ROBERT DOWNEY JR BURGER SAVIOR, ANTARCTIC CONDOMS, SHINY NEW OUTHOUSE, PIGEON REHAB, MICHIGAN METEOR, AND MOONDUST TELESCOPE

ROBERT DOWNEY JR SAVED BY BAD BURGER KING

This is one of those stories you can’t make up. Robert Downey Jr. claims to have been convinced to get straight by a bad burger experience at Burger King. In an interview with Britain’s Empire magazine, the 43-year-old actor recounts an incident in 2003 when he was driving around with “tons of f—ing dope” when he decided it was time for a burger. “I have to thank Burger King,” he told Empire. “It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen.” After the bad burger experience, he said he tossed all of his drugs into the ocean and decided to sober up for good. I have to admit, I’ve had some pretty bad burgers at Burger King but I have yet to experience the epiphany burger. I wonder what they put on one of those. Apparently he got a combo with his. Burger King’s new Epiphany burger helping people with their lives and indigestion. Don’t forget the Tums.

ANTARCTIC RECEIVES 16,500 CONDOMS

It seems we’ve been missing out. It appears that when the sun goes down in the antarctic, the fun begins.  Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them. Party on! Hats off folks. The base only has a skeleton staff through the winter but what a staff. “Since everybody knows everyone, it becomes a little bit uncomfortable,” Henriksen said. Frigid here doesn’t seem to be a problem. Sunrise starts again in late august and then supply flight resume and tourism picks up. Let’s see, 3 months, endless nightlife,16,500 condoms, that says orgy to me. I wonder what kind of cocktails they have down there. It may be cold and snowy down there, but they’ve obviously found something to occupy themselves. Put me down for a visit. Artic Researchers Gone Wild, it could be the next big thing. Where’s my video camera?

 MAN FIGHTS TO KEEP OUTHOUSE – WINS

In Batavia, Ohio, Elbert Preston, everybody calls him Lew, refused to give up having an outhouse. It seems that his old one was violating a few health codes and the powers that be wanted it gone. Well, Lew wasn’t going to stand, or sit for that.  A former trustee for Washington Township, he challenged the board of health for months before seeking help from People Working Cooperatively, a nonprofit that has done thousands of projects for low-income, elderly and disabled residents in southern Ohio and northern Kentucky. They built him a new outhouse, one that was up to codes. “It’s too nice and complicated to be an outhouse,” Lew said. “I call it a privy.” Preston, who is slowed by diabetes and has colon problems and pacemaker, said he never saw the need to replace the old outhouse, which once was picked up and carried into his garden by a tornado without major damage. He said he has used an outside toilet since settling in Washington Township 40 years ago and likes the privacy of a privy. “When you’re in a house, sounds carry, Everybody knows your business.” I’m guessing we won’t be seeing any high tech from this guy.

PIGEON ENTERS REHAB 

 Al Coury of Wanamaker, Indiana races pigeons. He sent several of them to Montgomery, Alabama to be released for a race which uses the birds instincts to race back home. First pigeons to their home loft wins the race. Well, one of his birds decided enough of this bird crap and decided he’d had enough. He found a nice hospital courtyard and checked himself in for some RandR. The pigeon went about making friends with the patients of the Meadows Hospital and even sat in on some group sessions held in the courtyard. The avian athelete, now dubbed Miss Pigeon had a band on its leg with Coury’s phone number on it and he was contacted. He told them to feed the bird unpopped popcorn and then went to reclaim the wayaward creature. There is no word on what the bill for the bird’s recovery will be. Do professional homing pigeons get health care?

METEORITE SHAPED LIKED MIGHIGAN GETS $20,000

A 75 pound meteorite shaped like Michigan’s lower peninsula fetched $20,000 at an auction in Dallas, Texas. The owner Darryl Pitt was disapointed. He felt it Should have gone for $50,000. Well times are hard Darryl and of course it’s no corn flake. A recent fiasco over an Illinois shaped cornflake fetching bids that neared $250,000 at one point was on Ebay. Maybe that was the problem, it wasn’t on Ebay. Darryl felt his meteor should rival one that sold not long ago that was shaped like the Indian subcontinent. That one went for $90,000, but it also weighed three-quarters of a ton. I guess in this case, size really does matter. Look at it this way, you sold a piece of space junk for 20 grand. You’re lucky you got that much.

