Archive for condoms

MCCAIN OBAMA CONDOMS, ROYAL DEBT, UNICORN DEER, AND CLOUD MAKING MACHINE

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2008 by mclassen

GET YOUR POLITICALLY CORRECT? CONDOMS 

Feeling screwed by this election already and want some payback. Feel the need to become politically erect? The Practice Safe Policy website is selling both John McCain and Barack Obama condoms, from their sister sites, McCainCondoms.com and ObamaCondoms.com. I’m not sure this would help my sex life. The McCain site says these condoms are “old but not expired,” while the Obama site says “who says experience is necessary?” Both sites sell a package of two for $9.95, but shipping is an additional $3. PayPal is accepted, naturally.

For McCain: Give your “troops” the protection they deserve, buy McCain Condoms today! This will turn out to be the ultimate collectors item or a perfect gift for grandpa! Trophy wife approved. For the proud, liberal Republican, conservative Republican.

For Obama: These are uncertain times. The economy’s a ball-buster and the surge went flaccid… but now there’s Obama Condoms, for a change you can believe in! For the elitist penis. They won’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth. When you just want to close the deal.

Yes, show your support for your candidate. The thing that bothers me is that politicians never live up to their promises. Does that mean these might leak like a White House tipster? I say never trust a politician…or one of their condoms. You might have a unexpected tax deduction on the way.

 

 PRINCE CHARLES PAYS 350 YEAR OLD DEBT

Don’t you hate it when the relatives leave unpaid bills.  That’s what happened in this case. A bill that has been hanging out since 1651was just paid by Prince Charles.  The debt was incurred in 1651 when King Charles II, at the time recognized only as the King of Scotland, was preparing for the Battle of Worcester. He asked the Clothiers Company in Worcester to prepare uniforms for his soldiers and pledged to pay afterward, but his forces were defeated and Charles fled to mainland Europe. Needless to say the bill was left out there unpaid. So, it seems Prince Charles didn’t appreciate his descendants fiscal irresponsibility and has taken care of his namesake’s debt. He did decline to pay the interest on it saying “I wasn’t born yesterday.” The Master of the Clothiers Company of Worcester, Andrew Grant, received the money from the prince in a 1650-style gaming purse made by the Royal Shakespeare Company. The two met at the Commandery, the royal headquarters during the battle. “We are very grateful to the Prince of Wales for repaying the debt to the Worcester Clothiers Company,” Grant said. Those Brits, they always have to have a little pomp with their circumstance. The must have been getting a bad score on Freecreditreport.com.

UNICORN DEER DISCOVERED IN ITALY

This is fantasy becoming reality,” Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, Italy, told The Associated Press. “The unicorn has always been a mythological animal.” Well, this one is a bit far from the mythological animal, but it is interesting just the same. The 1-year-old Roe Deer, nicknamed “Unicorn,” was born in captivity in the research center’s park in the Tuscan town of Prato, near Florence, Tozzi said. P.T. Barnum would have loved this one. He would have passed it off as, rare one of a kind, never before seen by human eyes. Yep, I can hear him now. But I digress, this way to the egress. This deer was one  half of a pair of twins born in the preserve. Tozzi believes this could be the origin of the unicorn myth. I’m not buying that, but it appears he had to come up with something to say. “This shows that even in past times, there could have been animals with this anomaly,” he said by telephone. “It’s not like they dreamed it up.” Trust me, I live in the land of “more deer than we know what to do with.” They come in all shapes and sizes. One with a unicorn horn wouldn’t surprise me much. I find it interesting, but origin of myths, I don’t think I’d stretch it to quite those limits. He’s a cute little bugger though.

This undated photo provided by the Center of Natural Sciences ...

 

CLOUD MAKING MACHINE

Remember when you were a kid looking up at the sky and you were trying to see what kinds of shapes you could see in the clouds. OK, I still do that. Well, now there is a machine that actually makes predetermined shapes. This may take some of the imagination out of it, but they are intriquing just the same. A former magician, Francisco Guerra, has come up with the concept that terms his clouds “Flogos.” They are made of soap and gases, such as helium, which allow them to fly off and retain their puffy texture. In other words, they are elaborate soap bubbles. “They will fly for miles,” said Mr Guerra. “They are durable so they last a while.” Depending on the weather and the formula used, the Flogos can last from a few minutes to more than an hour. They can fly up to 30 miles and go as high as four miles but normally the little clouds level out at about 500ft. I can see where people will be reporting a lot more UFOs in the future. “It looked like the head of Mickey Mouse.” His machines can pump out a Flogo at a rate of one every 15 seconds. That’s enough to blot out the sun. The clouds can be made in 2ft or 3ft sizes but a 6ft generator is in the pipeline. Current designs are only available in white but Mr Guerra plans to add color options from next year. Wow, clouds with color. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to take that.

Cloud-making machine

Cloud-making machine

Cloud-making machine

SIGN OF THE TIMES

blog post photo

 

ROBERT DOWNEY JR BURGER SAVIOR, ANTARCTIC CONDOMS, SHINY NEW OUTHOUSE, PIGEON REHAB, MICHIGAN METEOR, AND MOONDUST TELESCOPE

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2008 by mclassen

ROBERT DOWNEY JR SAVED BY BAD BURGER KING

This is one of those stories you can’t make up. Robert Downey Jr. claims to have been convinced to get straight by a bad burger experience at Burger King. In an interview with Britain’s Empire magazine, the 43-year-old actor recounts an incident in 2003 when he was driving around with “tons of f—ing dope” when he decided it was time for a burger. “I have to thank Burger King,” he told Empire. “It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen.” After the bad burger experience, he said he tossed all of his drugs into the ocean and decided to sober up for good. I have to admit, I’ve had some pretty bad burgers at Burger King but I have yet to experience the epiphany burger. I wonder what they put on one of those. Apparently he got a combo with his. Burger King’s new Epiphany burger helping people with their lives and indigestion. Don’t forget the Tums.

ANTARCTIC RECEIVES 16,500 CONDOMS

It seems we’ve been missing out. It appears that when the sun goes down in the antarctic, the fun begins.  Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them. Party on! Hats off folks. The base only has a skeleton staff through the winter but what a staff. “Since everybody knows everyone, it becomes a little bit uncomfortable,” Henriksen said. Frigid here doesn’t seem to be a problem. Sunrise starts again in late august and then supply flight resume and tourism picks up. Let’s see, 3 months, endless nightlife,16,500 condoms, that says orgy to me. I wonder what kind of cocktails they have down there. It may be cold and snowy down there, but they’ve obviously found something to occupy themselves. Put me down for a visit. Artic Researchers Gone Wild, it could be the next big thing. Where’s my video camera?

 MAN FIGHTS TO KEEP OUTHOUSE – WINS

In Batavia, Ohio, Elbert Preston, everybody calls him Lew, refused to give up having an outhouse. It seems that his old one was violating a few health codes and the powers that be wanted it gone. Well, Lew wasn’t going to stand, or sit for that.  A former trustee for Washington Township, he challenged the board of health for months before seeking help from People Working Cooperatively, a nonprofit that has done thousands of projects for low-income, elderly and disabled residents in southern Ohio and northern Kentucky. They built him a new outhouse, one that was up to codes. “It’s too nice and complicated to be an outhouse,” Lew said. “I call it a privy.” Preston, who is slowed by diabetes and has colon problems and pacemaker, said he never saw the need to replace the old outhouse, which once was picked up and carried into his garden by a tornado without major damage. He said he has used an outside toilet since settling in Washington Township 40 years ago and likes the privacy of a privy. “When you’re in a house, sounds carry, Everybody knows your business.” I’m guessing we won’t be seeing any high tech from this guy.

PIGEON ENTERS REHAB 

 Al Coury of Wanamaker, Indiana races pigeons. He sent several of them to Montgomery, Alabama to be released for a race which uses the birds instincts to race back home. First pigeons to their home loft wins the race. Well, one of his birds decided enough of this bird crap and decided he’d had enough. He found a nice hospital courtyard and checked himself in for some RandR. The pigeon went about making friends with the patients of the Meadows Hospital and even sat in on some group sessions held in the courtyard. The avian athelete, now dubbed Miss Pigeon had a band on its leg with Coury’s phone number on it and he was contacted. He told them to feed the bird unpopped popcorn and then went to reclaim the wayaward creature. There is no word on what the bill for the bird’s recovery will be. Do professional homing pigeons get health care?

METEORITE SHAPED LIKED MIGHIGAN GETS $20,000

A 75 pound meteorite shaped like Michigan’s lower peninsula fetched $20,000 at an auction in Dallas, Texas. The owner Darryl Pitt was disapointed. He felt it Should have gone for $50,000. Well times are hard Darryl and of course it’s no corn flake. A recent fiasco over an Illinois shaped cornflake fetching bids that neared $250,000 at one point was on Ebay. Maybe that was the problem, it wasn’t on Ebay. Darryl felt his meteor should rival one that sold not long ago that was shaped like the Indian subcontinent. That one went for $90,000, but it also weighed three-quarters of a ton. I guess in this case, size really does matter. Look at it this way, you sold a piece of space junk for 20 grand. You’re lucky you got that much.

TELESCOPE MADE FROM MOONDUST

Peter Chen, a NASA scientist feels he has found a practical way to build a telescope on the moon. Why we need one I haven’t quite figured out yet, but he thinks he can do it anyway. He wants to make it from moon dust. He has been experimenting with moon dust-like particles and has been able to creat a small example to show everyone he can do this. Of course we’re not talking real moondust and this may prove better in theory than practice. “We believe we have found a way to turn moon dust into a telescope,” said Peter Chen, with NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. The process require combining nanotubes, small carbon fibers, and crushed rock that simulates moondust. Actually it sounds like he was making mudpies to me. “First we had something very gooey and smelly,” Chen told reporters at the American Astronomical Society meeting last week. “Then we had this very hard, very stable material like concrete.” Yep, mud pies. OK, adobe. The latin Americans discovered that a long time ago.  Chen feels his process can create a structure and the entire telescope system. Isn’t this really redundant? With Hubble working so well, why do we need one on the moon. But then again, we just spent billions to find salt on Mars, I guess we might as well spend a few billion more to make some mudpies on the moon. The real problem is there’s way too much grant money floating around for projects like this.