URINE WHISKY, ROBBING A STORE FULL OF COPS, HUNTING GHOST TRAIN-KILLED BY REAL ONE, and BRAZIL’S FIRE TORNADO

Gilpin Family Whisky’s newest line, Urine Whisky

Somehow I just can’t picture myself walking up to a bartender and saying “Give me a shot of Pissky.” If you’re a connoisseur of fine whisky, here’s an exciting new concoction you probably won’t be interested in…whisky made from the urine of diabetic patients. Whoever thought of this needs their meds tweaked. The creation of London-based designer James Gilpin, the biomedical tipple – named ‘Gilpin Family Whisky’  – is created using the high-sugar urine produced by elderly diabetes patients, including Gilpin’s own grandmother. Now that’s just twisted. Hey Gram fill’er up, we need more booze. That’s just creepy. Gilpin, who is himself diabetic, filters the urine using the same processes used to purify water, removing the sugars in the process, which are then used in the fermentation stages. Hmm, fermenting urine, now there’s a work environment I’ve been craving. Not surprisingly, Gilpin isn’t planning to market the pee whisky commercially, instead, it’s more of an art project. Is that kind of like writing your name in the snow? But if you really fancy sampling some of the stuff, Gilpin will be showing it off at the 100% Materials design event in London, England in September, complete with tasting opportunities. I think that might be one booth I’d put on my list to be sure to pass up.

Robbery and a Store Full of Cops, Bad Idea

Two men have been arrested for shoplifting in Oregon after they decided that an event which saw more than 60 uniformed police officers in their target shop was the ideal time to carry out their crime. This is a perfect example of the thought processes gone wrong. According to Oregon police, the men were intially deterred by the ‘Shop With a Cop’ event for school children, in which children were accompanied round the shop by uniformed officers, while canine police units patrolled the store and mounted police officers waited outside. For a moment reason sets in, a gimmer of intelligence starts to shine, but according to Sergeant Pete Simpson, the men then hit on the cunning masterstroke of going ahead with the robbery anyway, cleverly deciding that the police would be so distracted by the children that it was actually the ideal time for a theft. Yes folks, logic gone horribly wrong, another fine example of why some people shouldn’t reproduce. Simpson says security guards at the store on Wednesday watched the two young men packing their own backpacks with blenders, shoes, clothes and tools while around them officers helped children pick out supplies for the school year, demonstrating to those around how not to successfully rob a store. According to The Oregonian newspaper, the two were promptly arrested in a joint effort between security guards and a number of police officers, while a clown entertained the children with some balloons. I’d say two clowns just signed up to entertain the police for, oh probably six months to a year. “Common sense didn’t play into their decision-making today,” noted Sgt. Simpson.

Ghost Hunter Hunting Ghost Train Killed by Real Train

There’s nothing in life like a little irony. A ghost hunter in North Carolina was walking along the supposedly haunted train tracks on a 100-metre long trestle when an oncoming train struck and killed him. There’s also nothing like being somewhere you’re not suppossed to be. Twenty-nine-year-old Christopher Kaiser and a dozen other amateur ghost hunters were on the tracks early Friday morning hoping to have ghostly sightings of a train that derailed at the site 119 years ago. Instead a real train with three engines and one car turned the corner towards them. I wonder how long it took for them to figure out it was all real? Everyone except Kaiser were able to run away unscathed, reports the Columbia Daily Tribune in Missouri. Before being hit and falling 30 metres off the trestle and into the ravine below, Kaiser pushed a woman away from the train. She was airlifted to a hospital but her condition is unknown. AOL News says that most of the ghost hunters are out-of-towners and some fled the scene because they were trespassing on railroad property. Yes this didn’t turn out how we expected, let’s flee prosecution. On Aug. 27, 1891 a passenger train derailed off the trestle near Statesville, NC and sent 30 people to their deaths. Legend has it that every year on the crash’s anniversary, the sounds of screaming passengers could be heard on the bridge. Now it’s the sound of screaming ghost hunters. Let’s see if someone ghost hunts the ghost hunter hunting the ghost train.

Fire Tornado Outside of Sao Paulo, Brazil

Below is raw footage, no sound, of a rare Fire Tornado that touched down in Brazil. It’s brief, but amazing.

