TRAFFIC TICKET SURCHARGE, WEDDING BELL BRAWLS, CONTROLLING WEATHER, PYTHON GUARD SNAKE, AND HULA HOOP ANNIVERSARY

 POLICE PAYING FOR GAS THROUGH TRAFFIC TICKETS

The police have found a way to add insult to injury. Are you ready for this? They’re going to tack on a surcharge to your traffic tickets to help pay for the gas. I thought my taxes already did that. Now they’re going to get us coming and going. That’s exactly what they’re doing in Holly Springs, Georgia and if this works, it won’t be long and others will follow their shining example. Drivers caught speeding in this north Atlanta suburb soon will have to pay an extra $12 – to cover $4-a-gallon gas costs for the police officers who stop them. The City Council passed the fee hike, effective July 1, to offset fuel prices that have eaten up nearly 60% of the police department’s 2008 fuel budget, Police Chief Ken Ball says. I suppose all those frivilous stops at the donut shop don’t mean anything do they? He expects the fee increase, which applies to all moving violations and can be rescinded if gas prices fall below $3 a gallon, to generate $19,500 to $26,000 a year for the town of 7,700. Ball says he was seeking ways to maintain patrols despite record high gas prices. “I was hearing that Delta Air Lines, pizza deliverers, florists were adding fuel charges to their services, and I thought, why not police departments?” he says. Well, unlike those commercial businesses, police departments are tax funded so they are suppossed to stay within their budgets. Other cities could follow. Ball says he’s being “inundated” by calls from police chiefs and city managers. “I’ve heard from at least a dozen police chiefs and half a dozen city managers,” he says of the measure passed Monday night. “They want to know how we did it, and could we send them a copy of the ordinance.” See, I said this would spread like a bad virus. Tell me this isn’t going to make them work for their ticket quotas. I can see now how they will be telling the car patrols to make sure they hand out enough to cover their costs. “Get out there, be safe and bring in lots of money. 

WHEN WEDDINGS GO BAD

This reminds me of the old westerns where someone throws one puch and then everybody gets in on the act.In Newburgh, New York, a dispute over a camera at a wedding party turned into a 100-person melee which spilled into the parking lot outside of the Ramada Inn where it was being held. Two people were treated at a hospital afterward for stab wounds including the disc jockey who was stabbed in the back of the neck. Tough gig, you should’ve played better music. Another man received treatment after being punched in the face. Cops from the Town and the City of Newburgh, New Windsor, Montgomery, Walden and state police responded, and Talarico says it took nearly two hours for police to restore order. “It just kept going on and on,” said Town of Newburgh Police Sgt. Peter Talarico. “It was a wedding party gone bad.” Cops say they broke up over 30 individual fights among the party guests, and arrested six people at the end of the night. Talarico said there will be no further investigation, because no one at the scene was cooperating with police. It doesn’t sound like they were even cooperating with themselves. Well this is interesting kharma for starting out your new life together. I’d hate to be there at the divorce.

 CONTROLLING WEATHER – BAD IDEA

It’s a holiday in Russia. Rain would be a no-no and would put a damper on all the festivities. What do you do? Let’s make it rain now so we get a nice day for the holiday. Right? Well, “A pack of cement used in creating … good weather in the capital region … failed to pulverize completely at high altitude and fell on the roof of a house, making a hole about 80-100cm,” police in Naro-Fominsk told agency RIA-Novosti. Oops, guess we screwed up with that one. Ahead of major public holidays the Russian Air Force often dispatches up to 12 cargo planes carrying loads of silver iodide, liquid nitrogen and cement powder to seed clouds above Moscow and empty the skies of moisture. Ok, doesn’t this mean that immediately thereafter it’s raining cement? Now it’s raining bags of cement.  June 12 was Russia Day, a patriotic holiday celebrating the country’s independence after the break-up of the Soviet Union. Stick to fireworks and hope for the best like we do. Cement? Bad idea.

PYTHONS MAKE BAD GUARD DOGS

“Sick ’em” deos not work for a snake. In Bridgeport, England, police were called when they received a report that Victor Rodriquez was threatening his girlfriend with a reptile. Is there such a thing as assault with a reptile?  Police Lt. James Viadero says that when the building superintendent opened the apartment door for the officers, Rodriguez allegedly threatened them with the snake and told it to “Get them!” The snake apparently saw no value in this since there was no live mice involved. Rodriguez and his pet were both taken away, Rodriguez to jail on a $10,000 bond, and the albino python to the city’s animal control shelter. They are no charges pending against the snake since he went quietly and refused to be an accomplice.

HULA HOOPS TURN 50

June 18 was the 50th anniversary on one of the funnest and most frustrating toys ever invented, the HUla Hoop. Those who learned to do it well were the envy of all those like me that threw our backs out of joint trying. I felt that my back and the hula hoop deserved this recognition.

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BARACK OBAMA RUMOR WEBSITE, AIR DUCT JAILBREAK, MISPLACED AIRLINER, CELLPHONE STALKER, AND JASON PETER BOOK

BARACK OBAMA FIGHTS RUMORS WITH WEBSITE

You know there’s trouble when you have to set up an entire website to combat the rumors going around about you. That’s what Barack Obama has had to do. Obama and his wife Michelle seems to have gotten the media going in so many directions that it’s like trying to figure out Tom Cruise. Nobody knows what’s really going on. Hence a website. The Obama political machine has produced a site that should lay to rest everyone’s speculation about the couple with their version of the “truth.” It’s called “Fight the Smears.” Don’t you love that title. The sight is part of the official Barack Obama website and contains everything you wanted to know about the Obamas but were afraid to ask. Only kidding. http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/fightthesmearshome/ Here you’ll find the truth about the infamous Republican “Whitey” tape. You know the one that’s harder to find than Bigfoot. It talks about Obama’s alleged Muslim ties, a copy of his birth certificate, and Obama’s “racist” books.  They want the world to know that he’s a sparkly clean young man and that all is well with the world. Why am I suddenly hearing Disney music and little birds breaking out in song? Certainly the candidates should be putting out the information they want voters to see and the media always latches on to any kind of rumor it can find and tailors it to what sells. It makes it difficult on all of us that want to have informed decisions and back someone we really believe in. A website isn’t going to dispel the rumors instigated by the media and the opposition and certainly more will crop up. An information hungry public demands it. I used to start rumors about myself just to see what they sounded like when they got back to me. I found it entertaining. But then, I’m not running for office.

 

WOMAN PRISONER GETS STUCK IN AIR DUCT

In Sydney Australia, a woman attempting an escape from jail didn’t make it. I have to say it’s not like it is on TV. She got stuck in an air conditioning duct. She had been refused bail so she decided she wasn’t going to stick around. She was wrong. She stuck around alright, literally. It was an hour before they could get her out. Now she faces additional charges of attempted jail break. See, don’t believe everything you see on TV or in the movies.  Then you don’t end up in embarrassing articles on the internet.

BOEING 727 IN LOST AND FOUND

A passenger airliner has been sitting on a tarmac in Vienam for over a year. It’s at Hanoi’s Noi Bai airport and no one has come forward to claim it.  No one has reported one missing either. If you’re looking for one it’s really big, made out of metal and painted white. The plane is marked with a Cambodian flag and the name Air Dream. It can be claimed at the airport lost and found. I suspect at this point they’d give it to anyone as long as it gets out of their hair. It sounds like a good acquisition for a rock band. Although, with the price of gas, it’s probably not going anywhere soon.

IDIOT STALKER CELLPHONE MASTURBATION LEADS TO CAPTURE

If you’re going to do something weird to someone, deon’t do it over the cellphone. Onanist Benjamin Baker, 27, of Victoria, Australia, was stalking a woman, who in turn went to the police to complain. Police Prosecutor Seaton Lillas said Baker repeatedly harassed his victim by phone and sent her video of him masturbating. Baker, whose timing wasn’t the best, sent her a video of him while she was at the station filling out the complaint. Oops. “The victim answered the call to find Baker again masturbating himself and she showed the officer taking her statement,” Senior Constable Lillas told the court. Well, that’s a zip and shut case. Baker wasn’t sentanced to do any hard time, but his behavior was called “disturbing” by the judge and he was fined $3000. Yea, disturbing, no doubt.

SEX DRUGS AND FOOTBALL – JASON PETER

Jason Peter is a former Carolina Panther who has written a book, not like that’s unusual these days. What is unusual is the amount of drug use and partying he portrays in the tome. He says he could down 60 vicatin, 20 sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka. Woa, dude, how can you write a book. You shouldn’t be able to remember a thing. This makes me wonder about the credibility of this “insightful piece of literature. I think a lot of this crap is made up to sell copies. Peter King of Sports Illustrated writes in an article about the book: “Vicodin. Ambien. Cocaine. Crack. Heroin. GHB, the date-rape drug. Lots of others I’ve never heard of. He’s not sure if he’s been in rehab six or seven times. He’s blown most of the $6.5 million Carolina paid him over a disappointing, injury-filled NFL career with the Panthers. Nights and weeks with prostitutes so numerous … well, so numerous that his Madame at a high-rolling Manhattan brothel ran out of girls for him.” If you’re looking for a book about the workings of the NFL, this isn’t it. It’s the seedy side of life where overpaid atheletes go on incredible binges when they have too much money. Jason Peter wasn’t a very good football player and now we know why. He’s blown all his money and now he’s writing a book so he can buy more drugs and whores. The slander hungry public will flock to throw down their $35.00 a pop to read the trash this guy is offering. Well, there’s a sucker born every minute.  And a junkie is still a junkie, even if he can mumble out a few pages to keep his habit going.

ROBERT DOWNEY JR BURGER SAVIOR, ANTARCTIC CONDOMS, SHINY NEW OUTHOUSE, PIGEON REHAB, MICHIGAN METEOR, AND MOONDUST TELESCOPE

ROBERT DOWNEY JR SAVED BY BAD BURGER KING

This is one of those stories you can’t make up. Robert Downey Jr. claims to have been convinced to get straight by a bad burger experience at Burger King. In an interview with Britain’s Empire magazine, the 43-year-old actor recounts an incident in 2003 when he was driving around with “tons of f—ing dope” when he decided it was time for a burger. “I have to thank Burger King,” he told Empire. “It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen.” After the bad burger experience, he said he tossed all of his drugs into the ocean and decided to sober up for good. I have to admit, I’ve had some pretty bad burgers at Burger King but I have yet to experience the epiphany burger. I wonder what they put on one of those. Apparently he got a combo with his. Burger King’s new Epiphany burger helping people with their lives and indigestion. Don’t forget the Tums.

ANTARCTIC RECEIVES 16,500 CONDOMS

It seems we’ve been missing out. It appears that when the sun goes down in the antarctic, the fun begins.  Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them. Party on! Hats off folks. The base only has a skeleton staff through the winter but what a staff. “Since everybody knows everyone, it becomes a little bit uncomfortable,” Henriksen said. Frigid here doesn’t seem to be a problem. Sunrise starts again in late august and then supply flight resume and tourism picks up. Let’s see, 3 months, endless nightlife,16,500 condoms, that says orgy to me. I wonder what kind of cocktails they have down there. It may be cold and snowy down there, but they’ve obviously found something to occupy themselves. Put me down for a visit. Artic Researchers Gone Wild, it could be the next big thing. Where’s my video camera?

 MAN FIGHTS TO KEEP OUTHOUSE – WINS

In Batavia, Ohio, Elbert Preston, everybody calls him Lew, refused to give up having an outhouse. It seems that his old one was violating a few health codes and the powers that be wanted it gone. Well, Lew wasn’t going to stand, or sit for that.  A former trustee for Washington Township, he challenged the board of health for months before seeking help from People Working Cooperatively, a nonprofit that has done thousands of projects for low-income, elderly and disabled residents in southern Ohio and northern Kentucky. They built him a new outhouse, one that was up to codes. “It’s too nice and complicated to be an outhouse,” Lew said. “I call it a privy.” Preston, who is slowed by diabetes and has colon problems and pacemaker, said he never saw the need to replace the old outhouse, which once was picked up and carried into his garden by a tornado without major damage. He said he has used an outside toilet since settling in Washington Township 40 years ago and likes the privacy of a privy. “When you’re in a house, sounds carry, Everybody knows your business.” I’m guessing we won’t be seeing any high tech from this guy.

PIGEON ENTERS REHAB 

 Al Coury of Wanamaker, Indiana races pigeons. He sent several of them to Montgomery, Alabama to be released for a race which uses the birds instincts to race back home. First pigeons to their home loft wins the race. Well, one of his birds decided enough of this bird crap and decided he’d had enough. He found a nice hospital courtyard and checked himself in for some RandR. The pigeon went about making friends with the patients of the Meadows Hospital and even sat in on some group sessions held in the courtyard. The avian athelete, now dubbed Miss Pigeon had a band on its leg with Coury’s phone number on it and he was contacted. He told them to feed the bird unpopped popcorn and then went to reclaim the wayaward creature. There is no word on what the bill for the bird’s recovery will be. Do professional homing pigeons get health care?

METEORITE SHAPED LIKED MIGHIGAN GETS $20,000

A 75 pound meteorite shaped like Michigan’s lower peninsula fetched $20,000 at an auction in Dallas, Texas. The owner Darryl Pitt was disapointed. He felt it Should have gone for $50,000. Well times are hard Darryl and of course it’s no corn flake. A recent fiasco over an Illinois shaped cornflake fetching bids that neared $250,000 at one point was on Ebay. Maybe that was the problem, it wasn’t on Ebay. Darryl felt his meteor should rival one that sold not long ago that was shaped like the Indian subcontinent. That one went for $90,000, but it also weighed three-quarters of a ton. I guess in this case, size really does matter. Look at it this way, you sold a piece of space junk for 20 grand. You’re lucky you got that much.

TELESCOPE MADE FROM MOONDUST

Peter Chen, a NASA scientist feels he has found a practical way to build a telescope on the moon. Why we need one I haven’t quite figured out yet, but he thinks he can do it anyway. He wants to make it from moon dust. He has been experimenting with moon dust-like particles and has been able to creat a small example to show everyone he can do this. Of course we’re not talking real moondust and this may prove better in theory than practice. “We believe we have found a way to turn moon dust into a telescope,” said Peter Chen, with NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. The process require combining nanotubes, small carbon fibers, and crushed rock that simulates moondust. Actually it sounds like he was making mudpies to me. “First we had something very gooey and smelly,” Chen told reporters at the American Astronomical Society meeting last week. “Then we had this very hard, very stable material like concrete.” Yep, mud pies. OK, adobe. The latin Americans discovered that a long time ago.  Chen feels his process can create a structure and the entire telescope system. Isn’t this really redundant? With Hubble working so well, why do we need one on the moon. But then again, we just spent billions to find salt on Mars, I guess we might as well spend a few billion more to make some mudpies on the moon. The real problem is there’s way too much grant money floating around for projects like this.

MARTIAN DISCOVERY, MRS EIFFEL TOWER, PORTA-JOHN MISHAP, DERRIE-AIR, AND DWI COOLER

STRANGE WHITE CRAP FOUND ON MARS

Is this what we paid billions of dollars to find? A bunch of white crap on the surface of Mars. For god’s sake let’s get on with it. Either send somebody there or give it up. Scientists say this could be salt. Yippee, we found seasonings. The Lawrys corporation should be thrilled. “Salt would be very interesting because that’s what is left behind as water evaporates. That would be a very nice discovery, particularly if we knew exactly which salts they were,” principal investigator Peter Smith said. Why, so you can decide between pork or beef? The scientists are eager to find evidence of water on the surface of Mars because they are trying to determine if the Red Planet has ever supported life. Does that really matter? It doesn’t any more. It’s not going to be a sunny vacation spot. I’m not going to be impressed until some Martian creature walks up and kicks the lander. Then I’ll be impressed. After that, I want to know if there’s enough of them to have a hunting season. The lander has already returned the highest-resolution pictures ever taken of dust and sand on the surface of another planet. What an accomplishment. Dirt. We knew that already. Colored dirt. We knew that too. There you go, billions to probe the deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets of Mars with a little salt thrown on it. Stay tuned for more startling revelations from paradise. 

