FLORIDA VAMPIRE RUNS FOR PRESIDENT, LEPRECHAUN ROBS BANK, and LEANING PUB OF BEER

Vampire Runs for President….as a Republican

Right now I’m laughing pretty hard. There just seems somthing so appropriate about a Vampire in politics. Maybe it’s all of the “sucking the country dry” jokes I’m currently thinking of. Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C., to become the nation’s first vampire president. Well, with that nickname, it ought to make for some interesting foreign policy. Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre. Well, he should fit right in, he already has the arm candy wife. “The Impaler” claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula. And people holler about Obama’s lineage, good luck finding the birth certificate on this one. He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P. He should fit right in with those bloodsuckers. He ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and also had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008. Hey maybe third time’s the charm. Anyway, let’s check out Sharkey’s record shall we? He’s accused of “brainwashing a 16-year-old in Minnesota. That should prepare him for politics. The two were engaged until last month. Her family now has a restraining order against Sharkey and claims his texts to her violate it. He reportedly admitted to harrassing another 16-year-old Minnesota girl online in 2009. I think I’m noticing a pattern here. Dude wake up, they’re not old enough to vote. He was arrested in Tennessee several years ago and is currently on probation from Indiana after he was found guilty in 2009 of intimidating a judge. I like that one. He’ll fit right in in Washington. He served six months in a Marion Co. jail before his release. Sources confirm the Secret Service has had to keep him on its radar, since he moves around the country. Well, they might as well get used to it. If he wins they’ll have to protect him…from Vampire Hunters. Is Buffy still 16?

Leprechaun Bank Robber in Nashville

It appears this Leprechaun had lost his pot of gold and wanted to replace it with bank notes. A man dressed in green and carrying a large-caliber gun held up a branch of the First State Bank in the Nashville, Tennessee,  suburb of Gallatin on St. Patrick’s Day, said police spokesman Sergeant Bill Storment. The costumed man, wearing a green top hat, vest and shorts and a fake brown beard and wig, had previously gone into the Fifth Third Bank next door, according to its manager Sharon Riehemann, when the bank lobby was crowded with lunchtime customers. “He started to come in, then looked at his watch, then turned around and left,” she said. Apparently there wasn’t enough gold in that one. “He then walked toward the other bank, and a couple of minutes later he ran out of the bank with a blue bag in his hands,” Riehemann said. Police said two men were in the car that sped away, and that they fired at police during the chase, disabling one police car. Storment said the two ditched their vehicle and ran into a field near a subdivision. “They were killed while exchanging fire with officers,” he said. Isn’t it bad luck to shoot a Leprechaun. He apparently had run out of lucky charms as well. No officers were injured, and money was recovered from the suspects’ vehicle, he said. The robbers should have stuck with green beer.

The Crooked House Pub

 Here’s a drunkard’s dream if I ever did see one.  The appropriately named Crooked House has been labelled Britain’s drunkest inn, and for good reasons. Glasses regularly slide across tables at the Georgian pub and coins appear to roll up, rather than down, the bar. This would be so much fun. The tavern, which was built as a farmhouse in 1785, got its design fault through settling of the ground caused by mining during the 1800s. It means that one end of the Crooked House is 1.2m (4ft) lower than the other. So, if it feels like you’re walking uphill to get a brew, you are. The alehouse in the Staffordshire village of Himley has become a big tourist draw. “I look after 1,800 pubs for Marston’s and this is definitely the one that leans the most,” said Sonny Mann, property surveyor for the brewery. I wonder how much sampling of the local wares he does? “The pub’s quite safe though and hasn’t moved for ages. We use special ‘glass tails’ over cracks on the walls – if the glass breaks then we know it’s moving again.” It’s either that or another drunk has fallen off his stool, rolled downhill and collected in the corner. “Hey bartender, set me up again, would you?” I’m thinking, drinking here would be a perceptual challenge. After a few pints, aiming for the door might be a project.

O J SIMPSON GOES UP THE RIVER, AUSTRALIA’S KILLER CABBIES, KARAOKE DEATH, AND MORE BAD KARAOKE IDEAS,

 NO ILL FITTING GLOVES THIS TIME

Just as a milestone, the stupidest man on earth, O. J. Simpson, was sentenced to 15 years in prison. He could actually get out in nine. This man is complete idiot! He got away with murder, so what does he do, goes and commits another crime. He also writes a book telling how, if he would have committed the murder, this is how it would have been done. Simpson is obviously dead from the neck up. The sentence was imposed after Simpson, his voice shaking, told Judge Jackie Glass that he was sorry for his actions but believed that he did nothing wrong. The guy just doesn’t get it. Glass brushed his apology aside. “Earlier in this case, at a bail hearing, I said to Mr. Simpson, I didn’t know if he was arrogant, ignorant or both,” Glass said. “During the trial and through this proceeding, I got the answer, and it was both.” A jury convicted Simpson, 61, on 12 charges including conspiracy to commit a crime, robbery, assault and kidnapping with a deadly weapon stemming from a September 13, 2007, incident at Las Vegas’ Palace Station hotel and casino. Where in any of this does it seem that there was no wrong-doing. What a zero. Well, finally he’s going where he belongs. Maybe he can spark some enthusiasm on the prison football team. Ba-Bye. Don’t let the cell door hit you in the ass on the way in.

