Archive for California

GEORGE BUSH HONORED, NORTH POLE DRUNK ON LAWNMOWER, OBAMA MONKEY GOD ENDORSEMENT, FAKE COP, AND GOODWILL TREASURE

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 26, 2008 by mclassen

 PRESIDENT BUSH HONORED

There have been many ways and ideas to honor past Presidents when there terms are over. A reward of sorts for what we think of their service to the nation. If a San Francisco group has its way, there could be the George W. Bush Sewage Plant, according to The New York Times. A group called the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco has been collecting signatures to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant after Bush upon his exit from office next year. This must be a reflection of Bush’s staunch environmental stands. The plan, conceived in a bar, not much of a surprise there, would place a vote on the November ballot to offer “an appropriate honor for a truly unique president,” the group told the Times. Supporters said that they have enough signatures to qualify the measure. It probably only took about an hour. Surely an idea of this quality can’t fail. Whether it is successful or not, the group wants supporters to participate in a “synchronized flush” when the new president is inaugurated on Jan. 20 to send a flood of water toward the plant. Wash away the old, bring in the new.

MAN ARRESTED AT NORTH POLE FOR DRIVING LAWNMOWER DRUNK

I’m not sure how this happens since I didn’t know they had lawns that far north, but in North Pole, Alaska, Wyatt Lewis has been arrested for driving a lawnmower drunk. Alaskan State Troopers received a call early on Sunday complaining of an intoxicated man driving a mower. When they tried to stop him, he led them on a low-speed chase. The chase lasted about 61 metres and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop. I’m betting that was a tough arrest. They said Wyatt Lewis’s blood-alcohol content was 0.18 per cent, more than twice the legal limit of 0.08 per cent. There’s nothing like drinking and lawnmowing. Is there really grass up there? I thought it was all tundra or something…perpetual ice and snow. Why does someone even own a lawnmower? Driving a lawnmower while drunk qualifies for a driving under the influence charge in the US. Lewis was also charged with failure to stop at the direction of a peace officer. He allegedly led them on a pursuit that covered several lawns. Maybe he was trying to be nice and give his neighbors’ lawns a trim too. Apparently, trying to outrun a cop on a lawnmower is illegal too. Don’t Drink and mow.

 OBAMA PICKS UP DIETY ENDORSEMENT

Politicians like to get endorsements from influential figures, but the gods themselves? A dozen priests have been chanting around a sacred fire in New Dehli as a group of Indians offered prayers to the Hindu monkey god Hanuman to grant victory to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Isn’t this the same God we reported on a couple of weeks ago that the made the head of a college? Apparently he’s getting around. Several dozen people attended the prayers held at a Hanuman temple saying they believed an Obama victory would bring positive change around the world. This takes getting religion on your side to a whole new level. Local businessman Brij Mohan Bhama, who organised the event, said a victory would be good for India and the rest of world “because he stands for change” and would help stem growing “price rises, poverty and terrorism.” “We have heard that he carries a small monkey charm in his pocket. So he is a devotee of Hanuman. That’s why we want to present him with this idol,” he said. Well Barack, now that you’ve got the Monkey God in your corner, what’s next, walking on bananas? 

COP TURNS OUT TO BE PRETENDER

In the town of Gerald, Missouri a police officer was hired that really wasn’t a cop. Bill Jakob, had a badge and a gun, and he told officials he had previously worked as an anti-drug agent in Illinois. He even drove a fully equipped Ford Crown Victoria, which he said was for undercover work. Guess what? He was lying. The 36-year-old man was an unemployed truck driver with a criminal record and had recently filed for bankruptcy. Oops. Big Oops. So big that now the Gerald police force is in deep doo doo. Now this village is confronting allegations that Jakob and other officers mistreated and robbed many of the people they arrested. At least 17 people have sued, and Jakob is in jail awaiting charges. At least he’s off the street now. Doesn’t this mean that everyone he arrested and were convicted had a mistrial.Complaints about Jakob’s rough treatment of suspects led a reporter from the Gasconade County Republican newspaper to ask the sheriff about the new officer. That’s when they discovered he was an imposter. Gerald Mayor Otis Schulte defended Jakob’s hiring, saying: “He had credentials. He had a badge. He had a phone number to call for verification. I don’t know what else we could have done.” Don’t they do background checks?  Maybe a little peek into their own database. You’d think that criminal record might have popped up. It would have saved them lots of grief.

PAINTING LEFT A GOODWILL STORE SELLS FOR BIG MONEY

Somtimes it pays to look through those thrift stores. You never know what might turn up. The Parisian street scene, what was thought to be a piece of junk art, left at a store in Maryland last March along with daily donations of pots, pans, old clock radios and other items, turned out to be a work by Edouard-Leon Cortes, probably from the early 20th century. In other words, a serious collector’s item, a museum piece. The painting, called “Marche aux fleurs” or “Flower Market,” was sold for $40,600 at a Sotheby’s auction a few weeks ago. I guess they missed that one on the Antiques Roadshow. “It could have very easily ended up put in a pile, marked for $20,” says Ursula Villar, marketing and development director for Goodwill Industries of the Chesapeake Inc. Store manager Terri Tonelli said employees asked her to look at the donated painting because they suspected it was valuable. She found the artist’s name on Google and discovered that Cortes was a notable French Impressionist whose work had sold at auction for prices near $60,000. You gotta love google. If the owner of the painting wants the money, too bad. You blew it.  Goodwill says it doesn’t keep track of donors. Donations, meanwhile, are gifts that are considered legal and final transactions. Look at the bright side, it went to a good cause. It pays to pay attention to what you’re throwing away.

Marche aux fleurs by Edouard-Leon Cortes

BILL CLINTON MAY JOIN OBAMA, KIDS PROTEST GAS, MUNICH TRAGEDY, GOD BUSTED, AND SHAQ RAPS KOBE VIDEO

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2008 by mclassen

BILL CLINTON MAY BE JOINING BARACKAPALOOZA

Well, the Democratic Party may actually be beginning to find itself on the same page. In an announcement today, Bill Clinton’s people communicated to Obama’s people that he might be willing to help where he can to get Obama elected.  Obama and Hillary Clinton are to appear thi weekend in New Hampshire for the beginning of a series of appearances which will be akin to the Barack and Hillary roadshow. Actually this may be a glimpse into the future if Obama is smart enough to choose Hillary Rodham Clinton as his running mate. But then again, I don’t think smart is how  would term anything about all of the campaigns so far. Though the Democrats seem to have the upper hand, it’s stil a long way to November. It is not certain when the former president will join the tour, but hopefully he will bring his saxaphone a long for some light entertainment. It could become a YouTube hit.  Obama spokesman Bill Burton said the 42nd president came up in a phone call between Obama and Hillary Clinton on Sunday. They talked about how Obama should connect with Bill Clinton in the future, Burton said. Bill Clinton extended his support to Obama for the first time Tuesday in a one-sentence statement from spokesman Matt McKenna. “President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next president of the United States,” McKenna said.It’s not clear what Obama might ask him to do. The campaign wasn’t specific when asked. “A unified Democratic Party is going to be a powerful force for change this year and we’re confident President Clinton will play a big role in that,” was all Burton would say. Of course not everything is all rosie and happy. Obama’s wife has some pretty strong feelings about the former president. Michelle said of the former president in an interview with The New Yorker magazine, “I want to rip his eyes out!” before adding, “Kidding!” That’s rather strong for a joke. As you can see this team-up for Barackapalooza should be about as entertaining as putting Courtney Love and Amy Winehouse in the same room and telling them there’s no booze. It just doesn’t work. The in-fighting between these four will be hard to forget and I really don’t believe that it’s water under the bridge. In public all smiles, backstage Fleetwood Mac. We’ll see how long this lasts.

Bill Clinton and Barack Obama together in Alabama in March 2007

KIDS PROTEST GAS PRICES, SET EXAMPLE FOR ADULTS

Everybody is complaining, but nobody is doing anything about it. Gas Prices are too high. So are you just going to take it lying down? Sadie and Pyper Vance from Salt Lake City, Utah have had just about enough of high gas prices. The sisters are still years away from being old enough to drive, but that doesn’t mean the $4 per gallon price tag isn’t hitting them as hard as anyone else. Cable TV was one of the family’s budget-cutting casualties, leaving Sadie, 9, and her 7-year-old sister without their favorite cartoons and shows. Ouch, no cable. Well they didn’t take it lying down like everyone else has. No, they decided to protest. “Gas prices are too high,” Sadie said. “I just decided to come and protest so they’d go down.” That’s the American way. The girls marched through downtown Monday chanting and carrying signs made from old campaign signs. “All of my mom’s monny goes to the gas tank!” Pyper’s sign read. Sadie carried a sign asking drivers to honk to lower gas prices — adding that her mom had to cut “cabel.” They received some shows of support, but no one actually joined in which I think is a no brainer. “I think it’s great,” said Hamid Tayeb, who was walking past on his lunch break. “It’s unfortunate that kids are doing it before we do.” Yea, I do too. Where’s your sign? Where’s your protest? We could all learn a thing or two from these kids.

Pyper, 7, and Sadie Vance, 9, hold signs in downtown Salt Lake ...

HORRIBLE TRAGEDY IN MUNICH

I am officially in mourning. I will be wearing black for the next week. A terrible tragedy occurred in Munich, Germany, a load of beer crashed on the highway creating a small beer lake. I’ve lowered my flag to half-mast. I mean we’re talking 200 crates! German beer, this isn’t Bud Light here. Munich police say the truck was transporting the beer from the Bavarian capital to a neighboring town Monday evening when siding on the truck’s trailers broke. I think the driver should be prosecuted for alcohol abuse. He didn’t take proper precautions to protect this precious shipment. The brewery suffered losses of some 10,000 Euro in the beer tragedy. Bottles crashed onto the highway flooding it with foamy wheat beer and disrupting traffic for 90 minutes. My hands are shaking, I can’t write about it any more. There may even be tears.

GOD BUSTED SELLING DRUGS NEAR CHURCH

It’s a sad day, God has been busted selling cocaine near a church in Tampa, Florida. It appears he may be spending quite a stint in jail. God Lucky Howard was taken into custody Saturday after police said he sold cocaine to undercover detectives within 1,000 feet of a church. God’s luck ran out. He’ll be the one praying now. Police also reported finding another 22 grams of cocaine and a scale at his home. Praying hard. Howard was charged with several counts of possession and distribution within 1,000 feet of a school, public housing and the church. God Not-so- Lucky Howard is being held on a bond of $86,500. Get your friends to pass the collection plate. In case you were wondering, a picture of God is below.

 

blog post photo

 

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL TEARS KOBE BRYANT UP IN A NIGHTCLUB RAP

I don’t know which one is worse Shaq or Kobe. Their arrogance is incredible. This video shot over the weekend has Shaq rapping and asking Kobe how his ass tastes. Great. This is just what we need from our star athletes. It appears from the video that Kobe gave Shaq a hard time in LA and was intrumental in his leaving. Like we didn’t know that. Well Shaq has taken glee in Kobe and the Lakers’ self destruction and lets the world know in the rap below. “I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever,” O’Neal told ESPN.com Monday. A call to the Suns on Tuesday seeking comment from O’Neal was referred to his public relations firm, which didn’t immediately respond.

JEN MOSS TOPLESS JULY 4TH PARADE, LEMONADE STAND ROBBERY, MONK SEX ADVICE, STUPID BURGLAR, AND VOTING REPUBLICAN

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 18, 2008 by mclassen

 WOMAN PLANS TO GO TOPLESS IN JULY 4TH PARADE

I love patriotism. A woman in Ashland Oregon plans to join their Fourth of July parade topless. If she’s not allowed she intends to sue the city. Yes she plans to have more than her Red, White and Blue showing this year. With some early fireworks she’s creating a preholiday controversy. Jen Moss has been known as “The Naked Lady” since she moved to Ashland in May from Ojai, Calif. She was drawn by the town’s nudity laws. They specify only that people must cover their genitalia in a city park or the downtown commercial district, which means Moss need not cover her breasts. I bet that’s one loophole they’re going to regret. The Ashland Chamber of Commerce learned of her coverage plans from an online posting. Ya gotta love the internet. She promised to lead in-line skaters “wearing only a hemp G-string and blowing a conch shell.” That presents an intriquing image. “We don’t feel that someone in the parade who is topless or nearly naked is appropriate for a family audience,” said parade chairman James Kidd. “She’s welcome on any other day of the year to do that,” he said. “But not on the Fourth of July while in the parade.” Moss told the Ashland Daily Tidings in an e-mail that if she can’t be nearly naked in the parade, she would “run around near naked protesting their unconstitutionalism and un-Americanism.” And she said, she would ask the American Civil Liberties Union for help in a lawsuit. Good luck with all that. Apparently this woman didn’t get enough attention at home and is now seeking it elsewhere. Well, cover the kids eyes and hope for the best. And, maybe you need to rethink that ordinance.

DON’T MESS WITH THE LEMONADE STAND

There’s nothing like the smell of lemonade in the morning. A group of kids inTerra Haute, Indiana were running a lemonade stand when Steve Tryon showed up. “The guy came up and was, like, ‘Give me your money,'” said Dominique Morefield, who was running the lemonade stand with a group of friends. “I was shocked. It was just my immediate reaction to chase after him.” And Chase after him she did. This is one little girl you do not want to mess with. She actually followed him into a house and then called the cops. Officers eventually persuaded Tryon, 18, to come outside after 45 minutes and arrested him on a preliminary felony charge of robbery of $17.50. “I didn’t think anyone would come up to a lemonade stand and steal, that’s really low,” 12-year-old Fred Erstine said. Well Fred, the world is full of all kinds of morons. The kids say they will continue to sell lemonade, but now they are using a parent for a security guard. Don’t mes with the lemonade kids, they’ll bust your butt.

CELIBATE MONK SETS UP SEX ADVICE SITE

I’m not sure how well this will work, but a celibate monk has set up a website giving sex advice to Catholic couples. Go figure. Father Ksawery Knotz’s lover’s guide on http://www.szansaspotkania.net gives graphic lovemaking tips and has been dubbed the “Catholic Kama Sutra.” It compares having an orgasm to going to heaven and recommends that men “take care that women experience pleasure” during sex, adding that this requires “extra efforts on the part of the husband.” Really, well there’s a brilliant bit of advice. It just seems a little dumb to me to be taking sex advice from someone who suppossedly has never had it. It just goes to show that anyone can be an expert on anything on the internet these days. 

ESCAPED CROOK ASKS POLICE TO REMOVE HANDCUFFS

Here’s a bright move. A man and his three friends break into a supermarket and are caught by the security guard. One of them is caught and handcuffed to a rail while the guard goes after the other three. The man then escapes. Everything would have been fine if would have left it there, but no, what does he do? He goes to the local precinct house and asks the police to remove the cuffs. “It was stupid of him,” said a police spokesman in Frankfurt, Germany on Monday. “They took the cuffs off, but they kept him.” The security guard had called the local police so they were aware of the escaped burglar. The cuffed man tried to convince police that a friend had put the cuffs on as a joke and now they couldn’t get them off. The police removed the handcuffs and then reunited him with his friends. Somtimes, you just have to wonder what goes through peoples’ heads. Near as I can tell, absolutely nothing.

VOTING REPUBLICAN 

GAY MARRIAGES BOOST TOURISM, TICKLING BANDIT, BORNEO BIGFOOT, AND KIDNAPPED FOR DISHES

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2008 by mclassen

 GAY MARRIAGES BOOST CALIFORNIA TOURISM

Now that California has legalized gay marriage, it has produced an unexpected boon, tourism. Yes, tourism. Because they allow non-resident marriage, same sex couples are flocking to have their relationships legalized. Hundreds of thousands of couples are expected to make the journey from wherever they live to take advantage of the new law. Analysts are calling it a mini-industry. I bet not many saw this coming. Since currently California has a monopoly on this, many businesses there are gearing up for a tourist boom. “Spending by resident same sex couples on their weddings and by out-of-state couples will boost California’s economy by over 683.6 million dollars in direct spending over the next three years,” a UCLA study reported, adding that the new industry would create around 2,100 new jobs. This has to be the only state that is prospering during the current gas crunch. Many cities are advertising themselves as “Gay Friendly” destinations and are offering special honeymoon packages. So, California or Bust, go west young couples, there’s gold in them there hills. This ought to help California’s debt problems.

PRANKSTER BANDIT CAUGHT

This would be more annoying than dangerous. A Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada man, Murray Richmond, was caught for several break-ins. He has been dubbed the “tickling bandit,” but that doesn’t describe half this guys oddities. In one case, a man awoke to find Richmond tickling his feet, and later found his washing machine full of chips and cereal. I wonder if he added dip and milk.  As well, Richmond twice broke into an 80-year-old man’s home, on one occasion saying he would be the man’s “long weekend nurse,” before stealing several items and leaving. Promises, promises, promises. A psychiatric report has reached the obvious conslusion that the man is a pathological liar and is mentally ill. Believe it or not someone gets paid to come up with these conclusions. Now that the world is safe from this merry prankster bandit, folks can sleep easier knowing their feet won’t be tickled in the night. 

BORNEO BIGFOOT

A long time ago there used to be legends about a Wild Man of Borneo. P.T. Barnum had claimed he’d seen it and what he called one on display. It was actually a really hairy unkept bum he’d found and talked into joining his sideshow.  Well now there really may be something to those old Wild man stories. Tan Soon Kuang, a businessman of the Daro district in Borneo has taken photographs of two footprints that local villagers showed him. Suppossedly they measure 47 inches from heel to toe and are 17 inches across. Yes, this is a REALLY bigfoot. This is not something you want to run into on a dark night. Asked when and how he went to the village and took the photos, Tan answered: “I went there last Wednesday, June 11 after I heard about the news. I drove about five minutes from Daro town to the village. Then, I walked on foot along a footpath for quite a few minutes to the place where I met many villagers who were gathered there. Then some villagers pointed to the big footprints. I was shocked to see them and excited as I took those photographs.” On his conversation with the villagers, he said: “When I asked the villagers the first time they discovered the two big footprints, they told me it was June 9. They also told me they now recall that before they came across the footprints, the villagers had, a few months ago felt uncomfortable and sick as if there was something ‘unclean’ in the air. They said they decided to look for a ‘bomoh’ (medicine man) who told them to go to an area, dig a small hole, then build a fence around it.” Nothing like a little native superstition to add to the mystery. Like most weird prints like this, they are being called a hoax, which of course is entirely possible and even likely. Tan is refusing to name the village where he took these citing that he wishes to protect them from the public. How come there’s always something missing in these stories, like proof. 

user posted image r

MAN KIDNAPS EX-GIRLFRIEND FOR MAID SERVICE

A man in Genoa, Italy accosted his ex-girlfriend in a local pub. He shoved her in a car and took her to his house. There she was forced to do the most obscene acts, dishes and ironing. Yes, the man was furious that she had left him, none of the housework was getting done. Police arrived after being tipped off by a friend of the woman’s who had seen her being kidnapped by the man. He was arrested. Now the jail staff will be doing his housework. Mission accomplished, I guess.

MARTIAN DISCOVERY, MRS EIFFEL TOWER, PORTA-JOHN MISHAP, DERRIE-AIR, AND DWI COOLER

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2008 by mclassen

STRANGE WHITE CRAP FOUND ON MARS

Is this what we paid billions of dollars to find? A bunch of white crap on the surface of Mars. For god’s sake let’s get on with it. Either send somebody there or give it up. Scientists say this could be salt. Yippee, we found seasonings. The Lawrys corporation should be thrilled. “Salt would be very interesting because that’s what is left behind as water evaporates. That would be a very nice discovery, particularly if we knew exactly which salts they were,” principal investigator Peter Smith said. Why, so you can decide between pork or beef? The scientists are eager to find evidence of water on the surface of Mars because they are trying to determine if the Red Planet has ever supported life. Does that really matter? It doesn’t any more. It’s not going to be a sunny vacation spot. I’m not going to be impressed until some Martian creature walks up and kicks the lander. Then I’ll be impressed. After that, I want to know if there’s enough of them to have a hunting season. The lander has already returned the highest-resolution pictures ever taken of dust and sand on the surface of another planet. What an accomplishment. Dirt. We knew that already. Colored dirt. We knew that too. There you go, billions to probe the deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets of Mars with a little salt thrown on it. Stay tuned for more startling revelations from paradise. 

Whitish material appears in Mars soil, June 3

WOMAN MARRIES THE EIFFEL TOWER 

San Francisco, California resident, Erika La Tour Eiffel, yes, that is her real name, married the Eiffel Tower. eiffel-tower-marry-_676203c.jpgHer strange relationship with the architectural icon is the subject of a documentary, The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower; the documentary also stars the wife of the Berlin Wall whom we featured here a while back. There’s nothing like giving these folks a little TV time to validate their weirdness. I guess every landmark needs someone to love. There’s nothing like a cold steel rail.

DRUNK, NAKED AND STUCK IN A PORT-A-JOHN

People endlessly amaze me but how they get into some situations is completely baffling. Take this story for instance. Police in Lebanon, Pennsyvania get a 911 call from a cell phone that has originated inside a porta-potty. A man has gotten himself stuck inside. Lock jammed? No. For some unfathomable reason he has gotten naked, is drunk and has immerssed himself in the holding tank. Deputy fire commissioner Chris Miller said “I’ve been on the job in one form or fashion for 21 years, and this is the first porta-potty rescue I’ve ever had.” Police charged the man with public drunkeness and creating a health code violation, but they have no idea why he was in the toilet with his clothes off. I hope they hosed him off before they threw him in the cell.

FLY DERRIE-AIR

 Derrie-Air the new airline that charges you by the pound. The more you weigh the more you pay. Yes, under the guise of being environmentally friendly, this advetisment for a new airline has been circulating around the east coast. Well, It’s a joke folks. The airline doesn’t exist and you reservations have been cancelled.  It was an ad campaign to see how people respond to certain types of advertising. So it looks like you won’t be flying by the seat of your pants on this one.

BUSTED DRIVING MOTORIZED COOLER DRUNK

Did you know that you could get arrested for driving your cooler after consuming too much of what’s inside? Well it is true believe it or not. Yes you can get arrested for driving your motorized cooler drunk. Leslie J. “Bomber” Marr learned this the hard way when he was arrested on Memorial Day in Whitehall, NY and charged with DWI and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. Police saw him swerving around the streets and driving on the sidewalk on a cooler. Cruizin Coolers are becoming the newest rage in summer time transportation. Yes, you can drive you beverages to your favorite beach.  It even has a hatch so you can pull out a icy cold drink while driving. That’s where the trouble begins. The hatch also has a cup/can holder on top, suggesting that this sort of activity is exactly what the designers had in mind. Not much of a leap in deduction there. Under state law, the cooler is still considered a motor vehicle so sobriety is a must, and a license is highly recommended. Do they have driving tests for a cooler? Do they have a special cooler driver’s license? Buzz around buzzed carrying your buzz. There’s a certain beauty in that.

Man Arrested for Driving a Cooler While Drunk

HILLARY CLINTON CONCESSION, BASEBALL FUNERAL WINNER, FLY LONGEVITY, LOST LIGHTHOUSE, AND TOWEL TUMOR

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 5, 2008 by mclassen

HILLARY CLINTON WILL CONCEDE

Certainly this was inevitable but, I have to admit, I’m going to miss her, though I don’t believe for a minute she’s out of the picture completely. She has made a statement that she will concede the nomination to Barack Obama on Saturday. She also is saying that she will continue to support the Democratic Party. The way they’ve treated her, I think she’s being quite magnanimous. She has proven over the last few weeks especially, that she is an incredibly gutsy lady. The press has villified her and nominated Barack Obama for sainthood. It is the same with the Democratic Party which blatantly stacked the deck against her. It was certainly a sad way to operate. I’ve never been a political supporter of Hillary, but I have grown to admire her. In the last few weeks she became more “real” and down to earth than we’ve seen in a candidate in a long time. I think no matter which way this election goes now, the American public loses.  

Young College Hillary

Starbucks Hillary

Photobooth Hillary

Relaxed Hillary

Hippy Hillary

BASEBALL FAN GETS FREE FUNERAL

I’m not sure I’d be all that thrilled by winning this. Elaine Fulps is thrilled about the prize she won at a minor league baseball game. But she’s hoping she doesn’t have to collect on it anytime soon. Fulps, 60, won a $10,000 paid funeral at Tuesday night’s Grand Prairie AirHogs game. “I’m going to pick a spot under a tree out of the Texas heat,” she said. “And let’s hope it’s a pet-free cemetery. I don’t want to get watered on.” At least she has plans. Some finalists for the prize arrived dressed in black or looking like death. There were events for the finalists too. They participated in a pallbearer’s race, a mummy wrap and a eulogy delivery. These are certainly strange events for a baseball game. I think the Texas heat has gotten to the management. I have no idea who won the game or who the Airhogs were playing. It seems that the game just passed on.

STUDY ON THE LONGEVITY OF A FLY

I don’t know who’s idea this was but in Switzerland, at the University of Laussane, a study was done that proves the stupider flies are, the longer they live. Scientists Tadeusz Kawecki and Joep Burger said Wednesday they had discovered a “negative correlation between an improvement in a fly’s mental capacity and its longevity”. Why would you want to know this? Do we want more intelligent flies? These two actually took the time to breed 30 to 40 generations of flies and then tried to train them to be smarter. They succeeded, but the downside was that the flies had a shorter lifespan.  The flipside was that the flies left in their natural state lived longer on average than their IQ enhanced counterparts, with a lifespan of 80-85 days rather than the normal 50-60. How much money and time was spent on this? Sombody needs to tell me why this was important.

DID YOU EVER LOSE A LIGHTHOUSE?

A lighthouse from Wellfleet, Massachussetts has been discovered in California. Formerly it was believed it had been torn down but now documents have been uncovered which proves that it was moved from the east coast to the west coast.  The strange story was uncovered by Colleen MacNeney and then reported in Lighthouse Digest. She says it was her most exciting discovery. MacNeney says she discovered correspondence that proved the lighthouse, first erected in 1881, had been moved by the Coast Guard from Wellfleet to Yerba Buena, Calif., and eventually to Point Montara. Lost lighthouse found. It isn’t known how the 30ft. lighthouse was transported across country but it is speculated that in 1925 when it was suppossedly destroyed, the all metal structure had its bolts removed and was loaded up on a train. Hence the trip to California. California here I come. Go west young lighthouse, go west. The lighthouse is still in use and doubles as a hostel.

MAN’S TUMOR IS A TOWEL

A Japanese man checked into  a hospital to have a tumour removed from his stomach. When examinations found what was believed to be an eight-centimetre (3.2-inch) tumour, he underwent the operation to remove it. It was only then that surgeons realised it was a towel. “The towel was greenish blue although we are not sure about its original colour,” the Asahi General Hospital spokesman said, adding it had been crumpled to the size of a softball. The patient had been carrying the cloth since 1983, when surgeons at the Asahi General Hospital in Chiba prefecture near Tokyo left it in him after an operation to treat an ulcer. I’m staying away from that hospital. That’s a little too careless for me. The man says he has no intention of sueing for the error. I don’t think I would be that understanding. No wonder the Prilosec wasn’t working.

AWESOME!
This is one of the most breathtaking videos I’ve ever seen. This was filmed in Kansas and now you know how Dorothy made it to OZ.

 

BO DIDDLEY, KURT COBAIN’S ASHES, WASHERS STUCK ON PENIS, AND ELVIS IN ENGLAND

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2008 by mclassen

THE GREAT BO DIDDLEY PASSES AWAY 
Rock and Roll pioneer and one of a kind Bo Diddley passed away in his home in Archer, Florida at the age of 79. Virtually every musician was influenced by Diddley from the Rolling Stones to George Thoroughgood. Eric Burdon and the Animals did a song called Bo Diddley about a life changing encounter Burdon had with him in a local pub. The Bo Diddley rhythm and beat is iconic with no other like it with countless musicians copying it. All these years he played with a homemade square box guitar that wa just as recognizable as he was.  By his early teens, Diddley was playing Chicago’s Maxwell Street. “I came out of school and made something out of myself. I am known all over the globe, all over the world. There are guys who have done a lot of things that don’t have the same impact that I had,” he said. Diddley, like other artists of his generations, was paid a flat fee for his recordings and said he received no royalty payments on record sales. He also said he was never paid for many of his performances. “I am owed. I’ve never got paid,” he said. “A dude with a pencil is worse than a cat with a machine gun.” Growing up, Diddley said he had no musical idols, and he wasn’t entirely pleased that others drew on his innovations. “I don’t like to copy anybody. Everybody tries to do what I do, update it,” he said. “I don’t have any idols I copied after. They copied everything I did, upgraded it, messed it up. It seems to me that nobody can come up with their own thing, they have to put a little bit of Bo Diddley there,” he said. Because he only received a small portion of the money he made during his career, he continued to tour and record music until his stroke. Between tours, he made his home near Gainesville in north Florida. “Seventy ain’t nothing but a damn number,” he told The Associated Press in 1999. “I’m writing and creating new stuff and putting together new different things. Trying to stay out there and roll with the punches. I ain’t quit yet.” Your music will rock forever Bo.
STORY OF BO DIDDLEY – ERIC BURDON AND THE ANIMALS

VINTAGE DIDDLEY – HIS SISTER THE DUTCHESS ON RHYTHM GUITAR

ENCORE!
 

KURT COBAIN’S ASHES STOLEN

Courtney Love is said to be suicidal” after a teddy bear shaped bag containing the ashes of her late husband, grunge rock legend Kurt Cobain, was stolen from her Los Angeles home, according to reports. “I can’t believe anyone would take Kurt’s ashes from me.” Love says “I find it disgusting and right now I’m suicidal.” No surprise there. Courtney makes Keith Richards look like a temperance advocate. Love said the ashes-filled bag, along with thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and clothes, were taken from her home sometime in May. Why was there, expensive jewery in there? And clothes? You’re wearing Kurt ash covered clothes? “If I don’t get them back I don’t know what I’ll do,” she said. Knowing her, she was probably passed out on the bathroom floor while they were stealing them. After Cobain’s death in 1994, portions of his ashes were scattered at a Buddhist temple in New York and in the Wishkah River near his birth home of Aberdeen, Wash. The rest of his remains stayed with his widow, who said she “used to take them everywhere with me just so I could feel Kurt was still with me. Now it feels like I have lost him all over again.” You’re the idiot that stored jewelry in there. Right now Kurt’s ashes are probably being twisted up in a doobie somewhere. You know ashes to bong ashes.

MAN GETS WASHERS STUCK ON PENIS

I’m not sure how this happened. Actually I’m not sure I want to know how this happened, but a man in Hornsby, Australia underwent surgery to have 16 washers removed from his penis. He had first called the local firemen to come and help get them off, but when they were unsuccessful after trying for over an hour. He was transported to the local hospital. What I want to know is did these professionals maintain a professional attitude throughout or did they, as I would have, burst out in a fit of laughter at the absudity of this yo-yo’s plight. At the hospital he underwent three hours of surgery to extricate the trapped appendage. The origin of this had to be some drunken bet. I know don’t ask, don’t tell. It’s reported that he won’t undergo any lasting permanent effects from the mishap. No one knows how this happened and his name has not been released. I wouldn’t want my name released either.

ELVIS TERRORIZES SMALL TOWN IN ENGLAND

For those of you that are still out looking for Elvis, we’ve found him in England. He’s been harrassing the residents of Wilsden, West Yorkshire and they are about to slap him with an anti social behavior citation. Yes, Elvis is creating a public nuisance of himself. Elvis, has been accused of dive-bombing people and wrecking street lights when owner Edward Pikul lets him out. Dive-bombing, owner letting him out? Oh that’s right, this Elvis is a parrot. He also acts like a juvenile delinquent. ‘He is a lovely pet and would never harm anybody. If I had to imprison him in his cage, I would rather get rid of him,’ said 49-year-old Mr Pikul. ‘It’s true Elvis has a mischievous streak, he knows a few swear words and his shriek is quite loud but he’s an ­abs­olute joy to have.’ But one resident complained: “The bird is a nuisance. Just because he likes the parrot doesn’t mean he should terrorise the whole village with it. Elvis is just a mad old thing, he follows me when I go to work. He clings on to the van roof and holds on for dear life, then flies around until he feels like coming home.” I’m picturing this and I keep coming up with a Benny Hill skit. Not everyone is against Elvis. He has local fans. Pikul and his daughter Melissa, pictured below with Elvis, are receiving calls and emails supporting Elvis and his wayward lifestyle. “He is gorgeous and to see him flying around is magnificent,’ said Helen Smith, anti-social behaviour officer for Bradford Council. ‘But he has a dark side.” Stay away from the dark side Elvis.

Elvis parrot

MEMORIAL DAY, GRUMPY QUEEN, OBAMA PARROT, PORN TAX, AND ROBBY KNIEVEL

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 26, 2008 by mclassen

 THE ORIGIN OF MEMORIAL DAY

The following is a quick history lesson on where Memorial Day comes from. I did not write this and it comes from the Cox and Forkum website. It is nicely done and I figured if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If you see a Veteran, I suggest doing this any day not just the holiday, tell them thanks and buy them a cocktail. They earned it.   

The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Waterloo, New York. The village was credited with being the birthplace because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter, and because it is likely that the friendship of General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A Logan, who led the call for the day to be observed each year and helped spread the event nationwide, was a key factor in its growth. General Logan had been impressed by the way the South honored their dead with a special day and decided the Union needed a similar day. Reportedly, Logan said that it was most fitting; that the ancients, especially the Greeks, had honored their dead, particularly their heroes, by chaplets of laurel and flowers, and that he intended to issue an order designating a day for decorating the grave of every soldier in the land, and if he could he would have made it a holiday. Logan had been the principal speaker in a citywide memorial observation on April 29, 1866, at a cemetery in Carbondale, Illinois, an event that likely gave him the idea to make it a national holiday. On May 5, 1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, a veterans’ organization, Logan issued a proclamation that “Decoration Day” be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of a battle. The tombs of fallen Union soldiers were decorated in remembrance of this day.  The alternative name of “Memorial Day” was first used in 1882, but did not become more common until after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. On June 28, 1968, the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved four holidays from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend.

THIS WAS COURTESY OF THE COX AND FORKUM WEBSITE

 

 THE QUEEN HAS A GRUMP ON

 A British newspaper says the Canadian bride of the Queen’s eldest grandson is being blamed for a controversial deal with celebrity magazine Hello! for exclusive photos of their wedding at Windsor Castle. Montrealer Autumn Kelly married Peter Phillips on Saturday at the castle’s 15th-century St. George’s Chapel in front of 300 guests. The deal is reported to be worth $1 million. That’ll pay for one heck of a honeymoon. The British royal family and particulary Queen Elizabeth is up in arms about this as they weren’t consulted on the deal. The wedding pics will include images of most of the royals, including the Queen, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, and Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy. Yep that about covers everyone the magazines would be interested in. The Brits are saying that images of their Queen doesn’t belong in a gossip rag. Too late now. Hello, published over 60 pics of the wedding. The new Mrs. Phillips said she needed the money to pay for expenses since nobody else was willing to pick up the tab. I think she probably has more deals in the making. I’m sure a book deal, How I Managed to Marry into the Royal Family, could be in the works. Then there’s the lecture circuit, 10 steps to courting the grandson of a queen. Then there’s talk shows, websites, the list is endless. She could make an entire career out of this. Wow Canadians have their own member of the royal family now. Hey, guest appearances at hockey games singing “Oh Canada.” 

Queen Elizabeth II

 

OBAMA PARROT

This is an idea that was suggested by one of the Midnight Ramblings readers, Tom Vickers. He has a blog here on wordpress that’s always worth a look at called TV’s Weblog-The Great Nonsense of Life. He thought that Smokey, the Obama supporting talking Parrot would fit right in. I agreed. This is just too funny. The video is taken from a CNN report done by Jeannie Moos. She’s quite clever and it’s cool to have it on the site. Watch and enjoy.

TAX ON PORN?

California is in deep financial trouble. Who isn’t? They have decided to get into the porn business so to speak. In an effort to get the state back on track a new concept in “sin” tax is being considered. Since most pornography is produced in southern California, state Assemblyman, Charles Calderon has proposed a 25% tax on all porn production and sale. Holy Ron Jeremy Batman! That’s a heavy duty tax. That’ll make your porn cost worse than the price of gas. Isn’t this a sort of state sponsored pimping? If they’re smart they’ll just pack up and move somewhere else. It’s not like they need studios, actors, or talent for these things. They ought to fit right in at Key West.

ROBBY KNIEVEL BEATS EVEL’S RECORD

“Hopefully I’ll see you after the jump,” Knievel told everyone just before he climbed the start ramp. With that, Robby took off and broke his dad, Evil Knievel’s, record. He jumped 200 feet and 24 semi trucks with his motorcycle. The previous record was 115 ft. This just so rocks. He did the jump in the same place, King’s Island in Mason Ohio, that his father had set the previous record. Robbie Knievel dedicated his stunt to his father, U.S. war veterans and those serving in the military. Look ma I can fly!

INSANITY IS COOL WHEN IT WORKS. LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

HILLARY AND KENNEDY, EBAY CHILD AUCTION, INDIANA JONES BAN, AND VINCE YOUNG APOLOGY

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2008 by mclassen

 HILLARY CLINTON’S FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

 It’s amazing how quickly a slip of the tongue will come back and haunt you. John Lennon knew about that when he made his comment that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Well, Hillary Clinton is the newest victim of the dreaded foot in mouth disease. The media has been running wild with her comment about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. She may have effectively hung herself politically. That would be too bad. She’s a fighter. Her go down swinging attitude I find refreshing. For those of you that have been living in a cave and have no idea of what I’m talking about, here’s the instant replay. Responding to a question from the Sioux Falls Argus Leader editorial board about calls for her to drop out of the race, she said: “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. You know I just, I don’t understand it,” she said, dismissing the idea of abandoning the race. Clinton said she didn’t understand why, given this history, some Democrats were calling for her to quit. Of course, upon realizing she’d said something stupid, she immediately apologized, citing the Kennedy’s were on her mind because of Massachusett’s Senator Edward Kennedy having been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Right now, Clinton supporters are fleeing like rats deserting the proverbial sinking ship. I find it ironic that she holds Robert F. Kennedy’s former seat in New York. It will also be ironic that in a family that has always held the Kennedy’s in such high esteem that it should be Hillary’s downfall. Bill had always claimed that JFK was his hero and during his campaign that picture of him meeting JFK when he was a boy was everywhere. I think maybe she should simply claim a momentary lapse of reason. We all have them. Like Flip Wilson used to say: “The Devil made me do it, The Devil made me do it.” “Doctor, you’re wanted in surgery, Mrs. Clinton needs her foot removed from her mouth.” Foot in mouth, debilitating politicians since the beginning of time.

PARENTS TRY TO SELL CHILD ON EBAY

Well, Ebay has become the place for strange auctions. A couple from Berlin, Germany has put their 7 month old boy up for auction for one Euro, about $1.57. Peter Hieber, a spokesman for police in the Bavarian town of Krumbach, said the baby was placed in the care of youth services, although the child’s mother insisted the ad was only a joke. It’s not much of a joke if you ask me. Authorities have launched an investigation into possible child trafficking against the baby’s mother and father, neither of whom was identified. “Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller,” police quoted the Ebay listing. I wonder how much shipping was. No offers were made for the child in the two hours and 30 minutes the ad was posted on Tuesday. I’m surprised, that was a pretty cheap price for a rugrat. Ebay later deleted the posting, but assisted police in tracking down the parents. I wonder what Ebay policy this one violated.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISTS CALL FOR BAN ON NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE

Not everyone is a fan of the new Indiana Jones movie. Members of the Russian Communist party are calling for a ban on the film because of Cate Blanchett’s portrayal of a 1950’s KGB agent. Russian Communist Party members condemned the new “Indiana Jones” film on Friday as crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history. Ya think? I’ve never looked to an Indiana Jones movie for a history lesson.  “What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame,” said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia‘s second city of St. Petersburg. Can you say, over-reacting? The film, was released in Russian cinemas on Thursday. Russian media said it was being shown on 808 screens, the widest ever release for a Hollywood movie. Well, a controversy never hurts to get folks into the theater. This could score a lot of rubles for Indy. I wonder what Harrison Ford sounds like in Russian. Do their lips sync or are they like those old martial arts movies from the 60’s.  

Steven Spielberg (L), producer George Lucas (C), Melody Hobson ...

 

VINCE YOUNG APOLOGIZES – KIND OF

Because of pressure about the party pictures of him all over the internet, including this site, Vince Young has apologized, sort of. Vince apologizes thusly:”I apologize to some of the kids if they did see it because I am trying to be a role model for them. But at the same time, I was just trying to have fun with (friends). That is the life of a quarterback, somebody of my status. I guess somebody was trying to make some money and sold the picture to the web site. But at the same time that is the life I chose to live. But it is not going to stop me from having fun. I just have to watch myself. They always want to try and get some negative pub on me. It wasn’t really nothing bad. … Everybody deserves to have a good time every once in a while during the offseason.” Let’s see, every once in a while. Let’s check the QB’s schedule, shall we?
Vince Young’s White Tee Party @ the ROC Wednesdays – 5.14.08
Vince Young’s Invite Only Pool Party at the Westside Tennis Club – 5.15.08
Vince Young’s Birthday Weekend KickOff Party & Premiere of the iBar – 5.16.08
Vince, Shawn Marion & Jevon Kearse host Baby Blue Carpet Affair @ Club Level – 5.17.08
Vince Young Bday BBQ Cookout & Daytime party at the Red Door – 5.18.08
Lil Wayne, Lloyd, Mannie Fresh, Lil Keke at Vince Young Bday Bash at BAR RIO – 5.18.08
Looks to me like every once in a while is every day. Liver transplant for Vince Young. Liver Transplant for Vince Young. If you follow the links above you can get a look at each one of the parties. They were careful not to show Vince actually drinking this time, but one actually shows the cops arriving at the Baby Blue Carpet Affair though you have to go through 10 pages of pics to get to it. Getting in shape for the pre-season, eh Vince.

 

BRUCE WILLIS, OBAMA – CLINTON, KENTUCKY DERBY, FERRIS WHEELS AND CINCO DE MAYO

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2008 by mclassen

BRUCE WILLIS ROBS THE CRADLE

Bruce Willis has got a new babe, er baby, er Demi Moore look alike.  She’s a lingerie model, must have picked her out from a catalog, named Emma Heming. She also claims she’s an actress. Well, this ought to get her a role. She’s just 10 years older than his daughter. Bruce, can you say “Old Life Crisis.” Right now lawyers everywhere are lining up for when these two break up.

 

 OBAMA COMPARES CLINTON TO GEORGE BUSH

Hillary has apparently made the statement that if Iran launched a nuclear attack against Israel, she would obliterate them. Obama, who is clutching at straws anyway since the Wright problem, has fired back that the statement was reminiscent of something the Bush administration would say. I bet he had to work to get Hillary and Bush in the same sentence. Clinton is unrepentant. “Why would I have any regrets? I’m asked a question about what I would do if Iran attacked our ally, a country that many of us have a great deal of, you know, connection with and feeling for, for all kinds of reasons.” Yes, her connections and all kinds of reasons add up to campaign funds, can’t bomb golden geese.

ILLINOIS MAN ORDERS BEER CAN COFFIN

Bill Bramanti has ordered a coffin made out of cans of his favorite beer, Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yes, they did actually make it for him. Maybe he thinks he’ll hold carbonation better. Though he doesn’t expect to use very soon, he did throw a party Saturday where he he filled it with ice and beer. Yep, you guessed it, Pabst. When they bury him I think they should throw in a 12 to go.

SAD DAY AT THE DERBY

Our sympathies go out to the owners of Eight Belles and the fans of the Kentucky Derby. It’s amazing how history and tragedy seem to go hand in hand.

 SANTA MONICA FERRIS WHEEL SELLS ON EBAY

This proves once again that you can find absolutely anything on Ebay. The ferris wheel from the Santa Monica pier sold for $132,400 and will be relocated to Oklahoma City. Moving it will probably cost more than the ferris wheel. It is reputed to be the world’s first solar powered ferris wheel. Grant Humphries, the new owner, plans to put it in one of his community developments. Now you will be able to get a bird’s eye view of everything your neighbors are doing. I guess nude sunbathing is out.

 
IN HONOR OF CINCO DE MAYO WE PRESENT THE FOLLOWING VIDEO: Don ‘t forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses!