UFO FESTIVAL, PUB HELD HOSTAGE, TRAPPED UNDER A CAR, AND CALIFORNIA FIREBALL

 ROSWELL UFO FESTIVAL

This past week once again brought out UFO believers from everywhere as Roswell, New Mexico held its annual UFO Festival. For those of you that are completely out of touch and have been living in a hole in the ground, Roswell is the site of what is considered this countries most probable crash of a UFO. The news broke on July 8, 1947 and many people at the time admitted having seen the debris including the Army’s own public relations man, Jesse Martel. But of course the feds scrambled to cover up the incident and everyone retracted their previous stories, some say under penalty of treason. Of course many don’t buy the story that it was all a mistake and the crash was actually that of a real “flying saucer.” This has made Roswell famous and annually, alien enthusiasts gather there from all over for the UFO Festival. This actually seems like it would be a lot of fun. There are costume contests for dressing up like an alien, there are workshops on UFO encounters and Government cover-ups. Heck there’s even a rock band called Element 115 with an alien drummer. This is a gathering for anyone and everyone that has anything to do with UFOs and aliens. There’s even a dog alien costume contest. CBS did their morning show from this year’s festival. You can tell it’s in an out of this world time in the old town this week. Now if they could just get the aliens to show up.

 

 

COUPLE BARRICADE THEMSLEVES INSIDE OF PUB

Pray that this doesn’t happen in your favorite tavern. When a devout Christian couple took over a pub and promptly banned swearing, takings plummeted. What were they thinking? But when the brewery decided to kick them out and bring in more tolerant managers, they decided to barricade themselves in. ‘They’re coming o take us away, ha ha.” The couple, named John and Krista Fleming, are holed up in the flat above The King’s Head, in Islington, north London, England until the dispute is settled in court. A patron said: “The new managers are great and it’s back to how it was, a proper pub with atmosphere.” The new landlord said: “They are still there. It’s a very strange situation.” The Brits are too nice. In America we’d have gone in with guns and tear gas and dragged them out saying they were starting a cult.

WOMAN PINNED UNDER CAR FOR TWO DAYS

This is a tale of people paying attention. A very alert postman saved the day in this story so it pays to give him a card at Christmas and keeping your dog leashed up. 91-year-old, Betty Borowski’s mail carrier noticed Tuesday that the previous day’s mail was still in her mailbox, police said. He rang the doorbell and then asked a neighbor whether he had seen Borowski lately. He hadn’t, so they called police. Borowski, who lives alone, became stuck June 29 while looking for her keys; her head apparently got pinned by the axle, Greendale Police Chief Rob Dams said. Note to self: get a broom to fish for keys under car. “She was pretty well wedged in there,” Dams said. “It looks like she crawled under headfirst.” Firefighters lifted the car with a jack and removed Borowski, who was dehydrated and confused. It turned out her keys were in the car door. Note to self: look in door before fishing for keys under car. Note to reader: get to know your mailman, make him your friend.

FIREBALL GIVES A SHOW IN CALIFORNIA

I have to admit, this would have been really cool to see. From the Hollywood Hills to the Nevada state line, people reported seeing a fireball streaking across the sky and appearing to fall toward the San Bernardino Mountains on Tuesday morning. Explanations of the mysterious object were scarce. I just love a mystery. San Bernardino County Fire Dispatch reported receiving dozens of calls related to a fireball moving at high speed in the northwest sky around 10:40 a.m. “We got quite a few reports. It started with a gentlemen in the Lake Arrowhead area reporting a fireball in the Meadow Bay area, and then we started getting calls from all over,” said San Bernardino County dispatch supervisor Tom Barnes. “Fire crews in Barstow and on I-15 near Stateline came up on the radio and reported an object in the sky moving very fast across the northern sky and described it as yellowish green in color with streaks of debris. It looked like it burned up before it hit the ground.” Barnes said the department has “basically determined it was most likely not an aircraft and was probably man-made or a meteor entering the Earth’s atmosphere.” There’s a real difinative answer. “Events like this do happen around the world. But a bright meteor is not something people would usually recognize in the day,” said Lance Benner, a research scientist at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in La Cañada Flintridge. “The eyewitness account suggests it was a small asteroid hitting the atmosphere.” The fact that it was spotted in daylight suggests it could have been farther away than it appeared, Benner said. He said it could have landed several hundred miles away. I still have to admit this would have been something to see. This is the time of year where the earth approaches the Van Allen Belt where meteors are plentiful and watching for shootintg stars is usually quite productive.