PSYCHO KILLER CAB DRIVERS

There certainly could be an argument made that some cab drivers are insane, but in Australia they’ve taken it to a new level. A court has ruled there that a criminally insane man convicted of killing his wife should be allowed drive a taxi. The man killed his wife, but escaped a murder conviction on the grounds of insanity. Australia’s Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal says he should be allowed to drive taxis. Now I have seen cab drivers that should be committed, but as far as I know, none of them were convicted killers. So if my cab driver starts heading for the outback instead of my hotel, should I be worried? The public transport minister, Lynne Kosky, says the law will be changed to stop people with similar backgrounds getting taxi licenses. Apparently she looked into her crystal ball, though it seems a little late now. She told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation: “The assurance that I can give to the public is that we will ensure that our taxi industry is safe, we will take all measures and we’re doing that to make sure that our taxi industry is safe, and we will take every step possible to appeal this decision.” Apparently the courts disagree with you. Does this mean that before I get into a cab, I should ask the driver “Have you taken your meds today?” I think I’ll just walk or rent a car when I’m in Australia.  I always knew those Aussies were a touch crazy, but this is a bit over the top.

KARAOKE DEATH

I hate karaoke. I have to admit that some singers, if can call them that, should be taken out back and shot. Well apparently in Malaysia, one Karaoke singer finally met an untimely end. Instead of shooting him though, the customers stabbed him to death. Police said witnesses saw a group of men punch and stab 23-year-old Abdul Sani Doli with a knife at the bar late Wednesday in eastern Sandakan town on Borneo island. Now here’s the thing, they didn’t kill him because his singing was bad. No, he was a microphone hog. Apparently the other bad singers weren’t getting enough mic time and they decided to do something about it. Let this be a lesson to all would-be singers, get up there, embarrass yourself and leave, please. No one wants to actually endure this for any length of time.

KARAOKE AT HOUSTON AIRPORT

OK, while we’re on the subject, don’t get grounded at the Bush International Airport in Houston, Texas. The lounge there has introduced karaoke to make your airport experience even more miserable.  They have set up karaoke booths for travelers, just in time for the holidays. Karaoke seemed the next logical step, said Caroline Schneider, assistant airport manager for customer service. “During the holidays, we have a lot of novice travelers,” she said. “We thought while they are waiting, they can just sing a song.” Well, that’s what you get for thinking. I say fire this woman immediately. Don’t you think that holiday travellers are annoyed enough? Who wants to listen to some drunk plumbing salesman from Cleveland slurring through “White Christmas” at the top of his lungs. I say no, evil, stupid idea. Schneider says small prizes will be given to the singers. Hopefully earplugs will be given to everyone else.

BRETT FAVRE COMEBACK, POLICE CAR FULL OF COCAINE, BUSTED SUBWAY STRIPPER, DRINKING AND STEALING, AND NEW ORLEANS ROLLER BULL

BRETT FAVRE COMEBACK? 

I couldn’t let this go by without making comment. I’m a lifelong Packer fan, but I’m also a Packer fan, then from time to time, I’m a Packer fan, and did I mention, I’m a Packer fan. Like everyone, I was surprised and a bit saddened when the day came that Brett decided to hang up his cleats. I went through the mourning and then got used to the idea that there would be a young and quite promising replacement waiting in the wings in the form of Aaron Rodgers. OK, now comes the announcement that Favre, arguably the greatest quarterback to grace the field wants to return and not retire. This puts all of us fans on an emotional roller coaster. I’d love to see Favre play some more, but this certainly isn’t fair to the kid that has been patiently waiting for his opportunity to shine. Aaron Rodgers proved last year when he stepped in for Favre in Dallas that he has excellent potential. He was told that it is his team now and the Packer organization is standing by that decision. One major problem. The Green Bay Packers are owned by the fans. Through the chaos of speculation and rumors over the weekend one thing remains clear, the decision as to whether Favre comes back to Green Bay may not be up to current management. Amidst protests at Lambeau Field, a call for an emergency stockholders meeting is being called. The stockholders being several thousand rabid Green Bay fans, no small number of which wouldn’t mind seeing Favre play out the remaining two years of his contract. Certainly his performance last year proved he’s still got Superbowl potential and is a long way from being washed up. Hence the big dilemma. Do you take back the known commodity or move forward into the unknown with possibly another Superbowl trophy hanging as the result? The Packer’s management has a no win situation on their hands, if they proceed with out Favre and have a crap season, Ted Thompson the General Manager will take a lot of heat. If Favre comes back and happens to crash and burn, same result. But what if that second Superbowl ring is in the cards for Favre and he goes somewhere else and gets it. Ted Thompson would have to move to Siberia. Packer fans would riot. Maybe, the only solution IS to let the fans choose. That way they only have themselves to blame and maybe that’s for the best all the way around.

POLICE DRUG CAR FULL OF DRUGS

 Apparently police didn’t search a car well enough before they decided to use it for themselves. In Dallas, Texas, a car that had been siezed from drug dealers was put into operation for their own undercover narcotics officers. While a police officer was cleaning the 2004 Black Infinity, he discovered some hidden compartments…with 50 pounds of Cocaine. We’re talking a serious stash here. The drug cache hadn’t been previously discovered and the police had been driving around with it for two months without their knowledge. It appears their initial search of the car wasn’t all that thorough. Now they’re trying to figure out who originally owned the car. Seems if they impounded it on a drug siezure, they might have some kind of record. I’m thinking they weren’t too on top of things on this one.

SUBWAY STRIPPER BUSTED

In an effort to protest Chile’s penchant for prudishness, a local stripper took her act onto the neighborhood subway system. Apparently the performance wasn’t appreciated by the authroities who finally caught her during one of her impromptu performances. Personally I’m always up for a little entertainment during a long boring ride. Heck I would have been riding around just hoping to catch her act. Monserrat Morilles, 26, surprised subway riders all week stripping to skimpy underwear, but she refused tips. Who ever heard of a stripper that refused tips. She apparently used the subway poles for her act. She had been elusive all week, getting on quickly and then getting off just as fast so that she would avoid being busted. Monserrat’s luck ran out. “This is just a beginning. We are starting an idea here that will grow and be developed further,” she told Reuters as police and subway guards surrounded her. I never knew stripping could be political activism. We should use that concept in this country. Chilean media dubbed her “La Diosa del Metro” or Subway Goddess. She called her performances “happy minutes.” Yes I can see having “Happy Minutes.” More “Happy Minutes.” “Chile is still a pretty timid country,” said her manager Gustavo Pradenas. “People aren’t very extroverted and we want to take aim at that and make Chile a happier country.” Yes, happy, happy, happy, let’s all be happy.

