Archive for car

MARTHA STEWART FAIL, CHOPPER UFO CHASE, WOODEN ELECTRIC CAR, WEIRDO IN THE COUCH, ROBOT GIRLFRIENDS, TRONS, AND STAR WARS DANCERS

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2008 by mclassen

 MARTHA STEWART BANNED, DENIED, NO GO TO BRITAIN

Ah the old ghost comes back to haunt. The Queen of whatever it is she does, Martha Stewart, has seen the old ghost of her past rise before her eyes once again. The woman who had no life and made a carreer out of it is visiting Poland where they are launching a version of her “Martha Stewart Living” magazine in Polish. She thought she’d stop by the British Isles on her way home. Wrong, fail, not going to happen. Apparently, the British powers that be don’t appreciate her prison record and have denied her a visa  to enter the country. I guess she won’t be showing the queen how to make paper flowers this time around.  “Martha loves England; the country and English culture are near and dear to her heart,” said Charles Koppelman, chairman of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. “She has engagements with English companies and business leaders and hopes this can be resolved so that she will be able to visit soon.” I guess they will just have to come to her back in the good old U.S. of A. A British spokeswoman, however, refused to comment about Stewart’s entry to Britain, but added: “We continue to oppose the entry to the U.K. of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public good or where they have been found guilty of serious criminal offenses abroad.” Ouch. That’s going to leave a mark. Now for those of you that have been living under the proverbial rock here’s a recap. In 2004, Stewart was convicted in federal court of conspiracy, obstruction of justice and making false statements related to a personal sale of ImClone Systems Inc. stock. She got a five-month prison sentence, and also served an additional five months and three weeks of home confinement. Well, Martha, I guess it sucks for you. Welcome back to the real world where we all live with our mistakes. No crumpets for you.

Martha Stewart

 

HELICOPTER PURSUES UFO

In England a police helicopter spotted a flying saucer and decided to give chase. If UFOs can outrun a jet, did the police really think they had a chance in a chopper? The mystery aircraft zoomed straight at the chopper as the three-man cop crew prepared to land. Tag, you’re it. The pilot was forced to bank sharply to avoid being hit by the mystery aircraft as the helicopter was returning to the Ministry of Defence base of St Athan, near Cardiff. Maybe it was another of those infamous secret experimental military aircraft. The three crew described the UFO as ‘flying saucer-shaped’. They gave chase, getting as far as the North Devon coast before they ran low on fuel. “They are convinced it was a UFO. It sounds far-fetched, but they know what they saw.” Said an unnamed source. Why do these people always refuse to give their name? I don’t know how far-fetched it sounds these days. These things are appearing almost daily. I wish one would land and say “Hi,” but then sombody would probably shoot at it.

WOODEN ELECTRIC CAR UNVEILED

What would Henry Ford think if he saw this? A driver takes a prototype wooden electric car for a spin after it was unveiled in Kyoto, Japan. The buggy, which has bamboo-weave doors, has a range of six miles and can hit 30mph. It kind of reminds me of a golf cart. It would be great for putting around town.

wooden car

WEIRDO HIDES IN COUCH

It is amazing to what extent some people will go through to be weird. Police say a New York man cut a hole in a woman’s couch and hid in the carved-out space until she came home.  Newburgh police said the woman sat on the couch Wednesday evening and felt a bump in the cushions move.  That would be really creepy. She jumped up and David Joe Limones emerged from his hiding place, knocking a cell phone out of her hand. Surprise. A jack-in-box in the couch. The woman was on the phone with a friend when she entered her apartment because she had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and was worried he might be there. She was obviously much smarter than he was. Police said she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong. When officers arrived, they found Limones and the 22-year-old woman arguing on the apartment’s balcony. Hopefully they can put this cat away, but somehow I suspect this will only be temporary fix for this guy.

SEGA ROBOT GIRLFRIEND

Feeling lonely, can’t get a girl, tired of coming home to the hamster. Well Sega has come up with an idea to help you out. It’s a pixie-size robotic girlfriend with a big chest who will kiss on command. Android love baby. The petite lady, known as “EMA” (an acronym for Eternal Maiden Actualization), runs on batteries and will hit stores in September with a price of about $175. It’s a lot cheaper than a real girlfriend. “Strong, tough and battle-ready are some of the words often associated with robots, but we wanted to break that stereotype and provide a robot that’s sweet and interactive,” Sega spokesperson Minako Sakanoue said. “She’s very lovable and though she’s not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend.” Well let’s not carry it too far. She’s only 15 inches high. It’s more like a pucker up Barbie, except she looks like the Joan Rivers android in Spaceballs. When EMA’s sensors detect a nearby human head, she puckers up for a kiss, designers call this her “love mode.” How wonderfully…weird. Well, if nothing else, she suppossedly does a song and dance too. Really, I’m not kidding. EMA should be available by Christmas, batteries not included.