HITLER BEHEADED, ANOTHER BRITISH UFO, COPS DON’T NOTICE PATROL CAR GONE, OCTOPUS PORN, AND I MET THE WALRUS

HITLER LOSES HIS HEAD

Well this didn’t last long. Madame Tussaud’s, the famous wax museum has a museum in Berlin, Germany and they just unveiled their new masterpiece, Adolf Hitler.  The presence of the Nazi dictator’s likeness in the new museum led to criticism in German media over recent weeks, but defenders of the replica argued Hitler’s role in German history could not be ignored. The museum, which is near the German capital’s Brandenburg Gate, pledged to portray Hitler without glorifying him, as he would have looked shortly before his 1945 suicide. Well, Adolf didn’t last long. The second visitor they let through the door attacked the wax figure. Stephan Koch, one of the museum employees, said he and a colleague tried unsuccessfully to prevent the man from jumping over a table in front of the figure and damaging it, and said the assailant attacked his colleague. This dude was certainly determined. The man pushed aside the two museum employees and “ripped off the head of the Hitler figure,” police spokesman Uwe Kozelnik said on n-tv television. The wax figure’s assassin said he was just protesting the display. Well, it seems this display just isn’t going to appeal to the public. The museum had produced a likeness of the Nazi leader hunched over a desk in a dimly lit bunker. The figure, unveiled to journalists Thursday, showed Hitler, with deep lines furrowing his forehead, sitting beneath a map of Europe on the wall, monitoring the advance of allied troops from the east and west. I expect the staff will mark this one up as one of their not-so-good ideas. A picture of the wax figure before beheading is below.

BRIT FRIGHTENED BY HOVERING UFO

I had a hard time trying to quit laughing after I read this. It seems in South Wales, England, a man was frightened by an unidentifiable object hovering in the sky near his house. So, he called 999, England’s version of 911. The recording runs as follows: Control Room: “South Wales Police, what’s your emergency?” Caller: “It’s not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there’s a bright stationary object.” Control room: “Right.” Caller: “If you’ve got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It’s been there at least half an hour and it’s still there.” Control: “It’s been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?” Caller: “It’s in the air.” Control: “I will send someone up there now to check it out.” Caller: “OK.” A few minutes later, all became clear in the following exchange between the control room and the police officer sent to the scene. Control: “Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?” Officer: “Yes, it’s the moon. Over.” A South Wales Police spokeswoman said: “It was 100% legitimate. There was no hoax. It was a serious call from a member of the public.” Now that’s what I call a scary UFO.

KID STEALS POLICE CAR, POLICE DON’T NOTICE, TWICE

This has got to be a case of too much coffee and donuts. A 13-year-old with an interest in law enforcement stole a police cruiser and took it out to do some patrolling, according to authorities. Then he did it again. The boy apparently watched someone enter a code to get into the department, then used it to get in and take the keys to the cruiser. Now that’s a smart kid. Residents called police on Sunday to say they’d seen the boy driving a police car. The boy also took the cruiser the previous Sunday and drove it around before returning it to the station. Now, you have to wonder, what were the cops doing all this time since none of the officers noticed it was missing?  All this took place in Dillon, a small South Carolina town near the North Carolina border. The boy’s mother saw him bring the car home both times but didn’t see anything wrong with the joyrides, Police Sgt. Jason Turner said. The boy, who was charged with larceny and second-degree burglary, was not identified because of his age. He remained in Department of Juvenile Justice custody Wednesday. I guess he’s going to learn about law enforcement now. His mother, Patricia Gillespie, was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Ya, think? I’ll bet they’ll be paying attention to this kid now.

