EASTER ROUTE WRONG, HAMMER TIME, DANGEROUS FARTS, TOWN ELECTS CORPSE & DO RE MI

EASTER PILGRIMS TAKE WRONG ROAD

Author’s note: So that we have the facts correct. This article is taken from a piece by Dalya Alberge published by the UK publication the Daily Mail. The actual article can be found here – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1168891/Pilgrims-tracing-steps-Jesus-going-WRONG-way-2-000-years-says-historian.html

For the best part of 2,000 years, pilgrims have flocked to Jerusalem to retrace Jesus’s final steps. The Via Dolorosa, or ‘Way of Suffering’, took them from the Praetorium, where He was condemned to death by Pontius Pilate, to the site of the Crucifixion  –  or so they thought. Now, it seems they may have been walking in the wrong direction.  A respected archaeologist claims that pilgrims have been starting from the wrong end of Jerusalem and that the locations of two of the holiest sites on the route are ‘completely wrong’. Shimon Gibson, a Holy Land specialist, said the traditional start of the Via Dolorosa, north of the Old City, should be at the other end of the city. Since medieval times, Christians have assumed that the Praetorium, the starting point of the route and the Roman headquarters mentioned in the Gospels as the scene of Jesus’s trial, was the Antonia Fortress which stood in the north of Jerusalem. But Professor Gibson said there was ‘no historical basis whatsoever’ for this being the site where Jesus was tried and condemned to death by the Roman governor Pontius Pilate. Little of the fortress’s structure has survived but, having surveyed the remains of its rock-cut base in intricate detail, he concludes that it could not have been more than a military observation tower. He said archaeological excavations pointed to the site of the trial being 900 metres away at the remains of a large paved courtyard south-west of Jerusalem, south of the Jaffa Gate. It was situated between two fortification walls with an outer gate and an inner one leading to barracks where it is most likely that Jesus was held. The open courtyard contained a platform of around two square metres  –  details that ‘correspond perfectly’ with the Gospel of John’s account of Pontius Pilate sitting on a judgment-seat at an elevated place. Professor Gibson, who is based at universities in Israel and America, said: ‘The astonishing thing is that thousands of Christian travellers and pilgrims pass by this site without realising its significance.’  Those who visit the Rock of Calvary ( or Golgotha) within the Church of the Holy Sepulchre to pray at the traditional rock of the crucifixion are also at the wrong location, he believes. The professor’s research, which will be published shortly in The Final Days of Jesus, shows that the site is too narrow to have accommodated one cross, let alone those of the two thieves crucified with Jesus.   Professor Gibson believes the Crucifixion was some 20 metres from the traditionally accepted site, under an apse of the remains of the Church of the Martyrium. ‘Pilgrims walk across this area… without realising its significance,’ he said. Dr Mark Merrony, a specialist in archaeology of the Holy Land and editor of Minerva, the archaeological journal, said Professor Gibson’s research matched details in the Gospel of John and other ancient writings. He added: ‘This discovery provides a crucial insight into the final movements of Jesus and implies that the traditional Way of the Cross should be redefined. It seems likely that millions of pilgrims have been following an incorrect path of veneration.’ But the Reverend Canon Bill Broughton of St George’s, the Anglican cathedral in Jerusalem, said Professor Gibson’s ‘great work will embellish the [Christian] story and make it even more meaningful’ but would not lead to the route being redrawn. He said: ‘It’s the Way of the Cross that we walk in terms of our faith and theology, not the archaeological evidence. ‘Pilgrims of faith want the general pattern. It may not be exactly the same footsteps but, in reality, the place is sanctified by the presence of those who’ve been there and said their prayers.’ The Right Rev Tom Wright, the Bishop of Durham, said: ‘ Archaeology is always open to questions from further research. The Church has nothing to worry about on that score. I always welcome fresh investigations.’

 

CELLPHONE MEETS HAMMER – RESULTS ARE SMASHING

One of my sources of extreme irritation in this technologically laden world is cellphones. It appears I am not alone. In Cheyenne, Wyoming, 13 year-old Dena Christoffersen found that out the hard way.  She sent or received about 20,000 text messages over about a month, and her parents’ phone plan didn’t cover texting. Oops, guess that can’t be good. Her father, Gregg Christoffersen, introduced her phone to a hammer after getting a phone bill for more than $4,750. Ouch, I’m betting that wasn’t in the budget. Verison has said they will work with them to reduce the bill. Dena has been grounded until the end of the school year. I suspect even after her grounding is over, a new cellphone is not in her future any time soon. Maybe they should have gotten her a Playstation instead.

ASSAULT OVER FARTS 

In Waco, Texas, I’ve always believed that town should be spelled Wacko, five men are having lunch in a motel room. One starts passing horrendous gas. I guess he’d never heard of Beano. What do you do? Move? Get some fresh air? Throw up your dinner? Well, Jose Braule Ramirez came up with a novel idea. He grabbed a knife and and threw it at him and stabbed the guy in the leg and then once in the chest for good measure. No knows what he hoped to accomplish by this but it seems he felt jail would smell better which is where he is currently having all his meals.

 TOWN ELECTS DEAD MAYOR TO FOURTH TERM

I’m always fascinated when things like this occur. Apparently, Winfield, Missouri re-elected their mayor about a month after he died of a heart attack. He was still a candidate because it was too late to print new ballots. I don’t know why the couldn’t have just drawn a line through his name. Intead he won  overwhelmingly, which doesn’t say much for the other candidate, by a margin of 206 votes to 23. Harry Stonebraker died of a heart attack back in March, but still remains Mayor. At least they won’t have to listen to any long acceptance speeches. The only other person that I can think of that has experienced something like this is John Ashcroft when he lost his election to Mel Carnahan who had died in a plane crash. How do you explain something like that, “I lost to a dead man.” It’s got to hurt your ego. “I’m such a pathetic politician they liked the corpse better than me. ” The aldermen said they would appoint someone to serve in the mayor’s position. It was obvious no one wanted the live guy.

FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVEN’T SEEN THIS, IF IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU SMILE, NOTHING WILL.

PRINCE HARRY HAMMERED, MAN REPORTS DRUGS STOLEN, POSTCARD TO J.R.R. TOLKIEN, FACE IN THE TREE, AND GORBACHOV KILLS ZOMBIES

PRINCE HARRY GETS HAMMERED IN LESOTHO

Prince Harry worked up a sweat Tuesday as he carted wheelbarrows of cement mixture, filled a ditch and hammered nails from old roofing boards. The young royal was helping refurbish a school for mentally and physically disabled children under the auspices of a charity he founded in the impoverished African kingdom of Lesotho in memory of his late mother. Asked if Princess Diana, known for her charity work around the world, would be proud, he said simply: “I hope so.” I’m sure she would be. We see so much today about what The British Royal family is doing to create the newest flap, but we rarely hear about what they are doing that makes the world better. Harry and his regiment from the Household Cavalry were helping put in wheelchair access, build a new kitchen and lay fencing around the Thuso Center. “I love physical labor,” he said at the start of a three-week visit. “It would be wrong to be a patron of a charity and not get involved.” How often do you hear somebody that’s rich and famous say that. The African trip by members of the Household Cavalry has been planned for some time, but the decision to help the project in Lesotho was suggested by Harry. The Prince first visited Lesotho in 2004, when he met young tuberculosis and AIDS sufferers. Harry and his regiment put in eight hours a day working on the center, occasionally getting in a game of football with local villagers. Violet Moqolobane, 44, a disabled woman who works at the center, was impressed to see the tall, redheaded Harry taking part in both games and work. “Most chiefs don’t act like him,” she said. “They think they are so important.” Pootsela Tseisa, 24, said Harry was behaving as true royalty should. “He loves us. We are one for him, not black or white,” he said. “This is a good example that we should follow. It doesn’t matter how rich or how wealthy your family is.”

 

MAN CALLS POLICE TO REPORT DRUGS STOLEN

They say that drugs affect your mind and destroy brain cells. In this case it was probably true, but truthfully, I’m not sure he had too many to start with. An East Hartford, Connecticutt man called police to report he had been robbed while trying to buy crack cocaine. You can tell already, this plan is flawed. Max Minnefield called police Monday to tell them he had paid a man and a woman $8 for drugs he never received. Maybe he should have called Walmart. Police charged him with criminal attempt to commit possession of narcotics. During his arraignment Tuesday, Judge Bradford Ward asked Minnefield, “Did you really think the police were going to go after the people?” He added that his question was rhetorical. Well, considering they were suppossed to be dealing, they might want ot consider it. Prosecutors later dropped the charges. Laura Weslund, Minnefield’s public defender, said no drugs were ever found. Of course not, he never got them. This story is just full of brilliant deductions.

THE TREE WITH A FACE

Sometimes nature can play strange tricks. This one is pretty cool. The face-tree was brought into the Daily Times newspaper in Maryville, Tennessee on Monday, by Ernest Ward, a groundskeeper at the local Magnolia Cemetery. Ward said it was found on Monday as he and co-workers cleaned up debris from a weekend storm. According to him, a former worker at the cemetery believes the face is a spirit. If it is a spirit, you just cut it in half, how do you think it feels about that?

LOST TOLKIEN POSTCARD FOUND

Have you ever been tearing out a wall or getting a room a found something kind of cool stuck in the wall or behind something. That’s what happened to a demolision man from England as he was stripping out a house where Lord Of The Rings author J.R.R. Tolkien used to live. Stephen Malton, who runs Prodem Demolition in Bournemouth on the south English coast, was working in the house in the nearby town of Poole before it was bulldozed to make way for a new construction project. “Before we demolish a house we do an internal strip out,” Malton said. “One of the main features was a fireplace, and upon removing that we came across three postcards. The third one was a postcard dated 1968 and addressed to J.R.R. Tolkien.” That would be so cool. Malton said research on the Internet suggested that the carved wooden fireplace with marble inlay, a feature of the house when Tolkien lived there from 1968 to 1972, was already worth up to $250,000. “To tie in both the fireplace and the postcard, we are talking about a price of around $500,000 for the combined pair.” That would be even cooler. That’s one heck of a payday. The postcard was addressed to Tolkien at the Miramar Hotel in Bournemouth, where he and his wife Edith often stayed. It is from “Lin,” which Malton believed could be fellow fantasy author Lin Carter who wrote “Tolkien: A Look Behind ‘The Lord of the Rings,'” published in 1969. He also helped finish writing the Robert E. Howard, Conan series along with L. Spraque DeCamp, as well as wrote dozens of fantasy stories of his own. Depicting a scene from Ireland, it reads: “I have been thinking of you a lot and hope everything has gone as well as could be expected in the most difficult circumstances.” This is an immense find for fantasy collectors. Malton was not sure what the “difficult circumstances” might be. Tolkien had achieved fame by the time he moved to Poole in 1968. He remained in Poole until his wife’s death, when he moved back to Oxford. Tolkien died in 1973, aged 81.

 GORBACHOV MEETS ZOMBIES

Now for a bit of culture? from the other side of the world. Below is a link to a music video by a Russian metal band called ANJ. It portrays a battle axe wielding Mikhail Gorbachov fighting a legion of Zombies, saving Mother Russia and bringing western culture to the zombie besieged country. The video is hilarious and a lot of fun. Check it out for some fun Russian humor.

GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO – BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.

MEMORIAL DAY, GRUMPY QUEEN, OBAMA PARROT, PORN TAX, AND ROBBY KNIEVEL

 THE ORIGIN OF MEMORIAL DAY

The following is a quick history lesson on where Memorial Day comes from. I did not write this and it comes from the Cox and Forkum website. It is nicely done and I figured if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If you see a Veteran, I suggest doing this any day not just the holiday, tell them thanks and buy them a cocktail. They earned it.   

The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Waterloo, New York. The village was credited with being the birthplace because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter, and because it is likely that the friendship of General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A Logan, who led the call for the day to be observed each year and helped spread the event nationwide, was a key factor in its growth. General Logan had been impressed by the way the South honored their dead with a special day and decided the Union needed a similar day. Reportedly, Logan said that it was most fitting; that the ancients, especially the Greeks, had honored their dead, particularly their heroes, by chaplets of laurel and flowers, and that he intended to issue an order designating a day for decorating the grave of every soldier in the land, and if he could he would have made it a holiday. Logan had been the principal speaker in a citywide memorial observation on April 29, 1866, at a cemetery in Carbondale, Illinois, an event that likely gave him the idea to make it a national holiday. On May 5, 1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, a veterans’ organization, Logan issued a proclamation that “Decoration Day” be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of a battle. The tombs of fallen Union soldiers were decorated in remembrance of this day.  The alternative name of “Memorial Day” was first used in 1882, but did not become more common until after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. On June 28, 1968, the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved four holidays from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend.

THIS WAS COURTESY OF THE COX AND FORKUM WEBSITE

 

 THE QUEEN HAS A GRUMP ON

 A British newspaper says the Canadian bride of the Queen’s eldest grandson is being blamed for a controversial deal with celebrity magazine Hello! for exclusive photos of their wedding at Windsor Castle. Montrealer Autumn Kelly married Peter Phillips on Saturday at the castle’s 15th-century St. George’s Chapel in front of 300 guests. The deal is reported to be worth $1 million. That’ll pay for one heck of a honeymoon. The British royal family and particulary Queen Elizabeth is up in arms about this as they weren’t consulted on the deal. The wedding pics will include images of most of the royals, including the Queen, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, and Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy. Yep that about covers everyone the magazines would be interested in. The Brits are saying that images of their Queen doesn’t belong in a gossip rag. Too late now. Hello, published over 60 pics of the wedding. The new Mrs. Phillips said she needed the money to pay for expenses since nobody else was willing to pick up the tab. I think she probably has more deals in the making. I’m sure a book deal, How I Managed to Marry into the Royal Family, could be in the works. Then there’s the lecture circuit, 10 steps to courting the grandson of a queen. Then there’s talk shows, websites, the list is endless. She could make an entire career out of this. Wow Canadians have their own member of the royal family now. Hey, guest appearances at hockey games singing “Oh Canada.” 

 

OBAMA PARROT

This is an idea that was suggested by one of the Midnight Ramblings readers, Tom Vickers. He has a blog here on wordpress that’s always worth a look at called TV’s Weblog-The Great Nonsense of Life. He thought that Smokey, the Obama supporting talking Parrot would fit right in. I agreed. This is just too funny. The video is taken from a CNN report done by Jeannie Moos. She’s quite clever and it’s cool to have it on the site. Watch and enjoy.

TAX ON PORN?

California is in deep financial trouble. Who isn’t? They have decided to get into the porn business so to speak. In an effort to get the state back on track a new concept in “sin” tax is being considered. Since most pornography is produced in southern California, state Assemblyman, Charles Calderon has proposed a 25% tax on all porn production and sale. Holy Ron Jeremy Batman! That’s a heavy duty tax. That’ll make your porn cost worse than the price of gas. Isn’t this a sort of state sponsored pimping? If they’re smart they’ll just pack up and move somewhere else. It’s not like they need studios, actors, or talent for these things. They ought to fit right in at Key West.

ROBBY KNIEVEL BEATS EVEL’S RECORD

“Hopefully I’ll see you after the jump,” Knievel told everyone just before he climbed the start ramp. With that, Robby took off and broke his dad, Evil Knievel’s, record. He jumped 200 feet and 24 semi trucks with his motorcycle. The previous record was 115 ft. This just so rocks. He did the jump in the same place, King’s Island in Mason Ohio, that his father had set the previous record. Robbie Knievel dedicated his stunt to his father, U.S. war veterans and those serving in the military. Look ma I can fly!

INSANITY IS COOL WHEN IT WORKS. LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

BAD POETRY, EBAY WIFE SALE, BARKLEY GAMBLES, AND TALKING VODKA

 BAD POETRY OUT SELLS HARRY POTTER 

 At an auction in Edinburough, Scotland 35 original poems of noted bad poet William Topaz McGonagall has out sold Harry Potter at an auction. A collector paid $12,840 for the self published 1890’s work. This proves that if you do something badly, it can still be profitable. Unfortuantely you’ll have to be dead for it to come to pass. The price paid beat out a collection of incribed Harry Potter books which were sold at the same auction for $12,000. McGonagall’s lack of talent was matched only by his delusion and ego. Along with the 35 poems were a portfolio of posters and two copies of his rather short autobiography – “dedicated to himself, knowing none greater.” McGonagall was so bad that he kept an umbrella with him during recitals to shield him from all the rotten tomatoes that were thrown at him. Ah, poetry lovers. The buyer has remained anonymous because he doesn’t want the ridicule of being identified as a fan. Personally, I’d be proud to show that I have a collection of the worst poetry known to mankind, but then, I like the Rocky Horror Picture show.

MAN TRIES TO SELL WIFE ON EBAY

Want to pick up a used…wife? High milage. Paul Osborn, a UK man, has tried to get rid of his wife by posting her for auction on Ebay! It’s official, you really can find anything on Ebay. Osborn found out his wife, Sharon was cheating on him with a co-worker. It was Osborn’s way of letting the world know she was an adulterous, lying, cheating, well, you get the idea. In the listing he suggest that people not bid on her as she’s apparently not worth diddly in his opinion. I can’t say as I blame him. He also has given out the name of her lover, Richard Drew who is also married along with his address, and phone number. Ebay was rather prompt in taking the auction down, probably because they weren’t going to make anything on the auction. Minimum bid, a pence. If he would have been able to complete the auction, it might have saved him some divorce costs. I wish I’d have thought of this for my Ex.

 

CHARLES BARKLEY GAMBLING DEBT

Wow, former NBA star Charles Barkley owes a casino in Vegas $400,000! Now I’m sure athletes are overpaid. People jump out of windows for things like that. The casino has made repeated calls to Barkley trying to get the debt paid, but he didn’t respond. It took a call from the local prosecutor to get him to own up. He now says he’ll pay the debt since he’s “not broke.” Did he think they were just going to forget about it? People have ended up in umarked graves for less. Over the years Barkley estimates he’s gambled away over $10 million. “Do I have a gambling problem? Yeah, I do have a gambling problem,” Barkley said. “But i don’t consider it a problem because I can afford to gamble.” Well, not paying your debts makes it look like you can’t afford it. Just remember if a couple of guys named Guido start hanging around, you HAVE a problem.

 DOES YOUR VODKA BOTTLE TALK?

 Do you drink alone? Do you prefer to be by yourself? Well, the Russians have come up with a cure for that. it’s the vodka bottle that talks back. The BBC is reporting that Russians are about to begin marketing a brand of vodka with a bottle that talks. I’ve always felt that if my bottle is talking, it’s time to go home. Welcome to the alcoholically induced world of microprocessors. You’ve got to love those crazy Russians. Yes, now you can have a drinking buddy in a bottle. Apparently when ever you open the top, it’s the top that talks, it will offer a variety of Russian toasts and encourage you to drink up. Personally I’ve never needed much encouragement. Now here’s the fun part. The more the top is opened the more the bottle’s speech becomes slurred. Yes your bottle gets drunk with you. The perfect date.  When the bottle’s empty, you’ve outdrank your buddy. Hopefully he’s not the one driving home.

HERE’S A TRIBUTE TO THOSE OF US THAT DRINK ALONE: TGIF!