BARACK OBAMA SWEETIE, DOLLY PARTON – HOWARD STERN, TEXAN SHOOTS ITCH, AND SMALLEST HELICOPTER

BARACK OBAMA, NOT SMOOTH

During a campaign stop in Sterling Heights, Michigan, a reporter, Peggy Agar tried to ask Obama a question, he told her to “Hold on Sweetie.” If Barack is trying to be smooth, this isn’t it. I haven’t heard anything like this since a drunk Mel Gibson called a female police officer “Sugar Titties.” Well, at least it wasn’t Helen Johnson he was calling Sweetie. He did call and apologize via voicemail: “Second apology is for using the word ‘sweetie.’ That’s a bad habit of mine. I do it sometimes with all kinds of people. I mean no disrespect and I am duly chastened on that front. Feel free to call me back. I expect that my press team will be happy to try to make it up to you whenever we are in Detroit next.” He still never answered her intitial question which was “How are you going to help the American autoworker?” Barack has continously proven how unsmooth he is. Shooting pool in West Virginia in a shirt and tie, not smooth. Bowling in Pennsylvania, this wouldn’t have even gotten him one of those cheezy bleached blonde bowling alley babes, not smooth. Once again Obama is proving his inexperience as a politician. Is this an example of his future diplomacy?  When he meets a female diplomat, is he going to call them “Honey” or “Darlin’?”  Just what we need is more blundering in the White House after the last eight years from someone else who doesn’t have a clue about how to do the job. Not Smooth!

LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE! OBAMA IN STERLING HEIGHTS:

 
 

DOLLY PARTON TAKES ON HOWARD STERN

Dolly Parton is going to sue Howard Stern for well, being Howard. He took some clips from her audio book and cut them up so that they say some absolutely digusting statements. The cutting was pretty poor and you can easily tell that the clipping is a hack job. “I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life,” Parton said in a statement on Wednesday. “I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this.” She concluded: “If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.” This is a bit that Howard has done on his satellite radio show and she’s not the first to get the treatment. I think she should leave it go, because she’s just giving Howard more publicity. He’ll make more this way than the suit will be worth. The best thing to do with Howard is ignore him.

 TEXAS MAN SHOOTS HIMSELF SCRATCHING HIS BACK

Jorge Espinal had an itch he had to scratch. He left the table where he had been drinking and playing poker with his buddies. Yes alcohol was involved here. Go figure. Something possessed him, I’m guessing stupidity, to use a revolver as a back scratcher. It was loaded, like he was and he shot himself in the back. He was taken to a Fort Worth hospital and treated for non-life threatening injuries. Can he prosecute himself for assault? His friends though he was joking until they saw the blood. I guess they couldn’t believe he was that stupid either. 

WORLD’S SMALLEST HELICOPTER HONORS DAVINCI

Seventy-five-year-old Gennai Yanagisawa says he will fly his one-man helicopter in the city of Vinci, near Florence, Italy, on May 25. Yanagisawa describes the demonstration as a tribute to the Renaissance-era visionary’s original idea of an “aerial screw.” It looks like something you’d expect from a James Bond film. “Italian people seem to welcome my realizing of DaVinci’s idea in his birthplace,” he said. “I want to make my best flight so that I can live up to their expectations.” Vinci Mayor Dario Parrini offered him an opportunity to fly his helicopter when the two met in the Italian city. I think old Leonardo would have loved this and would have wanted to go for a ride. I can just see him buzzing around giggling his butt off, that hair and beard blowing behind him.

HUGH HEFNER, MICHAEL VICK, REALLY BAD DAY, SKULL BONG AND SUPERHEROES

HUGH HEFNER WANTS MILEY CYRUS FOR PLAYBOY

Hugh Hefner has decided that Miley Cyrus would look good gracing the pages of Playboy. When she’s of legal age of course. He thinks she would be perfect for a pictorial. Says Hef: “Sure, she’d be welcomed in the magazine. Very pretty lady. And I think to make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those [Vanity Fair] photos, I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality.” I think the whole thing has gotten creepy. Miley is turning out to be a 15-year old sex symbol. Definately creepy. It adds a new dimension to playmate of the month.

 

KHARMA AND LAWSUITS KEEP HAUNTING MICHAEL VICK

A judge just ordered Michael Vick to pay $2.4 million to a Canadian bank for a loan he defaulted on. The former Atlanta Falcon is also required to pay $499 in interest per day and the banks attorney’s fees totalling nearly $12,000.  Michael, you had it made and threw it all away. What goes around comes around. It’s Kharma baby!  By the way, how’s quarterbacking that prison team working out for you?

 EVER HAVE A REALLY BAD DAY?

Justin Hill was turning into his driveway and he ran into a car. His wife heard the crash and ran outside to see what it was all about leaving the stove going and the dinner on. Hill was hauled to the hospital as his house went up in flames. Then he was given the traffic ticket for failure to yield the right of way. Talk about insult to injury. It wasn’t even Friday the 13th.

SKULL BONG

Three teens in Texas have dug up a skull from an old grave and converted it into a marijuana bong. Kevin Wade Jones, Mathew and Richard Gonzales, all 17, dug up the grave of an 11 year old boy from 1921 in an abandoned cemetery, near Humble, Texas. They then took the skull and converted it into a pot bong. That’s just plain bad JuJu boys. The trio is being charged with corpse abuse. OK, I grew up in the 60’s, I’ve been stoned and in a cemetery, but it would never have occurred to me to “Hey man, let’s dig up some kid and make a bong out of his head.” I know I wouldn’t have been jumping on that bandwagon. I’m not usually a proponent of psychiatrists, but I’m making an exception in this case.

 IRONMAN, SPIDERMAN AND THE HULK

For those of you that saw Ironman and want to know what Marvel Studios has in store for the future, Here’s a glimpse.

 

RUSH LIMBAUGH, DRAG QUEEN CHEERLEADERS, DOG POOP LAWSUIT, AND SINKHOLES

DID RUSH LIMBAUGH INFLUENCE THE PRIMARY BETWEEN CLINTON AND OBAMA?

I would like to think people are smarter than that. Rush and his “Operation Chaos” is proving just how flawed the idea of letting non-democrats vote in the democratic primary is. The fact that he is openly trying to manipulate the primary with the zeros that listen to him demonstrates this. It also shows that maybe he isn’t completely off drugs and really should consider re-entering rehab. Next time, try valium. 

 

JETS WOULD CONSIDER DRAG QUEENS FOR CHEERLEADERS

 Denise Garvey, Choreographer for the Flight Crew, the New York Jets cheerleading squad, hinted in an interview that they would be willing to consider any kind of cheerleader trying out including Drag Queens. OK, I’m a football fan, I don’t root for the Jets, but I want my cheerleaders to be women. Actually I want them to be babes. When I buy the calendar, I want to know that January through December is someone I can fantasize about. Trust me looking at the cheerleaders has never been about talent or brains for that matter. Can you imagine if Broadway Joe had dated a cheerleader and found out it was a drag queen, wait a minute, he posed in panty hose didn’t he? 

 TOWN SUED AFTER CHILD STEPS IN DOG CRAP

A Connecticutt woman, Kelly Debrocky is sueing the town of Norwalk after claiming that an outing to the Maritime Aquarium was ruined when her 1-year-old stepping into the proverbial pile of dog crap. She wants reimbursement for ruined shoes and the admission to the aquarium. The city has responded by saying, “Poop happens.” I say watch where you put your 1-year-old. If I sued everytime I stepped in dog crap, well I wouldn’t be working and I would have one very happy lawyer. Next time, take some paper towel, disinfectant and get on with life. What are you going to do when the kid eats a bug?

THE SINKHOLE THAT ATE TEXAS

Just outside of Daisetta, Texas a sinkhole has appeared that has swallowed cars, trucks, telephone poles, even oil field equipment. It is at least 600 feet long an 200 feet deep and it is believed that it is a collapsed salt dome. That’s a lot of sinkhole. It reminds me of something out of a 50’s sci fi film. Discovered by teenagers in hotrods, it keeps growing until someone nukes it or blows up a dam to flood it out of existence.

COCKTAILS ANYONE?

OK, she gets a tip. This is actually one of the members of the Chinese National Acrobatic Troupe in training. This is the first time I’ve seen athletics provide a viable career after sports.