Archive for Charles

MARTHA STEWART FAIL, CHOPPER UFO CHASE, WOODEN ELECTRIC CAR, WEIRDO IN THE COUCH, ROBOT GIRLFRIENDS, TRONS, AND STAR WARS DANCERS

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2008 by mclassen

 MARTHA STEWART BANNED, DENIED, NO GO TO BRITAIN

Ah the old ghost comes back to haunt. The Queen of whatever it is she does, Martha Stewart, has seen the old ghost of her past rise before her eyes once again. The woman who had no life and made a carreer out of it is visiting Poland where they are launching a version of her “Martha Stewart Living” magazine in Polish. She thought she’d stop by the British Isles on her way home. Wrong, fail, not going to happen. Apparently, the British powers that be don’t appreciate her prison record and have denied her a visa  to enter the country. I guess she won’t be showing the queen how to make paper flowers this time around.  “Martha loves England; the country and English culture are near and dear to her heart,” said Charles Koppelman, chairman of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. “She has engagements with English companies and business leaders and hopes this can be resolved so that she will be able to visit soon.” I guess they will just have to come to her back in the good old U.S. of A. A British spokeswoman, however, refused to comment about Stewart’s entry to Britain, but added: “We continue to oppose the entry to the U.K. of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public good or where they have been found guilty of serious criminal offenses abroad.” Ouch. That’s going to leave a mark. Now for those of you that have been living under the proverbial rock here’s a recap. In 2004, Stewart was convicted in federal court of conspiracy, obstruction of justice and making false statements related to a personal sale of ImClone Systems Inc. stock. She got a five-month prison sentence, and also served an additional five months and three weeks of home confinement. Well, Martha, I guess it sucks for you. Welcome back to the real world where we all live with our mistakes. No crumpets for you.

Martha Stewart

 

HELICOPTER PURSUES UFO

In England a police helicopter spotted a flying saucer and decided to give chase. If UFOs can outrun a jet, did the police really think they had a chance in a chopper? The mystery aircraft zoomed straight at the chopper as the three-man cop crew prepared to land. Tag, you’re it. The pilot was forced to bank sharply to avoid being hit by the mystery aircraft as the helicopter was returning to the Ministry of Defence base of St Athan, near Cardiff. Maybe it was another of those infamous secret experimental military aircraft. The three crew described the UFO as ‘flying saucer-shaped’. They gave chase, getting as far as the North Devon coast before they ran low on fuel. “They are convinced it was a UFO. It sounds far-fetched, but they know what they saw.” Said an unnamed source. Why do these people always refuse to give their name? I don’t know how far-fetched it sounds these days. These things are appearing almost daily. I wish one would land and say “Hi,” but then sombody would probably shoot at it.

WOODEN ELECTRIC CAR UNVEILED

What would Henry Ford think if he saw this? A driver takes a prototype wooden electric car for a spin after it was unveiled in Kyoto, Japan. The buggy, which has bamboo-weave doors, has a range of six miles and can hit 30mph. It kind of reminds me of a golf cart. It would be great for putting around town.

wooden car

WEIRDO HIDES IN COUCH

It is amazing to what extent some people will go through to be weird. Police say a New York man cut a hole in a woman’s couch and hid in the carved-out space until she came home.  Newburgh police said the woman sat on the couch Wednesday evening and felt a bump in the cushions move.  That would be really creepy. She jumped up and David Joe Limones emerged from his hiding place, knocking a cell phone out of her hand. Surprise. A jack-in-box in the couch. The woman was on the phone with a friend when she entered her apartment because she had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and was worried he might be there. She was obviously much smarter than he was. Police said she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong. When officers arrived, they found Limones and the 22-year-old woman arguing on the apartment’s balcony. Hopefully they can put this cat away, but somehow I suspect this will only be temporary fix for this guy.

SEGA ROBOT GIRLFRIEND

Feeling lonely, can’t get a girl, tired of coming home to the hamster. Well Sega has come up with an idea to help you out. It’s a pixie-size robotic girlfriend with a big chest who will kiss on command. Android love baby. The petite lady, known as “EMA” (an acronym for Eternal Maiden Actualization), runs on batteries and will hit stores in September with a price of about $175. It’s a lot cheaper than a real girlfriend. “Strong, tough and battle-ready are some of the words often associated with robots, but we wanted to break that stereotype and provide a robot that’s sweet and interactive,” Sega spokesperson Minako Sakanoue said. “She’s very lovable and though she’s not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend.” Well let’s not carry it too far. She’s only 15 inches high. It’s more like a pucker up Barbie, except she looks like the Joan Rivers android in Spaceballs. When EMA’s sensors detect a nearby human head, she puckers up for a kiss, designers call this her “love mode.” How wonderfully…weird. Well, if nothing else, she suppossedly does a song and dance too. Really, I’m not kidding. EMA should be available by Christmas, batteries not included.