TELESCOPE MADE FROM MOONDUST

Peter Chen, a NASA scientist feels he has found a practical way to build a telescope on the moon. Why we need one I haven’t quite figured out yet, but he thinks he can do it anyway. He wants to make it from moon dust. He has been experimenting with moon dust-like particles and has been able to creat a small example to show everyone he can do this. Of course we’re not talking real moondust and this may prove better in theory than practice. “We believe we have found a way to turn moon dust into a telescope,” said Peter Chen, with NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. The process require combining nanotubes, small carbon fibers, and crushed rock that simulates moondust. Actually it sounds like he was making mudpies to me. “First we had something very gooey and smelly,” Chen told reporters at the American Astronomical Society meeting last week. “Then we had this very hard, very stable material like concrete.” Yep, mud pies. OK, adobe. The latin Americans discovered that a long time ago.  Chen feels his process can create a structure and the entire telescope system. Isn’t this really redundant? With Hubble working so well, why do we need one on the moon. But then again, we just spent billions to find salt on Mars, I guess we might as well spend a few billion more to make some mudpies on the moon. The real problem is there’s way too much grant money floating around for projects like this.

HILLARY CLINTON CONCESSION, BASEBALL FUNERAL WINNER, FLY LONGEVITY, LOST LIGHTHOUSE, AND TOWEL TUMOR

HILLARY CLINTON WILL CONCEDE

Certainly this was inevitable but, I have to admit, I’m going to miss her, though I don’t believe for a minute she’s out of the picture completely. She has made a statement that she will concede the nomination to Barack Obama on Saturday. She also is saying that she will continue to support the Democratic Party. The way they’ve treated her, I think she’s being quite magnanimous. She has proven over the last few weeks especially, that she is an incredibly gutsy lady. The press has villified her and nominated Barack Obama for sainthood. It is the same with the Democratic Party which blatantly stacked the deck against her. It was certainly a sad way to operate. I’ve never been a political supporter of Hillary, but I have grown to admire her. In the last few weeks she became more “real” and down to earth than we’ve seen in a candidate in a long time. I think no matter which way this election goes now, the American public loses.  

Young College Hillary

Starbucks Hillary

Photobooth Hillary

Relaxed Hillary

Hippy Hillary

BASEBALL FAN GETS FREE FUNERAL

I’m not sure I’d be all that thrilled by winning this. Elaine Fulps is thrilled about the prize she won at a minor league baseball game. But she’s hoping she doesn’t have to collect on it anytime soon. Fulps, 60, won a $10,000 paid funeral at Tuesday night’s Grand Prairie AirHogs game. “I’m going to pick a spot under a tree out of the Texas heat,” she said. “And let’s hope it’s a pet-free cemetery. I don’t want to get watered on.” At least she has plans. Some finalists for the prize arrived dressed in black or looking like death. There were events for the finalists too. They participated in a pallbearer’s race, a mummy wrap and a eulogy delivery. These are certainly strange events for a baseball game. I think the Texas heat has gotten to the management. I have no idea who won the game or who the Airhogs were playing. It seems that the game just passed on.

STUDY ON THE LONGEVITY OF A FLY

I don’t know who’s idea this was but in Switzerland, at the University of Laussane, a study was done that proves the stupider flies are, the longer they live. Scientists Tadeusz Kawecki and Joep Burger said Wednesday they had discovered a “negative correlation between an improvement in a fly’s mental capacity and its longevity”. Why would you want to know this? Do we want more intelligent flies? These two actually took the time to breed 30 to 40 generations of flies and then tried to train them to be smarter. They succeeded, but the downside was that the flies had a shorter lifespan.  The flipside was that the flies left in their natural state lived longer on average than their IQ enhanced counterparts, with a lifespan of 80-85 days rather than the normal 50-60. How much money and time was spent on this? Sombody needs to tell me why this was important.

DID YOU EVER LOSE A LIGHTHOUSE?

A lighthouse from Wellfleet, Massachussetts has been discovered in California. Formerly it was believed it had been torn down but now documents have been uncovered which proves that it was moved from the east coast to the west coast.  The strange story was uncovered by Colleen MacNeney and then reported in Lighthouse Digest. She says it was her most exciting discovery. MacNeney says she discovered correspondence that proved the lighthouse, first erected in 1881, had been moved by the Coast Guard from Wellfleet to Yerba Buena, Calif., and eventually to Point Montara. Lost lighthouse found. It isn’t known how the 30ft. lighthouse was transported across country but it is speculated that in 1925 when it was suppossedly destroyed, the all metal structure had its bolts removed and was loaded up on a train. Hence the trip to California. California here I come. Go west young lighthouse, go west. The lighthouse is still in use and doubles as a hostel.

MAN’S TUMOR IS A TOWEL

A Japanese man checked into  a hospital to have a tumour removed from his stomach. When examinations found what was believed to be an eight-centimetre (3.2-inch) tumour, he underwent the operation to remove it. It was only then that surgeons realised it was a towel. “The towel was greenish blue although we are not sure about its original colour,” the Asahi General Hospital spokesman said, adding it had been crumpled to the size of a softball. The patient had been carrying the cloth since 1983, when surgeons at the Asahi General Hospital in Chiba prefecture near Tokyo left it in him after an operation to treat an ulcer. I’m staying away from that hospital. That’s a little too careless for me. The man says he has no intention of sueing for the error. I don’t think I would be that understanding. No wonder the Prilosec wasn’t working.

AWESOME!
This is one of the most breathtaking videos I’ve ever seen. This was filmed in Kansas and now you know how Dorothy made it to OZ.

 

HILLARY AND KENNEDY, EBAY CHILD AUCTION, INDIANA JONES BAN, AND VINCE YOUNG APOLOGY

 HILLARY CLINTON’S FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

 It’s amazing how quickly a slip of the tongue will come back and haunt you. John Lennon knew about that when he made his comment that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Well, Hillary Clinton is the newest victim of the dreaded foot in mouth disease. The media has been running wild with her comment about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy. She may have effectively hung herself politically. That would be too bad. She’s a fighter. Her go down swinging attitude I find refreshing. For those of you that have been living in a cave and have no idea of what I’m talking about, here’s the instant replay. Responding to a question from the Sioux Falls Argus Leader editorial board about calls for her to drop out of the race, she said: “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. You know I just, I don’t understand it,” she said, dismissing the idea of abandoning the race. Clinton said she didn’t understand why, given this history, some Democrats were calling for her to quit. Of course, upon realizing she’d said something stupid, she immediately apologized, citing the Kennedy’s were on her mind because of Massachusett’s Senator Edward Kennedy having been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Right now, Clinton supporters are fleeing like rats deserting the proverbial sinking ship. I find it ironic that she holds Robert F. Kennedy’s former seat in New York. It will also be ironic that in a family that has always held the Kennedy’s in such high esteem that it should be Hillary’s downfall. Bill had always claimed that JFK was his hero and during his campaign that picture of him meeting JFK when he was a boy was everywhere. I think maybe she should simply claim a momentary lapse of reason. We all have them. Like Flip Wilson used to say: “The Devil made me do it, The Devil made me do it.” “Doctor, you’re wanted in surgery, Mrs. Clinton needs her foot removed from her mouth.” Foot in mouth, debilitating politicians since the beginning of time.

PARENTS TRY TO SELL CHILD ON EBAY

Well, Ebay has become the place for strange auctions. A couple from Berlin, Germany has put their 7 month old boy up for auction for one Euro, about $1.57. Peter Hieber, a spokesman for police in the Bavarian town of Krumbach, said the baby was placed in the care of youth services, although the child’s mother insisted the ad was only a joke. It’s not much of a joke if you ask me. Authorities have launched an investigation into possible child trafficking against the baby’s mother and father, neither of whom was identified. “Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller,” police quoted the Ebay listing. I wonder how much shipping was. No offers were made for the child in the two hours and 30 minutes the ad was posted on Tuesday. I’m surprised, that was a pretty cheap price for a rugrat. Ebay later deleted the posting, but assisted police in tracking down the parents. I wonder what Ebay policy this one violated.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISTS CALL FOR BAN ON NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE

Not everyone is a fan of the new Indiana Jones movie. Members of the Russian Communist party are calling for a ban on the film because of Cate Blanchett’s portrayal of a 1950’s KGB agent. Russian Communist Party members condemned the new “Indiana Jones” film on Friday as crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history. Ya think? I’ve never looked to an Indiana Jones movie for a history lesson.  “What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them. But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame,” said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia‘s second city of St. Petersburg. Can you say, over-reacting? The film, was released in Russian cinemas on Thursday. Russian media said it was being shown on 808 screens, the widest ever release for a Hollywood movie. Well, a controversy never hurts to get folks into the theater. This could score a lot of rubles for Indy. I wonder what Harrison Ford sounds like in Russian. Do their lips sync or are they like those old martial arts movies from the 60’s.  

 

VINCE YOUNG APOLOGIZES – KIND OF

Because of pressure about the party pictures of him all over the internet, including this site, Vince Young has apologized, sort of. Vince apologizes thusly:”I apologize to some of the kids if they did see it because I am trying to be a role model for them. But at the same time, I was just trying to have fun with (friends). That is the life of a quarterback, somebody of my status. I guess somebody was trying to make some money and sold the picture to the web site. But at the same time that is the life I chose to live. But it is not going to stop me from having fun. I just have to watch myself. They always want to try and get some negative pub on me. It wasn’t really nothing bad. … Everybody deserves to have a good time every once in a while during the offseason.” Let’s see, every once in a while. Let’s check the QB’s schedule, shall we?
Vince Young’s White Tee Party @ the ROC Wednesdays – 5.14.08
Vince Young’s Invite Only Pool Party at the Westside Tennis Club – 5.15.08
Vince Young’s Birthday Weekend KickOff Party & Premiere of the iBar – 5.16.08
Vince, Shawn Marion & Jevon Kearse host Baby Blue Carpet Affair @ Club Level – 5.17.08
Vince Young Bday BBQ Cookout & Daytime party at the Red Door – 5.18.08
Lil Wayne, Lloyd, Mannie Fresh, Lil Keke at Vince Young Bday Bash at BAR RIO – 5.18.08
Looks to me like every once in a while is every day. Liver transplant for Vince Young. Liver Transplant for Vince Young. If you follow the links above you can get a look at each one of the parties. They were careful not to show Vince actually drinking this time, but one actually shows the cops arriving at the Baby Blue Carpet Affair though you have to go through 10 pages of pics to get to it. Getting in shape for the pre-season, eh Vince.

 

MCCAIN PREACHERS, ESCAPING PRISONER, PLUMBING THIEF, TOXIC VOMIT, AND ODD LAPTOP

 JOHN MCCAIN, BARACK OBAMA IN PREACHERS GONE WILD

 What is it with preachers and politics lately? I thought the pulpit was for expressing love, understanding, forgiveness, not political platforms to slam “Whitey” and endorse Hitler. I thought there was suppossed to be a seperation between church and state. With weirdos like Reverend White and John Hagee running around out there, we need to consider that seperation issue. Obama and McCain certainly are. With Obama’s attempt to distance himself from his former pastor Rev. White, the pulpit politics really seemed to start rolling. The political season seems to be the time when every whack job on the planet comes out of the woodwork. Heck, alot of them are running for office. John McCain has had two renegade radical Reverends try to attach themselves to his coattails. They’re worse than trying to shake off a bad hangover. The most recent has been John Hagee, the pastor from San Antonio that declared God allowed the rise of Adolf Hitler because it resulted in returning Israel to the Jewish people. Now that’s certainly some twisted logic. Now I’m a live and let live kind of guy, which I thought was the basic teachings of christianity. Apparently not with these guys. Now, I don’t blame Obama or McCain for making these kinds of errors. It just shows that they’re going to screw up like most politicians. McCain also received the endorsement of another controversial television evangelist in late February, the Rev. Rod Parsley of Ohio, whose sermons have been called anti-Muslim. In one sermon, posted on YouTube, Parsley described “our historical conflict with Islam,” adding that “America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed.” Where did he get that from? What history book was that in? I never saw that. Do these guys make up this junk as they go along? McCain seems to be drawing these guys like flies. It was bad enough courting an association with Jerry Falwell. McCain has of course disavowed any endorsements with Hagee and Parsley even though he himself originally wanted their endorsements. It appears he knew not whom he sought. Politicians need to go back to seeking the old political endorsements, like labor unions and foreign diplomats instead of religious nuts. You remember, that seperation of church and state thing. Pulpits belong in church not politics.   

 

SUSPECT STEALS POLICE CAR WHILE CUFFED

In Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, a suspect was being transported in a police car to court. He was handcuffed and all the precautions had been taken. At least that’s what they thought. The 24-year-old man got away Thursday when police transporting him to court stopped for a toilet break in the northern Perak state, local police chief Roslan Bek Ahmad said. Along the way, they stopped at a rest area off a highway. Two of the policemen went to the toilet while a third officer remained with the suspect in the car. The suspect overpowered the officer, got behind the wheel and sped away, driving with his hands still cuffed. Clever. Though they set up a roadblock, this guy was determined he was going to get away. After driving against the traffic the police car ran off the road and crashed into a tree. When the police arrived, the man had disappeared. I wish I knew that trick. Next time, go to the bathroom one at a time and leave the guard some backup.

PLUMBING THIEF PLAGUES FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS

In Norristown, Pennsylvania, a new kind of thief has struck with a different concept of take out. His diabolic target is the plumbing at local fast food joints. So far he has hit two McDonalds and several Burger Kings. Jean Morrison, a detective for the East Norriton Township is on the case. This evil genius takes about four minutes to shut off the water to the toilets and urinals and pulls all the pipes out. Morrison thinks the thief might be fencing his take for brass value. She may have gotten a big break in this debilitating crime spree. A survellience camera may have gotten this arch villain on video. Thieves. If it isn’t tied down, wait a minute, these were tied down. I guess nothing’s safe anymore. Not even the plumbing.

TOXIC VOMIT POISONS 54 PEOPLE

Ok, this is really weird. A new trend in Japan, is committing suicide by drinking toxic materials. A man was brought into a hospital in Kumamoto, Japan after drinking a large amount of pesticide. The doctors were trying to pump his stomach when he vomited before dying. The spray was so toxic that it caused 54 doctors, nurses and patients to have breathing problems and sores on their eyes. The emergency room had to be decontaminated and everyone was transferred to a different hospital. Over 50 people have killed themselves this way. Whatever happened to the old method of Japanese suicide, Hari Kari. At least it doesn’t endanger everyone else or turn the place into an environmental hazard.

 

DUAL SCREEN LAPTOP – WHO’S IDEA WAS THIS?

This is one for all you collectors of strange things out there. This is a dual screen laptop that is currently up for auction on Ebay. I’ve never seen anything quite like it and it certainly didn’t go far in the commercial market. The auction says it’s a prototype made by Xentex in 2002, called the Dual Screen Voyager and sold for nearly $5,000! That’s an expensive laptop. The unique thing is that the screen pivots so someone opposite you can look at the screen. The body of it actually folds twice so that it is more compact. I just thought I’d put this up for the annals of the odd, strange and curious.

 

REAL IRONMAN, CUB SCOUT FRAUD, ASIAN PHOTOGRAPHY, CARVED HEART, AND VINCE YOUNG

 COULD IRONMAN BECOME REALITY?

