Archive for accident

PAULA JONES JENNIFER FLOWERS WEBSITE, UFO COLLISION, CONFESSIONAL SEX, NAIL IN THE HEAD, AND CHEETA WALK OF FAME PETITION

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2008 by mclassen

PAULA JONES AND GENNIFER FLOWERS TEAM-UP FOR CLINTON BASHING WEBSITE

Apparently these two weren’t receiving enough attention lately. So, to rectify that oversight, Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers have teamed up for their own website. On it you can watch them relate tales of illicite experiences the two had with Bill Clinton and it’s only for the low low price of  $1.99 a pop. I guess they just wanted to have their own Pay-per-view. Yes it seems the two are broke as well. Since they haven’t had any tabloid attention in years it seems their flash in the pan celebrity status has dried up. The two were out in front of the Clinton Presidential library Monday hucking their site. “It’s a way we can get our story out there in our own words, without someone making their own interpretations or corrections,” Jones said. In other words, you can lie your ass off and not get caught by some savvy newperson has actually done their homework. Yea, I can see where that presents problems. Well, it’s always amusing to watch has beens try to recapture glory days.

Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers, June 9

 

ROMANIAN JET FIGHTER COLLIDES WITH UFO

A report that has been recently leaked shows that a Romanian jet fighter had a collision with a UFO. Chief investigator Commander Nicolae Grigorie said in the report: ‘We can definitely say what this thing was not, but we cannot say what it was.’ Romanian defence ministry officials have ruled out all normal types of collision such as birdstrikes, ice or small meteorites. Pilot Marin Mitrica was slightly injured but managed to land the plane safely after the incident last year. According to the report, the cockpit was completely shattered during a training flight over Transylvania and it was recorded on an inflight video. I’m sure we’ll never get to see that one. Transylvania, I wonder if they were bats, or maybe a vampire returning home. You need to give those creatures of the night lots of airspace.

 SEX IN THE CONFESSIONAL.

People have made love in a lot of strange places but this one just about takes the prize. In Cesena, Italy a couple were caught having sex in a confessional box while mass was going on. They say those Italians are hot-blooded. The couple’s lawyer says they had been drinking too much and had gone too far. That demon alcohol will get you every time. Although I have to admit I’ve never heard that little devil on my shoulder whispering “Have sex in the confessional, go ahead, I know you want to.” It haas been reported that the couple have repented and asked forgiveness. They’re going to be “Hail Mary”ing for awhile on that one. Last week the bishop celebrated a “Mass of reparation” in the cathedral where the confessional box incident took place to make up for the sacrilege. Hopefully they also celebrated a good hosing down with a lot of disinfectant.

MAN SHOT IN HEAD WITH NAIL GUN

George Chandler of Shawnee, Kansas was outside working on a project when the cord for his nail gun got tangled. It accidentally went off and a nail was shot into his head. “It never did really what you call hurt,” the Shawnee man said Wednesday. He says he only felt a little sting. Chandler said his friend Phil Kern was using a nail gun to mount lattice on Chandler’s deck when a hose on the powerful tool became caught. He stood up just as Kern tried to free the gun and it discharged. At first, they couldn’t locate the nail. But then Kern saw it, he ordered Chandler to sit down while he called 911. Dude, look where you’re pointing that thing. An emergency room doctor tried unsuccessfully to remove the nail with a pair of pliers.”He looked at me and said, ‘I need a claw hammer,'” Chandler recalled. “I thought, ‘Ah, he’s just teasing.'”So the doctor borrowed a claw hammer from a worker to finish the job and sent Chandler home with a few stitches. “He got a screwdriver at the same time, and he took the screwdriver and pried the nail up a little bit and got the claw hammer,” Chandler said. You know, maybe taking some off classes like carpentry for your medical degree can come in handy. The doctor was probably a fan of “This Old House.” It brings to mind the old axiom, “If all else fails, get a bigger hammer.”

HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME STAR FOR AN APE?

You bet. Cheeta the famous movie chimp deserves a star. I know I was entertained for endless hours watching those Tarzan movies with the antics of Cheeta taking center stage. There were times he upstaged the actors. Believe it or not, the 76-year-old chimp, who the Guinness World Records has called the oldest living, non-human primate, is retired and lives in Palm Springs. Cheeta also has a MySpace page, which lists painting “Ape-Stract Art” among his hobbies, and The Monkees his favorite band. Now there is a petiton going around to get him a star on the Walk of Fame. Actually, this is the seventh attempt at it. Other animal stars like Lassie and Rin Tin Tin are there. Heck even Godzilla and Donald Duck are there and they aren’t even real. Cheeta has certainly paid his dues and deserves this coveted recognition. Heck I say why stop there, lifetime achievement award from the Academy. Go here to help correct this sad error and give some love to Cheeta. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/GoCheeta/ He’s been waiting a long time for this. Let’s not disappoint him.

