Archive for britian

TRAFFIC TICKET SURCHARGE, WEDDING BELL BRAWLS, CONTROLLING WEATHER, PYTHON GUARD SNAKE, AND HULA HOOP ANNIVERSARY

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 19, 2008 by mclassen

 POLICE PAYING FOR GAS THROUGH TRAFFIC TICKETS

The police have found a way to add insult to injury. Are you ready for this? They’re going to tack on a surcharge to your traffic tickets to help pay for the gas. I thought my taxes already did that. Now they’re going to get us coming and going. That’s exactly what they’re doing in Holly Springs, Georgia and if this works, it won’t be long and others will follow their shining example. Drivers caught speeding in this north Atlanta suburb soon will have to pay an extra $12 – to cover $4-a-gallon gas costs for the police officers who stop them. The City Council passed the fee hike, effective July 1, to offset fuel prices that have eaten up nearly 60% of the police department’s 2008 fuel budget, Police Chief Ken Ball says. I suppose all those frivilous stops at the donut shop don’t mean anything do they? He expects the fee increase, which applies to all moving violations and can be rescinded if gas prices fall below $3 a gallon, to generate $19,500 to $26,000 a year for the town of 7,700. Ball says he was seeking ways to maintain patrols despite record high gas prices. “I was hearing that Delta Air Lines, pizza deliverers, florists were adding fuel charges to their services, and I thought, why not police departments?” he says. Well, unlike those commercial businesses, police departments are tax funded so they are suppossed to stay within their budgets. Other cities could follow. Ball says he’s being “inundated” by calls from police chiefs and city managers. “I’ve heard from at least a dozen police chiefs and half a dozen city managers,” he says of the measure passed Monday night. “They want to know how we did it, and could we send them a copy of the ordinance.” See, I said this would spread like a bad virus. Tell me this isn’t going to make them work for their ticket quotas. I can see now how they will be telling the car patrols to make sure they hand out enough to cover their costs. “Get out there, be safe and bring in lots of money. 

Policeman and motorists

WHEN WEDDINGS GO BAD

This reminds me of the old westerns where someone throws one puch and then everybody gets in on the act.In Newburgh, New York, a dispute over a camera at a wedding party turned into a 100-person melee which spilled into the parking lot outside of the Ramada Inn where it was being held. Two people were treated at a hospital afterward for stab wounds including the disc jockey who was stabbed in the back of the neck. Tough gig, you should’ve played better music. Another man received treatment after being punched in the face. Cops from the Town and the City of Newburgh, New Windsor, Montgomery, Walden and state police responded, and Talarico says it took nearly two hours for police to restore order. “It just kept going on and on,” said Town of Newburgh Police Sgt. Peter Talarico. “It was a wedding party gone bad.” Cops say they broke up over 30 individual fights among the party guests, and arrested six people at the end of the night. Talarico said there will be no further investigation, because no one at the scene was cooperating with police. It doesn’t sound like they were even cooperating with themselves. Well this is interesting kharma for starting out your new life together. I’d hate to be there at the divorce.

 CONTROLLING WEATHER – BAD IDEA

It’s a holiday in Russia. Rain would be a no-no and would put a damper on all the festivities. What do you do? Let’s make it rain now so we get a nice day for the holiday. Right? Well, “A pack of cement used in creating … good weather in the capital region … failed to pulverize completely at high altitude and fell on the roof of a house, making a hole about 80-100cm,” police in Naro-Fominsk told agency RIA-Novosti. Oops, guess we screwed up with that one. Ahead of major public holidays the Russian Air Force often dispatches up to 12 cargo planes carrying loads of silver iodide, liquid nitrogen and cement powder to seed clouds above Moscow and empty the skies of moisture. Ok, doesn’t this mean that immediately thereafter it’s raining cement? Now it’s raining bags of cement.  June 12 was Russia Day, a patriotic holiday celebrating the country’s independence after the break-up of the Soviet Union. Stick to fireworks and hope for the best like we do. Cement? Bad idea.

PYTHONS MAKE BAD GUARD DOGS

“Sick ’em” deos not work for a snake. In Bridgeport, England, police were called when they received a report that Victor Rodriquez was threatening his girlfriend with a reptile. Is there such a thing as assault with a reptile?  Police Lt. James Viadero says that when the building superintendent opened the apartment door for the officers, Rodriguez allegedly threatened them with the snake and told it to “Get them!” The snake apparently saw no value in this since there was no live mice involved. Rodriguez and his pet were both taken away, Rodriguez to jail on a $10,000 bond, and the albino python to the city’s animal control shelter. They are no charges pending against the snake since he went quietly and refused to be an accomplice.

HULA HOOPS TURN 50

June 18 was the 50th anniversary on one of the funnest and most frustrating toys ever invented, the HUla Hoop. Those who learned to do it well were the envy of all those like me that threw our backs out of joint trying. I felt that my back and the hula hoop deserved this recognition.

TEACHER STRIPS FOR CLASS, ARMPIT SNIFFER CAPTURE, AIRLINE BOMB HOAX, THE GAS MEN, AND 1780 SHIPWRECK DISCOVERY

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2008 by mclassen

TEACHER STRIPS FOR HIS SCHOOL CLASS

This is a story not for the faint of heart. A teacher in Suffolk, England decided on a rather unorthadox way of getting his class of 13 and 14 year olds to stop being unruly. He decided to threaten them with a striptease. A pupil at the school said: “Kids were playing up in class and his way of dealing with it was to tell everyone to be quiet or he would take his shirt off and show his man boobs. He was quite overweight and it was a sight that nobody really wanted to see. Everyone thought he was joking and people carried on messing around, but then he really did take his shirt off. It was quite shocking but pupils thought it was hilarious.” Another added: “It was hilarious. People were goading him saying ‘I bet you haven’t got muscles’. He told us all ‘I’ll show you’ and started taking off his shirt. We all thought he was pretending but he took his shirt off and started flexing his muscles. Then he said: ‘Look, I told you.’ He put his shirt back on but he was still buttoning it up when he was teaching. Everyone was killing themselves laughing.” Well this sad tale doesn’t stop here. Oh, no. One of the students recorded it all on his cellphone and then uploaded it to YouTube. Yes, folks there’s a video for all of this. It has since been removed from YouTube probably due to the public embarrassment it’s caused. Will Theobald, 17, who posted the clip on YouTube, said: “About a quarter of the students had the clip on their phone. Everyone called him Gimli after the character in Lord of the Rings. I don’t know what he was thinking. You can’t do stuff like that and get away with it.” Apparently not in this day and age. The teacher has remained unnamed and he has not been allowed to teach at any of the British schools since. At this point, I’d be suprised if he even pokes his head out his own door. Below are some photos of the incident. This requires a bit of a strong stomach. Most of these pictures would fall under most community’s blight laws. But, here on the internet, I live for this kind of absurdity.

stripper teacher

teacher stripped

stripping teacher

stripping teacher

MAN GETS HARD TIME FOR ARMPIT SNIFFING

Never ever do anything wrong in Singapore. These people have no sense of humor for it whatsoever. A man would lurk about waiting in landings and staircases for the opportunity to sniff the armpits of women. Where does that get fun? Police were finally able to catch the bugger and he has been sentenced to 14 years and 18 lashes with a cane. Holy harsh sentences Batman. The judge believed he was mentally deranged and would repeat his offenses.  Not after that kind of punishment.

LATE AIRLINE PASSENGER CALLS IN BOMB HOAX

Never try this. It doesn’t work. A journalist from Germany was late for his plane taking off. He was covering the European football championship and called from his mobile phone to annonymously say there was a bomb on the flight from the Italian city of Verona to Vienna. Bad Idea, really bad idea. He then showed up late for the Air Dolomiti flight and said he had heard the flight was no longer preparing for take off. Open mouth insert foot. Since this hadn’t been  made public, he became the prime suspect. A check of his mobile phone confirmed police suspicions and he was arrested. He did succeed in delaying the plane though.  He wasn’t aboard when it took off.

 WHO ARE THE GAS MEN?

Like heroes out of nowhere they show up. No one knows who they are but they are handing out $100 bills at gas pumps. The unknown duo were dressed in sunglasses, baseball caps, khakis and matching green golf shirts when they gave Gayle Kilburn a $100 bill on Thursday as she filled up her car at a Citgo in Plainville, Connecticutt. Well, they aren’t wearing capes and tights…yet. They also handed her a card that read “Re-Fueling Our Community” and was signed “The Gas Men.” Mysterious and strange, and I wish they’d find me. Five or six other people have also beem paid a visit by The Gas Men. You gotta love superheroes, especially when they have cash.

REVOLUTIONARY WAR SHIPWRECK FOUND – INTACT!

For those of you that don’t live on the Great Lakes, here is a quick piece of perspective. When there is a storm on the lakes, they can produce hurricane force winds, no joke. I live on Lake Superior, I know. That’s what makes this discovery so amazing. A pair of shipwreck hunters have found a lost British schooner, HMS Ontario, from the 1780’s completely intact. The masts of this British warship are still standing tall, some of the windows are still in it, cannons are still in place. The ship was lost in a gale on Lake Ontario and two explorers, Jim Kennard and Dan Scoville, who have been hunting for it for years have finally seen the fruits of their labors. More importantly this has got to be the best preserved wreck in the Great Lakes and it solves one of the biggest mysteries of the lakes. It is an amazing find by any standards. To learn more about this, go here: http://www.shipwreckworld.com/story/shipwreck-explorers-discover-1780-british-warship-in-lake-ontario.aspx There are some amazing pictures along with the history and the complete story of the discovery. It is well worth the read.

This handout image from video released Friday, June 13, 2008 ...

Starboard side of the HMS Ontario, released June 13, 2008

AIR FORCE ERRORS, GATOR GOLF WATER HAZARD, BIGFOOT REWARD, AND BIG BOOBS – WORLD RECORD

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2008 by mclassen

AIR FORCE OFFICIALS RESIGN OVER STUPID MISTAKES

Defense officials who spoke on condition of anonymity said that Defense Secretary Robert Gates asked Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Michael Moseley and Air Force Secretary Michael Wynne to step down. And for good reasons. We’re talking some real screw-ups here. In August, for instance, a B-52 bomber was mistakenly armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles and flown across the country. The pilot and crew were unaware they had nuclear arms aboard. The error was considered so grave that President Bush was quickly informed, who was probably off doddering in a corner reading a Dick and Jane book. Next, four cone-shaped electrical fuses used in intercontinental ballistic missile warheads were shipped to the Taiwanese instead of the helicopter batteries they had ordered. Oops, guess that was wrong. Whatever happened to competence in the armed forces? The fuses originated at F.E. Warren Air Force Base in Cheyenne, Wyoming, but the mix-up apparently occurred after the parts were shipped to Hill Air Force Base in Utah. On top of this we get a payola scandal. The Pentagon inspector general found in April that a $50 million contract to promote the Thunderbirds aerial stunt team was tainted by improper influence and preferential treatment. No criminal conduct was found. Of course not, can’t have that kind of scandal now can we? Moseley was not singled out for blame, but the investigation laid out a trail of communications from him and other Air Force leaders that eventually influenced the 2005 contract award. Included in that were friendly e-mails between Moseley and an executive in the company that won the bid. Gee sounds pretty fishy to me. Oh well, all’s well now right? Excuse me if I’m sceptical.

 

ALLIGATOR IN THE WATER HAZARD

In Glen Burnie, Maryland, I didn’t know they had gators in MD, an animal control officer has rid a local golf course of a menace. One of the local golfer’s reported seing a two-foot long creature swimming in one of the course’s ponds. Officer Glenn Johnson got out his fishing pole and decided to see if he could snag it and reel it in. Traps had been set but they had no  luck. Johnson did. Thanks to him the Arundel Golf Park is now free of real hazards in their hazards.

 

REWARD OFFERED FOR BIGFOOT

Wanted, $1million reward for indisputable evidence of Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, Abominable Snowman, any of his alias. Yes, there is now a bounty on the head of Bigfoot. In a joint effort, Field and Stream Magazine and Bushnell the binocular maker have put up the reward, offer good until December 15th, void where prohibited by law. This is not a joke, they really have made the offer. The also have stipulated that they are not responsible for any injuries incurred in this endeavor. They have to cover their bases. They will pay the million to anyone who can “provide an unaltered photograph/video, verified and substantiated by a panel of scientific experts, including a zoologist and biologist, the evidence required to prove a Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti exists.” Driver’s, start your engines. Maybe a good place to start would be HERE!

