Archive for Sports

BRETT FAVRE COMEBACK, POLICE CAR FULL OF COCAINE, BUSTED SUBWAY STRIPPER, DRINKING AND STEALING, AND NEW ORLEANS ROLLER BULL

Posted in Animals, Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Pets, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 14, 2008 by mclassen

BRETT FAVRE COMEBACK? 

I couldn’t let this go by without making comment. I’m a lifelong Packer fan, but I’m also a Packer fan, then from time to time, I’m a Packer fan, and did I mention, I’m a Packer fan. Like everyone, I was surprised and a bit saddened when the day came that Brett decided to hang up his cleats. I went through the mourning and then got used to the idea that there would be a young and quite promising replacement waiting in the wings in the form of Aaron Rodgers. OK, now comes the announcement that Favre, arguably the greatest quarterback to grace the field wants to return and not retire. This puts all of us fans on an emotional roller coaster. I’d love to see Favre play some more, but this certainly isn’t fair to the kid that has been patiently waiting for his opportunity to shine. Aaron Rodgers proved last year when he stepped in for Favre in Dallas that he has excellent potential. He was told that it is his team now and the Packer organization is standing by that decision. One major problem. The Green Bay Packers are owned by the fans. Through the chaos of speculation and rumors over the weekend one thing remains clear, the decision as to whether Favre comes back to Green Bay may not be up to current management. Amidst protests at Lambeau Field, a call for an emergency stockholders meeting is being called. The stockholders being several thousand rabid Green Bay fans, no small number of which wouldn’t mind seeing Favre play out the remaining two years of his contract. Certainly his performance last year proved he’s still got Superbowl potential and is a long way from being washed up. Hence the big dilemma. Do you take back the known commodity or move forward into the unknown with possibly another Superbowl trophy hanging as the result? The Packer’s management has a no win situation on their hands, if they proceed with out Favre and have a crap season, Ted Thompson the General Manager will take a lot of heat. If Favre comes back and happens to crash and burn, same result. But what if that second Superbowl ring is in the cards for Favre and he goes somewhere else and gets it. Ted Thompson would have to move to Siberia. Packer fans would riot. Maybe, the only solution IS to let the fans choose. That way they only have themselves to blame and maybe that’s for the best all the way around.

POLICE DRUG CAR FULL OF DRUGS

 Apparently police didn’t search a car well enough before they decided to use it for themselves. In Dallas, Texas, a car that had been siezed from drug dealers was put into operation for their own undercover narcotics officers. While a police officer was cleaning the 2004 Black Infinity, he discovered some hidden compartments…with 50 pounds of Cocaine. We’re talking a serious stash here. The drug cache hadn’t been previously discovered and the police had been driving around with it for two months without their knowledge. It appears their initial search of the car wasn’t all that thorough. Now they’re trying to figure out who originally owned the car. Seems if they impounded it on a drug siezure, they might have some kind of record. I’m thinking they weren’t too on top of things on this one.

SUBWAY STRIPPER BUSTED

In an effort to protest Chile’s penchant for prudishness, a local stripper took her act onto the neighborhood subway system. Apparently the performance wasn’t appreciated by the authroities who finally caught her during one of her impromptu performances. Personally I’m always up for a little entertainment during a long boring ride. Heck I would have been riding around just hoping to catch her act. Monserrat Morilles, 26, surprised subway riders all week stripping to skimpy underwear, but she refused tips. Who ever heard of a stripper that refused tips. She apparently used the subway poles for her act. She had been elusive all week, getting on quickly and then getting off just as fast so that she would avoid being busted. Monserrat’s luck ran out. “This is just a beginning. We are starting an idea here that will grow and be developed further,” she told Reuters as police and subway guards surrounded her. I never knew stripping could be political activism. We should use that concept in this country. Chilean media dubbed her “La Diosa del Metro” or Subway Goddess. She called her performances “happy minutes.” Yes I can see having “Happy Minutes.” More “Happy Minutes.” “Chile is still a pretty timid country,” said her manager Gustavo Pradenas. “People aren’t very extroverted and we want to take aim at that and make Chile a happier country.” Yes, happy, happy, happy, let’s all be happy.

Photo

 DON’T DRINK AND STEAL

Probably one of the worst things you can do before committing a crime is get loaded. Spending a few hours building up some false courage before a quick B&E is just bad planning. John Michale Baker of Winnsboro, Texas did just that and everything one going alright, at first. The lady of the house saw him going inside and called her husband, who hurried home to deal with the thief. In the meantime of course the police were notified. Baker was just making his getaway when he arrived. The husband recognized Baker and wandered over to chat with him and Baker apparently a friendly drunk obliged talking with the husband right up until when the police arrived. Moral: If you’re gonna steal, steal don’t talk.

RUNNING WITH BULL, NEW ORLEANS?

Now this is a sport I can get behind…or in front of as the case may be. As usual New Orleans has come up with a twist on an old custom and this one has less patients in the hospital. Picture it. Hundreds of men, women and children, most in white with red scarves around their waists and red bandannas around their necks, gathered outside a French Quarter bar, I can see where the bar is real important in this one, Saturday morning to be chased down Bourbon Street by members of New Orleans’ roller derby league. Got that, Roller Babes. “Roller skates and a stampede through the Quarter — what could possibly go wrong?” said accountant Jason Medonia. Oh I don’t know, those roller girls can be pretty rough when they want to. 33 roller girls in horned helmets from teams with names like Confederacy of Punches and Crescent Wenches, took off to pursue the runners and strike them resoundly with plastic baseball bats. Oh, baby hit me hurt me. And guess what, Elvis too. Behind them putted Elvis impersonators on motorized scooters. Now what can be more complete than that. OK, maybe a jazz band, but hey, they’re not that hard to find. Sounds like a cool hot time in the Louisiana summer, bull, booze, and babes, everything we’ve come to expect from New Orleans.  

A member of the Big Easy Rollergirls roller derby league swings ...

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BARACK OBAMA RUMOR WEBSITE, AIR DUCT JAILBREAK, MISPLACED AIRLINER, CELLPHONE STALKER, AND JASON PETER BOOK

Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2008 by mclassen

BARACK OBAMA FIGHTS RUMORS WITH WEBSITE

You know there’s trouble when you have to set up an entire website to combat the rumors going around about you. That’s what Barack Obama has had to do. Obama and his wife Michelle seems to have gotten the media going in so many directions that it’s like trying to figure out Tom Cruise. Nobody knows what’s really going on. Hence a website. The Obama political machine has produced a site that should lay to rest everyone’s speculation about the couple with their version of the “truth.” It’s called “Fight the Smears.” Don’t you love that title. The sight is part of the official Barack Obama website and contains everything you wanted to know about the Obamas but were afraid to ask. Only kidding. http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/fightthesmearshome/ Here you’ll find the truth about the infamous Republican “Whitey” tape. You know the one that’s harder to find than Bigfoot. It talks about Obama’s alleged Muslim ties, a copy of his birth certificate, and Obama’s “racist” books.  They want the world to know that he’s a sparkly clean young man and that all is well with the world. Why am I suddenly hearing Disney music and little birds breaking out in song? Certainly the candidates should be putting out the information they want voters to see and the media always latches on to any kind of rumor it can find and tailors it to what sells. It makes it difficult on all of us that want to have informed decisions and back someone we really believe in. A website isn’t going to dispel the rumors instigated by the media and the opposition and certainly more will crop up. An information hungry public demands it. I used to start rumors about myself just to see what they sounded like when they got back to me. I found it entertaining. But then, I’m not running for office.

 

WOMAN PRISONER GETS STUCK IN AIR DUCT

In Sydney Australia, a woman attempting an escape from jail didn’t make it. I have to say it’s not like it is on TV. She got stuck in an air conditioning duct. She had been refused bail so she decided she wasn’t going to stick around. She was wrong. She stuck around alright, literally. It was an hour before they could get her out. Now she faces additional charges of attempted jail break. See, don’t believe everything you see on TV or in the movies.  Then you don’t end up in embarrassing articles on the internet.

BOEING 727 IN LOST AND FOUND

A passenger airliner has been sitting on a tarmac in Vienam for over a year. It’s at Hanoi’s Noi Bai airport and no one has come forward to claim it.  No one has reported one missing either. If you’re looking for one it’s really big, made out of metal and painted white. The plane is marked with a Cambodian flag and the name Air Dream. It can be claimed at the airport lost and found. I suspect at this point they’d give it to anyone as long as it gets out of their hair. It sounds like a good acquisition for a rock band. Although, with the price of gas, it’s probably not going anywhere soon.

IDIOT STALKER CELLPHONE MASTURBATION LEADS TO CAPTURE

If you’re going to do something weird to someone, deon’t do it over the cellphone. Onanist Benjamin Baker, 27, of Victoria, Australia, was stalking a woman, who in turn went to the police to complain. Police Prosecutor Seaton Lillas said Baker repeatedly harassed his victim by phone and sent her video of him masturbating. Baker, whose timing wasn’t the best, sent her a video of him while she was at the station filling out the complaint. Oops. “The victim answered the call to find Baker again masturbating himself and she showed the officer taking her statement,” Senior Constable Lillas told the court. Well, that’s a zip and shut case. Baker wasn’t sentanced to do any hard time, but his behavior was called “disturbing” by the judge and he was fined $3000. Yea, disturbing, no doubt.

SEX DRUGS AND FOOTBALL – JASON PETER

Jason Peter is a former Carolina Panther who has written a book, not like that’s unusual these days. What is unusual is the amount of drug use and partying he portrays in the tome. He says he could down 60 vicatin, 20 sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka. Woa, dude, how can you write a book. You shouldn’t be able to remember a thing. This makes me wonder about the credibility of this “insightful piece of literature. I think a lot of this crap is made up to sell copies. Peter King of Sports Illustrated writes in an article about the book: “Vicodin. Ambien. Cocaine. Crack. Heroin. GHB, the date-rape drug. Lots of others I’ve never heard of. He’s not sure if he’s been in rehab six or seven times. He’s blown most of the $6.5 million Carolina paid him over a disappointing, injury-filled NFL career with the Panthers. Nights and weeks with prostitutes so numerous … well, so numerous that his Madame at a high-rolling Manhattan brothel ran out of girls for him.” If you’re looking for a book about the workings of the NFL, this isn’t it. It’s the seedy side of life where overpaid atheletes go on incredible binges when they have too much money. Jason Peter wasn’t a very good football player and now we know why. He’s blown all his money and now he’s writing a book so he can buy more drugs and whores. The slander hungry public will flock to throw down their $35.00 a pop to read the trash this guy is offering. Well, there’s a sucker born every minute.  And a junkie is still a junkie, even if he can mumble out a few pages to keep his habit going.

MEMORIAL DAY, GRUMPY QUEEN, OBAMA PARROT, PORN TAX, AND ROBBY KNIEVEL

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 26, 2008 by mclassen

 THE ORIGIN OF MEMORIAL DAY

The following is a quick history lesson on where Memorial Day comes from. I did not write this and it comes from the Cox and Forkum website. It is nicely done and I figured if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. If you see a Veteran, I suggest doing this any day not just the holiday, tell them thanks and buy them a cocktail. They earned it.   

The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Waterloo, New York. The village was credited with being the birthplace because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter, and because it is likely that the friendship of General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A Logan, who led the call for the day to be observed each year and helped spread the event nationwide, was a key factor in its growth. General Logan had been impressed by the way the South honored their dead with a special day and decided the Union needed a similar day. Reportedly, Logan said that it was most fitting; that the ancients, especially the Greeks, had honored their dead, particularly their heroes, by chaplets of laurel and flowers, and that he intended to issue an order designating a day for decorating the grave of every soldier in the land, and if he could he would have made it a holiday. Logan had been the principal speaker in a citywide memorial observation on April 29, 1866, at a cemetery in Carbondale, Illinois, an event that likely gave him the idea to make it a national holiday. On May 5, 1868, in his capacity as commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic, a veterans’ organization, Logan issued a proclamation that “Decoration Day” be observed nationwide. It was observed for the first time on May 30 of the same year; the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of a battle. The tombs of fallen Union soldiers were decorated in remembrance of this day.  The alternative name of “Memorial Day” was first used in 1882, but did not become more common until after World War II, and was not declared the official name by Federal law until 1967. On June 28, 1968, the United States Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill, which moved four holidays from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend.

