Archive for Abominable

GAY MARRIAGES BOOST TOURISM, TICKLING BANDIT, BORNEO BIGFOOT, AND KIDNAPPED FOR DISHES

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2008 by mclassen

 GAY MARRIAGES BOOST CALIFORNIA TOURISM

Now that California has legalized gay marriage, it has produced an unexpected boon, tourism. Yes, tourism. Because they allow non-resident marriage, same sex couples are flocking to have their relationships legalized. Hundreds of thousands of couples are expected to make the journey from wherever they live to take advantage of the new law. Analysts are calling it a mini-industry. I bet not many saw this coming. Since currently California has a monopoly on this, many businesses there are gearing up for a tourist boom. “Spending by resident same sex couples on their weddings and by out-of-state couples will boost California’s economy by over 683.6 million dollars in direct spending over the next three years,” a UCLA study reported, adding that the new industry would create around 2,100 new jobs. This has to be the only state that is prospering during the current gas crunch. Many cities are advertising themselves as “Gay Friendly” destinations and are offering special honeymoon packages. So, California or Bust, go west young couples, there’s gold in them there hills. This ought to help California’s debt problems.

PRANKSTER BANDIT CAUGHT

This would be more annoying than dangerous. A Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada man, Murray Richmond, was caught for several break-ins. He has been dubbed the “tickling bandit,” but that doesn’t describe half this guys oddities. In one case, a man awoke to find Richmond tickling his feet, and later found his washing machine full of chips and cereal. I wonder if he added dip and milk.  As well, Richmond twice broke into an 80-year-old man’s home, on one occasion saying he would be the man’s “long weekend nurse,” before stealing several items and leaving. Promises, promises, promises. A psychiatric report has reached the obvious conslusion that the man is a pathological liar and is mentally ill. Believe it or not someone gets paid to come up with these conclusions. Now that the world is safe from this merry prankster bandit, folks can sleep easier knowing their feet won’t be tickled in the night. 

BORNEO BIGFOOT

A long time ago there used to be legends about a Wild Man of Borneo. P.T. Barnum had claimed he’d seen it and what he called one on display. It was actually a really hairy unkept bum he’d found and talked into joining his sideshow.  Well now there really may be something to those old Wild man stories. Tan Soon Kuang, a businessman of the Daro district in Borneo has taken photographs of two footprints that local villagers showed him. Suppossedly they measure 47 inches from heel to toe and are 17 inches across. Yes, this is a REALLY bigfoot. This is not something you want to run into on a dark night. Asked when and how he went to the village and took the photos, Tan answered: “I went there last Wednesday, June 11 after I heard about the news. I drove about five minutes from Daro town to the village. Then, I walked on foot along a footpath for quite a few minutes to the place where I met many villagers who were gathered there. Then some villagers pointed to the big footprints. I was shocked to see them and excited as I took those photographs.” On his conversation with the villagers, he said: “When I asked the villagers the first time they discovered the two big footprints, they told me it was June 9. They also told me they now recall that before they came across the footprints, the villagers had, a few months ago felt uncomfortable and sick as if there was something ‘unclean’ in the air. They said they decided to look for a ‘bomoh’ (medicine man) who told them to go to an area, dig a small hole, then build a fence around it.” Nothing like a little native superstition to add to the mystery. Like most weird prints like this, they are being called a hoax, which of course is entirely possible and even likely. Tan is refusing to name the village where he took these citing that he wishes to protect them from the public. How come there’s always something missing in these stories, like proof. 

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MAN KIDNAPS EX-GIRLFRIEND FOR MAID SERVICE

A man in Genoa, Italy accosted his ex-girlfriend in a local pub. He shoved her in a car and took her to his house. There she was forced to do the most obscene acts, dishes and ironing. Yes, the man was furious that she had left him, none of the housework was getting done. Police arrived after being tipped off by a friend of the woman’s who had seen her being kidnapped by the man. He was arrested. Now the jail staff will be doing his housework. Mission accomplished, I guess.

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AIR FORCE ERRORS, GATOR GOLF WATER HAZARD, BIGFOOT REWARD, AND BIG BOOBS – WORLD RECORD

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2008 by mclassen

AIR FORCE OFFICIALS RESIGN OVER STUPID MISTAKES

Defense officials who spoke on condition of anonymity said that Defense Secretary Robert Gates asked Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Michael Moseley and Air Force Secretary Michael Wynne to step down. And for good reasons. We’re talking some real screw-ups here. In August, for instance, a B-52 bomber was mistakenly armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles and flown across the country. The pilot and crew were unaware they had nuclear arms aboard. The error was considered so grave that President Bush was quickly informed, who was probably off doddering in a corner reading a Dick and Jane book. Next, four cone-shaped electrical fuses used in intercontinental ballistic missile warheads were shipped to the Taiwanese instead of the helicopter batteries they had ordered. Oops, guess that was wrong. Whatever happened to competence in the armed forces? The fuses originated at F.E. Warren Air Force Base in Cheyenne, Wyoming, but the mix-up apparently occurred after the parts were shipped to Hill Air Force Base in Utah. On top of this we get a payola scandal. The Pentagon inspector general found in April that a $50 million contract to promote the Thunderbirds aerial stunt team was tainted by improper influence and preferential treatment. No criminal conduct was found. Of course not, can’t have that kind of scandal now can we? Moseley was not singled out for blame, but the investigation laid out a trail of communications from him and other Air Force leaders that eventually influenced the 2005 contract award. Included in that were friendly e-mails between Moseley and an executive in the company that won the bid. Gee sounds pretty fishy to me. Oh well, all’s well now right? Excuse me if I’m sceptical.

 

ALLIGATOR IN THE WATER HAZARD

In Glen Burnie, Maryland, I didn’t know they had gators in MD, an animal control officer has rid a local golf course of a menace. One of the local golfer’s reported seing a two-foot long creature swimming in one of the course’s ponds. Officer Glenn Johnson got out his fishing pole and decided to see if he could snag it and reel it in. Traps had been set but they had no  luck. Johnson did. Thanks to him the Arundel Golf Park is now free of real hazards in their hazards.

 

REWARD OFFERED FOR BIGFOOT

Wanted, $1million reward for indisputable evidence of Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, Abominable Snowman, any of his alias. Yes, there is now a bounty on the head of Bigfoot. In a joint effort, Field and Stream Magazine and Bushnell the binocular maker have put up the reward, offer good until December 15th, void where prohibited by law. This is not a joke, they really have made the offer. The also have stipulated that they are not responsible for any injuries incurred in this endeavor. They have to cover their bases. They will pay the million to anyone who can “provide an unaltered photograph/video, verified and substantiated by a panel of scientific experts, including a zoologist and biologist, the evidence required to prove a Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti exists.” Driver’s, start your engines. Maybe a good place to start would be HERE!

WORLD’S BIGGEST BREASTS – GUINESS SAYS SO

Or maybe you’ll say so after few Guiness’ but it’s true Miss Mounds is the winner. The Guiness Book of World Records recently opened a catagory for largest breasts with implants. The winner is pictured below. Her picture before aumentation is also displayed for comaparison purposes. She suppossedly measures 36mmm. I don’t see where they get the 36 unless they mean 36 ft. Maxi Mounds is a lap dancer from Florida, can she fit on a lap like that? “I contacted Guinness World Records and asked if they had a category for implants, but they said no, so I let it go,” she said. “Then they asked me if I was interested as they were creating a category. Eventually they told me I won. I had the old-style silicone imp­lants, but then came all the scare stories, so I had them replaced with overfilled saline.” But her chest began to sag, so she had tubes put in her armpits so she could be firmed up. In 2000, she had her implants ­removed and the pockets filled with plastic string, a procedure which has been banned.  Couldn’t that be considered breast abuse? A solution was injected to make the breasts produce fluid and ‘inflate,’ but they kept on growing. Now she’s famous at strip joints everyhwere. Her name is in lights and she finally has a gimmick that places can up the cover charge. Jiggle on Maxi. Jiggle on.

Breasts

Maxi when she was Mini

Breasts