THE MAN WITH THE ANIMAL PORN DEFENCE

Ok, here’s one for the books. A man goes on trial in Tasmania, Australia for downloading child porn. He claims it was an accident and got mixed up in his animal porn by accident. He admitted in an Australian court to downloading octopus porn, as well as other images of sexual acts with ponies, tigers and snakes. Octopus porn? Rodney Scott McLagan also plead guilty to possessing child pornography but, his defence lawyer insisted that he had ‘little or no interest’ in the child porn, and only had it on his computer because it had been included in the bulk download of bestiality material. Are you buying this crap yet?  “In respect of the child exploitation material, while there’s a lot of it he only looked at 20 per cent. He searched the internet for the bestiality material but there was no active search for the child exploitation material,” his lawyer David Barclay told the Supreme Court in Hobart, Tasmania. It lines like this that make you hate lawyers. What a load of horse hockey. Barclay added that McLagan sought out the bestiality porn because of a personality disorder, which gave him such low self-esteem that he thought of himself as “some sort of beast.” Well, at least he got that part of it right. I’m just happy that America doesn’t have a monpoly on weirdos.

A LATE MESSAGE FROM JOHN LENNON

If you haven’t seen this, it’s a gem. I’m rminded of the kid in the movie Almost Famous. This was from a 14-year-old kid named Jerry Levitan who snuck into John Lennon’s room and got an interview with John. The profound thing about this video is that the answers Lennon gives still ring true and deep today. I think Lennon would have loved this video. It’s called I Met The Walrus.

NELSON MANDELA NOT TERRORIST, CAT NAPPED FOR DOG, ROCK AND ROLL FUNERALS, BEERS TO GO, AND BASKETBALL TO THE HEAD

 NELSON MANDELA TERRORIST NO MORE

 It seems the American Government has decided to give Nelson Mandela a birthday present. They’re taking him off the terrorist watch list. What idiot put him on there in the first place? Somebody was certainly scraping the bottom of the barrel for a government employee with that one. The former South African President is to be removed from a U.S. terrorism watch list under a bill President Bush signed Tuesday. Finally did something intelligent eh? “He had no place on our government’s terror watch list, and I’m pleased to see this bill finally become law,” said Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts. Ya think? Recognized as a symbol of freedom and equality, Mandela will turn 90 on July 18. Mandela shared the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 with F. W. de Klerk, the South African president and National Party leader who worked with Mandela to end apartheid. Mandela replaced him as president in 1994 and served until 1999. Oh yea, that sounds like terrorism to me. “What it will do is make sure that there aren’t any extra hoops for either a distinguished individual, like former President Mandela, or other members of the African National Congress to get a U.S. visa,” State Department spokesman Tom Casey said.

 

CAT HELD FOR RANSOM FOR DOG 

There are reasons we’re suppossed to keep track of our pets. Take this case for instance. Linda Urioste’s black Labrador was recently picked up by animal control officers and later adopted by Jutta Hollar and her husband. That lab must have been missing for a long time. Hollar learned a couple of weeks later that Urioste had been to the shelter looking for the dog. Hollar says she had considered returning the animal until she met Urioste, who yelled and threatened to sue. That’s when Urioste came up with a plan. Catnapping! A few days later, the couple realized their cat was missing. Police say Urioste left a phone message with the Hollars saying that she had their cat and was willing to trade it for the dog. I can picture it now. Come alone, meet me on the bridge and we’ll make the swap. Police charged Urioste on Saturday with theft and extortion. Oops I guess that backfired. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. She was released from jail on a $6,000 bond.

NEW FUNERAL TRADITION IN AUSTRALIA

I like this idea. I’m going to make my requests now so that when I’m gone. let the party begin. Hymns are being replaced at funerals in one Australian city by popular rock classics like Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell,’ a cemetery manager said Wednesday. Being an old rocker from way back, this idea works for me. At Centennial Park, the largest cemetery and crematorium in the southern city of Adelaide, only two hymns still rank among its top 10 most popular funeral songs: ‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘Abide With Me.’ The dude abides. The Led Zeppelin and AC/DC rock anthems rank outside the top 10, but have gained ground in recent years as more Australians give up traditional Christian hymns.  “Some of the more unusual songs we hear actually work very well within the service because they represent the person’s character,” Centennial Park chief executive Bryan Elliott said. Among other less conventional choices were ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ by the Monty Python comedy team, ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,’ ‘Hit the Road Jack,’ ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ and ‘I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead.’ This is such a better idea than all that wimpering and whining that goes on. Rock on into the afterlife. I’m getting my playlist together.

