POLICE OFFICER STEALS COCAINE, SAVED BY A CANDY CANE, LOST INFLATABLE BREASTS, AND FISH ART

I GOT SUGAR IN YOUR COCAINE, YOU GOT COCAINE IN MY SUGAR

Now, I know that things like this go on all the time, but I’m always amazed when these guys get caught. Corruption in the police force is certainly nothing new, so when I read about the New Jersey police officer that swapped 10 pounds of Cocaine with sugar out of the evidence room, I really wasn’t surprised. The sweet thief, Alan Souto, a former Haledon council member and Passaic County sheriff’s officer, admitted to the sugar swap to conceal the thefts made during his time assigned to the evidence bureau. It looks like coffee and donuts weren’t quite doing it for this guy anymore. Apparently this was only the tip of the coke rock. The 20-year veteran had 24-hour access to the evidence vault and also admitted that he conspired from August 2007 to July 2008 to steal quantities of the narcotic with other co-conspirators for distribution. The thing that surprises me out of all of this is that the officer is a 20-year veteran. What goes so wrong in your life that you throw the whole thing away over something like this. I guess that just every once in a while, I just don’t get it.

CANDY CANE SAVES THANKSGIVING 

I’ve come to the conclusion that Californians are way too laid back. Normally, Thanksgiving is supposed to be a happy time to spend with people you like. Granted it doesn’t always work out that way but we try. In Sacramento, some folks were enjoying a nice Thanksgiving in their yard and a neighbor apparently doesn’t like to see his neighbors happy. He attacks them with a knife. Now here’s the part that baffles me; he cut several peoples’ clothing before one of them decided to fight back. I would have kicked his ass as soon as I saw a knife coming at me. Finally, one man grabs a two-foot candy cane lawn ornament and knocks the crap out of the guy. Try to explain that when you get to jail. Police said the man with the knife was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon. Suspicion? The guest who took up the candy cane was not arrested because police determined he acted in self-defense. Ya think? Hopefully he got an extra helping of turkey for saving all these other loser’s butts.

BREASTS LOST AT SEA 

 OK, picture this, you’re walking the shoreline and you find that it is littered with…breasts. Yea I know it sounds like something from a Dali painting. But it seems that there are 130,000 inflatable breasts lost at sea. Yes you could be sailing the ocean and off the port bow, it’s a school of breasts. I wonder if this could make National Geographic. The lost breasts were intended to be distributed with a men’s magazine in Australia named “Ralph.”  The magazine’s editor Santi Pintado asked anyone with information on the current whereabouts of its freebie to get in touch. He said: “Unless Somali pirates have stolen them its difficult to explain where they are. If anyone finds any washed up on a beach, please let us know.”  So the manhunt, er breasthunt begins. The container of breasts left the docks in Beijing two weeks ago but turned up empty in Sydney this week. They’ll probably turn up in the lost and fondle eventually.

FISH ART

For most of us, Fish Heads belong in the garbage. Certainly they would never be considered art. French artist Anne-Catherine Becker-Ech­ivard has been creating what she calls her depictions of everyday life. Now you have to decide if her art belongs in the garbage where the fish heads should have been left. Inspired by the silent movies of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton, the Frenchwoman uses fish heads on models to address topics ranging from AIDS to repression. I still trying to figure out how she relates Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton to AIDS and Repression. This whole thing seems fishy to me. “Fish are a great method of communicating my opinions on this world,” says the 37-year-old, who lives in Berlin. Personally I think they’re a great way of communicating that you’re too lazy to take out the trash.

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CONDOLEEZA RICE MEETS KISS, THONG THIEVES, EMPTY HOUSE SHOOTOUT, AMAZON LOST TRIBE, AND MODERN ROBINSON CRUSOE

CONDOLEEZA RICE JOINS THE KISS ARMY

Who knew the Secretary of State was a Kiss fan. While in Stockholm, Sweden she decided to “Let her hair down” and take in a show with the aging rockers.  “I was thrilled,” Rice said of her late-night encounter with Kiss’ Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer in the executive lounge of the Sheraton Hotel where they signed autographs and handed out backstage passes and T-shirts to her staff. Late night encounter? This sounds like more than a passing fancy. I can’t wait for the tell-all book on that one. “It was really fun to meet Kiss and Gene Simmons,” she told reporters, noting that they seemed well-informed about current events. The band had asked if she could stop by after she finished dinner with the Swedish foreign minister and Rice readily agreed, she said. When Kiss beacons, she comes? Wow, how does that rate? I didn’t know they had that kind of power. Rice, a classically trained pianist, said she has eclectic musical tastes ranging from Beethoven to Bruce Springsteen. Kiss is apparently one of them. Rice said her favorite Kiss tune is “Rock and Roll All Nite.” I’m sorry, I have a hard time picturing her Rock and Rolling all night and partying everyday. Is there something about her we don’t know. Has she been hiding this closet nightlife? Could she be a mosh-pitter?

 

ROBBERS USE WOMEN’S THONGS FOR MASKS

In Arvada, Colorado, police are searching for two men who robbed a convenience store. instead of useing masks, they decided to use women’s thongs to hide their identities. The two apparent panty sniffers wandered through the store and then went up and demanded money and cigarettes from the clerk. I wonder if she kept a straight face during all of this? The two were unarmed. That’s right, they didn’t even take guns. The two left the store still wearing the thongs on their heads. They actually went out in public like that.

POLICE ATTACK EMPTY HOUSE

Police suspected that criminals from a post office robbery were hiding out in a house in Conset, England. They laid siege to the house for four hours trying to get the suspects to come out with their hands up. Finally the cops gave up and entered the house with dogs. The house was empty. Yep, no one home. So much for that reputed brilliant criminal deduction we’ve heard so much about. Elementary? 

LOST TRIBE DISCOVERED IN BRAZIL

 This is like something out of Indiana Jones. Deep in the Amazon Jungle, a plane flying over Brazil co\aught these images of a previously uncontacted tribe near the Peruvian border along the Envira river. According to authorities, the tribe looks healthy and thriving. They are located in what is called an Ethno-Environmental Protected Area. There are nearly 100 uncontacted tribes in this region and officials strive to keep them that way. “These pictures are further evidence that uncontacted tribes really do exist,” Survival director Stephen Corry said. “The world needs to wake up to this, and ensure that their territory is protected in accordance with international law. Otherwise, they will soon be made extinct.” I like knowing there are still things in the world we know nothing about and that there are a few mysteries left out there. Think of it, a culture with no cellphones, internet, or cable TV.

 

EXPLORER TO LIVE 300 DAYS ALONE ON AN ISLAND

A French explorer and adventurer Xavier Rosset has decided he is going to live for nearly a year on the remote isolated island of Tofua in the pacific. He intends to turn his adventure into a documentary of a modern day Robinson Crusoe. Tofua is only 30 miles away from where the mutiny on the HMS Bounty took place. Suppossedly Captain Bligh landed there after Spencer Christian set him and his men adrift searching for water.  One of Bligh’s men was buried there. Rosset has picked an interesting place to stay.  The only things he’s taking with him is a Swiss army knife, machete, video camera and solar panels for charging batteries for the camera. I have to admit, I’m a little envious on this one. Nearly a year with no phone, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury. He intends to build a shelter, find fish and plants for food, and gather rainwater for drinking. Sounds like he has this all thought out. Only problem is, I’ve seen a lot of movies about these isolated pacific islands. The volcano always goes off. It can be seen in the picture below, sending off smoke, obviously active.

FOX NEWS PERSON WISHES OBAMA DEAD, SHOPLIFTER’S SHOES, MORGUE SUICIDE, MARRIED TO BERLIN WALL, AND MICHAEL JACKSON UFC

FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT WISHES OBAMA DEAD!

I’m so angry right now it’s hard to even write this. What is wrong with people. During a guest analysis spot on Fox News, Washington Times correspondent Liz Trotta said she wished Barack Obama dead. If you haven’t seen this, a video clip is below. This happened during an analysis of Hillary Clinton’s  RFK faux paus the other day. I’m not an Obama supporter and this makes me angry. How can anyone WANT to see violence done on anyone, let alone a candidate. If you don’t like them you don’t vote for them. If the vote doesn’t go your way, that’s the way the game is played. You don’t wish them dead, or worse yet take matters into your own hands. Fox news, not fair and balanced, insane and weird. I worked as a journalist for nearly 30 years and I had an opinion about a lot of things but I always took care to keep it OUT of my reporting.  This is incredibly irresponsible and inflamatory. Liz Trotta, has of course lamely apologized on Fox calling it “an attempt at humor,” but the damage is still there. She said it and it’s out there. People listen to this network. For the life of me I don’t know why. I’m even doubly puzzled now. Fox has a responsibility and so does Trotta. You’re suppossed to report the news, not call for the death of one of the democratic candidates. She criticizes Hillary Clinton up and down, then says something like this and then tries to pass it off as humor in an apology. You’re a sick hippocrite, you should get professional help. You should be banned from the media, for life! The other thing that I find appalling is that U.S. media is NOT reporting this story. I actually found this story in British media who referred me to YouTube. The American media jumps all over Clinton for what may actually have been an honest error, but they ignore something from one of the foremost watched news networks. Fair and Balanced?

 

POLICE MAKE STORE OWNER GIVE BACK SHOES OF SHOPLIFTERS

 A liquor store owner in Durango, Colorado is tired of repeat offenders coming into his store and shoplifting. When he catches a shoplifter he makes them give him a shoe so they will be embarrassed and not come back. I think it is a very creative solution to an ongoing problem. The Durango police disagree. They have told him to knock it off or they are going to prosecute him for felony robbery. Now the shoe is on the other foot so to speak. Shoplifting is a misdemeanor which means that the store owner would be prosecuted harder than the thieves for protecting his store. That’s pretty backward. The owner, Gabe Fidanque, was ordered to return the shoes to their owners, if he can find them. Police Captain Micki Browning says the store owner should “find a different option that doesn’t involve giving up property.”  Findanque found that the thieves would return within hours of turning them over to police. “That’s the whole point of it. They’re too humiliated to come back and ask for their shoe, and that also means they won’t steal again,” Fidanque said. Let’s see the owner has found a non-violent solution to his problem that works and the police want to prosecute him for it. What is wrong with this picture?

MAN IN MORGUE FREEZER WITH DEAD GIRLFRIEND

A man in Taiwan has crawled inside a morgue freezer to try and commit suicide. Grieving over his girlfriend, he crawled into the compartment to be with her. He was found a half-hour later when workers noticed that the temperature in the freezer had gotten unusually high from an unlatched compartment. The girl had died from an overdose of sleeping pills. It appears that both of these folks were unstable. I feel bad for the morgue worker that had to deal with this.

WOMAN MARRIES BERLIN WALL

I wonder if this woman just couldn’t get a date. Eija-Ritta Berliner-Mauer, a 54-year-old woman from Liden, Sweden claims to have married the Berlin Wall back in 1979 and changed her surname to German for Berlin Wall. I wonder what priest performed this ceremony.  She says she finds objects more appealing than people and that she is convinced that she is not the only one that gets pleasure from the relationship. Yep, keep telling yourself that. How do you get concrete turned on. What if it calls you another wall’s name. “Harder harder, oh Great Wall of China you’re so good.” OK, I’m baffled with this. “I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy,” she says. OK, hot for concrete. That’s….different. So what’s this called cementaphilia? Since her “lover” was torn down after the cold war she keeps a model of the wall in her home. I guess at least you don’t have to listen to it complain. I hope she’s good at one sided conversations.

MICHAEL JACKSON LIKES ULTIMATE FIGHTING

Ok, I put this in because this is so stupid. Michael’s always so good for that. Saturday night he went to the UFC Tito Ortiz fight trying to be not noticed. He didn’t succeed. For one thing he arrived in a wheel chair and had his face covered in a shroud. Check out the photo below. I think looking like this would only attract attention. I know I’d be wondering who’s the yo-yo dressed like a dope. Arriving in the wheelchair isn’t real incognito either. Does that mean he got the handicapped parking? It seems to me he attracts more attention when he’s trying not to attract attention. The dude has issues. Is he a dude? I thought UFC is for people that actually have testosterone.

WE CAN BE HEROES, DRUNK LAWNMOWER, BATHROOM CORPSE, NEVERLAND RANCH, AND THE PRICE OF BEER

 A TRUE HERO PASSES AWAY

Irena Sendler, a Polish Social worker passed away at 98 in Warsaw, Poland. This woman is a true hero on every sense of the word and should be an inspiration to all. Born in Warsaw, Sendler served as a social worker with the city’s welfare department, masterminding the risky rescue operations of Jewish children from the Warsaw Ghetto during Nazi Germany’s brutal World War II occupation. Records show that Sendler’s team of some 20 people saved nearly 2,500 children from the Warsaw Ghetto between October 1940 and April 1943, when the Nazis burned the ghetto, shooting the residents or sending them to death camps. Babies and small children were smuggled out in ambulances and in trams, sometimes wrapped up as packages. Teenagers escaped by joining teams of workers forced to labor outside the ghetto. They were placed in families, orphanages, hospitals or convents. In hopes of one day uniting the children with their families – most of whom perished in the Nazis’ death camps – Sendler wrote the children’s real names on slips of paper that she kept at home. When German police came to arrest her in 1943, an assistant managed to hide the slips, which Sendler later buried in a jar under an apple tree in an associate’s yard. Some 2,500 names were recorded. She passed away in a nursing home Monday. She earned her wings in heaven. Hopefully her legacy will live on as our world is in such need of help. Deluged with natural disasters occuring around the globe Like Myanmar, China, and Chile, children and people are left broken and battered confronted with death daily. With so many in desperate need, her example of giving, selflessness, standing up for what is right, and braving all to save those in seemingly hopeless situations while casting away differences of idealogy, culture, and politics to serve the greater need of the human family to which we all belong and rally for their rescue. 

A TRIBUTE – DAVID BOWIE AND QUEEN

DRUNK DRIVER ON LAWNMOWER

Have you ever been busted for driving a riding lawnmower drunk? An Irving, New York man can now say he has. Police got a call that a tuxedo clad intoxicated man was out driving a lawnmower in the early morning hours. He was charged with felony driving while intoxicated and aggravated unlicensed operation. When did this become a felony? Someone has no sense of humor. I didn’t know you had to have a license to putt your lawnmower along the street. How fast could this guy have been going? I think I would have just asked him to go home and sleep it off. Why tie up the court system with this? Must be the cops were annoyed because they got called away from their morning coffee and donuts.

 

FAMILY LIVES WITH DEAD PERSON IN BATHROOM 

 A Wisconsin woman and her two children were discovered living with a 90 year old dead woman sitting on their toilet. Alan Bushey, a self proclaimed bishop of the Queen of the Holy Rosary Shrine had told the woman, Tammy Lewis and her children, that the corpse would come back to life if they prayed hard enough.  She and her two children prayed for four days and when nothing happened they propped her up on the toilet and left her there! The “Bishop” told the children that the decay in the corpse appeared as it did because demons wanted to make it appear as if she wasn’t coming to life. Can we all say “don’t listen to the Crazy Man?” Could this be any more braindead. Well, guess what, the body was left there for more than two months! It proves once again that people will listen to absolutely anybody.

FORECLOSURE ON MICHAEL JACKSON’S NEVERLAND RANCH AVERTED

Just in the nick of time, Neverland Ranch has been saved from the auction block. Michael’s palatial playground will apparently stay in his hands for the time being. A company has bought the loan, 23.5 Million, and now is negotiating with Jacko for terms of payment. Good luck with that. At this point his legal troubles have nearly bankrupted him and his reputation. He’ll have to put a rush on that new recording of his or it’ll get sold as an amusement park. You know, Graceland makes a lot of money. But, then again, Jackson isn’t Elvis. He was married to his daughter though. I wonder if that counts?

 

BEER PRICES RISE

OK, now I was annoyed with gas prices, then it was the rising cost of beef, we even have a rice shortage, but now they’re hitting me where I live. Beer prices are soaring. Due to the rise in transportation and a shortage of hops, It’s not like American beers use hops anyway, the cost of beer is going up. How am I suppossed to have a respectable tailgate party during football season? I’m on a low budget here and my gridiron Saturdays and Sundays are important to me, not to mention Monday Night. Maybe I’ll have to cut back on Bratwurst. No that’s just not right. I love my fermented malted beverages. This just sucks. I know what I’m doing with my tax rebate, stocking up on beer.

 

 

CHINESE SECRET, TACO TRUCKS, MARVIN HARRISON AND JIMI HENDRIX

CHINESE SECRET? 

 China has built a secret underground nuclear submarine base in the South China Sea. the Pentagon says it has known about it for two years. Ok, what about this is secret? Doesn’t secret mean you don’t know about it? I’m confused. The Pentagon even knows how many subs they intend on building. There’s even a picture of the base. Secret? I think not?

 SAVE THE TACOS

There is a movement in Los Angeles to restrict Taco Trucks. These mobile lunch wagons roam the streets searching for taco lovers during lunch hours. The new law would require them to stay in one location no longe than an hour. I guess that is the definition of mobile. They are extremely popular and the populace is in an uproar. Nearly 5,000 people have signed an online petition opposing the new law at saveourtacotrucks.org, where “carne asada is not a crime.” Enraged taco cart proprietors are defiant; some have hired lawyers. On Thursday, people flocked to taco trucks in support. Afterwards they immediately flocked to their nearest bathroom. Anybody bring the Beano?

 

NFL SUPERSTAR UNDER INVESTIGATION

Marvin Harrison of the Indianapolis Colts is under investigation relating to a shooting. It seems he owns the same kind of gun used in the crime. The future Hall of Famer denies any knowledge of anything to do with any crimes and has not been charged with anything. The police say they are simply covering all of their options.

JIMI HENDRIX SEX TAPE FOUND.

According to a news story, Vivid video has found a sex tape of Jimi Hendrix. They intend to release it and promote this bit of necrophelia. The Hendrix family is claiming it isn’t authentic. I say who cares. It was the 60’s. Everybody was behaving like rabbits. It wouldn’t surprise me there is a video. I’m simply not going to buy or watch. The only Hendrix videos I want to see is like the one below. R.I.P Jimi.

LET’S REMEMBER JIMI THE WAY WE SHOULD!