Robbers Call Bank for Money to Go
Welcome to another moment of I couldn’t get it right if I tried. In Fairfield, Conn. Police say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get a bag of money ready. I suppose they wanted them to shove it out through the drive-up window too. Police arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on robbery and threatening charges Tuesday afternoon at a People’s United Bank branch in Fairfield. I’m just imagining how this conversation must have gone: “Hello, May I help you?” “Yes, we’ll be by in just a few minutes and my partner and I are going to pob your bank. Could you be so kind as to have the money ready when we arrive.” “Why sir that won’t be a problem at all. We’re looking forward to doing business with you.” Sgt. James Perez says the two Bridgeport residents showed up about 10 minutes after making the call and were met by police in the parking lot. There’s nothing like crooks phoning in their own tip. Perez told the Connecticut Post the suspects were “not too bright.” Well, it goes to show you that making reservations is good for some things, bank robbery, not so good. Lesson learned? You need to actually have an IQ to be a thief.
Give Me All of Your Money and Don’t tell My Mom.
In this little story more ineptitude abounds. A teen robber asked a clerk not to “tell my mom” what he’d done before fleeing from the scene of his attempted hold-up in a Salt Lake City store. I have to admit, after that, the first thing I would do is call his mom. If he’s more afraid of her than the cops. that’s saying something about mom. Police said the teenager went into a convenience store early last Saturday morning and approached the counter with numerous items. So far so good. As the clerk put his supposed purchases through the till, the would-be thief tried to sneak behind him and hold a knife to his neck. A knife? If you’re going to enter a life of crime, you need real weapons. But the quick-thinking clerk spun around with his hands up and hit the teenager in the face, knocking him to the floor. I’m betting this kid was a computer geek that ran out of munchies playing World of Warcraft and thought the magic knife he got from the Dwarven master would hold its own in the real world. Wrong. Just before he took off, the teen asked his victim not to call the police and added: “Don’t tell my mom.” That really worked. Now its all over the internet and everyone knows. I hope your mom takes your WOW account away from you.
Shaman Tells Blind Man LSD Laced Gherkins Are Cure
We’re just full of them today. A “mystic” has been jailed for eight months after claiming he could cure a blind man by feeding him gherkins laced with LSD. How do you convince someone of that? “Eat this pickle man, it’s magic. It’ll cure what ails you.” Jobless hairdresser Patrick Baecker, 35, posed as a mystic healer and told Axel Pfeffer he would make him see for £20,000. (approx 40,000 USD) Apparently it didn’t work. Imagine that. The court in Fehmarn, Germany, heard how the former motorcyclist had tried everything to restore his sight after losing it in a crash. Yes lawyers are good at putting that poor poor pitiful me spin on things. Quick reality check, dude you paid a lot of money to a hairdresser who told you he’d cure you with a pickle. I bet they weren’t even brand name pickles. Baecker fed him pickles laced with powerful mind-bending hallucinogenic drugs to induce visions. You’ll see alright, but we didn’t guarantee what. “You are a hairdresser, not a shaman,” Judge Markus Faerber told Baecker in court. He’s also not a very good con man. Jail time for you.
Drunk Man Tries to Revive Opossum
We now round out our collection of screw-ups and yo-yos with this tasty tidbit. Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a dead opossum along a highway. I wonder if the opossum is playing ‘possum? Now the other question… CPR or Mouth to Mouth? State police in Punxsutawney say several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday afternoon. Hey, isn’t that the place where they have the official groundhog for Groundhog’s Day? Isn’t his name Phil? Maybe the guy thought he was saving Phil’s life, a hero of the community and all that. No, I’m not buying it either. Police arrested him along the highway, Route 36, in Oliver Township, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. A state police news release did not specify how Wolfe was allegedly trying to revive the roadkill. And we thank them for that. That may have just been too much information.