WOMAN MARRIES THE EIFFEL TOWER 

San Francisco, California resident, Erika La Tour Eiffel, yes, that is her real name, married the Eiffel Tower. Her strange relationship with the architectural icon is the subject of a documentary, The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower; the documentary also stars the wife of the Berlin Wall whom we featured here a while back. There’s nothing like giving these folks a little TV time to validate their weirdness. I guess every landmark needs someone to love. There’s nothing like a cold steel rail.

DRUNK, NAKED AND STUCK IN A PORT-A-JOHN

People endlessly amaze me but how they get into some situations is completely baffling. Take this story for instance. Police in Lebanon, Pennsyvania get a 911 call from a cell phone that has originated inside a porta-potty. A man has gotten himself stuck inside. Lock jammed? No. For some unfathomable reason he has gotten naked, is drunk and has immerssed himself in the holding tank. Deputy fire commissioner Chris Miller said “I’ve been on the job in one form or fashion for 21 years, and this is the first porta-potty rescue I’ve ever had.” Police charged the man with public drunkeness and creating a health code violation, but they have no idea why he was in the toilet with his clothes off. I hope they hosed him off before they threw him in the cell.

FLY DERRIE-AIR

 Derrie-Air the new airline that charges you by the pound. The more you weigh the more you pay. Yes, under the guise of being environmentally friendly, this advetisment for a new airline has been circulating around the east coast. Well, It’s a joke folks. The airline doesn’t exist and you reservations have been cancelled.  It was an ad campaign to see how people respond to certain types of advertising. So it looks like you won’t be flying by the seat of your pants on this one.

BUSTED DRIVING MOTORIZED COOLER DRUNK

Did you know that you could get arrested for driving your cooler after consuming too much of what’s inside? Well it is true believe it or not. Yes you can get arrested for driving your motorized cooler drunk. Leslie J. “Bomber” Marr learned this the hard way when he was arrested on Memorial Day in Whitehall, NY and charged with DWI and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. Police saw him swerving around the streets and driving on the sidewalk on a cooler. Cruizin Coolers are becoming the newest rage in summer time transportation. Yes, you can drive you beverages to your favorite beach.  It even has a hatch so you can pull out a icy cold drink while driving. That’s where the trouble begins. The hatch also has a cup/can holder on top, suggesting that this sort of activity is exactly what the designers had in mind. Not much of a leap in deduction there. Under state law, the cooler is still considered a motor vehicle so sobriety is a must, and a license is highly recommended. Do they have driving tests for a cooler? Do they have a special cooler driver’s license? Buzz around buzzed carrying your buzz. There’s a certain beauty in that.

MEMORIAL DAY, GRUMPY QUEEN, OBAMA PARROT, PORN TAX, AND ROBBY KNIEVEL

 THE ORIGIN OF MEMORIAL DAY

The following is a quick history lesson on where Memorial Day comes from. I did not write this and it comes from the Cox and Forkum website. It is nicely done and I figured if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If you see a Veteran, I suggest doing this any day not just the holiday, tell them thanks and buy them a cocktail. They earned it.   

The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Waterloo, New York. The village was credited with being the birthplace because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter, and because it is likely that the friendship of General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A Logan, who led the call for the day to be observed each year and helped spread the event nationwide, was a key factor in its growth. General Logan had been impressed by the way the South honored their dead with a special day and decided the Union needed a similar day. Reportedly, Logan said that it was most fitting; that the ancients, especially the Greeks, had honored their dead, particularly their heroes, by chaplets of laurel and flowers, and that he intended to issue an order designating a day for decorating the grave of every soldier in the land, and if he could he would have made it a holiday. Logan had been the principal speaker in a citywide memorial observation on April 29, 1866, at a cemetery in Carbondale, Illinois, an event that likely gave him the idea to make it a national holiday. On May 5, 1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, a veterans’ organization, Logan issued a proclamation that “Decoration Day” be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of a battle. The tombs of fallen Union soldiers were decorated in remembrance of this day.  The alternative name of “Memorial Day” was first used in 1882, but did not become more common until after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. On June 28, 1968, the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved four holidays from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend.