WORLD’S BIGGEST BREASTS – GUINESS SAYS SO

Or maybe you’ll say so after few Guiness’ but it’s true Miss Mounds is the winner. The Guiness Book of World Records recently opened a catagory for largest breasts with implants. The winner is pictured below. Her picture before aumentation is also displayed for comaparison purposes. She suppossedly measures 36mmm. I don’t see where they get the 36 unless they mean 36 ft. Maxi Mounds is a lap dancer from Florida, can she fit on a lap like that? “I contacted Guinness World Records and asked if they had a category for implants, but they said no, so I let it go,” she said. “Then they asked me if I was interested as they were creating a category. Eventually they told me I won. I had the old-style silicone imp­lants, but then came all the scare stories, so I had them replaced with overfilled saline.” But her chest began to sag, so she had tubes put in her armpits so she could be firmed up. In 2000, she had her implants ­removed and the pockets filled with plastic string, a procedure which has been banned.  Couldn’t that be considered breast abuse? A solution was injected to make the breasts produce fluid and ‘inflate,’ but they kept on growing. Now she’s famous at strip joints everyhwere. Her name is in lights and she finally has a gimmick that places can up the cover charge. Jiggle on Maxi. Jiggle on.

Breasts

Maxi when she was Mini

Breasts

SHAKESPEARE’S CURSE, HARD ROCK BEAR, SHARON STONE, NUDE MAID, AND MILLION DOLLAR TOY

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2008 by mclassen

 SHAKESPEARE’S CURSE

Old Bill Shakespeare may have taken himself too seriously. He laid a curse on his own grave in an effort to keep himself from being dug up. It’s said he penned it himself. He probably didn’t want to turn up as Yorick’s skull in Hamlet. The curse goes like this and is placed at the head of his grave: “Blest be the man that spares these stones, And curst be he that moves my bones.” Which brings us to the current problem. The old bard’s grave needs rennovation. The stones above his grave have started flaking from four hundred years of traffic in the Holy Trinity Church in Stratford-Upon-Avon. A work order has been issued that says “fix the stones but don’t touch the bones. “We’re avoiding the curse,” said Josephine Walker, a spokeswoman for the Friends of Shakespeare’s Church group. “We are not lifting the stones, we are not looking underneath, and the curse is for the bones underneath, so the curse is irrelevant for this work.” “It’s our wish that we conserve this without anyone knowing we were there,” said architect Ian Stainburn, who is working on the project. “We want to conserve it as it is and slow down the natural process of decay but we don’t want to recut it. It’s really a challenge.” I bet it is, especially if you’re trying not to anger a ghost. I can see where it would be difficult to work with a ghost quoting olde English pentameter at you all day. “We get 100,000 tourists a year, but they don’t walk on the stones,” Walker said. “But the clergy have to when they give communion, and the stones are flaking away, the surfaces are coming off. Shakespeare was baptised in the church in1564. Hopefully things will go well and Shakespeare will remain where he is, but then again, it might be interesting having William wandering around. “Bubble, Bubble, toil and trouble…”

 

BEAR VACATIONS AT HARD ROCK HOTEL

At Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida, a black bear was seen taking a dip in the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel. Bears like to vacation too.  A security guard called police when he spotted the bear on one of his video monitors. I guess the bear didn’t have a reservation. The animal then proceeded to roam the grounds sight-seeing and in general enjoying himself. There’s no report on how he rated the hotel pool or the service. The hotel has not been evacuated and the black bear is still vacationing somewhere in the vicinity. Maybe he went to see if he could catch a couple of the rides. It’s the off season in Florida and he shouldn’t have to wait in line too long.

 SHARON STONE PRIS?

Has anyone noticed how Sharon Stone looks like the Darryl Hannah character, Pris the psychotic android from Blade Runner? Why would anyone look like that on purpose? That’s karma Sharon!

Sharon Stone Banned From China

NUDE MAID CLEANS OUT HOUSE

 I know it’s hard to believe but once in a while, when you get something off the internet, it just might be a scam. Hmm, imagine that. That’s what happened to a man in Tampa, Florida. His wife was away, so he thought he’d play. He hired a maid off a website that would come to his house and clean it in the nude. She cost $100 an hour. Sheriff’s office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean. It appears he had only hired her for the show. When his wife returned home, she discovered $40,000 worth of jewelry had run off with the maid. I bet he’s in some deep do-do. Some guys you just can’t leave by themselves.