SOME BEER TO GO 

Now, I have to admit, I’ve needed a beer rather anxiously, but this is a bit over the top. Lynne Rice, 74-years-old, of Norwalk drove her 1988 Cadillac into Joe’s Food Mart and Video on Sunday evening, Los Angeles County sheriff’s Lt. Jenny Ha said. The car plowed about halfway through the store but nobody was injured. Rice got out of the car, walked over to the cooler and pulled out a six-pack of Budweiser beer, said the store owner, who gave only his last name, Awada, to the Long Beach Press-Telegram. “I don’t know how she managed to walk,” Awada said, adding a cashier declined the sale and instead called police. Rice was taken to a hospital for examination because she had a pre-existing medical condition, Ha said. She was also arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence and released on $15,000 bail, authorities said. Awada said the crash destroyed two 6-foot-wide glass panels. Damage was put at about $8,000.

BASKETBALL TO THE HEAD!

HOME DEMOLITION MISTAKE, SKINNY DIPPING, DRUNK SWEDE ROWS HOME, AND PROPELLERMAN

WOMAN’S HOME DEMOLISHED BY MISTAKE

 How would you like to come home to find your home had just been leveled. All of your belongings, everything you owned, now a pile of rubble waiting for the Front-End Loader. That’s what happened to Annie Wilson of Dallas, Texas and she’s been trying to get repaid for it ever since. Jackson State University bought the lot next to hers for potential expansion. Troy Stovall, Vice President of the institution says somebody moved signs with the address and a notice that it belonged to the school onto Wilson’s lot, so the contractor worked at the wrong site. That sounds awfully fishy to me. The 713-square-foot house had been appraised for just over $10,000. That sounds way low for any house these days. The school offered Wilson $8,000 in May which wasn’t even market value. I think they just wanted her out of there. She says someone from the state finance department offered $20,000 on Thursday. Wilson says she should get at least $30,000, because of all the belongings destroyed. Shouldn’t there be insurance involved here? She says those include antique furniture and handmade quilts. If it was an error like the Univeersity claims, then their insurance should be paying this woman. There’s no doubt she should be getting something here.

COUPLE SKINNY DIPPING IN RESERVOIR CONTAMINATES WATER

Now, I don’t know if this is just alarmism or what. I just don’t see how this equates. Ryan Langsdorf, 28, and Ashley Moyer, 23, were found in one of two sections of the Mount Tabor Reservoir at about 3 a.m. Saturday during a spell of unusually hot weather. They were cited for trespassing. The two were swimming in a section of the reservoir that was not being used. Had that section been in use, water bureau officials say they would have had to dump millions of gallons of water from that pool and possibly shut off the reservoir. This is what I don’t get. Why? It’s only two people swimming and they would shut it off, drain it and waste all that water? It’s going to be treated before it hits the homes anyway. This just seems a little over the top to me. They get more comtamination from rain fallout. Earlier this year, millions of gallons of water were dumped when someone put latex paint, a construction cone and hundreds of flyers into the water. Now that I can understand. These are toxic chemicals. Not two people skinny dipping.

 DRUNK SWEDE ROWS HOME

I’m always impressed how people think they can do things that they normally can’t when they’re drunk. Check this out. A drunken 78-year-old Swede stole a dinghy after a night out in the Danish town of Helsingor and tried to row back to Sweden, Danish police said on Monday. When the man discovered he lacked the necessary funds to pay for the ferry from Helsingor to Helsingborg in Sweden on Saturday, he decided to row the five km (three miles) across the strait of Oresund that separates the two. He must have thought he still had a little of that olde viking blood in him. He quickly grew tired and, trusting fortune and the currents along with possibly a couple of norse gods to see him safely home, took a snooze at the bottom of the boat. That’s where Danish police later found him out at sea, still asleep. The strait is one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world. Maybe a couple of those gods were watching over him after all. Police said the owner of the dinghy had decided not to press charges. He probably figures the hangover punished him enough.