THIS WAS COURTESY OF THE COX AND FORKUM WEBSITE

 

 THE QUEEN HAS A GRUMP ON

 A British newspaper says the Canadian bride of the Queen’s eldest grandson is being blamed for a controversial deal with celebrity magazine Hello! for exclusive photos of their wedding at Windsor Castle. Montrealer Autumn Kelly married Peter Phillips on Saturday at the castle’s 15th-century St. George’s Chapel in front of 300 guests. The deal is reported to be worth $1 million. That’ll pay for one heck of a honeymoon. The British royal family and particulary Queen Elizabeth is up in arms about this as they weren’t consulted on the deal. The wedding pics will include images of most of the royals, including the Queen, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, and Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy. Yep that about covers everyone the magazines would be interested in. The Brits are saying that images of their Queen doesn’t belong in a gossip rag. Too late now. Hello, published over 60 pics of the wedding. The new Mrs. Phillips said she needed the money to pay for expenses since nobody else was willing to pick up the tab. I think she probably has more deals in the making. I’m sure a book deal, How I Managed to Marry into the Royal Family, could be in the works. Then there’s the lecture circuit, 10 steps to courting the grandson of a queen. Then there’s talk shows, websites, the list is endless. She could make an entire career out of this. Wow Canadians have their own member of the royal family now. Hey, guest appearances at hockey games singing “Oh Canada.” 

 

OBAMA PARROT

This is an idea that was suggested by one of the Midnight Ramblings readers, Tom Vickers. He has a blog here on wordpress that’s always worth a look at called TV’s Weblog-The Great Nonsense of Life. He thought that Smokey, the Obama supporting talking Parrot would fit right in. I agreed. This is just too funny. The video is taken from a CNN report done by Jeannie Moos. She’s quite clever and it’s cool to have it on the site. Watch and enjoy.

TAX ON PORN?

California is in deep financial trouble. Who isn’t? They have decided to get into the porn business so to speak. In an effort to get the state back on track a new concept in “sin” tax is being considered. Since most pornography is produced in southern California, state Assemblyman, Charles Calderon has proposed a 25% tax on all porn production and sale. Holy Ron Jeremy Batman! That’s a heavy duty tax. That’ll make your porn cost worse than the price of gas. Isn’t this a sort of state sponsored pimping? If they’re smart they’ll just pack up and move somewhere else. It’s not like they need studios, actors, or talent for these things. They ought to fit right in at Key West.

ROBBY KNIEVEL BEATS EVEL’S RECORD

“Hopefully I’ll see you after the jump,” Knievel told everyone just before he climbed the start ramp. With that, Robby took off and broke his dad, Evil Knievel’s, record. He jumped 200 feet and 24 semi trucks with his motorcycle. The previous record was 115 ft. This just so rocks. He did the jump in the same place, King’s Island in Mason Ohio, that his father had set the previous record. Robbie Knievel dedicated his stunt to his father, U.S. war veterans and those serving in the military. Look ma I can fly!

INSANITY IS COOL WHEN IT WORKS. LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

HILLARY AND KENNEDY, EBAY CHILD AUCTION, INDIANA JONES BAN, AND VINCE YOUNG APOLOGY

 HILLARY CLINTON’S FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

 It’s amazing how quickly a slip of the tongue will come back and haunt you. John Lennon knew about that when he made his comment that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Well, Hillary Clinton is the newest victim of the dreaded foot in mouth disease. The media has been running wild with her comment about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. She may have effectively hung herself politically. That would be too bad. She’s a fighter. Her go down swinging attitude I find refreshing. For those of you that have been living in a cave and have no idea of what I’m talking about, here’s the instant replay. Responding to a question from the Sioux Falls Argus Leader editorial board about calls for her to drop out of the race, she said: “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. You know I just, I don’t understand it,” she said, dismissing the idea of abandoning the race. Clinton said she didn’t understand why, given this history, some Democrats were calling for her to quit. Of course, upon realizing she’d said something stupid, she immediately apologized, citing the Kennedy’s were on her mind because of Massachusett’s Senator Edward Kennedy having been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Right now, Clinton supporters are fleeing like rats deserting the proverbial sinking ship. I find it ironic that she holds Robert F. Kennedy’s former seat in New York. It will also be ironic that in a family that has always held the Kennedy’s in such high esteem that it should be Hillary’s downfall. Bill had always claimed that JFK was his hero and during his campaign that picture of him meeting JFK when he was a boy was everywhere. I think maybe she should simply claim a momentary lapse of reason. We all have them. Like Flip Wilson used to say: “The Devil made me do it, The Devil made me do it.” “Doctor, you’re wanted in surgery, Mrs. Clinton needs her foot removed from her mouth.” Foot in mouth, debilitating politicians since the beginning of time.

PARENTS TRY TO SELL CHILD ON EBAY

Well, Ebay has become the place for strange auctions. A couple from Berlin, Germany has put their 7 month old boy up for auction for one Euro, about $1.57. Peter Hieber, a spokesman for police in the Bavarian town of Krumbach, said the baby was placed in the care of youth services, although the child’s mother insisted the ad was only a joke. It’s not much of a joke if you ask me. Authorities have launched an investigation into possible child trafficking against the baby’s mother and father, neither of whom was identified. “Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller,” police quoted the Ebay listing. I wonder how much shipping was. No offers were made for the child in the two hours and 30 minutes the ad was posted on Tuesday. I’m surprised, that was a pretty cheap price for a rugrat. Ebay later deleted the posting, but assisted police in tracking down the parents. I wonder what Ebay policy this one violated.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISTS CALL FOR BAN ON NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE

Not everyone is a fan of the new Indiana Jones movie. Members of the Russian Communist party are calling for a ban on the film because of Cate Blanchett’s portrayal of a 1950’s KGB agent. Russian Communist Party members condemned the new “Indiana Jones” film on Friday as crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history. Ya think? I’ve never looked to an Indiana Jones movie for a history lesson.  “What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame,” said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia‘s second city of St. Petersburg. Can you say, over-reacting? The film, was released in Russian cinemas on Thursday. Russian media said it was being shown on 808 screens, the widest ever release for a Hollywood movie. Well, a controversy never hurts to get folks into the theater. This could score a lot of rubles for Indy. I wonder what Harrison Ford sounds like in Russian. Do their lips sync or are they like those old martial arts movies from the 60’s.  

 

VINCE YOUNG APOLOGIZES – KIND OF

Because of pressure about the party pictures of him all over the internet, including this site, Vince Young has apologized, sort of. Vince apologizes thusly:”I apologize to some of the kids if they did see it because I am trying to be a role model for them. But at the same time, I was just trying to have fun with (friends). That is the life of a quarterback, somebody of my status. I guess somebody was trying to make some money and sold the picture to the web site. But at the same time that is the life I chose to live. But it is not going to stop me from having fun. I just have to watch myself. They always want to try and get some negative pub on me. It wasn’t really nothing bad. … Everybody deserves to have a good time every once in a while during the offseason.” Let’s see, every once in a while. Let’s check the QB’s schedule, shall we?
Vince Young’s White Tee Party @ the ROC Wednesdays – 5.14.08
Vince Young’s Invite Only Pool Party at the Westside Tennis Club – 5.15.08
Vince Young’s Birthday Weekend KickOff Party & Premiere of the iBar – 5.16.08
Vince, Shawn Marion & Jevon Kearse host Baby Blue Carpet Affair @ Club Level – 5.17.08
Vince Young Bday BBQ Cookout & Daytime party at the Red Door – 5.18.08
Lil Wayne, Lloyd, Mannie Fresh, Lil Keke at Vince Young Bday Bash at BAR RIO – 5.18.08
Looks to me like every once in a while is every day. Liver transplant for Vince Young. Liver Transplant for Vince Young. If you follow the links above you can get a look at each one of the parties. They were careful not to show Vince actually drinking this time, but one actually shows the cops arriving at the Baby Blue Carpet Affair though you have to go through 10 pages of pics to get to it. Getting in shape for the pre-season, eh Vince.

 

JOHN MCCAIN, DOGGY BEER, SPITTING DEATH, DONKEY JAILED, AND SPORK ART

 DOES JOHN MCCAIN BELONG IN AN OLD FOLKS HOME?

During election years we brook a lot of babbling. This year’s clueless award goes to John McCain. This guy is starting to make me think he has Alzheimer’s. Maybe he just stands out in the Arizona sun too long.  Yes he’s got experience and has been around the Washington scene for ages, but that just may be the problem. It’s beginning to appear as if he’s been there too long. Judging from this video, it’s a miracle he can function as a Senator, let alone run the country. Over the weekend Mike Huckabee announced that he’d like to be McCain’s running mate. I bet he would. Maybe he sees what I see, a doddering old man that can’t keep anything straight. Maybe he hopes McCain will overdose on viagra trying to keep up with his younger wife and then get the job by default. If this is the best the Republicans have to offer they need to hang it up altogether. At least Obama and Clinton are entertaining. McCain’s just senile. 

LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

 

DOGGY BEER

An australian compny has come up with a brew for your dog. Don’t taste test this for the dog, it’s beef flavored. Dog Beer, or DB, was designed by Sydney pet supplies store owner Elise Schumacher.  “I have drunk it. It tastes like beef and smells like beer.” OK, it’s not something that I’m putting high on my list. Though, it can’t be worse than Bud Light. She claims to have sold hundreds of them and it is a booming product in her pet store claiming real beer isn’t good for dogs. Her version has no alcohol so you won’t be able to get your dog drunk. That’s no fun. Half the fun of letting him drink beer is to watch him wobble.

MAN SPITS TO HIS DEATH

And the nominee is: After returning to their hotel from visiting the disco district of the Swiss town of Cadempino, a 29-year old man and his friend decided to have a spitting contest. They wanted to see who could spit the farthest from their balcony. The 29-year old came to the hair-brained conclusion he needed to get a running start to get some extra distance. He didn’t stop in time and plunged off the balcony to the street below. He wins! His dying at the hopital officially qualifies him for the coveted Darwin Award. None of the names have been released probably due to embarrassment.

 DONKEY THROWN IN SLAM FOR ASSAULT AND BATTERY

In Tuxtla Gutierrez, Mexico, a donkey has been thrown in jail for assault! The ass ended up in the drunk tank after it bit and kicked two people. Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its owner agrees to pay the men’s medical bills. “Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed,” Gomez said, “no matter who they are.” Actually I think a donkey is more of a what than a who. The owner, Mauro Gutierrez said he would try to reach a friendly arrangement to pay the men’s bills, estimated at $420. The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle. What I want to know is what did they do to make it so angry, feed it tequila. It would explain the drunk tank.”All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid,” Hernandez said. Yep, sounds like tequila. Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged burro. Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March. I bet they had a tough time getting that one in a cell. In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. It appears the local cops spend more time chasing livestock than they do real offenders. At least it cures the hot meals problem.

ART FROM PLASTIC CUTLERY

I have to admit, I’ve never looked at a spork and thought, could I turn this into a bug. Now I do admit I’ve looked for bugs where I picked up the spork. 70-year-old Peter Rush makes bug art out of plastic cutlery.  The overhead is cheap, he grabs a handful everytime he goes to McDonalds’s and then heats them up, shapes them into what he wants and then paints them. Voila, bug art. “It started a few years ago, when I turned up to do a workshop with children on endangered species,” he said, “I had forgotten my materials but noticed the plastic spoon in my tea was bending. I made a stag beetle from it and it proved a great success so, after that, I started making other insects.” Rush is from Dorset, England and he has quite a collection of his homemade, plastic creepy crawlers. Certainly art is in the eye of the beholder. Spork art, go figure.