 

CHELSEA CLINTON, GUN OR GAS, JAILED POLITICIANS, BARE BUTT POSTER, AND MECHAPHILIA

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2008 by mclassen

 CHELSEA CLINTON – THE NEXT GENERATION?

In an exclusive interview with Bill Clinton in People Magazine, he’s asked would Chelsea ever consider a career in politics? This leaves some interesting prospects for the future. A Clinton dynasty? Well it’s got to be better than the one the Bush’s have handed us. Clinton had an interesting answer.  “Before Iowa, I would have said, ‘No way. She is too allergic to anything we do.’ But she is really good at it. It all changed after Iowa. She realized her mother lost Iowa 100 percent because of younger voters. She was upset, bawled, went to her employer and said, ‘Look, you got to let me go or give me an indefinite leave of absence. I’m not letting my mother go down like this.'” It appears that Chelsea has some of her mother’s tenacity and getting her mother’s back gets her big time points. Chelsea has been a continuing presence in Hillary’s campaign and has been dealing with some tough questions on some tough issues. In the People interview, Clinton called his daughter’s “emergence” the “second best thing” of the campaign, after his wife’s resiliency. The former President also made a comment about a press bias against Hillary. “I think most of the press people are in Obama’s demographic. They need a feeling more than they perceive they need a President. There have been times when I thought I was literally lost in a fun house.”  I’m not so sure he’s correct there, but he does go on to say about Obama, “I don’t know him very well. But, I do think it’s better to have made a lot of decisions before you get to be President.” This People interview is definately worth a read and it hits newstands today. Could Chelsea get a taste for politics? Could we be seeing the continuation of the Clinton influence on American politics for the future? It sounds awfully Kennedy to me.

NEW CAR DEAL – GUN OR GAS?

At a new car dealership in Butler, Missouri they are offering a bang-up special deal. You can put $250 to either get a new handgun or gas with any purchase through the end of the month. General Manager, Walter Moore of Max Motors says most people are opting for the handgun. He recommends the semi-automatic model because it holds more rounds.  That doesn’t surprise me, with the handgun you can get your gas for free. Moore says, “Down here, we all believe in God, guts and guns.” Well, this IS the state that gave us Frank and Jesse James.

GERMAN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS LOCKED UP BY ACCIDENT

A group of German officials were locked away in a jail previously run by the East German Stasi, the former secret police. Thinking all visitors had left, staff closed up the memorial museum that was the Stasi’s main jail, and shut the high-ranking representatives from Germany‘s 16 states inside. I bet that brought on some unintentional enlightenment. “It was a misunderstanding,” said Siegfried Reiprich, deputy director of the complex in eastern Berlin, on Wednesday. I’m sure he was hoping that he wouldn’t be fired over the mixup. Realizing they were trapped, the group called the federal Chancellery late on Tuesday and urgently requested to be let out.  About half an hour later the officials were freed from the complex where political opponents of the East German regime were once interrogated by their captors. I wish some of our politicians would “accidentally” get locked away. Then just don’t answer the phone. Anybody up for a trip to Alcatraz?

 BRITISH MAN HAS BARE BUTT POSTERED AROUND TOWN

 Pasha Cummings of Seaford, England is the latest victim of the fury of a woman scorned. According to his recently exited wife, Carol, he had been cheating on her and she decided to get even. She had 200 posters of him printed and then posted all over town on lampposts, bus stops, and walls that shows him and his bare butt posing at a barbeque. I have to admit, that would be something that should come under a blight law. Beneath the ‘glamour shot’, the posters read: ‘Pasha Cummings: lying, cheating, two-timing arse! Sandra Beckworth is no better.’ Sandra is apparently the “other” woman. Carol exited the country for Cyprus immediately upon distribution of the controversial poster. People have come up with the most creative ways to slander each other lately. Youtube, Ebay, now this. They’re certainly being creative. What ever happened to keeping your dirty laundry behind closed doors.

MAN CLAIMS SEX WITH 1000 CARS

Never buy a used car from this man, “used” being the operative word here. Edward Smith has a sexual attraction for mechanical vehicles. I guess they wouldn’t complain if you’re not very good. Smith, 57, says he first had sex with a car at the age of 15 and has banged out the fenders of more than 1000. He claims he has never been attracted to women or men and cars are just his preference. OK, something went seriously wrong here. I’ve heard of having a passion for your cars but, this is a bit over the top. They even have a name for this: mechaphilia. He is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together through the Internet. Smith, who now lives with his current “girlfriend,” a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, said he has no desire to change his ways. Of course not, all his desire is aimed at this poor VW’s fender. “I’m not sick,” he said, “And I don’t want to hurt anyone.” That, may be a matter of opinion. If the car doesn’t start, does that mean no? Does he consider Herbie the Love Bug porn? This guy would be a riot at a NASCAR rally.

 LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE: