CONDOLEEZA RICE MEETS KISS, THONG THIEVES, EMPTY HOUSE SHOOTOUT, AMAZON LOST TRIBE, AND MODERN ROBINSON CRUSOE

CONDOLEEZA RICE JOINS THE KISS ARMY

Who knew the Secretary of State was a Kiss fan. While in Stockholm, Sweden she decided to “Let her hair down” and take in a show with the aging rockers.  “I was thrilled,” Rice said of her late-night encounter with Kiss’ Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer in the executive lounge of the Sheraton Hotel where they signed autographs and handed out backstage passes and T-shirts to her staff. Late night encounter? This sounds like more than a passing fancy. I can’t wait for the tell-all book on that one. “It was really fun to meet Kiss and Gene Simmons,” she told reporters, noting that they seemed well-informed about current events. The band had asked if she could stop by after she finished dinner with the Swedish foreign minister and Rice readily agreed, she said. When Kiss beacons, she comes? Wow, how does that rate? I didn’t know they had that kind of power. Rice, a classically trained pianist, said she has eclectic musical tastes ranging from Beethoven to Bruce Springsteen. Kiss is apparently one of them. Rice said her favorite Kiss tune is “Rock and Roll All Nite.” I’m sorry, I have a hard time picturing her Rock and Rolling all night and partying everyday. Is there something about her we don’t know. Has she been hiding this closet nightlife? Could she be a mosh-pitter?

 

ROBBERS USE WOMEN’S THONGS FOR MASKS

In Arvada, Colorado, police are searching for two men who robbed a convenience store. instead of useing masks, they decided to use women’s thongs to hide their identities. The two apparent panty sniffers wandered through the store and then went up and demanded money and cigarettes from the clerk. I wonder if she kept a straight face during all of this? The two were unarmed. That’s right, they didn’t even take guns. The two left the store still wearing the thongs on their heads. They actually went out in public like that.

POLICE ATTACK EMPTY HOUSE

Police suspected that criminals from a post office robbery were hiding out in a house in Conset, England. They laid siege to the house for four hours trying to get the suspects to come out with their hands up. Finally the cops gave up and entered the house with dogs. The house was empty. Yep, no one home. So much for that reputed brilliant criminal deduction we’ve heard so much about. Elementary? 

LOST TRIBE DISCOVERED IN BRAZIL

 This is like something out of Indiana Jones. Deep in the Amazon Jungle, a plane flying over Brazil co\aught these images of a previously uncontacted tribe near the Peruvian border along the Envira river. According to authorities, the tribe looks healthy and thriving. They are located in what is called an Ethno-Environmental Protected Area. There are nearly 100 uncontacted tribes in this region and officials strive to keep them that way. “These pictures are further evidence that uncontacted tribes really do exist,” Survival director Stephen Corry said. “The world needs to wake up to this, and ensure that their territory is protected in accordance with international law. Otherwise, they will soon be made extinct.” I like knowing there are still things in the world we know nothing about and that there are a few mysteries left out there. Think of it, a culture with no cellphones, internet, or cable TV.

 

EXPLORER TO LIVE 300 DAYS ALONE ON AN ISLAND

A French explorer and adventurer Xavier Rosset has decided he is going to live for nearly a year on the remote isolated island of Tofua in the pacific. He intends to turn his adventure into a documentary of a modern day Robinson Crusoe. Tofua is only 30 miles away from where the mutiny on the HMS Bounty took place. Suppossedly Captain Bligh landed there after Spencer Christian set him and his men adrift searching for water.  One of Bligh’s men was buried there. Rosset has picked an interesting place to stay.  The only things he’s taking with him is a Swiss army knife, machete, video camera and solar panels for charging batteries for the camera. I have to admit, I’m a little envious on this one. Nearly a year with no phone, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury. He intends to build a shelter, find fish and plants for food, and gather rainwater for drinking. Sounds like he has this all thought out. Only problem is, I’ve seen a lot of movies about these isolated pacific islands. The volcano always goes off. It can be seen in the picture below, sending off smoke, obviously active.

HILLARY-DISTILLERY, WIZARDRY REFUTED, PIGGYBACK PLANE, INDIANA JONES, AND ROBOT SYMPHONY

HILLARY AND THE DISTILLERY

Hillary Clinton seems to be finding ways to kick back and relax while on the campaign trail. She’s found ways to put down beer, do shots of Crown Royal and now she’s stopped off to see how Maker’s Mark is made. I’ll give her credit she has taste. She also seems to be having a bit of fun and finding moments to relax while taking her message around the country. Actually if I had to put with some of the crap people were writing about me I’d find a way to down the occassional cocktail too. Clinton stopped by to see how the Maker’s Mark process worked and delivered a message to some folks that were parked on the grass to see her. “All those people on TV who are telling you and everybody else that this race is over and I should just be graceful and say, ‘Oh it’s over’ even though I’ve won more votes – those are all people who have a job,” Clinton told supporters picnicking in the gardens of the distillery. “Those are all people who have health care. Those are all people who can afford to send their kids to college. Those are all people who can pay whatever is charged at the gas pump. They’re not the people I’m running to be a champion for.” She reminds me of Tim Allen in Galaxyquest: Never give up, Never surrender. Hopefully she’ll be appearing at a local pub near me so I can go knock a couple back with Hillary. Maybe her husband will tag along and we can go out back and not inhale. 

FLORIDA SCHOOL REFUTES FIRING TEACHER FOR WIZARDRY

On May 5th, it was reported that Jim Piculas had been fired for making a toothpick disappear and reappear. According to him he received a phone call saying “We’ve got a problem, Wizardry,” and was told he couldn’t have any more substitute teacher assignments. He was fired. Now the Land o lakes school board is trying to deperately refute Piculas’ claim. It’s no wonder. The have received as many as 50 phone calls and emails a day from across the country, angry at this rather narrow perspective on performing a trick in front of kids. Now that they nationally look like idiots, they’ve changed their tune. According to the school and Marge Whaley, a member of the school board, the decision was based on complaints that they had about Piculas using profane language, couldn’t control the class and putting a student in charge. None of the complaining parents have come forward.

 PLANE LANDS ON TOP OF ANOTHER

Land, land, where to land. A couple of pilots got their messages mixed up in Roanoake, VA yesterday when they were figuring out who had the runway. Air traffic control must have been sleeping through this one. Apparently they both thought that the runway was his and just as the inbound aircraft was about to touch down the outbound plane pulled under it. The move was perfectly timed. The first aircraft landed right on top of the other, lodging its propeller into the lower fuselage and coming to a halt directly on the other’s roof. Fortunately nobody was injured. These were pilots with guardian angels on their shoulders. The video below shows the planes after landing. Check it out.

INDIANA JONES PREMIERES TO MIXED REVIEWS

The new Indiana Jones film premiered in Cannes. This is one of the big movies I’ve personally been waiting for. The audience coming out weren’t as enthusiastic as they were going in.  I think maybe, myself included, may be expecting too much out of the new Indy movie. Harrison Ford is older now than Sean Connery was when he played his father. Also it is going around that the Shia Lebouf character is actually the love child of Indy and Marion Ravenwood which is played by Karen Allen. I wonder if they named him Illinois. George Lucas is already hinting at a possible fifth Indy movie. Good grief, Harrison Ford will be in a Rascal Scooter by then. What’s it going to be called, Indiana Jones and the … He’s too old to remember? Maybe he should just come up with a new movie concept. He’s done nothing but sequels for decades. Wait a minute, wasn’t the last original movie he did Howard the Duck? Never mind.

ROBOT CONDUCTS DETROIT SYMPHONY

If they’re worried in Detroit about robots taking their jobs, they have reason to be. A robot named ASIMO, Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility, sucessfully conducted the Detroit Symphony Orchestra in a performance of the Impossible Dream. This proves once and for all that anyone or anything can conduct a well trained orchestra. It also shows that someone had way too much time on their hands. I’m betting a government grant had something to do with this. Build a robot that runs into a burning building, then I’ll be impressed.

HILLARY WINS, VELCRO, SEAT BELT BEER, ITALIAN PHOTOGRAPHER, AND MICHAEL MOORE

HILLARY WINS WEST VIRGINIA WHILE OBAMA SHOOTS POOL

As expected HIllary Clinton won the Democratic Primary by her largest margin so far. Barack Obama conceded the contest even before it took place and spent some time trying to put the eight ball in the corner pocket. He apparently decided to stop off at a West Virginia bar and knock a few balls around with the patrons. It really gives you that workingman’s friend image doesn’t it. Hopefully he was better at that than he was bowling. Next up is Oregon where the candidates will again square off. Clinton picked up at least 15 more delegates with the win and she may get more of the 28 total. Obama is currently trying to set up a late summer/fall tour where he and McCain would appear together so that they could debate side by side, sort of a Barackapalooza.

VELCRO MILESTONE!

Today is the 50th anniversary of the most useful substance on earth next to duct tape. It’s velcro and the anniversary was celebrated by employees of the New Hampshire based company lining up on a parade route for a mile and a half for a group rip of velcro. The sound of velcro filled the air as everyone pulled at the same time. There’s a rumor that Velcro USA is working on a silent version. I have to say it just wouldn’t be the same. For me, the rip is part of the appeal. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

AUSTRALIAN DRIVER SEAT BELTS BEER, NOT CHILD

Well we know where this guy’s priorities are, proper care and transportation of the beer. In Darwin, Australia, evolution apparently left this guy behind, a man was fined for buckling in his case of beer instead of his child whom he left sitting on the floor. Save the beer, save the beer. The 30-can beer case was strapped in between two adults sitting in the back seat of the car. The child was also in back, but on the car’s floor. “The child was sitting on the lump in the center, unrestrained,” Constable Wayne Burnett told reporters Tuesday. The car was also unregistered and uninsured. You gotta love those wacky Aussies. It’s always gratifying to know that Americans aren’t the only ones doing stupid things.

MAN PHOTOGRAPHS OVER 3,000 WOMEN’S BUTTS ILLEGALLY

In Venice, Italy, a man was arrested for coming up behind women and then photographing their butts. He carried a hidden camera inside a bag to take photos up women’s short skirts. A 38-year old Italian has been arrested and charged with privacy infringement. Police found DVDs in his possession that contained over 3,000 images of women’s bottoms. I wonder if the guy had an intenet site. Police said he had been filming for around two years. Ah Venice, the city of romance. Seems to me it would have been simpler to pick up a copy of Playboy.

MICHAEL MOORE TURNS UP THE FAHRENHEIT

Michael Moore is at it again. With the disasterous turnout for is last film effort “Sicko,” he is resorting to an older formula by reving up a sequel to “Fahrenheit 9/11.” Once again he returns to slamming George Bush and trying to reveal the corruption and dirty dealings of the Bush Administration post 9/11. Now that Bush is on his way out and has an approval rating that is nearly sub-zero, he figures the time is right. Also Bush is probably an easy target and no one will criticize Moore for slamming him. He can’t afford another movie disaster. I think a sequel to “Fahrenheit” will be as big a flop as “Sicko.” I mean who actually cares. He needs to do something new, fresh and original. Maybe something like how bad Hollywood sequels get made. How about days in the life of a washed up director trying to recapture former glory.