ROUTE WRONG, HAMMER TIME, DANGEROUS FARTS, TOWN ELECTS CORPSE & DO RE MI

Posted in Culture, Family, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Religion, Technology, video with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2009 by mclassen

EASTER PILGRIMS TAKE WRONG ROAD

Author’s note: So that we have the facts correct. This article is taken from a piece by Dalya Alberge published by the UK publication the Daily Mail. The actual article can be found here – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1168891/Pilgrims-tracing-steps-Jesus-going-WRONG-way-2-000-years-says-historian.html

For the best part of 2,000 years, pilgrims have flocked to Jerusalem to retrace Jesus’s final steps. The Via Dolorosa, or ‘Way of Suffering’, took them from the Praetorium, where He was condemned to death by Pontius Pilate, to the site of the Crucifixion  –  or so they thought. Now, it seems they may have been walking in the wrong direction.  A respected archaeologist claims that pilgrims have been starting from the wrong end of Jerusalem and that the locations of two of the holiest sites on the route are ‘completely wrong’. Shimon Gibson, a Holy Land specialist, said the traditional start of the Via Dolorosa, north of the Old City, should be at the other end of the city. Since medieval times, Christians have assumed that the Praetorium, the starting point of the route and the Roman headquarters mentioned in the Gospels as the scene of Jesus’s trial, was the Antonia Fortress which stood in the north of Jerusalem. But Professor Gibson said there was ‘no historical basis whatsoever’ for this being the site where Jesus was tried and condemned to death by the Roman governor Pontius Pilate. Little of the fortress’s structure has survived but, having surveyed the remains of its rock-cut base in intricate detail, he concludes that it could not have been more than a military observation tower. He said archaeological excavations pointed to the site of the trial being 900 metres away at the remains of a large paved courtyard south-west of Jerusalem, south of the Jaffa Gate. It was situated between two fortification walls with an outer gate and an inner one leading to barracks where it is most likely that Jesus was held. The open courtyard contained a platform of around two square metres  –  details that ‘correspond perfectly’ with the Gospel of John’s account of Pontius Pilate sitting on a judgment-seat at an elevated place. Professor Gibson, who is based at universities in Israel and America, said: ‘The astonishing thing is that thousands of Christian travellers and pilgrims pass by this site without realising its significance.’  Those who visit the Rock of Calvary ( or Golgotha) within the Church of the Holy Sepulchre to pray at the traditional rock of the crucifixion are also at the wrong location, he believes. The professor’s research, which will be published shortly in The Final Days of Jesus, shows that the site is too narrow to have accommodated one cross, let alone those of the two thieves crucified with Jesus.   Professor Gibson believes the Crucifixion was some 20 metres from the traditionally accepted site, under an apse of the remains of the Church of the Martyrium. ‘Pilgrims walk across this area… without realising its significance,’ he said. Dr Mark Merrony, a specialist in archaeology of the Holy Land and editor of Minerva, the archaeological journal, said Professor Gibson’s research matched details in the Gospel of John and other ancient writings. He added: ‘This discovery provides a crucial insight into the final movements of Jesus and implies that the traditional Way of the Cross should be redefined. It seems likely that millions of pilgrims have been following an incorrect path of veneration.’ But the Reverend Canon Bill Broughton of St George’s, the Anglican cathedral in Jerusalem, said Professor Gibson’s ‘great work will embellish the [Christian] story and make it even more meaningful’ but would not lead to the route being redrawn. He said: ‘It’s the Way of the Cross that we walk in terms of our faith and theology, not the archaeological evidence. ‘Pilgrims of faith want the general pattern. It may not be exactly the same footsteps but, in reality, the place is sanctified by the presence of those who’ve been there and said their prayers.’ The Right Rev Tom Wright, the Bishop of Durham, said: ‘ Archaeology is always open to questions from further research. The Church has nothing to worry about on that score. I always welcome fresh investigations.’