 DON’T DRINK AND STEAL

Probably one of the worst things you can do before committing a crime is get loaded. Spending a few hours building up some false courage before a quick B&E is just bad planning. John Michale Baker of Winnsboro, Texas did just that and everything one going alright, at first. The lady of the house saw him going inside and called her husband, who hurried home to deal with the thief. In the meantime of course the police were notified. Baker was just making his getaway when he arrived. The husband recognized Baker and wandered over to chat with him and Baker apparently a friendly drunk obliged talking with the husband right up until when the police arrived. Moral: If you’re gonna steal, steal don’t talk.

RUNNING WITH BULL, NEW ORLEANS?

Now this is a sport I can get behind…or in front of as the case may be. As usual New Orleans has come up with a twist on an old custom and this one has less patients in the hospital. Picture it. Hundreds of men, women and children, most in white with red scarves around their waists and red bandannas around their necks, gathered outside a French Quarter bar, I can see where the bar is real important in this one, Saturday morning to be chased down Bourbon Street by members of New Orleans’ roller derby league. Got that, Roller Babes. “Roller skates and a stampede through the Quarter — what could possibly go wrong?” said accountant Jason Medonia. Oh I don’t know, those roller girls can be pretty rough when they want to. 33 roller girls in horned helmets from teams with names like Confederacy of Punches and Crescent Wenches, took off to pursue the runners and strike them resoundly with plastic baseball bats. Oh, baby hit me hurt me. And guess what, Elvis too. Behind them putted Elvis impersonators on motorized scooters. Now what can be more complete than that. OK, maybe a jazz band, but hey, they’re not that hard to find. Sounds like a cool hot time in the Louisiana summer, bull, booze, and babes, everything we’ve come to expect from New Orleans.  

OBAMA NASCAR LEFT TURN, SAVED BY LUNCHBOX, LOST AND FOUND, CITYWIDE POTTY TRAINING, AND WESTERN SPAGHETTI

 OBAMA AND NASCAR?

 They say that politics makes for strange bedfellows. Well, it doesn’t get much stranger than this. BAM racing has solicitied the Barack Obama campaign to sponsor one of their cars. This would make for a strange combination indeed. Nascar and its fans are a bastion of right-wing conservative Republicans that lean to the left only on the racing track. It seems his money would be better spent elsewhere. BAM team spokesman Rhett Vandiver told The Associated Press on Friday that the team has made a sponsorship proposal to the Democratic presidential hopeful’s campaign, and has made similar proposals to the campaign of Republican John McCain and at least one third-party candidate. It appears they are bound and determined to have some sort of political sponsorship no matter where it comes from. Sports Illustrated first reported the proposal on its Web site, saying Obama’s campaign is in talks with BAM, a part-time operation that hasn’t raced in recent weeks, to sponsor its No. 49 car in the Aug. 3 race at Pocono. “I don’t know how far along the discussions are,” Vandiver told AP. Asked about the talks, Obama campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki said, “We get a lot of good ideas every day, but there are no such agreements in place at this time.” But BAM’s choice of drivers and car brands might turn out to be a little too sticky politically for the Obama camp. The car, a Toyota, the only foreign automaker racing in NASCAR, would be driven by veteran Ken Schrader. According to the Federal Election Commission’s Web site, Schrader gave $1,000 to the campaign of North Carolina Republican congressman Robin Hayes in June 2004, and a total of $2,500 in 2003 and 2004 to the failed Virginia congressional campaign of Republican Kevin Triplett, a former NASCAR official. Also according to the FEC, Mrs. Ann Schrader of Concord, N.C. and Ken Schrader Racing donated a total of $2,000 to President Bush’s campaign in May 2004. None of this makes any sense for Obama. It just seems stupid. It all looks like BAM racing is desperate to find sponsorship anywhere and is clutching for straws. A “vote for Obama” car zipping around the oval driven by Republicans, maintained by Republicans and built by Republicans is just wrong on so many levels. It just seems a little like the beginning of the apocalypse or at least a sign of it anyway.

LUNCHBOX SAVES MANS LIFE

Don’t go anywhere without your lunchbox. Carlos Juarez says his lunchbox saved his life. That’s quite a claim. He was waiting for his ride to work early Tuesday in his driveway when two attempted robbers accosted him, demanding money. Right in your own driveway, is nothing sacred? Carlos replied he had no money and the would-be thieves opened fire, hitting him twice in the side. Juarez said he reflexively held up his lunch cooler over his chest to shield himself from the bullets and the cooler was hit twice. It’s not everyone that can say their lunchbox took a bullet for them, let alone two. “He thinks the cooler saved his life,” Carlos Paz, a friend who translated for Juarez, told The Associated Press. “If he doesn’t have the cooler, the shots come maybe in the heart.” Juarez still has one of the bullets that was in the cooler. I might keep a souvenir too. A lunch container of rice and meat has a bullet hole, as does a package of gum also in the cooler. After Juarez was shot, he climbed the stairs of the apartment building with the cooler still in his hand. “Carlos, I got shot,” he told his friend. Paz said at first he didn’t believe it, but then saw blood on his friend’s side and called police. Blood would give you a clue. Juarez, who was treated at a hospital and released, says doctors have been unable to remove two bullets from his side because of swelling. He also had a cut on his forehead that he suffered when one of the men hit him with what he thinks was a bat as Juarez reached for the cooler. Juarez, who came to the United States from Ecuador about five years ago, works for a concrete flooring company. No arrests had been made Wednesday.