THE SUPERHERO OF FEMALE’S DESIRES

There is a new super hero out there and he is called Propellerman. you aren’t going to believe this so I leave it up to the video to speak for itself. Afterwards, follow the links, it gets even weirder.

http://www.mega-bang.com

http://www.propellerman.tv/

 

GAS CRISIS PROSTITUTES, CIRCUS ANIMAL ESCAPE, BUS OF ILL REPUTE, NAKED MANURE BOMBERS, AND SURFING DOGS

GAS CRUNCH HURTING PROSTITUTION

Now it’s official, the rising prices of gas are hurting literally everthing. Even in Nevada where prostitution is legal, the brothels are feeling the pinch. Yes truckers, which are the major customers of these places, aren’t pulling into their favorite truck stops like they used to. This should make a lot of wives happy. Geoffrey Arnold, president of the Nevada Brothel Owners’ Association, said truckers account for up to 75 percent of business at the state’s rural brothels along Interstate 80 and U.S. Highway 95. He said business is down about 19 percent at his two northern Nevada brothels along I-80: Donna’s Ranch in Wells and Donna’s Battle Mountain Ranch. “We’re being affected by the economy like everybody else,” Arnold said. “Times are tougher and truckers have less money to spend. They’re not high-rollers anymore.” Well, they’re not taking this lying down. In response to a 5 percent drop in business, the Shady Lady Ranch along U.S. 95 about 150 miles north of Las Vegas plans to offer $50 gas cards to clients who spend $300 and $100 gas cards to those who spend $500. The brothel also offers special monthly discounts, including an offer of 45 minutes of services for $175 instead of the usual rate of $200. Who’d a thought, discount whore houses. “Anything that has to do with discretionary income is down,” owner Bobbi Davis said. “Instead of spending $500 out here, they might only spend $300. I see it every time they raise gas prices.” Under a promotion at the Moonlite BunnyRanch near Carson City, the first 100 customers who arrive with government stimulus checks receive twice the services for the same regular price. “We’re calling it double your stimulus,” said BunnyRanch owner Dennis Hof. “The brothel industry is having to get more creative just like all consumer products in America. Everybody has got to deal, and we’re doing the same thing.”  Wow, two for ones. Since January, the number of long-haul trucks based in Nevada has dropped by 4,100, or 12 percent, said Paul Eons of the Nevada Motor Transport Association. Arnold predicted the industry would weather the slowdown. “The customers won’t be spending as much, but the brothels will still be there,” he said. “After food, the most important activity, at least for men, is sex. Sex is not going away.” The downturn also has affected brothels by leading to an increase in the number of women seeking jobs as legal prostitutes, Arnold added. As business for escort services and strip clubs goes flat, “more women are interested in joining the industry,” he said. I guess there’s nothing like being able to lie down on the job.

GIRAFFE MASTERMINDS ESCAPE 

 Ever get tired of the same old thing, need a change? Ever want to just bust out and get a change of scenery? Well a Giraffe in Amsterdam, Netherlands thought so. “We suspect that a giraffe kicked open a pen,” Dutch police said in a statement. He wasn’t the only one who made a break for it. Fifteen camels, two zebras, several llamas and pot-bellied pigs also escaped. The grass must have been greener, well, everywhere else. Police spokesman Arnout Aben says the animals wandered in a group through a nearby neighborhood for several hours after their 5:30 a.m. breakout. Lesson learned, during an escape, never stick together. The animals were back at the circus later Monday after being rounded up by police and circus workers. Aben says neighbors fed some of the animals, which he said was a bad idea, but they were tame and nobody was hurt. I’ve always heard Amsterdam residents are very hospitable to tourists. I guess this proves it. Says Aben: “You have to imagine somebody rubbing his eyes first thing in the morning and saying, ‘Am I seeing things or is that 15 camels walking past?'” I would have blamed it on not enough coffee yet.

BUS OF ILL REPUTE COMES TO A COMPLETE STOP

This was such a great idea, hookers on wheels. It’s better than pizza delivery. Unfortunately, Miami Vice don’t agree. The ‘brothel bus’ that detectives said cruised Miami Beach offering lap dances and drinks has taken its last ride, police said on Wednesday. Bummer. Riders were offered oral sex for $100, according to Miami Beach police who impounded the limousine bus and arrested its operator early on Sunday. The sleek black bus cruised the South Beach neighborhood popular among tourists and club-goers, offering rides and unlimited drinks for $40. Unlimited booze? Wow. Aboard, undercover detectives said they found a fully stocked bar and several young women who stripped down to reveal G-strings stuffed with cash and offered to perform sex acts. Suspected operator Christine Morteh, 29, was arrested on charges of offering to commit prostitution, transportation for the purpose of prostitution and operating a business without a license. She was released from jail on $5,000 bond. Well, there’s your problem, no license. Employees and customers also were charged as part of a citywide prostitution crackdown that resulted in 75 arrests. I’m suprprised this wasn’t owned by the “Girls Gone Wild” guy.