THIS WAS COURTESY OF THE COX AND FORKUM WEBSITE

 

 THE QUEEN HAS A GRUMP ON

 A British newspaper says the Canadian bride of the Queen’s eldest grandson is being blamed for a controversial deal with celebrity magazine Hello! for exclusive photos of their wedding at Windsor Castle. Montrealer Autumn Kelly married Peter Phillips on Saturday at the castle’s 15th-century St. George’s Chapel in front of 300 guests. The deal is reported to be worth $1 million. That’ll pay for one heck of a honeymoon. The British royal family and particulary Queen Elizabeth is up in arms about this as they weren’t consulted on the deal. The wedding pics will include images of most of the royals, including the Queen, Princess Anne, Prince Charles, and Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy. Yep that about covers everyone the magazines would be interested in. The Brits are saying that images of their Queen doesn’t belong in a gossip rag. Too late now. Hello, published over 60 pics of the wedding. The new Mrs. Phillips said she needed the money to pay for expenses since nobody else was willing to pick up the tab. I think she probably has more deals in the making. I’m sure a book deal, How I Managed to Marry into the Royal Family, could be in the works. Then there’s the lecture circuit, 10 steps to courting the grandson of a queen. Then there’s talk shows, websites, the list is endless. She could make an entire career out of this. Wow Canadians have their own member of the royal family now. Hey, guest appearances at hockey games singing “Oh Canada.” 

Queen Elizabeth II

 

OBAMA PARROT

This is an idea that was suggested by one of the Midnight Ramblings readers, Tom Vickers. He has a blog here on wordpress that’s always worth a look at called TV’s Weblog-The Great Nonsense of Life. He thought that Smokey, the Obama supporting talking Parrot would fit right in. I agreed. This is just too funny. The video is taken from a CNN report done by Jeannie Moos. She’s quite clever and it’s cool to have it on the site. Watch and enjoy.

TAX ON PORN?

California is in deep financial trouble. Who isn’t? They have decided to get into the porn business so to speak. In an effort to get the state back on track a new concept in “sin” tax is being considered. Since most pornography is produced in southern California, state Assemblyman, Charles Calderon has proposed a 25% tax on all porn production and sale. Holy Ron Jeremy Batman! That’s a heavy duty tax. That’ll make your porn cost worse than the price of gas. Isn’t this a sort of state sponsored pimping? If they’re smart they’ll just pack up and move somewhere else. It’s not like they need studios, actors, or talent for these things. They ought to fit right in at Key West.

ROBBY KNIEVEL BEATS EVEL’S RECORD

“Hopefully I’ll see you after the jump,” Knievel told everyone just before he climbed the start ramp. With that, Robby took off and broke his dad, Evil Knievel’s, record. He jumped 200 feet and 24 semi trucks with his motorcycle. The previous record was 115 ft. This just so rocks. He did the jump in the same place, King’s Island in Mason Ohio, that his father had set the previous record. Robbie Knievel dedicated his stunt to his father, U.S. war veterans and those serving in the military. Look ma I can fly!

INSANITY IS COOL WHEN IT WORKS. LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE:

HILLARY AND KENNEDY, EBAY CHILD AUCTION, INDIANA JONES BAN, AND VINCE YOUNG APOLOGY

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 25, 2008 by mclassen

 HILLARY CLINTON’S FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

 It’s amazing how quickly a slip of the tongue will come back and haunt you. John Lennon knew about that when he made his comment that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Well, Hillary Clinton is the newest victim of the dreaded foot in mouth disease. The media has been running wild with her comment about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. She may have effectively hung herself politically. That would be too bad. She’s a fighter. Her go down swinging attitude I find refreshing. For those of you that have been living in a cave and have no idea of what I’m talking about, here’s the instant replay. Responding to a question from the Sioux Falls Argus Leader editorial board about calls for her to drop out of the race, she said: “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. You know I just, I don’t understand it,” she said, dismissing the idea of abandoning the race. Clinton said she didn’t understand why, given this history, some Democrats were calling for her to quit. Of course, upon realizing she’d said something stupid, she immediately apologized, citing the Kennedy’s were on her mind because of Massachusett’s Senator Edward Kennedy having been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Right now, Clinton supporters are fleeing like rats deserting the proverbial sinking ship. I find it ironic that she holds Robert F. Kennedy’s former seat in New York. It will also be ironic that in a family that has always held the Kennedy’s in such high esteem that it should be Hillary’s downfall. Bill had always claimed that JFK was his hero and during his campaign that picture of him meeting JFK when he was a boy was everywhere. I think maybe she should simply claim a momentary lapse of reason. We all have them. Like Flip Wilson used to say: “The Devil made me do it, The Devil made me do it.” “Doctor, you’re wanted in surgery, Mrs. Clinton needs her foot removed from her mouth.” Foot in mouth, debilitating politicians since the beginning of time.

PARENTS TRY TO SELL CHILD ON EBAY

Well, Ebay has become the place for strange auctions. A couple from Berlin, Germany has put their 7 month old boy up for auction for one Euro, about $1.57. Peter Hieber, a spokesman for police in the Bavarian town of Krumbach, said the baby was placed in the care of youth services, although the child’s mother insisted the ad was only a joke. It’s not much of a joke if you ask me. Authorities have launched an investigation into possible child trafficking against the baby’s mother and father, neither of whom was identified. “Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller,” police quoted the Ebay listing. I wonder how much shipping was. No offers were made for the child in the two hours and 30 minutes the ad was posted on Tuesday. I’m surprised, that was a pretty cheap price for a rugrat. Ebay later deleted the posting, but assisted police in tracking down the parents. I wonder what Ebay policy this one violated.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISTS CALL FOR BAN ON NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE

Not everyone is a fan of the new Indiana Jones movie. Members of the Russian Communist party are calling for a ban on the film because of Cate Blanchett’s portrayal of a 1950’s KGB agent. Russian Communist Party members condemned the new “Indiana Jones” film on Friday as crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history. Ya think? I’ve never looked to an Indiana Jones movie for a history lesson.  “What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame,” said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia‘s second city of St. Petersburg. Can you say, over-reacting? The film, was released in Russian cinemas on Thursday. Russian media said it was being shown on 808 screens, the widest ever release for a Hollywood movie. Well, a controversy never hurts to get folks into the theater. This could score a lot of rubles for Indy. I wonder what Harrison Ford sounds like in Russian. Do their lips sync or are they like those old martial arts movies from the 60’s.  

Steven Spielberg (L), producer George Lucas (C), Melody Hobson ...

 

VINCE YOUNG APOLOGIZES – KIND OF

Because of pressure about the party pictures of him all over the internet, including this site, Vince Young has apologized, sort of. Vince apologizes thusly:”I apologize to some of the kids if they did see it because I am trying to be a role model for them. But at the same time, I was just trying to have fun with (friends). That is the life of a quarterback, somebody of my status. I guess somebody was trying to make some money and sold the picture to the web site. But at the same time that is the life I chose to live. But it is not going to stop me from having fun. I just have to watch myself. They always want to try and get some negative pub on me. It wasn’t really nothing bad. … Everybody deserves to have a good time every once in a while during the offseason.” Let’s see, every once in a while. Let’s check the QB’s schedule, shall we?
Vince Young’s White Tee Party @ the ROC Wednesdays – 5.14.08
Vince Young’s Invite Only Pool Party at the Westside Tennis Club – 5.15.08
Vince Young’s Birthday Weekend KickOff Party & Premiere of the iBar – 5.16.08
Vince, Shawn Marion & Jevon Kearse host Baby Blue Carpet Affair @ Club Level – 5.17.08
Vince Young Bday BBQ Cookout & Daytime party at the Red Door – 5.18.08
Lil Wayne, Lloyd, Mannie Fresh, Lil Keke at Vince Young Bday Bash at BAR RIO – 5.18.08
Looks to me like every once in a while is every day. Liver transplant for Vince Young. Liver Transplant for Vince Young. If you follow the links above you can get a look at each one of the parties. They were careful not to show Vince actually drinking this time, but one actually shows the cops arriving at the Baby Blue Carpet Affair though you have to go through 10 pages of pics to get to it. Getting in shape for the pre-season, eh Vince.

 

ASTROLOGERS PREDICT ELECTION, FUTURE HOTEL, LOST PARROT, DREW CAREY’S PROMISE, AND FLYING PENIS

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2008 by mclassen

ASTROLOGERS PREDICT OBAMA WILL WIN

Well, we can all go home now. The astrologers have spoken, election’s over. At a conference in Denver, a group of astrologers did the charts for the presidential candidates. Six panelists predicted the election will go to Barack Obama, thanks to a Saturn-Jupiter conjunction which predicts change. That’s so precise. No matter who wins it means change. The seventh panelist, Shelley Ackerman, saw an Obama win, but worried about Neptune doing something funky in January, endangering his chances of actually taking office. Her colleagues agreed the stars did look dicey in this respect. Keep in mind this is Denver and the oxygen is a little thin there. “Obama’s chart and the United States’ chart are very much alike,” said Sandra Leigh Serio. “From an astrological standpoint, he’s a man of destiny. (John) McCain also has a strong connection to the U.S. chart.” Hillary Clinton? Not so much, apparently. “There’s a little more confusion with her and the U.S. chart,” Serio said. Confusion? I think the whole thing is confusing. The astrologers have left themselves a way out though. “We don’t have a single solid birth chart,” panelist Robert Hand told the crowd. “If those dates are wrong, everything I say is garbage.” And Serio said the panel was “doing this in the shadows of Mercury and Neptune — this might not have any validity at all in a few months.” I told you they had an excuse. Hand ominously noted there would be an eclipse of the sun in August, with Mercury ascending for George W. Bush. This seemed to portend election-day shenanigans. So, much for accuracy. Well, the planets are in line and the stars have spoken. Obama Wins. Now we can all stay home and call it quits.  I guess I’m not all that “star” struck with this. I’m voting anyway.

SHELLEY ACKERMAN – ASTROLOGER PANELIST

Astrologer Shelley Ackerman

 

HOTEL CHAIN’S FUTURE PLANS…ON THE MOON

A budget hotel company has decided to look ahead, way ahead. They are making plans for expansion on the moon and have already purchased a plot. I haven’t found out where it is located or who they bought it from. Who does the moon actually belong to? Premier Inns says it will be welcoming travellers right off the space shuttle within 25 years. They feel that lunar tourism will be common in the next 20 to 30 years and they want to be prepared. ‘The challenges are unique and no doubt as we learn more we will adapt and improve our designs,’ said the company’s construction director, Alex Flach. Challenges are right, less gravity, no air, no McDonalds…yet. I think I still prefer the Carribean.

TEACH YOUR PARROT HOW TO GET HOME

A lost African Gray Parrot named Yosuke has been returned to his owners in Tokyo, Japan because of an unusual trick. The Nakamura family had spent nearly two years teaching the bird their, name and home address including the street number. Police had found the bird on a rooftop and had brought it to the police station, but the bird wasn’t about to spill to the cops. This bird knew his rights and remained silent. It was when Yosuke was turned over to a veterinarian that he began to sing. Actually hekept everybody at the vet’s entertained with his singing. But, in between tunes, he recited his owner’s name and address. They checked and sure enough Yosuke’s owners were there and grateful to get their parrot back. You see, it pays to educate your pets. Yosuke’s mug shot is below.

Yosuke the parrot rests in his cage at his home in Nagareyama ... 

 

DREW CAREY’S PROMISE TO SOCCER FANS

Drew Carey has become part owner in the Seattle Sounders, a new Major League Soccer team. Even though he is a minor owner, it hasn’t stopped him from rattling a few trees right off the get go. Carey is promising season ticket holders that they can fire the team’s general manager once every four years if they don’t like how the team is doing. It’ll be interesting to see how this pans out. Fans with power over your job is a scary thing. Personally I think this would make it hard to get a good manager but I can also see the appeal from a fan perspective. Well, we’ll see how long this lasts. And we’ll see how long it is before the other owners dump Drew.
  

ATTACK OF THE FLYING PENIS

Those crazy Russians are at it again. At a political rally in Russia, a thus far unique kind of disruption occurred. Young Russian activists turned loose a modified radio controlled helicopter. It had become a flying penis. Yes folks it was a flying dick. It made It’s rather disrupting appearance during an address being given by Russian Premier Kasparov, who to his credit took it in stride as best he could. I suspect vodka was involved in the creation of this strange little device. One of Kasparov’s bodyguards risked life and limb and slapped the menacing penis to the floor and then stomped on it. There might be something Freudian in that. If there was a political message attached to this, it was too obscure for me to get it.

flying penis

PRIMARIES, PRE-TEEN DRUNK DRIVER, GOLD BURGER, SEPTAGENARIAN MOUNTAIN CLIMBER, AND URINAL VIDEO GAME

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2008 by mclassen

 OBAMA AND CLINTON SPLIT VICTORIES

Once again, the two dueling democratic candidates split primaries and came out fighting. Barack Obama has moved within 100 delegates of officially taking the nomination, but Clinton had another very lopsided victory in Kentucky. Like she has been right along, Hillary vows to stay in the race to the bitter end. She’s not giving up and wants the country to know it. Clinton won at least 47 delegates in the two states and Obama won at least 32, according to an analysis of election returns by The Associated Press. So far Clinton has actually gained more delegates than Obama and trimmed his lead. All the Kentucky delegates were awarded, but there were still 24 to be allocated in Oregon, and Obama was in line for many of them. As the primary season comes to an end, it is beginning to appear that neither candidate will actually have a decisive amount for the convention. Though many, including Obama are claiming he has the nomination sewed up, there still could be some surprises. Somehow I keep feeling, his overconfidence is going to come back and bite him. There are some very strong calls for Clinton to stay in, particulary from the Women’s voter base. They’re taking out ads encouraging Clinton and trying to raise more money and support. This one certainly is not going to be over until the former First Lady sings. Or her husband plays sax.

Barack Obama, May 20

Hillary Clinton giving victory speech in Kentucky

CHILD ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING

 This story is just wrong on so many levels. An Arkansas pre-teen faces a drunken driving charge after he and a friend drank his parents’ beer and crashed his stepfather’s pickup truck. Sheriff Jimmy Dorney said the 12-year-old boy and his 10-year-old friend drove off in the truck May 4 to find a girl they met at a rodeo. Ok, drunk adolescents chasing an adolescent girl. This is seriously backwoods south cliche. The boys made it about 10 miles before the 12-year-old lost control of the truck. Dorney said the truck hit and jumped over a guardrail, sending it careening 50 feet down a steep hill into a forest. Clark James, who lives down the road from the crash site, said he answered the boys’ banging at his front door with shotgun in hand about 2:30 a.m. “I opened the door and the first thing the boy said to me was, ‘I’m drunk and I had a wreck,'” James said. “I looked at him and I thought ‘You’re kind of young to be out drinking. And you sure shouldn’t be driving.'” Well that’s a no brainer. No one was paying attention to these kids? Was there a NASCAR race somewhere?

NEW YORK RESTAURANT TOPS BURGER IN GOLD

 A good burger is one of my favorite things, but this is a bit over the top-pings. A Manhattan restaurant is offering a hamburger that costs $175 and is topped with gold. And I complain about a $6.00 burger. It’s made of Kobe beef. It comes with black truffles, foie gras and Gruyere cheese in addition to gold flakes. What, no mayo? This shows you how gourmet I am, I’ve never heard of any of this crap other than gold, and I’m not about to eat that.  Wall Street Burger Shoppe co-owner Heather Tierney thinks of it as “a work of art.” Tierney says the item attracts Wall Street types who down a few beers and then fork over $175 to show off to their friends. you’d think if they can afford that much for their burger, they’d have something to drink a little more stylish than a brew.

75 YEAR OLD ATTEMPTS MOUNT EVEREST

75-year-old Yuichiro Miura of Japan is trying to be the oldest man to ever reach the summit of Mount Everest. This is one guy who doesn’t believe in growing old gracefully. He is accompanied by his son, Gota. Yuichiro is a professional skier who in 1970 became the first person to ski down Mount Everest using a parachute as a brake. Miura was into extreme sports before it was popular. He was diagnosed a few years ago with a heart arrhythmia. He says his greatest challenge is how his heart will hold up. Well, if he doesn’t make it. I have no doubt that he going to give it his best shot. No rocking chairs for him!

URINAL VIDEO GAME FOR TWO

The Belgians have come up with a solution for what to do when you are using the urinal in the public bathroom. It’s the urinal video game for two. Two beer fans out there have created a video game called “Place to Pee,” in which players race down ski slopes and kill aliens while whizzing. Apparently how you aim is how you play the game. Sensors inside the urinal keeps your game tally. The game is the creation of software developer Werner Dupont and electrical engineer Bart Geraets, who had consumed considerable beer when the idea dawned on them. There’s a revelation. They probably figured out the specs on a beer coaster. Now you don’t have to experience that uncomfortable silence when standing next to someone in the bathroom. Play with them instead. See how well you can score.  Ladies, you don’t have to feel left out. They’ve invented a special cup attachment just for you.

BAD POETRY, EBAY WIFE SALE, BARKLEY GAMBLES, AND TALKING VODKA

Posted in Art, Books, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2008 by mclassen

 BAD POETRY OUT SELLS HARRY POTTER 

 At an auction in Edinburough, Scotland 35 original poems of noted bad poet William Topaz McGonagall has out sold Harry Potter at an auction. A collector paid $12,840 for the self published 1890’s work. This proves that if you do something badly, it can still be profitable. Unfortuantely you’ll have to be dead for it to come to pass. The price paid beat out a collection of incribed Harry Potter books which were sold at the same auction for $12,000. McGonagall’s lack of talent was matched only by his delusion and ego. Along with the 35 poems were a portfolio of posters and two copies of his rather short autobiography – “dedicated to himself, knowing none greater.” McGonagall was so bad that he kept an umbrella with him during recitals to shield him from all the rotten tomatoes that were thrown at him. Ah, poetry lovers. The buyer has remained anonymous because he doesn’t want the ridicule of being identified as a fan. Personally, I’d be proud to show that I have a collection of the worst poetry known to mankind, but then, I like the Rocky Horror Picture show.

MAN TRIES TO SELL WIFE ON EBAY

Want to pick up a used…wife? High milage. Paul Osborn, a UK man, has tried to get rid of his wife by posting her for auction on Ebay! It’s official, you really can find anything on Ebay. Osborn found out his wife, Sharon was cheating on him with a co-worker. It was Osborn’s way of letting the world know she was an adulterous, lying, cheating, well, you get the idea. In the listing he suggest that people not bid on her as she’s apparently not worth diddly in his opinion. I can’t say as I blame him. He also has given out the name of her lover, Richard Drew who is also married along with his address, and phone number. Ebay was rather prompt in taking the auction down, probably because they weren’t going to make anything on the auction. Minimum bid, a pence. If he would have been able to complete the auction, it might have saved him some divorce costs. I wish I’d have thought of this for my Ex.

Man Tries to Ditch Cheating Wife on eBay

 

CHARLES BARKLEY GAMBLING DEBT

Wow, former NBA star Charles Barkley owes a casino in Vegas $400,000! Now I’m sure athletes are overpaid. People jump out of windows for things like that. The casino has made repeated calls to Barkley trying to get the debt paid, but he didn’t respond. It took a call from the local prosecutor to get him to own up. He now says he’ll pay the debt since he’s “not broke.” Did he think they were just going to forget about it? People have ended up in umarked graves for less. Over the years Barkley estimates he’s gambled away over $10 million. “Do I have a gambling problem? Yeah, I do have a gambling problem,” Barkley said. “But i don’t consider it a problem because I can afford to gamble.” Well, not paying your debts makes it look like you can’t afford it. Just remember if a couple of guys named Guido start hanging around, you HAVE a problem.

 DOES YOUR VODKA BOTTLE TALK?

 Do you drink alone? Do you prefer to be by yourself? Well, the Russians have come up with a cure for that. it’s the vodka bottle that talks back. The BBC is reporting that Russians are about to begin marketing a brand of vodka with a bottle that talks. I’ve always felt that if my bottle is talking, it’s time to go home. Welcome to the alcoholically induced world of microprocessors. You’ve got to love those crazy Russians. Yes, now you can have a drinking buddy in a bottle. Apparently when ever you open the top, it’s the top that talks, it will offer a variety of Russian toasts and encourage you to drink up. Personally I’ve never needed much encouragement. Now here’s the fun part. The more the top is opened the more the bottle’s speech becomes slurred. Yes your bottle gets drunk with you. The perfect date.  When the bottle’s empty, you’ve outdrank your buddy. Hopefully he’s not the one driving home.

HERE’S A TRIBUTE TO THOSE OF US THAT DRINK ALONE: TGIF!