$55,000 FOUND IN JAIL BATHROOM

Somebody lose something? Possibly a lot of money? Well check lost and found, it appears they have it. A correctional officer at the intake facility at the St. Louis County Justice Center in Clayton, Missouri, last week found $55,000 stuffed behind a toilet paper dispenser. The bundle of money was in $100 and $50 bills, said Clayton Police Chief Thomas Byrne. Officials interviewed inmates about the money, but none admitted knowing anything about the stashed cash. I bet they didn’t. Cash like that inside of prison sounds like a pyoff for something to me. That’s one deal that won’t go down.The money was placed in a special bank account until the owner can be determined, Byrne said. Or arrested, I bet.

CITY POTTY TRAINING RESIDENTS

Imagine, as a grown adult, your city trying to teach you how to properly use the restroom. That is exactly what one city in South Taiwan has started to do. To reduce over 340 tons of waste generated daily, Tainen launched it’s new potty training program which is geared towards teaching its 764,000 residents to flush their toilet paper instead of throwing it in trash cans. Yuck. “An old habit is to throw toilet paper in the trash can beside the toilet, which causes a major stink that’s bad for public sanitation.” Ya think? When “Japanese and Western visitors come to Taiwan, they find this Taiwan toilet habit to be quite poor.” I’d say that’s an understatement. This habit developed because of pipe backup and clogging problems, however the current system can handle the load without backing up. In addition to solving the issue of trash buildup and smell concerns, flushing the toilet paper will actually save the city $600 million a year in trash treatment costs.

WESTERN SPAGHETTI

This is a creative little piece that I just found clever and fun.Check it out.

JESSE JACKSON, BARACK OBAMA TALKS DOWN BLACK PEOPLE, FOLDING COUCH DEATH, AND HUMAN MIRROR

JESSE JACKSON WOULD LIKE TO CUT OFF OBAMA’S NUTS

Well, once again Jesse Jackson thought nobody was paying attention when he made an offhand remark that even has his son  a bit disgusted with him. Jackson said the “hurtful and wrong” comments Sunday came in response to a question from a fellow guest during a break from taping “Fox & Friends.” The guest asked about speeches on morality Obama has given at black churches. Jackson said at a news conference that he had replied that Obama’s speeches can come off as speaking down to black people and that there were other important issues to be addressed in the community, such as unemployment, the mortgage crisis and the number of blacks in prison. He said he was not aware the microphone was still on. Now that’s just stupid. What makes him think they would have turned it off? Although personally, I think Obama talks down to everyone. Fox News aired Jackson’s comment Wednesday night, including a slang reference to his wanting to cut off Obama’s testicles. Ouch, dude that’s harsh.  The report bleeped out the slang but made clear what Jackson said. “For any harm or hurt that this hot mic private conversation may have caused, I apologize,” he said in a written apology released earlier in the day. “My support for Senator Obama’s campaign is wide, deep and unequivocal.” Well, it certainly doesn’t sound like it. Jackson’s problem is he got caught. The opinion and the statment still exists.  Jackson said he called Obama’s campaign to apologize. Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton noted that the Illinois senator grew up without his father and has spoken and written at length about the issues of parental responsibility and fathers participating in their children’s lives, and of society’s obligation to provide “jobs, justice and opportunity for all.”He will continue to speak out about our responsibilities to ourselves and each other, and he of course accepts Reverend Jackson’s apology,” Burton said. Oh, boy all is rosey once again in politics land. Jackson’s comments sparked something of a family feud. His son, Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., said he was disappointed by his father’s “reckless statements.” “His divisive and demeaning comments about the presumptive Democratic nominee and I believe the next president of the United States, contradict his inspiring and courageous career,” the younger Jackson said. “Reverend Jackson is my dad, and I’ll always love him. I thoroughly reject and repudiate his ugly rhetoric. He should keep hope alive and any personal attacks and insults to himself.” Ouch, that’s going to leave a mark. Jackson, may have apologized, but I don’t think that’s how he really feels. These “off the record” comments were rather strong. I say it’s a no confidence vote for Obama from Mr. Jackson.

 
 

 DEATH BY FOLDING COUCH

If you’re drunk don’t let yout wife put you in a folding couch. In St. Petersburg, Russia a man came home drunk which didn’t make his wife happy. St Petersburg’s Channel Five said the man’s wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall. The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying. Apparently the wife didn’t notice what she had done. I’m not certain she hadn’t had a few to drink as well. The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband. Video on the television channel’s website showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions. Emergency workers said the man died instantly. What a way to go.

HUMAN MIRROR

This was a project that took place on the New York subway systems. There were 10 sets of identical twins involved and they wanted to see how people reacted. Its a cool vid so check it out.

PRINCE HARRY HAMMERED, MAN REPORTS DRUGS STOLEN, POSTCARD TO J.R.R. TOLKIEN, FACE IN THE TREE, AND GORBACHOV KILLS ZOMBIES

PRINCE HARRY GETS HAMMERED IN LESOTHO

Prince Harry worked up a sweat Tuesday as he carted wheelbarrows of cement mixture, filled a ditch and hammered nails from old roofing boards. The young royal was helping refurbish a school for mentally and physically disabled children under the auspices of a charity he founded in the impoverished African kingdom of Lesotho in memory of his late mother. Asked if Princess Diana, known for her charity work around the world, would be proud, he said simply: “I hope so.” I’m sure she would be. We see so much today about what The British Royal family is doing to create the newest flap, but we rarely hear about what they are doing that makes the world better. Harry and his regiment from the Household Cavalry were helping put in wheelchair access, build a new kitchen and lay fencing around the Thuso Center. “I love physical labor,” he said at the start of a three-week visit. “It would be wrong to be a patron of a charity and not get involved.” How often do you hear somebody that’s rich and famous say that. The African trip by members of the Household Cavalry has been planned for some time, but the decision to help the project in Lesotho was suggested by Harry. The Prince first visited Lesotho in 2004, when he met young tuberculosis and AIDS sufferers. Harry and his regiment put in eight hours a day working on the center, occasionally getting in a game of football with local villagers. Violet Moqolobane, 44, a disabled woman who works at the center, was impressed to see the tall, redheaded Harry taking part in both games and work. “Most chiefs don’t act like him,” she said. “They think they are so important.” Pootsela Tseisa, 24, said Harry was behaving as true royalty should. “He loves us. We are one for him, not black or white,” he said. “This is a good example that we should follow. It doesn’t matter how rich or how wealthy your family is.”

 

MAN CALLS POLICE TO REPORT DRUGS STOLEN

They say that drugs affect your mind and destroy brain cells. In this case it was probably true, but truthfully, I’m not sure he had too many to start with. An East Hartford, Connecticutt man called police to report he had been robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine. You can tell already, this plan is flawed. Max Minnefield called police Monday to tell them he had paid a man and a woman $8 for drugs he never received. Maybe he should have called Walmart. Police charged him with criminal attempt to commit possession of narcotics. During his arraignment Tuesday, Judge Bradford Ward asked Minnefield, “Did you really think the police were going to go after the people?” He added that his question was rhetorical. Well, considering they were suppossed to be dealing, they might want ot consider it. Prosecutors later dropped the charges. Laura Weslund, Minnefield’s public defender, said no drugs were ever found. Of course not, he never got them. This story is just full of brilliant deductions.

THE TREE WITH A FACE

Sometimes nature can play strange tricks. This one is pretty cool. The face-tree was brought into the Daily Times newspaper in Maryville, Tennessee on Monday, by Ernest Ward, a groundskeeper at the local Magnolia Cemetery. Ward said it was found on Monday as he and co-workers cleaned up debris from a weekend storm. According to him, a former worker at the cemetery believes the face is a spirit. If it is a spirit, you just cut it in half, how do you think it feels about that?

LOST TOLKIEN POSTCARD FOUND

Have you ever been tearing out a wall or getting a room a found something kind of cool stuck in the wall or behind something. That’s what happened to a demolision man from England as he was stripping out a house where Lord Of The Rings author J.R.R. Tolkien used to live. Stephen Malton, who runs Prodem Demolition in Bournemouth on the south English coast, was working in the house in the nearby town of Poole before it was bulldozed to make way for a new construction project. “Before we demolish a house we do an internal strip out,” Malton said. “One of the main features was a fireplace, and upon removing that we came across three postcards. The third one was a postcard dated 1968 and addressed to J.R.R. Tolkien.” That would be so cool. Malton said research on the Internet suggested that the carved wooden fireplace with marble inlay, a feature of the house when Tolkien lived there from 1968 to 1972, was already worth up to $250,000. “To tie in both the fireplace and the postcard, we are talking about a price of around $500,000 for the combined pair.” That would be even cooler. That’s one heck of a payday. The postcard was addressed to Tolkien at the Miramar Hotel in Bournemouth, where he and his wife Edith often stayed. It is from “Lin,” which Malton believed could be fellow fantasy author Lin Carter who wrote “Tolkien: A Look Behind ‘The Lord of the Rings,'” published in 1969. He also helped finish writing the Robert E. Howard, Conan series along with L. Spraque DeCamp, as well as wrote dozens of fantasy stories of his own. Depicting a scene from Ireland, it reads: “I have been thinking of you a lot and hope everything has gone as well as could be expected in the most difficult circumstances.” This is an immense find for fantasy collectors. Malton was not sure what the “difficult circumstances” might be. Tolkien had achieved fame by the time he moved to Poole in 1968. He remained in Poole until his wife’s death, when he moved back to Oxford. Tolkien died in 1973, aged 81.

 GORBACHOV MEETS ZOMBIES

Now for a bit of culture? from the other side of the world. Below is a link to a music video by a Russian metal band called ANJ. It portrays a battle axe wielding Mikhail Gorbachov fighting a legion of Zombies, saving Mother Russia and bringing western culture to the zombie besieged country. The video is hilarious and a lot of fun. Check it out for some fun Russian humor.

GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO – BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.

MCCAIN’S CENSORSHIP OR SECURITY, SAVED BY A CUP OF TEA, DECAPITATED MAN AND THE COP THIEF, AND MARRY YOUR DOGS

SECURITY OR CENSORSHIP AT MCCAIN RALLIES

Are the candidates taking security too far? The video below shows a 61-year-old librarian being harrassed and removed from a John McCain town hall meeting in Denver, Colorado. Now as I understand them, town hall meetings are where you meet the candidates and then ask your most probing questions of them to see if they are worthy of your vote. It is also suppossed to be a forum where you express your opinions to candidates to see if they are willing to do something about the issues that are most important to you. This video clearly shows the people in charge of the McCain camp and the meeting trying to stop some individuals who might have dissenting opinions of McCain from even attending the rally. They cite security as their reasoning for refusing the admittance. The police are then called and tickets are issued for trespassing at a public event! Is this Security or censorship? Are our politicians more interested in the orchestration of their gatherings than maybe having a rogue question catch them off guard? How are we to have a political process when the process is quelled. This video shows a disturbing trend with individuals who are obviously no danger to anything being ushered out of sight, out of mind and then to add insult to injury with fines and court appearances when they are performing a valid exercise of their political, not to mention constitutional rights. Last I looked, this was still the United States wasn’t it? Did I miss a meeting?

 A CUP OF TEA SAVED MY LIFE

What do you do when you’re confronted with a knife weilding thief? Why you make him a cup of tea of course. A 30-year-old Tokyo, Japan woman was walking along a corridor in her apartment building with her daughter on Monday when a man brandishing a knife demanded money. I hate it when that happens. When the housewife told him she had none, the man barged into her apartment. Apparently he didn’t believe her. Hoping to calm him, the woman made the thief a cup of tea, whereupon he put his knife away and began a 20-minute monologue about his life. The dude had a Dr. Phil moment. Or maybe it was a Jerry Springer moment, we don’t actually know what he said to her. The woman then gave the man 10,000 yen ($93.34) and ran outside to call the police from a pay phone. The guy should have been paying her for the couch time.  Police rushed to the scene, but the thief had fled and is still being sought. See, a spot of tea can save your life, quick thinking, a friendly ear, it’s all good.

COP SAYS DECAPITATED MAN GAVE PERMISSION TO STEAL HIS BELONGINGS

I can’t believe any one actually bought this load of bull. A  Caledon, Germany, police captain, Dawid Johann Jullies claiming that a decapitated car crash victim  had given him permission to take the floor mats and hub caps from the wrecked vehicle, was subsequently found innocent of theft by an internal police hearing when the investigators concluded that the decapitated victim did indeed give permission, contrary to the family’s claims that this was impossible. What? How stupid were these people? Subsequently, a court agreed with the family and found the officer guilty of theft, sentencing him to 3 years in prison, suspended for 5 years. So in other words, he got off with a “don’t do it again.” However, Julies became the police station commissioner the very next day, or ironically, the head of the police station, despite having been found guilty of theft by the court. There’s nothing like rewarding larceny. Yep let’s give him a promotion. Somtimes there’s just no justice.

MARRY YOUR DOGS, NO MORE “LIVING TOGETHER”

Do you have nore than one dog? Well, don’t let them live in sin anymore, get them a wedding and make their life legal. Yes, it’s a new trend, like Americans didn’t have anything else to spend their money on. The popularity of dog weddings is on the rise and Reverands are finding that a little pet wedding can add an extra boost to their coffers. For the 63% of Americans who own pets, there’s a growing sector of the $40 billion dollar pet industry waiting to sell them wedding-related services like pet marriage counseling, pet wedding planners, pet caterers, pet trainers, and even special pet priests who conduct actual certified pet weddings. As one reverend told the Chicago Tribune: “Marriage for an animal is almost like marriage for a human. An animal union is more like a blessing under God. Well, I am a reverend,” Scott said. He apparently didn’t want to give his full name. “If you’re in a family with two animals and they want to unite in a wedding, what difference does it make? It is not a sign of the Apocalypse. It is a sign that animals often seek to form a lasting bond and have deep commitment.” Keep telling yourself that Scott. Pet owners can make the wedding even more official by getting a real human marriage license and setting up a gift registry at PetSmart. You didn’t think big business wasn’t going to get in on this did you? Question: If the dogs are legally married and they have puppies, does selling them constitute puppy slavery? Does the married couple have recourse to get their children back? I bet there’s some lawyer out there willing to test this.

IT APPEARS SOMEONE FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR THAT ORDAINMENT LICENSE THEY GOT FROM THE BACK OF ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE FOR $20.

EBAY VOTE AUCTION, CZECH NUCLEAR PRANK, CEMETERY POT, AND FED EX DOPE DELIVERY

 TEEN PUTS VOTE UP FOR AUCTION ON EBAY

This may turn out to be a hard won lesson in civics. A University of Minnesota student named Max P. Sanders decided to offer his vote for the next presidential election up for auction on Ebay with a starting bid of $10. Anybody see a problem with this? Yes, it’s illegal. His listing encouraged buyers with the words “Good luck!” and “You’re country depends on You!” It appears he flunked English 101. Now that the Minnesota prosecutors have gotten involved, he’s claiming it was all a joke. “We take it very seriously. Fundamentally, we believe it is wrong to sell your vote,” said John Aiken, a spokesman for the prosecutor’s office. “There are people that have died for this country for our right to vote, and to take something that lightly, to say, ‘I can be bought.'” Yes voting, you know, that thing that most Americans ignore on election day. It’s refreshing to know somebody out there takes it seriously. So seriously in fact that Sanders was charged with one count of bribery, treating and soliciting. If found guilty, he faces up to five years in prison a hefty $10,000 fine. To add insult ot injury there’s an uploading fee from Ebay for the auction. By the way, no one bid on the auction. Talk about a bust all the way around. I bet we won’t be seeing that one again.

 

CZECH ARTIST’S  NUCLEAR EXPLOSION PRANK

I have to admit that I can appreciate a prank as much as anyone. I even like to pull a few myself. This one is too weird for words, but we’re going to try. A group of artists hacked into a national television weather broadcast to show a fake nuclear explosion in the Czech mountains. Members of the Prague-based Ztohoven art group admitted tampering with equipment at the public broadcaster Czech Television so viewers watching a live panoramic shot of the Krkonose, or Giant Mountains, in June last year saw a flash of bright light and a fiery mushroom cloud rising on the horizon.  That would have scared the crap out of me. Seven artists were acquitted of spreading false information in March but the state prosecutor appealed the verdict. An appeals court in Hradec Kralove, east of the capital Prague, overturned the decision last week in a ruling made public Monday, court spokesman Michal Strnad said. The court ordered a new trial for a date yet to be set. If found guilty, they face a maximum three-year jail term. The group claimed the aim of its project was to show how reality could be manipulated by the media. I don’t see why they couldn’t have picked some other subject than nuking the neighborhood. Czech Television called such stunts “improper” and said they could scare many people. Ya think? In December, Prague’s National Gallery awarded Ztohoven the new NG 333 prize for young artists. The 333 stands for the size of the cash prize – 333,000 koruna or about $22,000. I think they should get their money back.