 

MANURE BOMBERS FALL IN AND FLEE NAKED

If you don’t believe in Kharma, this story may change your opinion. Two women entered a farm in the northern village of Eberholzen, Germany last Wednesday evening and started to fill the stockings with manure on the pretense of making manure bombs. “One of them slipped into the manure tank, right into the cow muck,” said a spokesman for local police. That couldn’t have been happy. “The other one helped her out. We found their clothes in a field. One seems to have run off completely naked, the other in her underwear.” Police said it was unclear what the women had intended to do with the ‘manure bombs’, but added the incident could be linked to victory celebrations surrounding the Euro 2008 semi-finals on Wednesday, when Germany beat Turkey 3-2. I hope they don’t give Detroit Pistons fans any ideas, since they outlawed octopus’. “The women can get their clothes back from the local police station – unwashed,” the spokesman added. Yea, I bet they rush right back for those.

DOGS HIT THE BEACH AT SURFING COMPETITION

Over the weekend, man’s best friend proved he can hang ten, actualy for dogs it’s 20, with the best of them. It was at the 3rd Annual Loews Surf Dog Competition Over 60 dogs participated while onlookers watche dthe surfing thrills these pooches provided. Check it out.

 

 

 

GEORGE BUSH HONORED, NORTH POLE DRUNK ON LAWNMOWER, OBAMA MONKEY GOD ENDORSEMENT, FAKE COP, AND GOODWILL TREASURE

 PRESIDENT BUSH HONORED

There have been many ways and ideas to honor past Presidents when there terms are over. A reward of sorts for what we think of their service to the nation. If a San Francisco group has its way, there could be the George W. Bush Sewage Plant, according to The New York Times. A group called the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco has been collecting signatures to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant after Bush upon his exit from office next year. This must be a reflection of Bush’s staunch environmental stands. The plan, conceived in a bar, not much of a surprise there, would place a vote on the November ballot to offer “an appropriate honor for a truly unique president,” the group told the Times. Supporters said that they have enough signatures to qualify the measure. It probably only took about an hour. Surely an idea of this quality can’t fail. Whether it is successful or not, the group wants supporters to participate in a “synchronized flush” when the new president is inaugurated on Jan. 20 to send a flood of water toward the plant. Wash away the old, bring in the new.

MAN ARRESTED AT NORTH POLE FOR DRIVING LAWNMOWER DRUNK

I’m not sure how this happens since I didn’t know they had lawns that far north, but in North Pole, Alaska, Wyatt Lewis has been arrested for driving a lawnmower drunk. Alaskan State Troopers received a call early on Sunday complaining of an intoxicated man driving a mower. When they tried to stop him, he led them on a low-speed chase. The chase lasted about 61 metres and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop. I’m betting that was a tough arrest. They said Wyatt Lewis’s blood-alcohol content was 0.18 per cent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 per cent. There’s nothing like drinking and lawnmowing. Is there really grass up there? I thought it was all tundra or something…perpetual ice and snow. Why does someone even own a lawnmower? Driving a lawnmower while drunk qualifies for a driving under the influence charge in the US. Lewis was also charged with failure to stop at the direction of a peace officer. He allegedly led them on a pursuit that covered several lawns. Maybe he was trying to be nice and give his neighbors’ lawns a trim too. Apparently, trying to outrun a cop on a lawnmower is illegal too. Don’t Drink and mow.

 OBAMA PICKS UP DIETY ENDORSEMENT

Politicians like to get endorsements from influential figures, but the gods themselves? A dozen priests have been chanting around a sacred fire in New Dehli as a group of Indians offered prayers to the Hindu monkey god Hanuman to grant victory to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Isn’t this the same God we reported on a couple of weeks ago that the made the head of a college? Apparently he’s getting around. Several dozen people attended the prayers held at a Hanuman temple saying they believed an Obama victory would bring positive change around the world. This takes getting religion on your side to a whole new level. Local businessman Brij Mohan Bhama, who organised the event, said a victory would be good for India and the rest of world “because he stands for change” and would help stem growing “price rises, poverty and terrorism.” “We have heard that he carries a small monkey charm in his pocket. So he is a devotee of Hanuman. That’s why we want to present him with this idol,” he said. Well Barack, now that you’ve got the Monkey God in your corner, what’s next, walking on bananas? 

COP TURNS OUT TO BE PRETENDER

In the town of Gerald, Missouri a police officer was hired that really wasn’t a cop. Bill Jakob, had a badge and a gun, and he told officials he had previously worked as an anti-drug agent in Illinois. He even drove a fully equipped Ford Crown Victoria, which he said was for undercover work. Guess what? He was lying. The 36-year-old man was an unemployed truck driver with a criminal record and had recently filed for bankruptcy. Oops. Big Oops. So big that now the Gerald police force is in deep doo doo. Now this village is confronting allegations that Jakob and other officers mistreated and robbed many of the people they arrested. At least 17 people have sued, and Jakob is in jail awaiting charges. At least he’s off the street now. Doesn’t this mean that everyone he arrested and were convicted had a mistrial.Complaints about Jakob’s rough treatment of suspects led a reporter from the Gasconade County Republican newspaper to ask the sheriff about the new officer. That’s when they discovered he was an imposter. Gerald Mayor Otis Schulte defended Jakob’s hiring, saying: “He had credentials. He had a badge. He had a phone number to call for verification. I don’t know what else we could have done.” Don’t they do background checks?  Maybe a little peek into their own database. You’d think that criminal record might have popped up. It would have saved them lots of grief.

PAINTING LEFT A GOODWILL STORE SELLS FOR BIG MONEY

Somtimes it pays to look through those thrift stores. You never know what might turn up. The Parisian street scene, what was thought to be a piece of junk art, left at a store in Maryland last March along with daily donations of pots, pans, old clock radios and other items, turned out to be a work by Edouard-Leon Cortes, probably from the early 20th century. In other words, a serious collector’s item, a museum piece. The painting, called “Marche aux fleurs” or “Flower Market,” was sold for $40,600 at a Sotheby’s auction a few weeks ago. I guess they missed that one on the Antiques Roadshow. “It could have very easily ended up put in a pile, marked for $20,” says Ursula Villar, marketing and development director for Goodwill Industries of the Chesapeake Inc. Store manager Terri Tonelli said employees asked her to look at the donated painting because they suspected it was valuable. She found the artist’s name on Google and discovered that Cortes was a notable French Impressionist whose work had sold at auction for prices near $60,000. You gotta love google. If the owner of the painting wants the money, too bad. You blew it.  Goodwill says it doesn’t keep track of donors. Donations, meanwhile, are gifts that are considered legal and final transactions. Look at the bright side, it went to a good cause. It pays to pay attention to what you’re throwing away.

BILL CLINTON MAY JOIN OBAMA, KIDS PROTEST GAS, MUNICH TRAGEDY, GOD BUSTED, AND SHAQ RAPS KOBE VIDEO

BILL CLINTON MAY BE JOINING BARACKAPALOOZA

Well, the Democratic Party may actually be beginning to find itself on the same page. In an announcement today, Bill Clinton’s people communicated to Obama’s people that he might be willing to help where he can to get Obama elected.  Obama and Hillary Clinton are to appear thi weekend in New Hampshire for the beginning of a series of appearances which will be akin to the Barack and Hillary roadshow. Actually this may be a glimpse into the future if Obama is smart enough to choose Hillary Rodham Clinton as his running mate. But then again, I don’t think smart is how  would term anything about all of the campaigns so far. Though the Democrats seem to have the upper hand, it’s stil a long way to November. It is not certain when the former president will join the tour, but hopefully he will bring his saxaphone a long for some light entertainment. It could become a YouTube hit.  Obama spokesman Bill Burton said the 42nd president came up in a phone call between Obama and Hillary Clinton on Sunday. They talked about how Obama should connect with Bill Clinton in the future, Burton said. Bill Clinton extended his support to Obama for the first time Tuesday in a one-sentence statement from spokesman Matt McKenna. “President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next president of the United States,” McKenna said.It’s not clear what Obama might ask him to do. The campaign wasn’t specific when asked. “A unified Democratic Party is going to be a powerful force for change this year and we’re confident President Clinton will play a big role in that,” was all Burton would say. Of course not everything is all rosie and happy. Obama’s wife has some pretty strong feelings about the former president. Michelle said of the former president in an interview with The New Yorker magazine, “I want to rip his eyes out!” before adding, “Kidding!” That’s rather strong for a joke. As you can see this team-up for Barackapalooza should be about as entertaining as putting Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse in the same room and telling them there’s no booze. It just doesn’t work. The in-fighting between these four will be hard to forget and I really don’t believe that it’s water under the bridge. In public all smiles, backstage Fleetwood Mac. We’ll see how long this lasts.

KIDS PROTEST GAS PRICES, SET EXAMPLE FOR ADULTS

Everybody is complaining, but nobody is doing anything about it. Gas Prices are too high. So are you just going to take it lying down? Sadie and Pyper Vance from Salt Lake City, Utah have had just about enough of high gas prices. The sisters are still years away from being old enough to drive, but that doesn’t mean the $4 per gallon price tag isn’t hitting them as hard as anyone else. Cable TV was one of the family’s budget-cutting casualties, leaving Sadie, 9, and her 7-year-old sister without their favorite cartoons and shows. Ouch, no cable. Well they didn’t take it lying down like everyone else has. No, they decided to protest. “Gas prices are too high,” Sadie said. “I just decided to come and protest so they’d go down.” That’s the American way. The girls marched through downtown Monday chanting and carrying signs made from old campaign signs. “All of my mom’s monny goes to the gas tank!” Pyper’s sign read. Sadie carried a sign asking drivers to honk to lower gas prices — adding that her mom had to cut “cabel.” They received some shows of support, but no one actually joined in which I think is a no brainer. “I think it’s great,” said Hamid Tayeb, who was walking past on his lunch break. “It’s unfortunate that kids are doing it before we do.” Yea, I do too. Where’s your sign? Where’s your protest? We could all learn a thing or two from these kids.

HORRIBLE TRAGEDY IN MUNICH

I am officially in mourning. I will be wearing black for the next week. A terrible tragedy occurred in Munich, Germany, a load of beer crashed on the highway creating a small beer lake. I’ve lowered my flag to half-mast. I mean we’re talking 200 crates! German beer, this isn’t Bud Light here. Munich police say the truck was transporting the beer from the Bavarian capital to a neighboring town Monday evening when siding on the truck’s trailers broke. I think the driver should be prosecuted for alcohol abuse. He didn’t take proper precautions to protect this precious shipment. The brewery suffered losses of some 10,000 Euro in the beer tragedy. Bottles crashed onto the highway flooding it with foamy wheat beer and disrupting traffic for 90 minutes. My hands are shaking, I can’t write about it any more. There may even be tears.

GOD BUSTED SELLING DRUGS NEAR CHURCH

It’s a sad day, God has been busted selling cocaine near a church in Tampa, Florida. It appears he may be spending quite a stint in jail. God Lucky Howard was taken into custody Saturday after police said he sold cocaine to undercover detectives within 1,000 feet of a church. God’s luck ran out. He’ll be the one praying now. Police also reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale at his home. Praying hard. Howard was charged with several counts of possession and distribution within 1,000 feet of a school, public housing and the church. God Not-so- Lucky Howard is being held on a bond of $86,500. Get your friends to pass the collection plate. In case you were wondering, a picture of God is below.

 

 

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL TEARS KOBE BRYANT UP IN A NIGHTCLUB RAP

I don’t know which one is worse Shaq or Kobe. Their arrogance is incredible. This video shot over the weekend has Shaq rapping and asking Kobe how his ass tastes. Great. This is just what we need from our star athletes. It appears from the video that Kobe gave Shaq a hard time in LA and was intrumental in his leaving. Like we didn’t know that. Well Shaq has taken glee in Kobe and the Lakers’ self destruction and lets the world know in the rap below. “I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever,” O’Neal told ESPN.com Monday. A call to the Suns on Tuesday seeking comment from O’Neal was referred to his public relations firm, which didn’t immediately respond.