PRINCE HARRY HAMMERED, MAN REPORTS DRUGS STOLEN, POSTCARD TO J.R.R. TOLKIEN, FACE IN THE TREE, AND GORBACHOV KILLS ZOMBIES
Posted in Animals, Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Pets, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags AARP, Africa, ANJ, Art, Baby Boomer, blog, blogging, Carter, cemetery, cocaine, comedy, commentary, Conan, Connecticutt, conversations, crack, Diana, digg, Drugs, E-zine, East, editorial, Ernest, Ezine, Family, fark.com, funny, Google, Gorbachov, Harry, Hartford, Heavy, history, Humor, JRR, Lesotho, Life, Lin, literature, Lord of the Rings, Love, Magnolia, Malton, Maryville, Max, Metal, Michigan, Minnifield, Music, News, nude women, nudity, odd, opinion, paranormal, Politics, porn, Postcard, Prince, Princess, random thoughts, royal, Royals, ruminations, Russian, sex, South, Stephen, strange, Technology, Tennessee, the music video, theonion.com, Thoughts, Tolkien, TV, video, viral, Ward, weird, women, wordpress.com, wordpress.org, Writing, Yahoo, youtube, zine, Zombies on July 10, 2008 by mclassenPRINCE HARRY GETS HAMMERED IN LESOTHO
Prince Harry worked up a sweat Tuesday as he carted wheelbarrows of cement mixture, filled a ditch and hammered nails from old roofing boards. The young royal was helping refurbish a school for mentally and physically disabled children under the auspices of a charity he founded in the impoverished African kingdom of Lesotho in memory of his late mother. Asked if Princess Diana, known for her charity work around the world, would be proud, he said simply: “I hope so.” I’m sure she would be. We see so much today about what The British Royal family is doing to create the newest flap, but we rarely hear about what they are doing that makes the world better. Harry and his regiment from the Household Cavalry were helping put in wheelchair access, build a new kitchen and lay fencing around the Thuso Center. “I love physical labor,” he said at the start of a three-week visit. “It would be wrong to be a patron of a charity and not get involved.” How often do you hear somebody that’s rich and famous say that. The African trip by members of the Household Cavalry has been planned for some time, but the decision to help the project in Lesotho was suggested by Harry. The Prince first visited Lesotho in 2004, when he met young tuberculosis and AIDS sufferers. Harry and his regiment put in eight hours a day working on the center, occasionally getting in a game of football with local villagers. Violet Moqolobane, 44, a disabled woman who works at the center, was impressed to see the tall, redheaded Harry taking part in both games and work. “Most chiefs don’t act like him,” she said. “They think they are so important.” Pootsela Tseisa, 24, said Harry was behaving as true royalty should. “He loves us. We are one for him, not black or white,” he said. “This is a good example that we should follow. It doesn’t matter how rich or how wealthy your family is.”
MAN CALLS POLICE TO REPORT DRUGS STOLEN
They say that drugs affect your mind and destroy brain cells. In this case it was probably true, but truthfully, I’m not sure he had too many to start with. An East Hartford, Connecticutt man called police to report he had been robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine. You can tell already, this plan is flawed. Max Minnefield called police Monday to tell them he had paid a man and a woman $8 for drugs he never received. Maybe he should have called Walmart. Police charged him with criminal attempt to commit possession of narcotics. During his arraignment Tuesday, Judge Bradford Ward asked Minnefield, “Did you really think the police were going to go after the people?” He added that his question was rhetorical. Well, considering they were suppossed to be dealing, they might want ot consider it. Prosecutors later dropped the charges. Laura Weslund, Minnefield’s public defender, said no drugs were ever found. Of course not, he never got them. This story is just full of brilliant deductions.
THE TREE WITH A FACE
Sometimes nature can play strange tricks. This one is pretty cool. The face-tree was brought into the Daily Times newspaper in Maryville, Tennessee on Monday, by Ernest Ward, a groundskeeper at the local Magnolia Cemetery. Ward said it was found on Monday as he and co-workers cleaned up debris from a weekend storm. According to him, a former worker at the cemetery believes the face is a spirit. If it is a spirit, you just cut it in half, how do you think it feels about that?
LOST TOLKIEN POSTCARD FOUND
Have you ever been tearing out a wall or getting a room a found something kind of cool stuck in the wall or behind something. That’s what happened to a demolision man from England as he was stripping out a house where Lord Of The Rings author J.R.R. Tolkien used to live. Stephen Malton, who runs Prodem Demolition in Bournemouth on the south English coast, was working in the house in the nearby town of Poole before it was bulldozed to make way for a new construction project. “Before we demolish a house we do an internal strip out,” Malton said. “One of the main features was a fireplace, and upon removing that we came across three postcards. The third one was a postcard dated 1968 and addressed to J.R.R. Tolkien.” That would be so cool. Malton said research on the Internet suggested that the carved wooden fireplace with marble inlay, a feature of the house when Tolkien lived there from 1968 to 1972, was already worth up to $250,000. “To tie in both the fireplace and the postcard, we are talking about a price of around $500,000 for the combined pair.” That would be even cooler. That’s one heck of a payday. The postcard was addressed to Tolkien at the Miramar Hotel in Bournemouth, where he and his wife Edith often stayed. It is from “Lin,” which Malton believed could be fellow fantasy author Lin Carter who wrote “Tolkien: A Look Behind ‘The Lord of the Rings,'” published in 1969. He also helped finish writing the Robert E. Howard, Conan series along with L. Spraque DeCamp, as well as wrote dozens of fantasy stories of his own. Depicting a scene from Ireland, it reads: “I have been thinking of you a lot and hope everything has gone as well as could be expected in the most difficult circumstances.” This is an immense find for fantasy collectors. Malton was not sure what the “difficult circumstances” might be. Tolkien had achieved fame by the time he moved to Poole in 1968. He remained in Poole until his wife’s death, when he moved back to Oxford. Tolkien died in 1973, aged 81.
GORBACHOV MEETS ZOMBIES
Now for a bit of culture? from the other side of the world. Below is a link to a music video by a Russian metal band called ANJ. It portrays a battle axe wielding Mikhail Gorbachov fighting a legion of Zombies, saving Mother Russia and bringing western culture to the zombie besieged country. The video is hilarious and a lot of fun. Check it out for some fun Russian humor.
GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO – BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.
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