 

MEN CAUGHT GROWING POT IN CEMETERY

The caretakers of a Vietnam cemetery were busted for growing pot within the plots. Police took in Nguyen Manh Hung, 44, who heads the caretaker team at the cemetery in Hanoi’s outer district of Hoang Mai, and Ho A Lau, 46, after the authorities found cannabis plants grown on a 25 square meter (82 square feet) patch, the Vietnam Labour Confederation-run Lao Dong newspaper said. That is a seriously lot of weed.  Police have detained the two custodians who were about to harvest their first crop of cannabis from a cemetery in Vietnam’s capital Hanoi. Rookies, it figures. The fate of these two is uncertain as Vietnam has basically a double standard towards drugs. Vietnam has strict drug trafficking laws, including in some cases the death penalty, but it has long been used as a transit point for trade in heroin, hashish, opium, amphetamine pills and other illegal drugs. They may just punish them for being dumb enough to get caught. They seem to have a “as long as it doesn’t come to our attention, we’re OK with it” attitude.

FED-EX GETS IT WRONG, RECIPIENT ARRESTED

Since we’re on the subject, never send your dope Fed-Ex. They just might go to the wrong house. A mistaken delivery tipped off police to a 200-pound shipment of marijuana. That’s alot of pot! Police tell The Baltimore Sun they learned about the shipment when it was delivered Tuesday to the wrong resident. That’s when they developed a sneaky plan to catch the dude it was really going to. Authorities posed as FedEx employees and arrested the shipment’s intended recipient, 30-year-old Richard Gwatidzo. That’s what you get when you trust a shipment like that to a delivery service. What ever happened to a brown paper bag in the dead of night? He was charged Thursday with possession of a large quantity of a controlled dangerous substance with intent to distribute along with other drug related charges. He should have been charged with stupidity along with a substandard IQ.

UFO FESTIVAL, PUB HELD HOSTAGE, TRAPPED UNDER A CAR, AND CALIFORNIA FIREBALL

 ROSWELL UFO FESTIVAL

This past week once again brought out UFO believers from everywhere as Roswell, New Mexico held its annual UFO Festival. For those of you that are completely out of touch and have been living in a hole in the ground, Roswell is the site of what is considered this countries most probable crash of a UFO. The news broke on July 8, 1947 and many people at the time admitted having seen the debris including the Army’s own public relations man, Jesse Martel. But of course the feds scrambled to cover up the incident and everyone retracted their previous stories, some say under penalty of treason. Of course many don’t buy the story that it was all a mistake and the crash was actually that of a real “flying saucer.” This has made Roswell famous and annually, alien enthusiasts gather there from all over for the UFO Festival. This actually seems like it would be a lot of fun. There are costume contests for dressing up like an alien, there are workshops on UFO encounters and Government cover-ups. Heck there’s even a rock band called Element 115 with an alien drummer. This is a gathering for anyone and everyone that has anything to do with UFOs and aliens. There’s even a dog alien costume contest. CBS did their morning show from this year’s festival. You can tell it’s in an out of this world time in the old town this week. Now if they could just get the aliens to show up.

 

 

COUPLE BARRICADE THEMSLEVES INSIDE OF PUB

Pray that this doesn’t happen in your favorite tavern. When a devout Christian couple took over a pub and promptly banned swearing, takings plummeted. What were they thinking? But when the brewery decided to kick them out and bring in more tolerant managers, they decided to barricade themselves in. ‘They’re coming o take us away, ha ha.” The couple, named John and Krista Fleming, are holed up in the flat above The King’s Head, in Islington, north London, England until the dispute is settled in court. A patron said: “The new managers are great and it’s back to how it was, a proper pub with atmosphere.” The new landlord said: “They are still there. It’s a very strange situation.” The Brits are too nice. In America we’d have gone in with guns and tear gas and dragged them out saying they were starting a cult.

WOMAN PINNED UNDER CAR FOR TWO DAYS

This is a tale of people paying attention. A very alert postman saved the day in this story so it pays to give him a card at Christmas and keeping your dog leashed up. 91-year-old, Betty Borowski’s mail carrier noticed Tuesday that the previous day’s mail was still in her mailbox, police said. He rang the doorbell and then asked a neighbor whether he had seen Borowski lately. He hadn’t, so they called police. Borowski, who lives alone, became stuck June 29 while looking for her keys; her head apparently got pinned by the axle, Greendale Police Chief Rob Dams said. Note to self: get a broom to fish for keys under car. “She was pretty well wedged in there,” Dams said. “It looks like she crawled under headfirst.” Firefighters lifted the car with a jack and removed Borowski, who was dehydrated and confused. It turned out her keys were in the car door. Note to self: look in door before fishing for keys under car. Note to reader: get to know your mailman, make him your friend.

FIREBALL GIVES A SHOW IN CALIFORNIA

I have to admit, this would have been really cool to see. From the Hollywood Hills to the Nevada state line, people reported seeing a fireball streaking across the sky and appearing to fall toward the San Bernardino Mountains on Tuesday morning. Explanations of the mysterious object were scarce. I just love a mystery. San Bernardino County Fire Dispatch reported receiving dozens of calls related to a fireball moving at high speed in the northwest sky around 10:40 a.m. “We got quite a few reports. It started with a gentlemen in the Lake Arrowhead area reporting a fireball in the Meadow Bay area, and then we started getting calls from all over,” said San Bernardino County dispatch supervisor Tom Barnes. “Fire crews in Barstow and on I-15 near Stateline came up on the radio and reported an object in the sky moving very fast across the northern sky and described it as yellowish green in color with streaks of debris. It looked like it burned up before it hit the ground.” Barnes said the department has “basically determined it was most likely not an aircraft and was probably man-made or a meteor entering the Earth’s atmosphere.” There’s a real difinative answer. “Events like this do happen around the world. But a bright meteor is not something people would usually recognize in the day,” said Lance Benner, a research scientist at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in La Cañada Flintridge. “The eyewitness account suggests it was a small asteroid hitting the atmosphere.” The fact that it was spotted in daylight suggests it could have been farther away than it appeared, Benner said. He said it could have landed several hundred miles away. I still have to admit this would have been something to see. This is the time of year where the earth approaches the Van Allen Belt where meteors are plentiful and watching for shootintg stars is usually quite productive.

HITLER BEHEADED, ANOTHER BRITISH UFO, COPS DON’T NOTICE PATROL CAR GONE, OCTOPUS PORN, AND I MET THE WALRUS

HITLER LOSES HIS HEAD

Well this didn’t last long. Madame Tussaud’s, the famous wax museum has a museum in Berlin, Germany and they just unveiled their new masterpiece, Adolf Hitler.  The presence of the Nazi dictator’s likeness in the new museum led to criticism in German media over recent weeks, but defenders of the replica argued Hitler’s role in German history could not be ignored. The museum, which is near the German capital’s Brandenburg Gate, pledged to portray Hitler without glorifying him, as he would have looked shortly before his 1945 suicide. Well, Adolf didn’t last long. The second visitor they let through the door attacked the wax figure. Stephan Koch, one of the museum employees, said he and a colleague tried unsuccessfully to prevent the man from jumping over a table in front of the figure and damaging it, and said the assailant attacked his colleague. This dude was certainly determined. The man pushed aside the two museum employees and “ripped off the head of the Hitler figure,” police spokesman Uwe Kozelnik said on n-tv television. The wax figure’s assassin said he was just protesting the display. Well, it seems this display just isn’t going to appeal to the public. The museum had produced a likeness of the Nazi leader hunched over a desk in a dimly lit bunker. The figure, unveiled to journalists Thursday, showed Hitler, with deep lines furrowing his forehead, sitting beneath a map of Europe on the wall, monitoring the advance of allied troops from the east and west. I expect the staff will mark this one up as one of their not-so-good ideas. A picture of the wax figure before beheading is below.

BRIT FRIGHTENED BY HOVERING UFO

I had a hard time trying to quit laughing after I read this. It seems in South Wales, England, a man was frightened by an unidentifiable object hovering in the sky near his house. So, he called 999, England’s version of 911. The recording runs as follows: Control Room: “South Wales Police, what’s your emergency?” Caller: “It’s not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there’s a bright stationary object.” Control room: “Right.” Caller: “If you’ve got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It’s been there at least half an hour and it’s still there.” Control: “It’s been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?” Caller: “It’s in the air.” Control: “I will send someone up there now to check it out.” Caller: “OK.” A few minutes later, all became clear in the following exchange between the control room and the police officer sent to the scene. Control: “Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?” Officer: “Yes, it’s the moon. Over.” A South Wales Police spokeswoman said: “It was 100% legitimate. There was no hoax. It was a serious call from a member of the public.” Now that’s what I call a scary UFO.

KID STEALS POLICE CAR, POLICE DON’T NOTICE, TWICE

This has got to be a case of too much coffee and donuts. A 13-year-old with an interest in law enforcement stole a police cruiser and took it out to do some patrolling, according to authorities. Then he did it again. The boy apparently watched someone enter a code to get into the department, then used it to get in and take the keys to the cruiser. Now that’s a smart kid. Residents called police on Sunday to say they’d seen the boy driving a police car. The boy also took the cruiser the previous Sunday and drove it around before returning it to the station. Now, you have to wonder, what were the cops doing all this time since none of the officers noticed it was missing?  All this took place in Dillon, a small South Carolina town near the North Carolina border. The boy’s mother saw him bring the car home both times but didn’t see anything wrong with the joyrides, Police Sgt. Jason Turner said. The boy, who was charged with larceny and second-degree burglary, was not identified because of his age. He remained in Department of Juvenile Justice custody Wednesday. I guess he’s going to learn about law enforcement now. His mother, Patricia Gillespie, was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Ya, think? I’ll bet they’ll be paying attention to this kid now.

THE MAN WITH THE ANIMAL PORN DEFENCE

Ok, here’s one for the books. A man goes on trial in Tasmania, Australia for downloading child porn. He claims it was an accident and got mixed up in his animal porn by accident. He admitted in an Australian court to downloading octopus porn, as well as other images of sexual acts with ponies, tigers and snakes. Octopus porn? Rodney Scott McLagan also plead guilty to possessing child pornography but, his defence lawyer insisted that he had ‘little or no interest’ in the child porn, and only had it on his computer because it had been included in the bulk download of bestiality material. Are you buying this crap yet?  “In respect of the child exploitation material, while there’s a lot of it he only looked at 20 per cent. He searched the internet for the bestiality material but there was no active search for the child exploitation material,” his lawyer David Barclay told the Supreme Court in Hobart, Tasmania. It lines like this that make you hate lawyers. What a load of horse hockey. Barclay added that McLagan sought out the bestiality porn because of a personality disorder, which gave him such low self-esteem that he thought of himself as “some sort of beast.” Well, at least he got that part of it right. I’m just happy that America doesn’t have a monpoly on weirdos.

A LATE MESSAGE FROM JOHN LENNON

If you haven’t seen this, it’s a gem. I’m rminded of the kid in the movie Almost Famous. This was from a 14-year-old kid named Jerry Levitan who snuck into John Lennon’s room and got an interview with John. The profound thing about this video is that the answers Lennon gives still ring true and deep today. I think Lennon would have loved this video. It’s called I Met The Walrus.