Archive for election

EASTER ROUTE WRONG, HAMMER TIME, DANGEROUS FARTS, TOWN ELECTS CORPSE & DO RE MI

Posted in Culture, Family, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Religion, Technology, video with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2009 by mclassen

EASTER PILGRIMS TAKE WRONG ROAD

Author’s note: So that we have the facts correct. This article is taken from a piece by Dalya Alberge published by the UK publication the Daily Mail. The actual article can be found here – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1168891/Pilgrims-tracing-steps-Jesus-going-WRONG-way-2-000-years-says-historian.html

For the best part of 2,000 years, pilgrims have flocked to Jerusalem to retrace Jesus’s final steps. The Via Dolorosa, or ‘Way of Suffering’, took them from the Praetorium, where He was condemned to death by Pontius Pilate, to the site of the Crucifixion  –  or so they thought. Now, it seems they may have been walking in the wrong direction.  A respected archaeologist claims that pilgrims have been starting from the wrong end of Jerusalem and that the locations of two of the holiest sites on the route are ‘completely wrong’. Shimon Gibson, a Holy Land specialist, said the traditional start of the Via Dolorosa, north of the Old City, should be at the other end of the city. Since medieval times, Christians have assumed that the Praetorium, the starting point of the route and the Roman headquarters mentioned in the Gospels as the scene of Jesus’s trial, was the Antonia Fortress which stood in the north of Jerusalem. But Professor Gibson said there was ‘no historical basis whatsoever’ for this being the site where Jesus was tried and condemned to death by the Roman governor Pontius Pilate. Little of the fortress’s structure has survived but, having surveyed the remains of its rock-cut base in intricate detail, he concludes that it could not have been more than a military observation tower. He said archaeological excavations pointed to the site of the trial being 900 metres away at the remains of a large paved courtyard south-west of Jerusalem, south of the Jaffa Gate. It was situated between two fortification walls with an outer gate and an inner one leading to barracks where it is most likely that Jesus was held. The open courtyard contained a platform of around two square metres  –  details that ‘correspond perfectly’ with the Gospel of John’s account of Pontius Pilate sitting on a judgment-seat at an elevated place. Professor Gibson, who is based at universities in Israel and America, said: ‘The astonishing thing is that thousands of Christian travellers and pilgrims pass by this site without realising its significance.’  Those who visit the Rock of Calvary ( or Golgotha) within the Church of the Holy Sepulchre to pray at the traditional rock of the crucifixion are also at the wrong location, he believes. The professor’s research, which will be published shortly in The Final Days of Jesus, shows that the site is too narrow to have accommodated one cross, let alone those of the two thieves crucified with Jesus.   Professor Gibson believes the Crucifixion was some 20 metres from the traditionally accepted site, under an apse of the remains of the Church of the Martyrium. ‘Pilgrims walk across this area… without realising its significance,’ he said. Dr Mark Merrony, a specialist in archaeology of the Holy Land and editor of Minerva, the archaeological journal, said Professor Gibson’s research matched details in the Gospel of John and other ancient writings. He added: ‘This discovery provides a crucial insight into the final movements of Jesus and implies that the traditional Way of the Cross should be redefined. It seems likely that millions of pilgrims have been following an incorrect path of veneration.’ But the Reverend Canon Bill Broughton of St George’s, the Anglican cathedral in Jerusalem, said Professor Gibson’s ‘great work will embellish the [Christian] story and make it even more meaningful’ but would not lead to the route being redrawn. He said: ‘It’s the Way of the Cross that we walk in terms of our faith and theology, not the archaeological evidence. ‘Pilgrims of faith want the general pattern. It may not be exactly the same footsteps but, in reality, the place is sanctified by the presence of those who’ve been there and said their prayers.’ The Right Rev Tom Wright, the Bishop of Durham, said: ‘ Archaeology is always open to questions from further research. The Church has nothing to worry about on that score. I always welcome fresh investigations.’

Golgotha graphic

 

CELLPHONE MEETS HAMMER – RESULTS ARE SMASHING

One of my sources of extreme irritation in this technologically laden world is cellphones. It appears I am not alone. In Cheyenne, Wyoming, 13 year-old Dena Christoffersen found that out the hard way.  She sent or received about 20,000 text messages over about a month, and her parents’ phone plan didn’t cover texting. Oops, guess that can’t be good. Her father, Gregg Christoffersen, introduced her phone to a hammer after getting a phone bill for more than $4,750. Ouch, I’m betting that wasn’t in the budget. Verison has said they will work with them to reduce the bill. Dena has been grounded until the end of the school year. I suspect even after her grounding is over, a new cellphone is not in her future any time soon. Maybe they should have gotten her a Playstation instead.

ASSAULT OVER FARTS 

In Waco, Texas, I’ve always believed that town should be spelled Wacko, five men are having lunch in a motel room. One starts passing horrendous gas. I guess he’d never heard of Beano. What do you do? Move? Get some fresh air? Throw up your dinner? Well, Jose Braule Ramirez came up with a novel idea. He grabbed a knife and and threw it at him and stabbed the guy in the leg and then once in the chest for good measure. No knows what he hoped to accomplish by this but it seems he felt jail would smell better which is where he is currently having all his meals.

 TOWN ELECTS DEAD MAYOR TO FOURTH TERM

I’m always fascinated when things like this occur. Apparently, Winfield, Missouri re-elected their mayor about a month after he died of a heart attack. He was still a candidate because it was too late to print new ballots. I don’t know why the couldn’t have just drawn a line through his name. Intead he won  overwhelmingly, which doesn’t say much for the other candidate, by a margin of 206 votes to 23. Harry Stonebraker died of a heart attack back in March, but still remains Mayor. At least they won’t have to listen to any long acceptance speeches. The only other person that I can think of that has experienced something like this is John Ashcroft when he lost his election to Mel Carnahan who had died in a plane crash. How do you explain something like that, “I lost to a dead man.” It’s got to hurt your ego. “I’m such a pathetic politician they liked the corpse better than me. ” The aldermen said they would appoint someone to serve in the mayor’s position. It was obvious no one wanted the live guy.

FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVEN’T SEEN THIS, IF IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU SMILE, NOTHING WILL.

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BILL CLINTON’S CONSPIRACY, CHEESE RACE, MACY’S PIRATE, AND HIRE A CAT

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 27, 2008 by mclassen

BILL CLINTON’S CONSPIRACY THEORY

Just because I’m paranoid doen’t mean there isn’t a conspiracy. Fox Mulder isn’t the only one seeing conspiracies. Former President Bill Clinton, campaigning for his wife in South Dakota, said Sunday that she was the victim of a conspiracy. He said some were trying to “cover up” Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning in key states that Democrats will have to win in the general election. “I can’t believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these superdelegates to come out,” Clinton said. ” ‘Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.’ She is winning the general election today and he is not, according to all the evidence,” Clinton said. “And I have never seen anything like it. I have never seen a candidate treated so disrespectfully just for running. Her only position was, ‘Look, if I lose I’ll be a good team player. We will all try to win, but let’s let everybody vote, and count every vote,’ ” Well, certainly he is correct about one thing. Let’s count all the votes. As a nation we definately learned how just a couple fo votes meant everything in Florida. We all remember “hanging chads.” The results of that election proves our election system needs to be looked at and overhauled. For a country that is suppossed to set examples for the democratic process, we haven’t been doing too well in the last few years. We the people have a right to have our say and the Clintons are correct in this. Is there a conspiracy? Anything is possible in politics and there seems to be an awful hard push to make sure Obama IS the democratic candidate. I’m certain the Republicans would like to see him instead of Hillary Clinton. All they have to do is point at his inexperience and McCain is the winner. Obama hasn’t even sat in his Senate chair long enough to get it warm.  There’s a reason they call him “Junior” Senator. The important thing here is fairness. As the Clintons ask, count ALL the votes. If Obama wins fair and square, fine, if Clinton wins fair and square, fine. The important thing is getting back to Democracy and everyone having their voice and vote. This country has had enough controversy over the elections of its leaders. Is there a conspiracy? Let’s hope not, because that means someone else is deciding for us, fixing our elections and taking away our right to vote for whom we want. That’s not democracy. 

CHEEZY CONTEST IN ENGLAND INJURES 19

This is probably the cheesiest thing you’ll read in this blog. I know I shouldn’t make those kinds of statements, but I suspect it’s true. OK, picture this. A really steep hill, a large collection of people with no common sense, and a race to catch a rolling, runaway, cheese wheel that rolls down the slope, then it rains. That’s what goes on annually at Cooper’s Hill In Gloucester, England. This year it was attended by more than 3,000 spectators and over 30 first aid volunteers. A 19-year-old, Christopher Anderson, won the first race but was carried from the hill on a spinal board after tumbling past the finish line head over heels, hurting his back in the process. Hmm. I wonder how that could have happened. “The conditions were horrific, you just have to get your head down and hope for the best,” said his friend, Shane Beard. “Chris went absolutely flying. He is completely fearless but I hope he hasn’t hurt himself.” Oh, and don’t worry, the women can get in on this too, proving that they can be just as dumb as the guys. A 17-year-old student, Flo Early, won the women’s race and got to keep the wheel of Double Gloucester cheese. She then declared: “Next year I want to take on the boys.” Believe it or not, this race has been going on longer than people can remember. It is believed that it originated with the Britons and Romans.  I think I know what it was. They gorged themselves on ale, lined up all of the village idiots and declared, “Chase the cheese.” And they did. And they still are.

Competitors throw themselves down Coopers Hill in pursuit of ...

Competitors roll down Coopers Hill in pursuit of a round of ...

NOW FOR A VILLAGE IDIOT MOMENT:

 

PIRATES BOARD MACY’S

Ar, this guy be no Jack Sparrow, he got caught. Listen up mateys, a man who was carrying a rusted pirate-style sword through Macy’s flagship store in Manhattan is facing charges of criminal possession of a weapon. It’s a sad day when a pirate can’t carry his sword. Police say 29-year-old Lawrence Jackson was brandishing the curved sword while visiting Macy’s Herald Square store Sunday with his girlfriend. Ar, trying to impress the wench he was. Parlay? He told police he was carrying the sword because he is a member of a kickball team whose players dressed like pirates. He swears by all that be holy he was on his way to a game when he was arrested. He sailed away with a fair wind. Sea turtles mate, Sea turtles.

 

FINANCIAL TROUBLES – HIRE A CAT?

Is your business in financial trouble, need help. Well, I suggest going and getting a cat. Yes, I said a cat. That’s what they’ve done in Japan and it has worked better than they could have hoped. Actually the whole thing has pretty much occurred by accident, they were only trying to give it a home. Tama, a nine-year-old female cat, wearing a stationmaster cap and a neck sign reading: ‘Super Stationmaster Tama’ welcomes passangers. This is all this kitty does, schmooze the customers. Of couse make sure you pick up your Tama kitty souveniers on the way out. The cat lives at the Kishi Station in western Japanese city of Kinokawa. I wonder where they keep the litter box? The near bankrupt Japanese train company Wakayama Electric Railway Co. found the cat in an abandoned building nearby and it has been single-handedly bringing the company back to solvency with it’s popularity. All Tama does is sit by the entrance of the station, wearing the black cap, posing for photos for tourists, now flocking in droves from across the nation. I can see how this would appeal to a cat. “She never complains, even though passengers touch her all over the place. She is an amazing cat. She has patience and charisma,” Wakayama Electric Railway Co. spokeswoman Yoshiko Yamaki said. “She is the perfect station master.” The cat recently got a raise. In cat food of course. I bet nobody ever came up with this one in one of those “Think out of the box” seminars.

Tama, a nine-year-old female cat, wearing a stationmaster cap ...

ASTROLOGERS PREDICT ELECTION, FUTURE HOTEL, LOST PARROT, DREW CAREY’S PROMISE, AND FLYING PENIS

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2008 by mclassen

ASTROLOGERS PREDICT OBAMA WILL WIN

Well, we can all go home now. The astrologers have spoken, election’s over. At a conference in Denver, a group of astrologers did the charts for the presidential candidates. Six panelists predicted the election will go to Barack Obama, thanks to a Saturn-Jupiter conjunction which predicts change. That’s so precise. No matter who wins it means change. The seventh panelist, Shelley Ackerman, saw an Obama win, but worried about Neptune doing something funky in January, endangering his chances of actually taking office. Her colleagues agreed the stars did look dicey in this respect. Keep in mind this is Denver and the oxygen is a little thin there. “Obama’s chart and the United States’ chart are very much alike,” said Sandra Leigh Serio. “From an astrological standpoint, he’s a man of destiny. (John) McCain also has a strong connection to the U.S. chart.” Hillary Clinton? Not so much, apparently. “There’s a little more confusion with her and the U.S. chart,” Serio said. Confusion? I think the whole thing is confusing. The astrologers have left themselves a way out though. “We don’t have a single solid birth chart,” panelist Robert Hand told the crowd. “If those dates are wrong, everything I say is garbage.” And Serio said the panel was “doing this in the shadows of Mercury and Neptune — this might not have any validity at all in a few months.” I told you they had an excuse. Hand ominously noted there would be an eclipse of the sun in August, with Mercury ascending for George W. Bush. This seemed to portend election-day shenanigans. So, much for accuracy. Well, the planets are in line and the stars have spoken. Obama Wins. Now we can all stay home and call it quits.  I guess I’m not all that “star” struck with this. I’m voting anyway.

SHELLEY ACKERMAN – ASTROLOGER PANELIST

Astrologer Shelley Ackerman

 

HOTEL CHAIN’S FUTURE PLANS…ON THE MOON

A budget hotel company has decided to look ahead, way ahead. They are making plans for expansion on the moon and have already purchased a plot. I haven’t found out where it is located or who they bought it from. Who does the moon actually belong to? Premier Inns says it will be welcoming travellers right off the space shuttle within 25 years. They feel that lunar tourism will be common in the next 20 to 30 years and they want to be prepared. ‘The challenges are unique and no doubt as we learn more we will adapt and improve our designs,’ said the company’s construction director, Alex Flach. Challenges are right, less gravity, no air, no McDonalds…yet. I think I still prefer the Carribean.

TEACH YOUR PARROT HOW TO GET HOME

A lost African Gray Parrot named Yosuke has been returned to his owners in Tokyo, Japan because of an unusual trick. The Nakamura family had spent nearly two years teaching the bird their, name and home address including the street number. Police had found the bird on a rooftop and had brought it to the police station, but the bird wasn’t about to spill to the cops. This bird knew his rights and remained silent. It was when Yosuke was turned over to a veterinarian that he began to sing. Actually hekept everybody at the vet’s entertained with his singing. But, in between tunes, he recited his owner’s name and address. They checked and sure enough Yosuke’s owners were there and grateful to get their parrot back. You see, it pays to educate your pets. Yosuke’s mug shot is below.

Yosuke the parrot rests in his cage at his home in Nagareyama ... 

 

DREW CAREY’S PROMISE TO SOCCER FANS

Drew Carey has become part owner in the Seattle Sounders, a new Major League Soccer team. Even though he is a minor owner, it hasn’t stopped him from rattling a few trees right off the get go. Carey is promising season ticket holders that they can fire the team’s general manager once every four years if they don’t like how the team is doing. It’ll be interesting to see how this pans out. Fans with power over your job is a scary thing. Personally I think this would make it hard to get a good manager but I can also see the appeal from a fan perspective. Well, we’ll see how long this lasts. And we’ll see how long it is before the other owners dump Drew.
  

ATTACK OF THE FLYING PENIS

Those crazy Russians are at it again. At a political rally in Russia, a thus far unique kind of disruption occurred. Young Russian activists turned loose a modified radio controlled helicopter. It had become a flying penis. Yes folks it was a flying dick. It made It’s rather disrupting appearance during an address being given by Russian Premier Kasparov, who to his credit took it in stride as best he could. I suspect vodka was involved in the creation of this strange little device. One of Kasparov’s bodyguards risked life and limb and slapped the menacing penis to the floor and then stomped on it. There might be something Freudian in that. If there was a political message attached to this, it was too obscure for me to get it.

flying penis