Archive for British

PRE-SCHOOLER SHOOTS BEAVERS, 2009 YEAR OF… And MALDEN MUD RACE

Posted in Animals, Culture, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Sports, Thoughts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2009 by mclassen

4 YEAR-OLD HUNTS BEAVERS

Who says babysitting isn’t dangerous. Just ask the Beavers of Jackson, Ohio, Nathan Beavers that is. Nathan was babysitting with some friends when he accidentally stepped on the foot of a four-year-old. The rug rat got so mad that he went into a closet in the bedroom and pulled out a shotgun.  He then proceeded to shoot Nathan with it. I bet this won’t sit well on his resume.  “Done some babysitting in the past but was shot by pre-schooler.” Beavers was hospitalized with minor pellet wounds to his arm and side. Let this be a lesson, next time you volunteer to babysit, make sure you know where the weapons are.

2009, ALL THIS AND MORE

Let me see, why am I humming the words to Aquarius? “Peace will guide the planets and love will rule the stars ” Oh yea, 2009 has been officially designated the International Year of Astronomy, the International Year of Reconciliation… and the International Year of Natural Fibres. So this means we’ll have peace while watching the planets orbit, but we don’t want people getting naked like they did in the sixties so lets make sure we have clothes in there and oh, by the way, we’ll call it “natural fibres” so it’s sounds more politically correct and environmentally sound. Who comes up with this crap. I bet somebody got paid to legislate this.

BRITISH MUD RACE

Apparently mud slinging in Parliament wasn’t enough for these Brits. They decided to start their year out right by going for a wallow in an Essex mudhole. Officially dubbed the “Annual Malden Mud Race,” this bit of winter insanity entails getting dressed up in strange costumes and then trying to race from one side of the mudhole to the other. I expect large quantities of alcohol are mandatory for this. Some 250 people braved sub-zero temperatures to scramble through 365m (1,200ft) of stinking mud. Stink is an understatement. “I work just around the corner from it, it stinks because of the bilge dropped out by ships basically sits on top of the mud (and I guess mixes) when the tide goes out,”  says Dave B, Chelmsford, of Essex. Lovely, makes you want to meet up these these guys at the pub afterwards. “That was hard. It was freezing out there. The mud got deep and I just had to crawl,” said 23-year-old Vicki Sharman, the first woman to cross the finish line. The race, dubbed “the best hangover cure known,” has been a firm fixture on the River Blackwater in Essex since the 1970s, raising thousands of pounds for charity. That’s one batch of cash that probably needs laundering afterwards. This years event was attended by 10,000 smarter people as they were only spectators.

Mud race

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MARTHA STEWART FAIL, CHOPPER UFO CHASE, WOODEN ELECTRIC CAR, WEIRDO IN THE COUCH, ROBOT GIRLFRIENDS, TRONS, AND STAR WARS DANCERS

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2008 by mclassen

 MARTHA STEWART BANNED, DENIED, NO GO TO BRITAIN

Ah the old ghost comes back to haunt. The Queen of whatever it is she does, Martha Stewart, has seen the old ghost of her past rise before her eyes once again. The woman who had no life and made a carreer out of it is visiting Poland where they are launching a version of her “Martha Stewart Living” magazine in Polish. She thought she’d stop by the British Isles on her way home. Wrong, fail, not going to happen. Apparently, the British powers that be don’t appreciate her prison record and have denied her a visa  to enter the country. I guess she won’t be showing the queen how to make paper flowers this time around.  “Martha loves England; the country and English culture are near and dear to her heart,” said Charles Koppelman, chairman of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. “She has engagements with English companies and business leaders and hopes this can be resolved so that she will be able to visit soon.” I guess they will just have to come to her back in the good old U.S. of A. A British spokeswoman, however, refused to comment about Stewart’s entry to Britain, but added: “We continue to oppose the entry to the U.K. of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public good or where they have been found guilty of serious criminal offenses abroad.” Ouch. That’s going to leave a mark. Now for those of you that have been living under the proverbial rock here’s a recap. In 2004, Stewart was convicted in federal court of conspiracy, obstruction of justice and making false statements related to a personal sale of ImClone Systems Inc. stock. She got a five-month prison sentence, and also served an additional five months and three weeks of home confinement. Well, Martha, I guess it sucks for you. Welcome back to the real world where we all live with our mistakes. No crumpets for you.

Martha Stewart

 

HELICOPTER PURSUES UFO

In England a police helicopter spotted a flying saucer and decided to give chase. If UFOs can outrun a jet, did the police really think they had a chance in a chopper? The mystery aircraft zoomed straight at the chopper as the three-man cop crew prepared to land. Tag, you’re it. The pilot was forced to bank sharply to avoid being hit by the mystery aircraft as the helicopter was returning to the Ministry of Defence base of St Athan, near Cardiff. Maybe it was another of those infamous secret experimental military aircraft. The three crew described the UFO as ‘flying saucer-shaped’. They gave chase, getting as far as the North Devon coast before they ran low on fuel. “They are convinced it was a UFO. It sounds far-fetched, but they know what they saw.” Said an unnamed source. Why do these people always refuse to give their name? I don’t know how far-fetched it sounds these days. These things are appearing almost daily. I wish one would land and say “Hi,” but then sombody would probably shoot at it.

WOODEN ELECTRIC CAR UNVEILED

What would Henry Ford think if he saw this? A driver takes a prototype wooden electric car for a spin after it was unveiled in Kyoto, Japan. The buggy, which has bamboo-weave doors, has a range of six miles and can hit 30mph. It kind of reminds me of a golf cart. It would be great for putting around town.

wooden car

WEIRDO HIDES IN COUCH

It is amazing to what extent some people will go through to be weird. Police say a New York man cut a hole in a woman’s couch and hid in the carved-out space until she came home.  Newburgh police said the woman sat on the couch Wednesday evening and felt a bump in the cushions move.  That would be really creepy. She jumped up and David Joe Limones emerged from his hiding place, knocking a cell phone out of her hand. Surprise. A jack-in-box in the couch. The woman was on the phone with a friend when she entered her apartment because she had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and was worried he might be there. She was obviously much smarter than he was. Police said she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong. When officers arrived, they found Limones and the 22-year-old woman arguing on the apartment’s balcony. Hopefully they can put this cat away, but somehow I suspect this will only be temporary fix for this guy.

SEGA ROBOT GIRLFRIEND

Feeling lonely, can’t get a girl, tired of coming home to the hamster. Well Sega has come up with an idea to help you out. It’s a pixie-size robotic girlfriend with a big chest who will kiss on command. Android love baby. The petite lady, known as “EMA” (an acronym for Eternal Maiden Actualization), runs on batteries and will hit stores in September with a price of about $175. It’s a lot cheaper than a real girlfriend. “Strong, tough and battle-ready are some of the words often associated with robots, but we wanted to break that stereotype and provide a robot that’s sweet and interactive,” Sega spokesperson Minako Sakanoue said. “She’s very lovable and though she’s not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend.” Well let’s not carry it too far. She’s only 15 inches high. It’s more like a pucker up Barbie, except she looks like the Joan Rivers android in Spaceballs. When EMA’s sensors detect a nearby human head, she puckers up for a kiss, designers call this her “love mode.” How wonderfully…weird. Well, if nothing else, she suppossedly does a song and dance too. Really, I’m not kidding. EMA should be available by Christmas, batteries not included.

Sega's new Eternal Maiden Actualisation robot enters 'love mode' when a human head gets close. Photo / Reuters

TRONS – ROBOT BAND: I guess we don’t need musicians any more.

 
STAR WARS DANCE-A-THON
 

ROSIE SWALE POPE GLOBAL RUN, ENGAGEMENT INDIGESTION, STOLEN CAR PAROLE REPORT, TERMINATOR PROTOTYPE, AND THE GREAT OFFICE WAR

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2008 by mclassen

ROSIE SWALE POPE HAS NEARLY RUN AROUND THE WORLD! 