JEN MOSS TOPLESS JULY 4TH PARADE, LEMONADE STAND ROBBERY, MONK SEX ADVICE, STUPID BURGLAR, AND VOTING REPUBLICAN

 WOMAN PLANS TO GO TOPLESS IN JULY 4TH PARADE

I love patriotism. A woman in Ashland Oregon plans to join their Fourth of July parade topless. If she’s not allowed she intends to sue the city. Yes she plans to have more than her Red, White and Blue showing this year. With some early fireworks she’s creating a preholiday controversy. Jen Moss has been known as “The Naked Lady” since she moved to Ashland in May from Ojai, Calif. She was drawn by the town’s nudity laws. They specify only that people must cover their genitalia in a city park or the downtown commercial district, which means Moss need not cover her breasts. I bet that’s one loophole they’re going to regret. The Ashland Chamber of Commerce learned of her coverage plans from an online posting. Ya gotta love the internet. She promised to lead in-line skaters “wearing only a hemp G-string and blowing a conch shell.” That presents an intriquing image. “We don’t feel that someone in the parade who is topless or nearly naked is appropriate for a family audience,” said parade chairman James Kidd. “She’s welcome on any other day of the year to do that,” he said. “But not on the Fourth of July while in the parade.” Moss told the Ashland Daily Tidings in an e-mail that if she can’t be nearly naked in the parade, she would “run around near naked protesting their unconstitutionalism and un-Americanism.” And she said, she would ask the American Civil Liberties Union for help in a lawsuit. Good luck with all that. Apparently this woman didn’t get enough attention at home and is now seeking it elsewhere. Well, cover the kids eyes and hope for the best. And, maybe you need to rethink that ordinance.

DON’T MESS WITH THE LEMONADE STAND

There’s nothing like the smell of lemonade in the morning. A group of kids inTerra Haute, Indiana were running a lemonade stand when Steve Tryon showed up. “The guy came up and was, like, ‘Give me your money,'” said Dominique Morefield, who was running the lemonade stand with a group of friends. “I was shocked. It was just my immediate reaction to chase after him.” And Chase after him she did. This is one little girl you do not want to mess with. She actually followed him into a house and then called the cops. Officers eventually persuaded Tryon, 18, to come outside after 45 minutes and arrested him on a preliminary felony charge of robbery of $17.50. “I didn’t think anyone would come up to a lemonade stand and steal, that’s really low,” 12-year-old Fred Erstine said. Well Fred, the world is full of all kinds of morons. The kids say they will continue to sell lemonade, but now they are using a parent for a security guard. Don’t mes with the lemonade kids, they’ll bust your butt.

CELIBATE MONK SETS UP SEX ADVICE SITE

I’m not sure how well this will work, but a celibate monk has set up a website giving sex advice to Catholic couples. Go figure. Father Ksawery Knotz’s lover’s guide on http://www.szansaspotkania.net gives graphic lovemaking tips and has been dubbed the “Catholic Kama Sutra.” It compares having an orgasm to going to heaven and recommends that men “take care that women experience pleasure” during sex, adding that this requires “extra efforts on the part of the husband.” Really, well there’s a brilliant bit of advice. It just seems a little dumb to me to be taking sex advice from someone who suppossedly has never had it. It just goes to show that anyone can be an expert on anything on the internet these days. 

ESCAPED CROOK ASKS POLICE TO REMOVE HANDCUFFS

Here’s a bright move. A man and his three friends break into a supermarket and are caught by the security guard. One of them is caught and handcuffed to a rail while the guard goes after the other three. The man then escapes. Everything would have been fine if would have left it there, but no, what does he do? He goes to the local precinct house and asks the police to remove the cuffs. “It was stupid of him,” said a police spokesman in Frankfurt, Germany on Monday. “They took the cuffs off, but they kept him.” The security guard had called the local police so they were aware of the escaped burglar. The cuffed man tried to convince police that a friend had put the cuffs on as a joke and now they couldn’t get them off. The police removed the handcuffs and then reunited him with his friends. Somtimes, you just have to wonder what goes through peoples’ heads. Near as I can tell, absolutely nothing.