Golgotha graphic

 

CELLPHONE MEETS HAMMER – RESULTS ARE SMASHING

One of my sources of extreme irritation in this technologically laden world is cellphones. It appears I am not alone. In Cheyenne, Wyoming, 13 year-old Dena Christoffersen found that out the hard way.  She sent or received about 20,000 text messages over about a month, and her parents’ phone plan didn’t cover texting. Oops, guess that can’t be good. Her father, Gregg Christoffersen, introduced her phone to a hammer after getting a phone bill for more than $4,750. Ouch, I’m betting that wasn’t in the budget. Verison has said they will work with them to reduce the bill. Dena has been grounded until the end of the school year. I suspect even after her grounding is over, a new cellphone is not in her future any time soon. Maybe they should have gotten her a Playstation instead.

ASSAULT OVER FARTS 

In Waco, Texas, I’ve always believed that town should be spelled Wacko, five men are having lunch in a motel room. One starts passing horrendous gas. I guess he’d never heard of Beano. What do you do? Move? Get some fresh air? Throw up your dinner? Well, Jose Braule Ramirez came up with a novel idea. He grabbed a knife and and threw it at him and stabbed the guy in the leg and then once in the chest for good measure. No knows what he hoped to accomplish by this but it seems he felt jail would smell better which is where he is currently having all his meals.

 TOWN ELECTS DEAD MAYOR TO FOURTH TERM

I’m always fascinated when things like this occur. Apparently, Winfield, Missouri re-elected their mayor about a month after he died of a heart attack. He was still a candidate because it was too late to print new ballots. I don’t know why the couldn’t have just drawn a line through his name. Intead he won  overwhelmingly, which doesn’t say much for the other candidate, by a margin of 206 votes to 23. Harry Stonebraker died of a heart attack back in March, but still remains Mayor. At least they won’t have to listen to any long acceptance speeches. The only other person that I can think of that has experienced something like this is John Ashcroft when he lost his election to Mel Carnahan who had died in a plane crash. How do you explain something like that, “I lost to a dead man.” It’s got to hurt your ego. “I’m such a pathetic politician they liked the corpse better than me. ” The aldermen said they would appoint someone to serve in the mayor’s position. It was obvious no one wanted the live guy.

FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVEN’T SEEN THIS, IF IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU SMILE, NOTHING WILL.

PRE-SCHOOLER SHOOTS BEAVERS, 2009 YEAR OF… And MALDEN MUD RACE

Posted in Animals, Culture, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Sports, Thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2009 by mclassen

4 YEAR-OLD HUNTS BEAVERS

Who says babysitting isn’t dangerous. Just ask the Beavers of Jackson, Ohio, Nathan Beavers that is. Nathan was babysitting with some friends when he accidentally stepped on the foot of a four-year-old. The rug rat got so mad that he went into a closet in the bedroom and pulled out a shotgun.  He then proceeded to shoot Nathan with it. I bet this won’t sit well on his resume.  “Done some babysitting in the past but was shot by pre-schooler.” Beavers was hospitalized with minor pellet wounds to his arm and side. Let this be a lesson, next time you volunteer to babysit, make sure you know where the weapons are.

2009, ALL THIS AND MORE

Let me see, why am I humming the words to Aquarius? “Peace will guide the planets and love will rule the stars ” Oh yea, 2009 has been officially designated the International Year of Astronomy, the International Year of Reconciliation… and the International Year of Natural Fibres. So this means we’ll have peace while watching the planets orbit, but we don’t want people getting naked like they did in the sixties so lets make sure we have clothes in there and oh, by the way, we’ll call it “natural fibres” so it’s sounds more politically correct and environmentally sound. Who comes up with this crap. I bet somebody got paid to legislate this.

BRITISH MUD RACE

Apparently mud slinging in Parliament wasn’t enough for these Brits. They decided to start their year out right by going for a wallow in an Essex mudhole. Officially dubbed the “Annual Malden Mud Race,” this bit of winter insanity entails getting dressed up in strange costumes and then trying to race from one side of the mudhole to the other. I expect large quantities of alcohol are mandatory for this. Some 250 people braved sub-zero temperatures to scramble through 365m (1,200ft) of stinking mud. Stink is an understatement. “I work just around the corner from it, it stinks because of the bilge dropped out by ships basically sits on top of the mud (and I guess mixes) when the tide goes out,”  says Dave B, Chelmsford, of Essex. Lovely, makes you want to meet up these these guys at the pub afterwards. “That was hard. It was freezing out there. The mud got deep and I just had to crawl,” said 23-year-old Vicki Sharman, the first woman to cross the finish line. The race, dubbed “the best hangover cure known,” has been a firm fixture on the River Blackwater in Essex since the 1970s, raising thousands of pounds for charity. That’s one batch of cash that probably needs laundering afterwards. This years event was attended by 10,000 smarter people as they were only spectators.

Mud race

DAUGHTER GIVEAWAY TO IRAQI JOURNALIST, STUTTERING ROBBER, AND MONKEY JUSTICE

Posted in Culture, Humor, Life, News, Personal, Politics, Random, Uncategorized with tags , , , on December 20, 2008 by mclassen

 MAN OFFERS DAUGHTER TO SHOE-THROWING IRAQI JOURNALIST

A man in Egypt has decided that his daughter would be a suitable reward for the journalist that pitched his shoes at President Bush in Iraq on Sunday. If you haven’t heard of the incident, you should come out of your cave and pay attention once in a while. An Egyptian man said on Wednesday he was offering his 20-year-old daughter in marriage to Iraqi journalist Muntazer al-Zaidi, who threw his shoes at George W. Bush in Baghdad. I think I’m detecting some strong feelings here. Now certainly Bush has endeared himself to nearly no one, but to have his attacker rewarded with wine, women and song, definately makes a statement.  The daughter, Amal Saad Gumaa, said she agreed with the idea. “This is something that would honour me. I would like to live in Iraq, especially if I were attached to this hero,'” she told Reuters by telephone. This could be serious. She sounds like she’s already packed. Her father, Saad Gumaa, said he had called Dergham, Zaidi’s brother, to tell him of the offer. “I find nothing more valuable than my daughter to offer to him, and I am prepared to provide her with everything needed for marriage,” he added. What’s the matter with a simple Thank-You note. Maybe pay for his lawyer, you can bet he’s going to need that. Zaidi hasn’t given an answer to their “Proposal.” Now that he’s a celebrity, maybe it’s a good time to stay single.

bush

STUTTER GIVES AWAY MAN’S IDENTITY IN ROBBERY

Some people never know when to keep their mouths shut. Take Fred Brantley from Lombard, Illinois for example. He decided he was going to rob a Dunkin’ Donuts shop where he used to work. He probably thought that it was smart hitting someplace he knew well. It probably never occurred to him that it was someplace that he might be known well too. Yes, even though he wore a ski mask, he made the mistake of opening his mouth. He stutters. After running off with $300, an employee calls the police and tells them about the crime and of course… who did it. Heck, they even still had his name and address on file as a former employee.  Yeah, smooth. Moral of story, take care of business and keep your mouth shut.

DON’T MAKE ME ANGRY, YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY

I like it when I come across a story that lets me know there’s still a little justice in the world. A man in Sizhou, China was showing off his monkey act. He apparently had three trained monkeys that did tricks. Monkeys learn quickly, especially when pain is involved. One of the monkeys wasn’t riding his mini-bicycle correctly so the trainer decided to beat the monkey viciously. That’s when it all went bad, for the trainer. The other two monkeys sprang to the the other’s rescue. While one monkey twisted their cruel master’s ears, another pulled his hair out in handfuls and bit his neck. Then, when he dropped his cane, the third snatched it up and began beating the trainer around the head until he broke the stick. I have to admit, I’m on the Monkey’s side in all of this, I would have kicked his ass too. The dazed trainer confessed: “They were once wild and these performances don’t always come naturally to them. They may have built up some feelings of hatred towards me.” I wonder what gave him that idea? Near as I can tell the monkeys are smarter than he is. He is currently being investigated for cruelty and may lose his monkeys. Hopefully they’ll be turned loose and no more monkey business for this guy.

Monkeys beat up trainer