PERSIAN RELIC FOUND IN SHOE BOX

If you have an old shoe box under your bed, check it. You might get lucky. That’s what happened to John Webber. He remembered and old cup his grandfather gave him to play with when he was a kid and decided to see if it was worth something. The first estimates are placing the value of his childhood toy at a cool million dollars. He assumed the golden cup, which is decorated with the heads of two women facing in opposite directions, their foreheads garlanded with two knotted snakes, was made from brass. But he decided to get it valued when he was moving last year and was told it was actually a rare piece of ancient Persian treasure, beaten out of a single sheet of gold hundreds of years before the birth of Jesus Christ. That’s better than a winning lottery ticket. Webber is from England and the “toy” will go up for auction in June at Duke’s in Dorchester. Webber, 70, said that his grandfather had a “good eye” for antiques and picked up “all sorts” as he plied his trade in the town of Taunton in south-west England. “Heaven knows where he got this, he never said,” he added, revealing that as a child, he used the cup for target practice with his air gun. That was an expensive target.

Handout images showing the front and side views of a gold cup ...

JOHN MCCAIN, DOGGY BEER, SPITTING DEATH, DONKEY JAILED, AND SPORK ART

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2008 by mclassen

 DOES JOHN MCCAIN BELONG IN AN OLD FOLKS HOME?

During election years we brook a lot of babbling. This year’s clueless award goes to John McCain. This guy is starting to make me think he has Alzheimer’s. Maybe he just stands out in the Arizona sun too long.  Yes he’s got experience and has been around the Washington scene for ages, but that just may be the problem. It’s beginning to appear as if he’s been there too long. Judging from this video, it’s a miracle he can function as a Senator, let alone run the country. Over the weekend Mike Huckabee announced that he’d like to be McCain’s running mate. I bet he would. Maybe he sees what I see, a doddering old man that can’t keep anything straight. Maybe he hopes McCain will overdose on viagra trying to keep up with his younger wife and then get the job by default. If this is the best the Republicans have to offer they need to hang it up altogether. At least Obama and Clinton are entertaining. McCain’s just senile. 

LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

 

DOGGY BEER

An australian compny has come up with a brew for your dog. Don’t taste test this for the dog, it’s beef flavored. Dog Beer, or DB, was designed by Sydney pet supplies store owner Elise Schumacher.  “I have drunk it. It tastes like beef and smells like beer.” OK, it’s not something that I’m putting high on my list. Though, it can’t be worse than Bud Light. She claims to have sold hundreds of them and it is a booming product in her pet store claiming real beer isn’t good for dogs. Her version has no alcohol so you won’t be able to get your dog drunk. That’s no fun. Half the fun of letting him drink beer is to watch him wobble.

MAN SPITS TO HIS DEATH

And the nominee is: After returning to their hotel from visiting the disco district of the Swiss town of Cadempino, a 29-year old man and his friend decided to have a spitting contest. They wanted to see who could spit the farthest from their balcony. The 29-year old came to the hair-brained conclusion he needed to get a running start to get some extra distance. He didn’t stop in time and plunged off the balcony to the street below. He wins! His dying at the hopital officially qualifies him for the coveted Darwin Award. None of the names have been released probably due to embarrassment.

 DONKEY THROWN IN SLAM FOR ASSAULT AND BATTERY

In Tuxtla Gutierrez, Mexico, a donkey has been thrown in jail for assault! The ass ended up in the drunk tank after it bit and kicked two people. Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its owner agrees to pay the men’s medical bills. “Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed,” Gomez said, “no matter who they are.” Actually I think a donkey is more of a what than a who. The owner, Mauro Gutierrez said he would try to reach a friendly arrangement to pay the men’s bills, estimated at $420. The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle. What I want to know is what did they do to make it so angry, feed it tequila. It would explain the drunk tank.”All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid,” Hernandez said. Yep, sounds like tequila. Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged burro. Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March. I bet they had a tough time getting that one in a cell. In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. It appears the local cops spend more time chasing livestock than they do real offenders. At least it cures the hot meals problem.

ART FROM PLASTIC CUTLERY

I have to admit, I’ve never looked at a spork and thought, could I turn this into a bug. Now I do admit I’ve looked for bugs where I picked up the spork. 70-year-old Peter Rush makes bug art out of plastic cutlery.  The overhead is cheap, he grabs a handful everytime he goes to McDonalds’s and then heats them up, shapes them into what he wants and then paints them. Voila, bug art. “It started a few years ago, when I turned up to do a workshop with children on endangered species,” he said, “I had forgotten my materials but noticed the plastic spoon in my tea was bending. I made a stag beetle from it and it proved a great success so, after that, I started making other insects.” Rush is from Dorset, England and he has quite a collection of his homemade, plastic creepy crawlers. Certainly art is in the eye of the beholder. Spork art, go figure.

cutlery insects