Vampire Runs for President….as a Republican
Right now I’m laughing pretty hard. There just seems somthing so appropriate about a Vampire in politics. Maybe it’s all of the “sucking the country dry” jokes I’m currently thinking of. Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C., to become the nation’s first vampire president. Well, with that nickname, it ought to make for some interesting foreign policy. Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre. Well, he should fit right in, he already has the arm candy wife. “The Impaler” claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula. And people holler about Obama’s lineage, good luck finding the birth certificate on this one. He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P. He should fit right in with those bloodsuckers. He ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and also had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008. Hey maybe third time’s the charm. Anyway, let’s check out Sharkey’s record shall we? He’s accused of “brainwashing a 16-year-old in Minnesota. That should prepare him for politics. The two were engaged until last month. Her family now has a restraining order against Sharkey and claims his texts to her violate it. He reportedly admitted to harrassing another 16-year-old Minnesota girl online in 2009. I think I’m noticing a pattern here. Dude wake up, they’re not old enough to vote. He was arrested in Tennessee several years ago and is currently on probation from Indiana after he was found guilty in 2009 of intimidating a judge. I like that one. He’ll fit right in in Washington. He served six months in a Marion Co. jail before his release. Sources confirm the Secret Service has had to keep him on its radar, since he moves around the country. Well, they might as well get used to it. If he wins they’ll have to protect him…from Vampire Hunters. Is Buffy still 16?
Leprechaun Bank Robber in Nashville
It appears this Leprechaun had lost his pot of gold and wanted to replace it with bank notes. A man dressed in green and carrying a large-caliber gun held up a branch of the First State Bank in the Nashville, Tennessee, suburb of Gallatin on St. Patrick’s Day, said police spokesman Sergeant Bill Storment. The costumed man, wearing a green top hat, vest and shorts and a fake brown beard and wig, had previously gone into the Fifth Third Bank next door, according to its manager Sharon Riehemann, when the bank lobby was crowded with lunchtime customers. “He started to come in, then looked at his watch, then turned around and left,” she said. Apparently there wasn’t enough gold in that one. “He then walked toward the other bank, and a couple of minutes later he ran out of the bank with a blue bag in his hands,” Riehemann said. Police said two men were in the car that sped away, and that they fired at police during the chase, disabling one police car. Storment said the two ditched their vehicle and ran into a field near a subdivision. “They were killed while exchanging fire with officers,” he said. Isn’t it bad luck to shoot a Leprechaun. He apparently had run out of lucky charms as well. No officers were injured, and money was recovered from the suspects’ vehicle, he said. The robbers should have stuck with green beer.
The Crooked House Pub
Here’s a drunkard’s dream if I ever did see one. The appropriately named Crooked House has been labelled Britain’s drunkest inn, and for good reasons. Glasses regularly slide across tables at the Georgian pub and coins appear to roll up, rather than down, the bar. This would be so much fun. The tavern, which was built as a farmhouse in 1785, got its design fault through settling of the ground caused by mining during the 1800s. It means that one end of the Crooked House is 1.2m (4ft) lower than the other. So, if it feels like you’re walking uphill to get a brew, you are. The alehouse in the Staffordshire village of Himley has become a big tourist draw. “I look after 1,800 pubs for Marston’s and this is definitely the one that leans the most,” said Sonny Mann, property surveyor for the brewery. I wonder how much sampling of the local wares he does? “The pub’s quite safe though and hasn’t moved for ages. We use special ‘glass tails’ over cracks on the walls – if the glass breaks then we know it’s moving again.” It’s either that or another drunk has fallen off his stool, rolled downhill and collected in the corner. “Hey bartender, set me up again, would you?” I’m thinking, drinking here would be a perceptual challenge. After a few pints, aiming for the door might be a project.
CAPTAIN CALAMITY INDEPENDENCE, MY INTERVIEW, COPS CRAZY RIDE, SOCCER PLAYER BITES REFEREE, AND DWARF SOCCER TEAM
Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags AARP, Art, Baby Boomer, bites, blog, blogging, brazil, Brazilian, Britain, Calamity, Captain, comedy, commentary, conversations, cop, Delaware, digg, driver, drunk, Dwarf, E-zine, editorial, England, Ezine, Family, fark.com, Forvik, funny, Giants, Google, hill, history, Humor, Independence, interview, Island, islands, Jones, Khabarovsk, Kingdom, Life, literature, Love, mclassen, Michigan, Mikel. Classen, Music, Navarro, News, North, nude women, nudity, odd, oil, opinion, Pakistan, Pakistani, Politics, porn, random thoughts, Rannord, referee, revenues, ruminations, Russia, Scotland, sea, sex, Shetland, soccer, Spectator, strange, Stuart, Team, Technology, theonion.com, Thoughts, Trinidad, TV, United, video, viral, Vladivostok, weird, women, wordpress.com, wordpress.org, Writing, Yahoo, youtube, zine on June 22, 2008 by mclassenSTUART HILL DECLARES SHETLAND ISLAND INDEPENDENCE
The Shetland Islands off the coast of Scotland are part of the United Kingdom. Or are they. Stuart Hill doesn’t believe they are and is moving to set up his 2.5 acre Forvik Island, he’s the only resident, as an independent dependency. I know this sounds crazy but, it may just be crazy like a fox. Follow me here for a minute. Captain Calamity, as he’s also known, because he shipwrecked on the island and never left, has been doing some research. Hill’s claim dates back to a 15th century arrangement between the Norwegian King Christian and King James III of Scotland when the Shetland Islands were effectively pawned to King James in lieu of a marriage dowry. According to Hill’s studies of the history of the island, in 1669 King Charles II re-confirmed Shetland’s status at the time of the pawning, meaning the islands remained directly answerable to the crown — represented today by the Queen. “The monarchs and governments of Scotland, and Great Britain and the United Kingdom have for many years assumed powers over these islands of Shetland to which they were not entitled,” he wrote. “By declaring Forvik a crown dependency I am simply re-establishing the correct legal relationship between this part of Shetland and the crown.” Now, here’s the crazy like a fox part of the deal. You see, there’s oil in them there waters. North sea oil and it’s in the Shetland’s boundary waters. If Hill can get the rest of the Shetland’s to join with him and they succeed, all of those oil revenues would go into the independent coffers of the islands and not Britain! Mr Hill said Shetland would reap all the benefits from North Sea oil if the 22,000 strong island community follow his example. “If the oil revenues would go straight into a Shetland bank, the isles would be in a totally different position. Once we have established the ownership of the seabed around Shetland, we can go to the oil companies and tell them where to bring the oil ashore. It is our oil.The worst thing that could happen is that people just ignore me. But I think I am sufficiently abrasive from this position for people to take note and to realise that the advantages of what I am doing could be very attractive to Shetland as a whole. Soon after I arrived in Shetland I started researching the isles’ constitutional position. It is the kind of job Shetlanders simply are not interested in, but I am hopeful they will be interested when they see the advantages that it can bring.” He says on his website that he plans to create Forvik’s own currency, the “gulde” print his own stamps and raise his own flag. “There will be no income tax, VAT (value added tax), council tax, corporation tax, or any of the other taxes instituted by the British government,” Hill wrote. Crazy Idea? I’m not so sure. You say you want a revolution? You may just have one. http://www.forvik.com
TOOTING MY OWN HORN
I was tagged for an interview request as a blogger. I’ve been interviewed before as a writer but this is the first time for blogging. I was sent a comment through this blog requesting the interview from the Pakistani Spectator who was doing a series on bloggers and blogging. They sent me a list of questions to which they printed the answers unedited! Being a writer I’m more used to being edited than not and I’m always a bit surprised when things appear untouched. The interview can be found here: http://www.pakspectator.com/interview-with-blogger-mclassen/ for those that might be interested. There are also several other interviews with bloggers here as well, each with some interesting perspectives on blogging. Check it out and find out a little more about who’s behind the blogs.
DRUNK DRIVER TAKES COP FOR RIDE OF HIS LIFE
This sounds like something you would see in a bad action movie. Picture this, a drunk Russian driver is careening down the street. He hits a traffic cop clipping him on the arm. Not a good idea. The cop somehow grabs onto the car and clings onto the car roof. They continue on down the street like this. Now, this must have been one together cop because he managed to get out his gun, fire off eight shots and still hang onto the car. Now that’s talent baby. The driver stopped finally after the cop fired off the rounds. They had driven a little over a half-mile like this. Of course the driver has been arrested. The cop sustained only minor injuries to his arm.
SOCCER PLAYER BITES REFEREE
It appears that some people take their game play way too seriously. Rannord A. Jones who plays for a Newark, Delaware soccer team was red flagged by a referee. The two got into a name calling altercation which resulted in Jones attacking the Ref. He bit him on the chin causing considerable injury. Shades of Mike Tyson. There’s nothing like a little good sportsmanship. Police charged Jones with several offenses, including assault and terroristic threatening. Said Police Cpl. Trinidad Navarro, “The player was so enraged that he just savagely attacked the official, biting him almost in an animal manner about the chin.” I hope Jones has had his rabies shots. Hopefully we won’t be seeing him playing in any more games.
GIANTS OF THE NORTH, BRAZILIAN DWARF SOCCER TEAM
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