Sega's new Eternal Maiden Actualisation robot enters 'love mode' when a human head gets close. Photo / Reuters

TRONS – ROBOT BAND: I guess we don’t need musicians any more.

 
STAR WARS DANCE-A-THON
 

MCCAIN OBAMA CONDOMS, ROYAL DEBT, UNICORN DEER, AND CLOUD MAKING MACHINE

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2008 by mclassen

GET YOUR POLITICALLY CORRECT? CONDOMS 

Feeling screwed by this election already and want some payback. Feel the need to become politically erect? The Practice Safe Policy website is selling both John McCain and Barack Obama condoms, from their sister sites, McCainCondoms.com and ObamaCondoms.com. I’m not sure this would help my sex life. The McCain site says these condoms are “old but not expired,” while the Obama site says “who says experience is necessary?” Both sites sell a package of two for $9.95, but shipping is an additional $3. PayPal is accepted, naturally.

For McCain: Give your “troops” the protection they deserve, buy McCain Condoms today! This will turn out to be the ultimate collectors item or a perfect gift for grandpa! Trophy wife approved. For the proud, liberal Republican, conservative Republican.

For Obama: These are uncertain times. The economy’s a ball-buster and the surge went flaccid… but now there’s Obama Condoms, for a change you can believe in! For the elitist penis. They won’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth. When you just want to close the deal.

Yes, show your support for your candidate. The thing that bothers me is that politicians never live up to their promises. Does that mean these might leak like a White House tipster? I say never trust a politician…or one of their condoms. You might have a unexpected tax deduction on the way.

 

 PRINCE CHARLES PAYS 350 YEAR OLD DEBT

Don’t you hate it when the relatives leave unpaid bills.  That’s what happened in this case. A bill that has been hanging out since 1651was just paid by Prince Charles.  The debt was incurred in 1651 when King Charles II, at the time recognized only as the King of Scotland, was preparing for the Battle of Worcester. He asked the Clothiers Company in Worcester to prepare uniforms for his soldiers and pledged to pay afterward, but his forces were defeated and Charles fled to mainland Europe. Needless to say the bill was left out there unpaid. So, it seems Prince Charles didn’t appreciate his descendants fiscal irresponsibility and has taken care of his namesake’s debt. He did decline to pay the interest on it saying “I wasn’t born yesterday.” The Master of the Clothiers Company of Worcester, Andrew Grant, received the money from the prince in a 1650-style gaming purse made by the Royal Shakespeare Company. The two met at the Commandery, the royal headquarters during the battle. “We are very grateful to the Prince of Wales for repaying the debt to the Worcester Clothiers Company,” Grant said. Those Brits, they always have to have a little pomp with their circumstance. The must have been getting a bad score on Freecreditreport.com.

UNICORN DEER DISCOVERED IN ITALY

This is fantasy becoming reality,” Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, Italy, told The Associated Press. “The unicorn has always been a mythological animal.” Well, this one is a bit far from the mythological animal, but it is interesting just the same. The 1-year-old Roe Deer, nicknamed “Unicorn,” was born in captivity in the research center’s park in the Tuscan town of Prato, near Florence, Tozzi said. P.T. Barnum would have loved this one. He would have passed it off as, rare one of a kind, never before seen by human eyes. Yep, I can hear him now. But I digress, this way to the egress. This deer was one  half of a pair of twins born in the preserve. Tozzi believes this could be the origin of the unicorn myth. I’m not buying that, but it appears he had to come up with something to say. “This shows that even in past times, there could have been animals with this anomaly,” he said by telephone. “It’s not like they dreamed it up.” Trust me, I live in the land of “more deer than we know what to do with.” They come in all shapes and sizes. One with a unicorn horn wouldn’t surprise me much. I find it interesting, but origin of myths, I don’t think I’d stretch it to quite those limits. He’s a cute little bugger though.

This undated photo provided by the Center of Natural Sciences ...

 

CLOUD MAKING MACHINE

Remember when you were a kid looking up at the sky and you were trying to see what kinds of shapes you could see in the clouds. OK, I still do that. Well, now there is a machine that actually makes predetermined shapes. This may take some of the imagination out of it, but they are intriquing just the same. A former magician, Francisco Guerra, has come up with the concept that terms his clouds “Flogos.” They are made of soap and gases, such as helium, which allow them to fly off and retain their puffy texture. In other words, they are elaborate soap bubbles. “They will fly for miles,” said Mr Guerra. “They are durable so they last a while.” Depending on the weather and the formula used, the Flogos can last from a few minutes to more than an hour. They can fly up to 30 miles and go as high as four miles but normally the little clouds level out at about 500ft. I can see where people will be reporting a lot more UFOs in the future. “It looked like the head of Mickey Mouse.” His machines can pump out a Flogo at a rate of one every 15 seconds. That’s enough to blot out the sun. The clouds can be made in 2ft or 3ft sizes but a 6ft generator is in the pipeline. Current designs are only available in white but Mr Guerra plans to add color options from next year. Wow, clouds with color. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to take that.

Cloud-making machine

Cloud-making machine

Cloud-making machine

SIGN OF THE TIMES

blog post photo

 

MEMORIAL DAY, GRUMPY QUEEN, OBAMA PARROT, PORN TAX, AND ROBBY KNIEVEL

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 26, 2008 by mclassen

 THE ORIGIN OF MEMORIAL DAY

The following is a quick history lesson on where Memorial Day comes from. I did not write this and it comes from the Cox and Forkum website. It is nicely done and I figured if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If you see a Veteran, I suggest doing this any day not just the holiday, tell them thanks and buy them a cocktail. They earned it.   

The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Waterloo, New York. The village was credited with being the birthplace because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter, and because it is likely that the friendship of General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A Logan, who led the call for the day to be observed each year and helped spread the event nationwide, was a key factor in its growth. General Logan had been impressed by the way the South honored their dead with a special day and decided the Union needed a similar day. Reportedly, Logan said that it was most fitting; that the ancients, especially the Greeks, had honored their dead, particularly their heroes, by chaplets of laurel and flowers, and that he intended to issue an order designating a day for decorating the grave of every soldier in the land, and if he could he would have made it a holiday. Logan had been the principal speaker in a citywide memorial observation on April 29, 1866, at a cemetery in Carbondale, Illinois, an event that likely gave him the idea to make it a national holiday. On May 5, 1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, a veterans’ organization, Logan issued a proclamation that “Decoration Day” be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of a battle. The tombs of fallen Union soldiers were decorated in remembrance of this day.  The alternative name of “Memorial Day” was first used in 1882, but did not become more common until after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. On June 28, 1968, the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved four holidays from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend.

THIS WAS COURTESY OF THE COX AND FORKUM WEBSITE

 

 THE QUEEN HAS A GRUMP ON

 A British newspaper says the Canadian bride of the Queen’s eldest grandson is being blamed for a controversial deal with celebrity magazine Hello! for exclusive photos of their wedding at Windsor Castle. Montrealer Autumn Kelly married Peter Phillips on Saturday at the castle’s 15th-century St. George’s Chapel in front of 300 guests. The deal is reported to be worth $1 million. That’ll pay for one heck of a honeymoon. The British royal family and particulary Queen Elizabeth is up in arms about this as they weren’t consulted on the deal. The wedding pics will include images of most of the royals, including the Queen, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, and Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy. Yep that about covers everyone the magazines would be interested in. The Brits are saying that images of their Queen doesn’t belong in a gossip rag. Too late now. Hello, published over 60 pics of the wedding. The new Mrs. Phillips said she needed the money to pay for expenses since nobody else was willing to pick up the tab. I think she probably has more deals in the making. I’m sure a book deal, How I Managed to Marry into the Royal Family, could be in the works. Then there’s the lecture circuit, 10 steps to courting the grandson of a queen. Then there’s talk shows, websites, the list is endless. She could make an entire career out of this. Wow Canadians have their own member of the royal family now. Hey, guest appearances at hockey games singing “Oh Canada.” 

Queen Elizabeth II

 

OBAMA PARROT

This is an idea that was suggested by one of the Midnight Ramblings readers, Tom Vickers. He has a blog here on wordpress that’s always worth a look at called TV’s Weblog-The Great Nonsense of Life. He thought that Smokey, the Obama supporting talking Parrot would fit right in. I agreed. This is just too funny. The video is taken from a CNN report done by Jeannie Moos. She’s quite clever and it’s cool to have it on the site. Watch and enjoy.

TAX ON PORN?

California is in deep financial trouble. Who isn’t? They have decided to get into the porn business so to speak. In an effort to get the state back on track a new concept in “sin” tax is being considered. Since most pornography is produced in southern California, state Assemblyman, Charles Calderon has proposed a 25% tax on all porn production and sale. Holy Ron Jeremy Batman! That’s a heavy duty tax. That’ll make your porn cost worse than the price of gas. Isn’t this a sort of state sponsored pimping? If they’re smart they’ll just pack up and move somewhere else. It’s not like they need studios, actors, or talent for these things. They ought to fit right in at Key West.