Sega's new Eternal Maiden Actualisation robot enters 'love mode' when a human head gets close. Photo / Reuters

TRONS – ROBOT BAND: I guess we don’t need musicians any more.

 
STAR WARS DANCE-A-THON
 

CHELSEA CLINTON, GUN OR GAS, JAILED POLITICIANS, BARE BUTT POSTER, AND MECHAPHILIA

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2008 by mclassen

 CHELSEA CLINTON – THE NEXT GENERATION?

In an exclusive interview with Bill Clinton in People Magazine, he’s asked would Chelsea ever consider a career in politics? This leaves some interesting prospects for the future. A Clinton dynasty? Well it’s got to be better than the one the Bush’s have handed us. Clinton had an interesting answer.  “Before Iowa, I would have said, ‘No way. She is too allergic to anything we do.’ But she is really good at it. It all changed after Iowa. She realized her mother lost Iowa 100 percent because of younger voters. She was upset, bawled, went to her employer and said, ‘Look, you got to let me go or give me an indefinite leave of absence. I’m not letting my mother go down like this.'” It appears that Chelsea has some of her mother’s tenacity and getting her mother’s back gets her big time points. Chelsea has been a continuing presence in Hillary’s campaign and has been dealing with some tough questions on some tough issues. In the People interview, Clinton called his daughter’s “emergence” the “second best thing” of the campaign, after his wife’s resiliency. The former President also made a comment about a press bias against Hillary. “I think most of the press people are in Obama’s demographic. They need a feeling more than they perceive they need a President. There have been times when I thought I was literally lost in a fun house.”  I’m not so sure he’s correct there, but he does go on to say about Obama, “I don’t know him very well. But, I do think it’s better to have made a lot of decisions before you get to be President.” This People interview is definately worth a read and it hits newstands today. Could Chelsea get a taste for politics? Could we be seeing the continuation of the Clinton influence on American politics for the future? It sounds awfully Kennedy to me.

NEW CAR DEAL – GUN OR GAS?

At a new car dealership in Butler, Missouri they are offering a bang-up special deal. You can put $250 to either get a new handgun or gas with any purchase through the end of the month. General Manager, Walter Moore of Max Motors says most people are opting for the handgun. He recommends the semi-automatic model because it holds more rounds.  That doesn’t surprise me, with the handgun you can get your gas for free. Moore says, “Down here, we all believe in God, guts and guns.” Well, this IS the state that gave us Frank and Jesse James.

GERMAN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS LOCKED UP BY ACCIDENT

A group of German officials were locked away in a jail previously run by the East German Stasi, the former secret police. Thinking all visitors had left, staff closed up the memorial museum that was the Stasi’s main jail, and shut the high-ranking representatives from Germany‘s 16 states inside. I bet that brought on some unintentional enlightenment. “It was a misunderstanding,” said Siegfried Reiprich, deputy director of the complex in eastern Berlin, on Wednesday. I’m sure he was hoping that he wouldn’t be fired over the mixup. Realizing they were trapped, the group called the federal Chancellery late on Tuesday and urgently requested to be let out.  About half an hour later the officials were freed from the complex where political opponents of the East German regime were once interrogated by their captors. I wish some of our politicians would “accidentally” get locked away. Then just don’t answer the phone. Anybody up for a trip to Alcatraz?

 BRITISH MAN HAS BARE BUTT POSTERED AROUND TOWN

 Pasha Cummings of Seaford, England is the latest victim of the fury of a woman scorned. According to his recently exited wife, Carol, he had been cheating on her and she decided to get even. She had 200 posters of him printed and then posted all over town on lampposts, bus stops, and walls that shows him and his bare butt posing at a barbeque. I have to admit, that would be something that should come under a blight law. Beneath the ‘glamour shot’, the posters read: ‘Pasha Cummings: lying, cheating, two-timing arse! Sandra Beckworth is no better.’ Sandra is apparently the “other” woman. Carol exited the country for Cyprus immediately upon distribution of the controversial poster. People have come up with the most creative ways to slander each other lately. Youtube, Ebay, now this. They’re certainly being creative. What ever happened to keeping your dirty laundry behind closed doors.