Are you ready for an adventure. It’s gratifying to know that there are those out there that can still find it in this modern world. Most of this article was taken directly from the London Times article. I didn’t feel I could improve on it. Enjoy: After making her way alone across some of the world’s most inhospitable terrain, suffering frostbite, double pneumonia and a breast cancer scare, Rosie Swale-Pope, 61, is now believed to be on the verge of becoming the first person both to sail and run around the world. She confirmed last night that she had checked with Guinness World Records, which had said it had no record of anyone having achieved the double feat. As Rosie Swale, she achieved fame in the 1970s as a round-the-world yachtswoman, causing a stir by sailing through the Tropics in the nude. On her latest venture she was nearly swept to her death in a river in Siberia, and almost froze at minus 62C (-79F) in Alaska. On one night she was confronted by a man wielding an axe; on another she was taught by two convicted murderers how to light fires in the rain. But after wearing out 45 pairs of shoes in more than 240 weeks of running, Ms Swale-Pope was delighted to be home. “It’s fantastic to be back on British soil,” she said, adding that she hopes to be back in Tenby, West Wales, on August 25, 1,789 days after she set out in October 2003. “The most important priority now is to run the last 700 or 800 miles, and then to keep honour with this journey by writing a book.” Her latest adventure began on her 57th birthday after the death of her husband from prostate cancer, in an attempt to raise awareness of the disease. After running across Europe, spending two winters in Siberia and crossing the United States, Canada, Greenland and Iceland, she caught a ferry to Scrabster in Scotland that arrived at 5am yesterday. Ms Swale-Pope, who has two children and two grandchildren, carries all her possessions, either in a backpack or a cart, which she pulls by a harness around her waist. Her many marriage proposals were probably from men who fancied the cart, not me, she joked. “I think most of them were simply because I looked strong and handy for hauling logs and things. I had nine in Poland alone.” In the US, where she found a lump in her breast but a biopsy gave her a clean bill of health, her trek caught the public imagination and she received an invitation to speak on The Martha Stewart Show. But her most memorable experiences included seeing the Northern Lights after several days of snow blindness, and being run at by an axe-man one night in Siberia. She recalled: “Suddenly there was a crashing noise and a wild-eyed man burst through the trees running towards me. I decided to stand my ground and before I could do anything he had grabbed me by the shoulder and I was enveloped in a vodka-smelling bear hug. It turned out that he was a woodsman and he was having a vodka party. He turned out to be quite OK, just a little worse for wear.” In Russia, where the Siberian cold cracked all her fillings, she discovered that she had double pneumonia when she was taken to hospital after being hit by a bus. In eastern Siberia a pack of wolves followed her for a week. “I just behaved as if I was the boss. In the end I was grateful for their company.” Despite her arduous journey, Ms Swale-Pope said that she needed no time off and would head for Wales without delay. “The purpose of my journey has been to highlight the preciousness of life,” she said. “I had to do something and this was a small thing really… just putting one foot in front of the other.”

This was a feat I felt that deserved recognition. This is amazing at any age. Congratulations Rosie. Learn more about Rosie at: www.rosiearoundtheworld.co.uk

 

FIANCEE SWALLOWS ENGAGEMENT RING

OK, here’s another bad idea from the chapter on “what I shouldn’t do when I propose.” Chen Lee proposed to his fiancee with a ring hidden in a cake. He thought it would be romantic, original, clever. Not. But Wang Lu, 26, stole a nibble when he wasn’t looking and ate the ring. Oops, fortunately diamonds, don’t digest. “She was quite angry at first and said I was stupid,” said Chen, of Fujian province in China. “But once the doctors had taken the ring out she forgave me and said she would marry me.” Nothing like a little emergency room treatment to up the romance level. Alls well that doesn’t have to be digested. 

MAN REPORTS TO PAROLE OFFICER IN STOLEN CAR

Picture this, you’re out on parole and you have to report to your parole officer. How do you get there? Walk? take a bus? How about a stolen car? Well, that’s what Marcus George of Pine Bluff, Arkansas did. He was released on parole last week on, yep, you guessed it, burglary and theft convictions. George and a friend went to a Pine Bluff dealership, where they took a Toyota on a test drive and didn’t return it. i wonder how long the salesman stood there before he realized he’d been duped? The pair also reportedly stole a Dodge Charger from a dealership in Sherwood, which incidentally was the car George was driving when he showed up to meet with his parole officer in Pine Bluff. At least he had good taste in cars. A charger, cool. George was immediately arrested at the parole office. Not so cool. Oh well, it’s better to keep people that stupid off the streets anyway.

PROTOTYPE FOR A TERMINATOR?

You almost have to wonder, which comes first the chicken or the egg. Particularly in this case. Does science fiction spawn the ideas that become science fact or would we have gotten there anyway and the fiction writer was able to envision the future. It’s an interesting premise, but right now a company called IRobot, famous for having created the household robot sweeper has teamed up with a company called Metal Storm, known for their creation of the million rounds per minute gun, to create a robot that will go in ahead of soldiers and robotically clean out the enemy.  The as yet unnamed war bot is being marketed for “border patrol” and “crowd control” scenarios, although other military situations are also under consideration. Using these things for crowd control is a frightening application. “We want our soldiers to have the option of controlling a robot that could go ahead and investigate, engage or deter an enemy and not put human soldiers at risk,” said a spokesman for Metal Storm who wished to remain anonymous. The Metal Storm/iRobot robot can be equipped with a variety of weapons, from non-lethal rubber bullets to grenade launchers. As many as 12 different Metal Storm weapons can be put onto the iRobot platform at the same time, said a Metal Storm spokesman. Does it say “I’ll be back?” or “Hasta la viesta, baby?” This new war bot will likely soon join the existing ranks of military robots deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan. The U.S. military has used various war bots, from both iRobot and its competitor Foster-Miller, for years, primarily to diffuse bombs and other unexploded ordinances. Next thing you know we’ll be hearing about a new computer system called Skynet. Why am I getting a shiver up my spine?

To see this creation click this link: http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/06/19/terminator-zoom.html

THE GREAT OFFICE WAR

GAY MARRIAGES BOOST TOURISM, TICKLING BANDIT, BORNEO BIGFOOT, AND KIDNAPPED FOR DISHES

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2008 by mclassen

 GAY MARRIAGES BOOST CALIFORNIA TOURISM

Now that California has legalized gay marriage, it has produced an unexpected boon, tourism. Yes, tourism. Because they allow non-resident marriage, same sex couples are flocking to have their relationships legalized. Hundreds of thousands of couples are expected to make the journey from wherever they live to take advantage of the new law. Analysts are calling it a mini-industry. I bet not many saw this coming. Since currently California has a monopoly on this, many businesses there are gearing up for a tourist boom. “Spending by resident same sex couples on their weddings and by out-of-state couples will boost California’s economy by over 683.6 million dollars in direct spending over the next three years,” a UCLA study reported, adding that the new industry would create around 2,100 new jobs. This has to be the only state that is prospering during the current gas crunch. Many cities are advertising themselves as “Gay Friendly” destinations and are offering special honeymoon packages. So, California or Bust, go west young couples, there’s gold in them there hills. This ought to help California’s debt problems.

PRANKSTER BANDIT CAUGHT

This would be more annoying than dangerous. A Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada man, Murray Richmond, was caught for several break-ins. He has been dubbed the “tickling bandit,” but that doesn’t describe half this guys oddities. In one case, a man awoke to find Richmond tickling his feet, and later found his washing machine full of chips and cereal. I wonder if he added dip and milk.  As well, Richmond twice broke into an 80-year-old man’s home, on one occasion saying he would be the man’s “long weekend nurse,” before stealing several items and leaving. Promises, promises, promises. A psychiatric report has reached the obvious conslusion that the man is a pathological liar and is mentally ill. Believe it or not someone gets paid to come up with these conclusions. Now that the world is safe from this merry prankster bandit, folks can sleep easier knowing their feet won’t be tickled in the night. 

BORNEO BIGFOOT

A long time ago there used to be legends about a Wild Man of Borneo. P.T. Barnum had claimed he’d seen it and what he called one on display. It was actually a really hairy unkept bum he’d found and talked into joining his sideshow.  Well now there really may be something to those old Wild man stories. Tan Soon Kuang, a businessman of the Daro district in Borneo has taken photographs of two footprints that local villagers showed him. Suppossedly they measure 47 inches from heel to toe and are 17 inches across. Yes, this is a REALLY bigfoot. This is not something you want to run into on a dark night. Asked when and how he went to the village and took the photos, Tan answered: “I went there last Wednesday, June 11 after I heard about the news. I drove about five minutes from Daro town to the village. Then, I walked on foot along a footpath for quite a few minutes to the place where I met many villagers who were gathered there. Then some villagers pointed to the big footprints. I was shocked to see them and excited as I took those photographs.” On his conversation with the villagers, he said: “When I asked the villagers the first time they discovered the two big footprints, they told me it was June 9. They also told me they now recall that before they came across the footprints, the villagers had, a few months ago felt uncomfortable and sick as if there was something ‘unclean’ in the air. They said they decided to look for a ‘bomoh’ (medicine man) who told them to go to an area, dig a small hole, then build a fence around it.” Nothing like a little native superstition to add to the mystery. Like most weird prints like this, they are being called a hoax, which of course is entirely possible and even likely. Tan is refusing to name the village where he took these citing that he wishes to protect them from the public. How come there’s always something missing in these stories, like proof. 

user posted image r

MAN KIDNAPS EX-GIRLFRIEND FOR MAID SERVICE

A man in Genoa, Italy accosted his ex-girlfriend in a local pub. He shoved her in a car and took her to his house. There she was forced to do the most obscene acts, dishes and ironing. Yes, the man was furious that she had left him, none of the housework was getting done. Police arrived after being tipped off by a friend of the woman’s who had seen her being kidnapped by the man. He was arrested. Now the jail staff will be doing his housework. Mission accomplished, I guess.

PRINCESS EUGENIE HIGH JINKS, NAME CHANGE, BEN STILLER VIRAL VIDEO, AND MARCUS VICK TROUBLE

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2008 by mclassen

PRINCESS EUGENIE CAUGHT RUNNING NAKED AND DRUNK

It seems that teenagers of the British royal monarchy aren’t immune to some wild and crazy college antics. Princess Eugenie, god that’s an awful name, the 18-year-old daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah Ferguson, was apprehended for her involvement in end of term “high jinks” at the exclusive Marlborough College, west of London. Yes they are actually terming it “High Jinks.” Leave it to the Brits. A royal source told the Press Association: “It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that’s the end of the matter.” Not quite. Those of us in the media that find these things endlessly humorous tend to sit back and make sure our readers get to see the fun as well. A college staff member was woken by playful shrieks and found several young women dancing around without clothes. There was no suggestion boys were present or that drugs were involved, but a pupil said the students had been drinking. Nothing like a good college party to pitch the inhibitions. I can see it now, a new video, Princess Gone Wild. Eugenie is suppossed to be attending the Queen’s birthday celebration this weekend. You can bet what the topic of conversation’s going to be. Naked, drunk and in the tabloids, thanks for the birthday present.

Princess Eugenie

 

MAN CHANGES NAME TO “IN GOD WE TRUST.”

Hi, My name is In God, What’s yours? A school bus driver and amateur artist from the Chicago suburb of Zion has legally changed his name to “In God We Trust.” A Lake County circuit court judge approved Steve Kreuscher’s name change petition on Friday. This is one that simply should have been turned down. The man, formerly known as Steve, had his first name changed to “In God,” while his last name was changed to “We Trust.”  He says the new name symbolizes the help God gave him during tough times and says he can’t wait to begin signing his artwork with the new moniker. Wait until he tries to cash a check or sign a credit card slip. Good luck with that. 

BEN STILLER CREATES A VIRAL VIDEO…WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM HIS FRIENDS!

MARCUS VICK IN TROUBLE – I WANNA BE LIKE MIKE

What is it with this family? Does everybody just like the idea of being incarcerated? Now Michael Vick’s younger brother Marcus is in trouble…again. I guess he wants to join his brother on his prison football team since the Miami Dolphins dropped him like a hot potato. Police said a uniformed bicycle patrol officer observed Vick and a female involved in an altercation in a car around 2 a.m. The officer asked if his assistance was needed, then asked Vick for his driver’s license. Police say Vick then sped away, but was stopped minutes later. Vick failed a field sobriety test and was charged with DUI, misdemeanor eluding police, reckless driving, driving on the wrong side of the road and driving on a suspended license. The passenger, Delicia Cordon of Miami, Fla., was charged with being drunk in public. Where does any of this sound fun? Another promising football career shot in the butt, I guess there’s little else. I just don’t get these guys. Both of them had it made and they just threw it away. It doesn’t say much for their IQ.

TEACHER STRIPS FOR CLASS, ARMPIT SNIFFER CAPTURE, AIRLINE BOMB HOAX, THE GAS MEN, AND 1780 SHIPWRECK DISCOVERY

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2008 by mclassen

TEACHER STRIPS FOR HIS SCHOOL CLASS

This is a story not for the faint of heart. A teacher in Suffolk, England decided on a rather unorthadox way of getting his class of 13 and 14 year olds to stop being unruly. He decided to threaten them with a striptease. A pupil at the school said: “Kids were playing up in class and his way of dealing with it was to tell everyone to be quiet or he would take his shirt off and show his man boobs. He was quite overweight and it was a sight that nobody really wanted to see. Everyone thought he was joking and people carried on messing around, but then he really did take his shirt off. It was quite shocking but pupils thought it was hilarious.” Another added: “It was hilarious. People were goading him saying ‘I bet you haven’t got muscles’. He told us all ‘I’ll show you’ and started taking off his shirt. We all thought he was pretending but he took his shirt off and started flexing his muscles. Then he said: ‘Look, I told you.’ He put his shirt back on but he was still buttoning it up when he was teaching. Everyone was killing themselves laughing.” Well this sad tale doesn’t stop here. Oh, no. One of the students recorded it all on his cellphone and then uploaded it to YouTube. Yes, folks there’s a video for all of this. It has since been removed from YouTube probably due to the public embarrassment it’s caused. Will Theobald, 17, who posted the clip on YouTube, said: “About a quarter of the students had the clip on their phone. Everyone called him Gimli after the character in Lord of the Rings. I don’t know what he was thinking. You can’t do stuff like that and get away with it.” Apparently not in this day and age. The teacher has remained unnamed and he has not been allowed to teach at any of the British schools since. At this point, I’d be suprised if he even pokes his head out his own door. Below are some photos of the incident. This requires a bit of a strong stomach. Most of these pictures would fall under most community’s blight laws. But, here on the internet, I live for this kind of absurdity.

stripper teacher

teacher stripped

stripping teacher

stripping teacher

MAN GETS HARD TIME FOR ARMPIT SNIFFING

Never ever do anything wrong in Singapore. These people have no sense of humor for it whatsoever. A man would lurk about waiting in landings and staircases for the opportunity to sniff the armpits of women. Where does that get fun? Police were finally able to catch the bugger and he has been sentenced to 14 years and 18 lashes with a cane. Holy harsh sentences Batman. The judge believed he was mentally deranged and would repeat his offenses.  Not after that kind of punishment.

LATE AIRLINE PASSENGER CALLS IN BOMB HOAX

Never try this. It doesn’t work. A journalist from Germany was late for his plane taking off. He was covering the European football championship and called from his mobile phone to annonymously say there was a bomb on the flight from the Italian city of Verona to Vienna. Bad Idea, really bad idea. He then showed up late for the Air Dolomiti flight and said he had heard the flight was no longer preparing for take off. Open mouth insert foot. Since this hadn’t been  made public, he became the prime suspect. A check of his mobile phone confirmed police suspicions and he was arrested. He did succeed in delaying the plane though.  He wasn’t aboard when it took off.

 WHO ARE THE GAS MEN?

Like heroes out of nowhere they show up. No one knows who they are but they are handing out $100 bills at gas pumps. The unknown duo were dressed in sunglasses, baseball caps, khakis and matching green golf shirts when they gave Gayle Kilburn a $100 bill on Thursday as she filled up her car at a Citgo in Plainville, Connecticutt. Well, they aren’t wearing capes and tights…yet. They also handed her a card that read “Re-Fueling Our Community” and was signed “The Gas Men.” Mysterious and strange, and I wish they’d find me. Five or six other people have also beem paid a visit by The Gas Men. You gotta love superheroes, especially when they have cash.

REVOLUTIONARY WAR SHIPWRECK FOUND – INTACT!

For those of you that don’t live on the Great Lakes, here is a quick piece of perspective. When there is a storm on the lakes, they can produce hurricane force winds, no joke. I live on Lake Superior, I know. That’s what makes this discovery so amazing. A pair of shipwreck hunters have found a lost British schooner, HMS Ontario, from the 1780’s completely intact. The masts of this British warship are still standing tall, some of the windows are still in it, cannons are still in place. The ship was lost in a gale on Lake Ontario and two explorers, Jim Kennard and Dan Scoville, who have been hunting for it for years have finally seen the fruits of their labors. More importantly this has got to be the best preserved wreck in the Great Lakes and it solves one of the biggest mysteries of the lakes. It is an amazing find by any standards. To learn more about this, go here: http://www.shipwreckworld.com/story/shipwreck-explorers-discover-1780-british-warship-in-lake-ontario.aspx There are some amazing pictures along with the history and the complete story of the discovery. It is well worth the read.

This handout image from video released Friday, June 13, 2008 ...

Starboard side of the HMS Ontario, released June 13, 2008

AIR FORCE ERRORS, GATOR GOLF WATER HAZARD, BIGFOOT REWARD, AND BIG BOOBS – WORLD RECORD

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AIR FORCE OFFICIALS RESIGN OVER STUPID MISTAKES

Defense officials who spoke on condition of anonymity said that Defense Secretary Robert Gates asked Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Michael Moseley and Air Force Secretary Michael Wynne to step down. And for good reasons. We’re talking some real screw-ups here. In August, for instance, a B-52 bomber was mistakenly armed with six nuclear-tipped cruise missiles and flown across the country. The pilot and crew were unaware they had nuclear arms aboard. The error was considered so grave that President Bush was quickly informed, who was probably off doddering in a corner reading a Dick and Jane book. Next, four cone-shaped electrical fuses used in intercontinental ballistic missile warheads were shipped to the Taiwanese instead of the helicopter batteries they had ordered. Oops, guess that was wrong. Whatever happened to competence in the armed forces? The fuses originated at F.E. Warren Air Force Base in Cheyenne, Wyoming, but the mix-up apparently occurred after the parts were shipped to Hill Air Force Base in Utah. On top of this we get a payola scandal. The Pentagon inspector general found in April that a $50 million contract to promote the Thunderbirds aerial stunt team was tainted by improper influence and preferential treatment. No criminal conduct was found. Of course not, can’t have that kind of scandal now can we? Moseley was not singled out for blame, but the investigation laid out a trail of communications from him and other Air Force leaders that eventually influenced the 2005 contract award. Included in that were friendly e-mails between Moseley and an executive in the company that won the bid. Gee sounds pretty fishy to me. Oh well, all’s well now right? Excuse me if I’m sceptical.

 

ALLIGATOR IN THE WATER HAZARD

In Glen Burnie, Maryland, I didn’t know they had gators in MD, an animal control officer has rid a local golf course of a menace. One of the local golfer’s reported seing a two-foot long creature swimming in one of the course’s ponds. Officer Glenn Johnson got out his fishing pole and decided to see if he could snag it and reel it in. Traps had been set but they had no  luck. Johnson did. Thanks to him the Arundel Golf Park is now free of real hazards in their hazards.

 

REWARD OFFERED FOR BIGFOOT

Wanted, $1million reward for indisputable evidence of Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, Abominable Snowman, any of his alias. Yes, there is now a bounty on the head of Bigfoot. In a joint effort, Field and Stream Magazine and Bushnell the binocular maker have put up the reward, offer good until December 15th, void where prohibited by law. This is not a joke, they really have made the offer. The also have stipulated that they are not responsible for any injuries incurred in this endeavor. They have to cover their bases. They will pay the million to anyone who can “provide an unaltered photograph/video, verified and substantiated by a panel of scientific experts, including a zoologist and biologist, the evidence required to prove a Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti exists.” Driver’s, start your engines. Maybe a good place to start would be HERE!

WORLD’S BIGGEST BREASTS – GUINESS SAYS SO

Or maybe you’ll say so after few Guiness’ but it’s true Miss Mounds is the winner. The Guiness Book of World Records recently opened a catagory for largest breasts with implants. The winner is pictured below. Her picture before aumentation is also displayed for comaparison purposes. She suppossedly measures 36mmm. I don’t see where they get the 36 unless they mean 36 ft. Maxi Mounds is a lap dancer from Florida, can she fit on a lap like that? “I contacted Guinness World Records and asked if they had a category for implants, but they said no, so I let it go,” she said. “Then they asked me if I was interested as they were creating a category. Eventually they told me I won. I had the old-style silicone imp­lants, but then came all the scare stories, so I had them replaced with overfilled saline.” But her chest began to sag, so she had tubes put in her armpits so she could be firmed up. In 2000, she had her implants ­removed and the pockets filled with plastic string, a procedure which has been banned.  Couldn’t that be considered breast abuse? A solution was injected to make the breasts produce fluid and ‘inflate,’ but they kept on growing. Now she’s famous at strip joints everyhwere. Her name is in lights and she finally has a gimmick that places can up the cover charge. Jiggle on Maxi. Jiggle on.

Breasts

Maxi when she was Mini

Breasts