ROBBY KNIEVEL BEATS EVEL’S RECORD

“Hopefully I’ll see you after the jump,” Knievel told everyone just before he climbed the start ramp. With that, Robby took off and broke his dad, Evil Knievel’s, record. He jumped 200 feet and 24 semi trucks with his motorcycle. The previous record was 115 ft. This just so rocks. He did the jump in the same place, King’s Island in Mason Ohio, that his father had set the previous record. Robbie Knievel dedicated his stunt to his father, U.S. war veterans and those serving in the military. Look ma I can fly!

INSANITY IS COOL WHEN IT WORKS. LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

BAD POETRY, EBAY WIFE SALE, BARKLEY GAMBLES, AND TALKING VODKA

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2008 by mclassen

 BAD POETRY OUT SELLS HARRY POTTER 

 At an auction in Edinburough, Scotland 35 original poems of noted bad poet William Topaz McGonagall has out sold Harry Potter at an auction. A collector paid $12,840 for the self published 1890’s work. This proves that if you do something badly, it can still be profitable. Unfortuantely you’ll have to be dead for it to come to pass. The price paid beat out a collection of incribed Harry Potter books which were sold at the same auction for $12,000. McGonagall’s lack of talent was matched only by his delusion and ego. Along with the 35 poems were a portfolio of posters and two copies of his rather short autobiography – “dedicated to himself, knowing none greater.” McGonagall was so bad that he kept an umbrella with him during recitals to shield him from all the rotten tomatoes that were thrown at him. Ah, poetry lovers. The buyer has remained anonymous because he doesn’t want the ridicule of being identified as a fan. Personally, I’d be proud to show that I have a collection of the worst poetry known to mankind, but then, I like the Rocky Horror Picture show.

MAN TRIES TO SELL WIFE ON EBAY

Want to pick up a used…wife? High milage. Paul Osborn, a UK man, has tried to get rid of his wife by posting her for auction on Ebay! It’s official, you really can find anything on Ebay. Osborn found out his wife, Sharon was cheating on him with a co-worker. It was Osborn’s way of letting the world know she was an adulterous, lying, cheating, well, you get the idea. In the listing he suggest that people not bid on her as she’s apparently not worth diddly in his opinion. I can’t say as I blame him. He also has given out the name of her lover, Richard Drew who is also married along with his address, and phone number. Ebay was rather prompt in taking the auction down, probably because they weren’t going to make anything on the auction. Minimum bid, a pence. If he would have been able to complete the auction, it might have saved him some divorce costs. I wish I’d have thought of this for my Ex.

Man Tries to Ditch Cheating Wife on eBay

 

CHARLES BARKLEY GAMBLING DEBT

Wow, former NBA star Charles Barkley owes a casino in Vegas $400,000! Now I’m sure athletes are overpaid. People jump out of windows for things like that. The casino has made repeated calls to Barkley trying to get the debt paid, but he didn’t respond. It took a call from the local prosecutor to get him to own up. He now says he’ll pay the debt since he’s “not broke.” Did he think they were just going to forget about it? People have ended up in umarked graves for less. Over the years Barkley estimates he’s gambled away over $10 million. “Do I have a gambling problem? Yeah, I do have a gambling problem,” Barkley said. “But i don’t consider it a problem because I can afford to gamble.” Well, not paying your debts makes it look like you can’t afford it. Just remember if a couple of guys named Guido start hanging around, you HAVE a problem.

 DOES YOUR VODKA BOTTLE TALK?

 Do you drink alone? Do you prefer to be by yourself? Well, the Russians have come up with a cure for that. it’s the vodka bottle that talks back. The BBC is reporting that Russians are about to begin marketing a brand of vodka with a bottle that talks. I’ve always felt that if my bottle is talking, it’s time to go home. Welcome to the alcoholically induced world of microprocessors. You’ve got to love those crazy Russians. Yes, now you can have a drinking buddy in a bottle. Apparently when ever you open the top, it’s the top that talks, it will offer a variety of Russian toasts and encourage you to drink up. Personally I’ve never needed much encouragement. Now here’s the fun part. The more the top is opened the more the bottle’s speech becomes slurred. Yes your bottle gets drunk with you. The perfect date.  When the bottle’s empty, you’ve outdrank your buddy. Hopefully he’s not the one driving home.

HERE’S A TRIBUTE TO THOSE OF US THAT DRINK ALONE: TGIF!