MAN CLAIMS SEX WITH 1000 CARS

Never buy a used car from this man, “used” being the operative word here. Edward Smith has a sexual attraction for mechanical vehicles. I guess they wouldn’t complain if you’re not very good. Smith, 57, says he first had sex with a car at the age of 15 and has banged out the fenders of more than 1000. He claims he has never been attracted to women or men and cars are just his preference. OK, something went seriously wrong here. I’ve heard of having a passion for your cars but, this is a bit over the top. They even have a name for this: mechaphilia. He is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together through the Internet. Smith, who now lives with his current “girlfriend,” a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, said he has no desire to change his ways. Of course not, all his desire is aimed at this poor VW’s fender. “I’m not sick,” he said, “And I don’t want to hurt anyone.” That, may be a matter of opinion. If the car doesn’t start, does that mean no? Does he consider Herbie the Love Bug porn? This guy would be a riot at a NASCAR rally.

 LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

CLINTON DOWN – NOT OUT, DEATH BY PLAYSTATION, NEIL YOUNG SPIDER, STUCK DOG, AND MOM’S OVERTURE

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2008 by mclassen

 HILLARY CLINTON LOOKS AHEAD TO WEST VIRGINIA

Whether you support her or not, you have to give her credit for not giving up easily. Hillary spent Mother’s Day in West Virginia in a effort to take that state’s primary on Tuesday. Obama spent the weekend in Chicago counting his chickens before they’ve hatched by planning his post convention campaign. Clinton is currently the picture of tenacity as she continues in a campaign that many have declared officially dead. She has stated that she is in it until June and it appears that she means it. One thing’s for sure, Hillary is going down swinging if she goes down at all. She may surprise everyone by having a political near death experience. Everybody out of the way. Charge up the pads. Clear. We’ve got a heartbeat.

 

MAN KILLS NEIGHBOR OVER PLAYSTATION

Edward Stoddard Jr. from Land O Lakes, Florida, suspected his neighbor, Douglas Abrams of borrowing his Playstation 3. The two apparently argued over it and Stoddard shot Abrams, killing him. I would say this guy needed to get a life but now that’s not an option. He’s currently housed in the Dade County lockup awaiting trial. Well I bet he won’t get his PS3 in prison. He’s going to learn about a brand new game, It’s called “Bend over I’ll drive.” The graphics are very realistic.

NEIL YOUNG SPIDER

Neil Young has had a spider named after him. An East Carolina University biologist named Bond, Jason Bond, has discovered a new species of Trap Door Spider and has named it after his favorite musician, Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Why a trap door spider reminds him of Neil Young has eluded me but hey it’s a nice gesture anyway.  Bond says that spiders are determined from one species to the next by differences in their genitalia. Now I’m really lost as to what this has to do with Neil Young. Is he an exgroupie? Does he know something about Neil the rest of us don’t? It make you want to go HMMMM. 

BATMOBILE ON EBAY

Apparently the Tim Burton Batmobile is going up for auction on Ebay for half a mil. It can’t be coincidence that this is just in time for the release of the new Batman movie “the Dark Knight.” Yes, you can now cruise around pretending that You, Yes, you can be the caped crusader. Now if you can get one of your friends to don the idiot tights of Robin you can hit the bars. It should send all the girls to you because they certainly aren’t going to him. Buy a beer for the “Wingman.”

DOG FOUND IN TRUCK ENGINE

I may know whay you vehicle has been running doggy lately. Have you ever opend up the hood of your vehicle and found a …dog? Squirrels, chipmunks, I’ve come across a lot of small critters in there but never a dog. Walter Witthoef opened the hood of his F-150 and there staring at him was a stuck pit bull terrier. He had somehow wriggled his way into the back of the engine and was impatiently waiting for someone to let him out or give him a biscuit. To amuse himself while he waited, he sat and chewed on everything in sight. Ah boredom. Animal services arrived and freed the dog who was then reunited with his owner, none the worse for wear. Next time your vehicle won’t start, check the plugs, check the wires and don’t forget to look for the dog.

Pit Bull in engine

 

NOW FOR OUR COMEDY MOMENT OF THE DAY: If you haven’t seen this you really need to. Ode to Mom by Anita Renfroe