VOTING REPUBLICAN 

PRIMARIES, PRE-TEEN DRUNK DRIVER, GOLD BURGER, SEPTAGENARIAN MOUNTAIN CLIMBER, AND URINAL VIDEO GAME

 OBAMA AND CLINTON SPLIT VICTORIES

Once again, the two dueling democratic candidates split primaries and came out fighting. Barack Obama has moved within 100 delegates of officially taking the nomination, but Clinton had another very lopsided victory in Kentucky. Like she has been right along, Hillary vows to stay in the race to the bitter end. She’s not giving up and wants the country to know it. Clinton won at least 47 delegates in the two states and Obama won at least 32, according to an analysis of election returns by The Associated Press. So far Clinton has actually gained more delegates than Obama and trimmed his lead. All the Kentucky delegates were awarded, but there were still 24 to be allocated in Oregon, and Obama was in line for many of them. As the primary season comes to an end, it is beginning to appear that neither candidate will actually have a decisive amount for the convention. Though many, including Obama are claiming he has the nomination sewed up, there still could be some surprises. Somehow I keep feeling, his overconfidence is going to come back and bite him. There are some very strong calls for Clinton to stay in, particulary from the Women’s voter base. They’re taking out ads encouraging Clinton and trying to raise more money and support. This one certainly is not going to be over until the former First Lady sings. Or her husband plays sax.

CHILD ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING

 This story is just wrong on so many levels. An Arkansas pre-teen faces a drunken driving charge after he and a friend drank his parents’ beer and crashed his stepfather’s pickup truck. Sheriff Jimmy Dorney said the 12-year-old boy and his 10-year-old friend drove off in the truck May 4 to find a girl they met at a rodeo. Ok, drunk adolescents chasing an adolescent girl. This is seriously backwoods south cliche. The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck. Dorney said the truck hit and jumped over a guardrail, sending it careening 50 feet down a steep hill into a forest. Clark James, who lives down the road from the crash site, said he answered the boys’ banging at his front door with shotgun in hand about 2:30 a.m. “I opened the door and the first thing the boy said to me was, ‘I’m drunk and I had a wreck,'” James said. “I looked at him and I thought ‘You’re kind of young to be out drinking. And you sure shouldn’t be driving.'” Well that’s a no brainer. No one was paying attention to these kids? Was there a NASCAR race somewhere?

NEW YORK RESTAURANT TOPS BURGER IN GOLD

 A good burger is one of my favorite things, but this is a bit over the top-pings. A Manhattan restaurant is offering a hamburger that costs $175 and is topped with gold. And I complain about a $6.00 burger. It’s made of Kobe beef. It comes with black truffles, foie gras and Gruyere cheese in addition to gold flakes. What, no mayo? This shows you how gourmet I am, I’ve never heard of any of this crap other than gold, and I’m not about to eat that.  Wall Street Burger Shoppe co-owner Heather Tierney thinks of it as “a work of art.” Tierney says the item attracts Wall Street types who down a few beers and then fork over $175 to show off to their friends. you’d think if they can afford that much for their burger, they’d have something to drink a little more stylish than a brew.

75 YEAR OLD ATTEMPTS MOUNT EVEREST

75-year-old Yuichiro Miura of Japan is trying to be the oldest man to ever reach the summit of Mount Everest. This is one guy who doesn’t believe in growing old gracefully. He is accompanied by his son, Gota. Yuichiro is a professional skier who in 1970 became the first person to ski down Mount Everest using a parachute as a brake. Miura was into extreme sports before it was popular. He was diagnosed a few years ago with a heart arrhythmia. He says his greatest challenge is how his heart will hold up. Well, if he doesn’t make it. I have no doubt that he going to give it his best shot. No rocking chairs for him!

URINAL VIDEO GAME FOR TWO

The Belgians have come up with a solution for what to do when you are using the urinal in the public bathroom. It’s the urinal video game for two. Two beer fans out there have created a video game called “Place to Pee,” in which players race down ski slopes and kill aliens while whizzing. Apparently how you aim is how you play the game. Sensors inside the urinal keeps your game tally. The game is the creation of software developer Werner Dupont and electrical engineer Bart Geraets, who had consumed considerable beer when the idea dawned on them. There’s a revelation. They probably figured out the specs on a beer coaster. Now you don’t have to experience that uncomfortable silence when standing next to someone in the bathroom. Play with them instead. See how well you can score.  Ladies, you don’t have to feel left out. They’ve invented a special cup attachment just for you.