GET YOUR POLITICALLY CORRECT? CONDOMS
Feeling screwed by this election already and want some payback. Feel the need to become politically erect? The Practice Safe Policy website is selling both John McCain and Barack Obama condoms, from their sister sites, McCainCondoms.com and ObamaCondoms.com. I’m not sure this would help my sex life. The McCain site says these condoms are “old but not expired,” while the Obama site says “who says experience is necessary?” Both sites sell a package of two for $9.95, but shipping is an additional $3. PayPal is accepted, naturally.
For McCain: Give your “troops” the protection they deserve, buy McCain Condoms today! This will turn out to be the ultimate collectors item or a perfect gift for grandpa! Trophy wife approved. For the proud, liberal Republican, conservative Republican.
For Obama: These are uncertain times. The economy’s a ball-buster and the surge went flaccid… but now there’s Obama Condoms, for a change you can believe in! For the elitist penis. They won’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth. When you just want to close the deal.
Yes, show your support for your candidate. The thing that bothers me is that politicians never live up to their promises. Does that mean these might leak like a White House tipster? I say never trust a politician…or one of their condoms. You might have a unexpected tax deduction on the way.
PRINCE CHARLES PAYS 350 YEAR OLD DEBT
Don’t you hate it when the relatives leave unpaid bills. That’s what happened in this case. A bill that has been hanging out since 1651was just paid by Prince Charles. The debt was incurred in 1651 when King Charles II, at the time recognized only as the King of Scotland, was preparing for the Battle of Worcester. He asked the Clothiers Company in Worcester to prepare uniforms for his soldiers and pledged to pay afterward, but his forces were defeated and Charles fled to mainland Europe. Needless to say the bill was left out there unpaid. So, it seems Prince Charles didn’t appreciate his descendants fiscal irresponsibility and has taken care of his namesake’s debt. He did decline to pay the interest on it saying “I wasn’t born yesterday.” The Master of the Clothiers Company of Worcester, Andrew Grant, received the money from the prince in a 1650-style gaming purse made by the Royal Shakespeare Company. The two met at the Commandery, the royal headquarters during the battle. “We are very grateful to the Prince of Wales for repaying the debt to the Worcester Clothiers Company,” Grant said. Those Brits, they always have to have a little pomp with their circumstance. The must have been getting a bad score on Freecreditreport.com.
UNICORN DEER DISCOVERED IN ITALY
This is fantasy becoming reality,” Gilberto Tozzi, director of the Center of Natural Sciences in Prato, Italy, told The Associated Press. “The unicorn has always been a mythological animal.” Well, this one is a bit far from the mythological animal, but it is interesting just the same. The 1-year-old Roe Deer, nicknamed “Unicorn,” was born in captivity in the research center’s park in the Tuscan town of Prato, near Florence, Tozzi said. P.T. Barnum would have loved this one. He would have passed it off as, rare one of a kind, never before seen by human eyes. Yep, I can hear him now. But I digress, this way to the egress. This deer was one half of a pair of twins born in the preserve. Tozzi believes this could be the origin of the unicorn myth. I’m not buying that, but it appears he had to come up with something to say. “This shows that even in past times, there could have been animals with this anomaly,” he said by telephone. “It’s not like they dreamed it up.” Trust me, I live in the land of “more deer than we know what to do with.” They come in all shapes and sizes. One with a unicorn horn wouldn’t surprise me much. I find it interesting, but origin of myths, I don’t think I’d stretch it to quite those limits. He’s a cute little bugger though.
CLOUD MAKING MACHINE
Remember when you were a kid looking up at the sky and you were trying to see what kinds of shapes you could see in the clouds. OK, I still do that. Well, now there is a machine that actually makes predetermined shapes. This may take some of the imagination out of it, but they are intriquing just the same. A former magician, Francisco Guerra, has come up with the concept that terms his clouds “Flogos.” They are made of soap and gases, such as helium, which allow them to fly off and retain their puffy texture. In other words, they are elaborate soap bubbles. “They will fly for miles,” said Mr Guerra. “They are durable so they last a while.” Depending on the weather and the formula used, the Flogos can last from a few minutes to more than an hour. They can fly up to 30 miles and go as high as four miles but normally the little clouds level out at about 500ft. I can see where people will be reporting a lot more UFOs in the future. “It looked like the head of Mickey Mouse.” His machines can pump out a Flogo at a rate of one every 15 seconds. That’s enough to blot out the sun. The clouds can be made in 2ft or 3ft sizes but a 6ft generator is in the pipeline. Current designs are only available in white but Mr Guerra plans to add color options from next year. Wow, clouds with color. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to take that.
SIGN OF THE TIMES
MCCAIN’S CENSORSHIP OR SECURITY, SAVED BY A CUP OF TEA, DECAPITATED MAN AND THE COP THIEF, AND MARRY YOUR DOGS
Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags AARP, Arrest, Art, Baby Boomer, blog, blogging, Caledon, canine, censorship, Colorado, comedy, commentary, conversations, Dawid, decapitated, Denver, digg, E-zine, editorial, Ezine, Family, fark.com, funny, Germany, Google, history, Humor, Japan, Johann, John, John McCain kicks librarian out of town hall event, Jullies, Life, literature, Love, McCain, Michigan, Music, Muttrimony, News, nude women, nudity, odd, opinion, paranormal, PetSmart, politicians, Politics, porn, premission, protesting, protestors, random thoughts, republicans, ruminations, sex, stealing, strange, tea, Technology, theonion.com, thiefr, Thoughts, Tokyo, TV, victim, video, viral, weddings, weird, women, wordpress.com, wordpress.org, Writing, Yahoo, youtube, zine on July 9, 2008 by mclassenSECURITY OR CENSORSHIP AT MCCAIN RALLIES
Are the candidates taking security too far? The video below shows a 61-year-old librarian being harrassed and removed from a John McCain town hall meeting in Denver, Colorado. Now as I understand them, town hall meetings are where you meet the candidates and then ask your most probing questions of them to see if they are worthy of your vote. It is also suppossed to be a forum where you express your opinions to candidates to see if they are willing to do something about the issues that are most important to you. This video clearly shows the people in charge of the McCain camp and the meeting trying to stop some individuals who might have dissenting opinions of McCain from even attending the rally. They cite security as their reasoning for refusing the admittance. The police are then called and tickets are issued for trespassing at a public event! Is this Security or censorship? Are our politicians more interested in the orchestration of their gatherings than maybe having a rogue question catch them off guard? How are we to have a political process when the process is quelled. This video shows a disturbing trend with individuals who are obviously no danger to anything being ushered out of sight, out of mind and then to add insult to injury with fines and court appearances when they are performing a valid exercise of their political, not to mention constitutional rights. Last I looked, this was still the United States wasn’t it? Did I miss a meeting?
A CUP OF TEA SAVED MY LIFE
What do you do when you’re confronted with a knife weilding thief? Why you make him a cup of tea of course. A 30-year-old Tokyo, Japan woman was walking along a corridor in her apartment building with her daughter on Monday when a man brandishing a knife demanded money. I hate it when that happens. When the housewife told him she had none, the man barged into her apartment. Apparently he didn’t believe her. Hoping to calm him, the woman made the thief a cup of tea, whereupon he put his knife away and began a 20-minute monologue about his life. The dude had a Dr. Phil moment. Or maybe it was a Jerry Springer moment, we don’t actually know what he said to her. The woman then gave the man 10,000 yen ($93.34) and ran outside to call the police from a pay phone. The guy should have been paying her for the couch time. Police rushed to the scene, but the thief had fled and is still being sought. See, a spot of tea can save your life, quick thinking, a friendly ear, it’s all good.
COP SAYS DECAPITATED MAN GAVE PERMISSION TO STEAL HIS BELONGINGS
I can’t believe any one actually bought this load of bull. A Caledon, Germany, police captain, Dawid Johann Jullies claiming that a decapitated car crash victim had given him permission to take the floor mats and hub caps from the wrecked vehicle, was subsequently found innocent of theft by an internal police hearing when the investigators concluded that the decapitated victim did indeed give permission, contrary to the family’s claims that this was impossible. What? How stupid were these people? Subsequently, a court agreed with the family and found the officer guilty of theft, sentencing him to 3 years in prison, suspended for 5 years. So in other words, he got off with a “don’t do it again.” However, Julies became the police station commissioner the very next day, or ironically, the head of the police station, despite having been found guilty of theft by the court. There’s nothing like rewarding larceny. Yep let’s give him a promotion. Somtimes there’s just no justice.
MARRY YOUR DOGS, NO MORE “LIVING TOGETHER”
Do you have nore than one dog? Well, don’t let them live in sin anymore, get them a wedding and make their life legal. Yes, it’s a new trend, like Americans didn’t have anything else to spend their money on. The popularity of dog weddings is on the rise and Reverands are finding that a little pet wedding can add an extra boost to their coffers. For the 63% of Americans who own pets, there’s a growing sector of the $40 billion dollar pet industry waiting to sell them wedding-related services like pet marriage counseling, pet wedding planners, pet caterers, pet trainers, and even special pet priests who conduct actual certified pet weddings. As one reverend told the Chicago Tribune: “Marriage for an animal is almost like marriage for a human. An animal union is more like a blessing under God. Well, I am a reverend,” Scott said. He apparently didn’t want to give his full name. “If you’re in a family with two animals and they want to unite in a wedding, what difference does it make? It is not a sign of the Apocalypse. It is a sign that animals often seek to form a lasting bond and have deep commitment.” Keep telling yourself that Scott. Pet owners can make the wedding even more official by getting a real human marriage license and setting up a gift registry at PetSmart. You didn’t think big business wasn’t going to get in on this did you? Question: If the dogs are legally married and they have puppies, does selling them constitute puppy slavery? Does the married couple have recourse to get their children back? I bet there’s some lawyer out there willing to test this.
IT APPEARS SOMEONE FINALLY FOUND A USE FOR THAT ORDAINMENT LICENSE THEY GOT FROM THE BACK OF ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE FOR $20.
Leave a comment »