Stephen Jacobson, a design engineer has created an exoskeleton that can increase his strength 20 times normal. It is a robotic suit that a man fits inside and can accomplish tasks that no normal human could even dream of doing. Jameson works for the development and design firm, Sarcos Inc. in Salt Lake City and is under a two year contract with the U.S. Army. Talk about reminiscent of Tony Stark and Stark industries. Though the suit is much bulkier than Ironman’s streamlined sci-fi look, it is only in the beginning stages but it does operate with many of the same principles in mind. Sarcos’ Jacobsen envisions factory workers someday using the technology to perform manual labor more easily, and firefighters more quickly carrying heavy gear up stairwells of burning buildings. Disabled people also may find uses for the technology. “We see the value being realized when these suits can be built in great numbers for both military and commercial uses, and they start coming down in cost to within the range of the price of a small car,” said Jacobsen. From Comic to reality, we could have a bunch of Ironmen running around. I think Marvel Comics should ask for royalties on this one.

 

 

CAN’T EVEN TRUST A SCOUT ANYMORE.

A former Bethlehem, Pennsylvania woman will serve up to 23 months in prison for having her 7-year-old son dress as a Cub Scout to collect money for a nonexistent cause. Now that’s just low. Sally Ann Gombocz, 51, told a Northampton County judge she wanted to apologize to anyone she hurt. I’ll bet she did. Getting your kid to panhandle as a cub scout is seriously twisted. She previously pleaded guilty to theft by deception and corruption of a minor. Gombocz had her boy tell people he was raising money for a camping trip and collected all of $69. Gombocz was sentenced Friday to six to 23 months in the county slam. She also was fined $2,000, ordered to perform community service, take parenting classes, have psychological counseling and submit to random urine screens. She also must pay restitution. I wonder if it was all worth it? That’s what you get for trying to give the scouts a black eye.

WHAT ARE THESE GUYS PHOTOGRAPHING?

OK, they didn’t teach me about this in my photography class. Check out where these cameras are aimed. How come I never get invited to these kinds of photo ops? People are aressted for taking these kinds of pictures. Actually I’ve written about people arrested for taking these kinds of pictures. It appears, in Asia, anything goes, including the lens up the skirt.

GIRLFRIEND STABS BOYFRIEND ACCIDENTALLY DURING WEIRD SEX.

Catherine McCoubrey, 25, and her 24-year-old partner had been drinking heavily. It’s amazing how alcohol would figure into this. He apparently asked her to carve the shape of a heart in him during what prosecutors called “rough sex” in February 2007, but unfortunately, she pressed too deeply. Someone has been living in the woods too long. Defence lawyer John McAmmond said the unnamed victim introduced his client to “body modification”, and had carved himself with knives before. Get a hobby. I’m thinking, something that doesn’t deal with sharp objects. McCoubrey, from Winnipeg in Canada, has now been given three years’ probation after pleading guilty to assault. The boyfriend has taken her back. Someone put the knives away.

VINCE YOUNG PARTY ANIMAL

Another NFL Quarterback parties hard. Vince Young was caught in a bar in Austin, Texas, throwing back tequila with the best of them. Matt Leinart was caught about a month ago doing beer bongs with sorority girls at his house. It appears Young took this as a challenge and is trying to outdo Leinart. Vince forgot one very important thing though, the sorority girls! It appears from these pictures that Vince may have walked into the wrong bar. I wonder if they’re listening to the Village People? Is this a male topless bar? Are those bedroom eyes looking at Vince in the second picture? Could he be the Tennessee Titan?

BARACK OBAMA SWEETIE, DOLLY PARTON – HOWARD STERN, TEXAN SHOOTS ITCH, AND SMALLEST HELICOPTER

BARACK OBAMA, NOT SMOOTH

During a campaign stop in Sterling Heights, Michigan, a reporter, Peggy Agar tried to ask Obama a question, he told her to “Hold on Sweetie.” If Barack is trying to be smooth, this isn’t it. I haven’t heard anything like this since a drunk Mel Gibson called a female police officer “Sugar Titties.” Well, at least it wasn’t Helen Johnson he was calling Sweetie. He did call and apologize via voicemail: “Second apology is for using the word ‘sweetie.’ That’s a bad habit of mine. I do it sometimes with all kinds of people. I mean no disrespect and I am duly chastened on that front. Feel free to call me back. I expect that my press team will be happy to try to make it up to you whenever we are in Detroit next.” He still never answered her intitial question which was “How are you going to help the American autoworker?” Barack has continously proven how unsmooth he is. Shooting pool in West Virginia in a shirt and tie, not smooth. Bowling in Pennsylvania, this wouldn’t have even gotten him one of those cheezy bleached blonde bowling alley babes, not smooth. Once again Obama is proving his inexperience as a politician. Is this an example of his future diplomacy?  When he meets a female diplomat, is he going to call them “Honey” or “Darlin’?”  Just what we need is more blundering in the White House after the last eight years from someone else who doesn’t have a clue about how to do the job. Not Smooth!

LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE! OBAMA IN STERLING HEIGHTS:

 
 

DOLLY PARTON TAKES ON HOWARD STERN

Dolly Parton is going to sue Howard Stern for well, being Howard. He took some clips from her audio book and cut them up so that they say some absolutely digusting statements. The cutting was pretty poor and you can easily tell that the clipping is a hack job. “I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life,” Parton said in a statement on Wednesday. “I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this.” She concluded: “If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.” This is a bit that Howard has done on his satellite radio show and she’s not the first to get the treatment. I think she should leave it go, because she’s just giving Howard more publicity. He’ll make more this way than the suit will be worth. The best thing to do with Howard is ignore him.

 TEXAS MAN SHOOTS HIMSELF SCRATCHING HIS BACK

Jorge Espinal had an itch he had to scratch. He left the table where he had been drinking and playing poker with his buddies. Yes alcohol was involved here. Go figure. Something possessed him, I’m guessing stupidity, to use a revolver as a back scratcher. It was loaded, like he was and he shot himself in the back. He was taken to a Fort Worth hospital and treated for non-life threatening injuries. Can he prosecute himself for assault? His friends though he was joking until they saw the blood. I guess they couldn’t believe he was that stupid either. 

WORLD’S SMALLEST HELICOPTER HONORS DAVINCI

Seventy-five-year-old Gennai Yanagisawa says he will fly his one-man helicopter in the city of Vinci, near Florence, Italy, on May 25. Yanagisawa describes the demonstration as a tribute to the Renaissance-era visionary’s original idea of an “aerial screw.” It looks like something you’d expect from a James Bond film. “Italian people seem to welcome my realizing of DaVinci’s idea in his birthplace,” he said. “I want to make my best flight so that I can live up to their expectations.” Vinci Mayor Dario Parrini offered him an opportunity to fly his helicopter when the two met in the Italian city. I think old Leonardo would have loved this and would have wanted to go for a ride. I can just see him buzzing around giggling his butt off, that hair and beard blowing behind him.

HUGH HEFNER, MICHAEL VICK, REALLY BAD DAY, SKULL BONG AND SUPERHEROES

HUGH HEFNER WANTS MILEY CYRUS FOR PLAYBOY

Hugh Hefner has decided that Miley Cyrus would look good gracing the pages of Playboy. When she’s of legal age of course. He thinks she would be perfect for a pictorial. Says Hef: “Sure, she’d be welcomed in the magazine. Very pretty lady. And I think to make such a big to-do over something as innocent as those [Vanity Fair] photos, I think is a reflection on how schizophrenic America is about sexuality.” I think the whole thing has gotten creepy. Miley is turning out to be a 15-year old sex symbol. Definately creepy. It adds a new dimension to playmate of the month.

 

KHARMA AND LAWSUITS KEEP HAUNTING MICHAEL VICK

A judge just ordered Michael Vick to pay $2.4 million to a Canadian bank for a loan he defaulted on. The former Atlanta Falcon is also required to pay $499 in interest per day and the banks attorney’s fees totalling nearly $12,000.  Michael, you had it made and threw it all away. What goes around comes around. It’s Kharma baby!  By the way, how’s quarterbacking that prison team working out for you?

 EVER HAVE A REALLY BAD DAY?

Justin Hill was turning into his driveway and he ran into a car. His wife heard the crash and ran outside to see what it was all about leaving the stove going and the dinner on. Hill was hauled to the hospital as his house went up in flames. Then he was given the traffic ticket for failure to yield the right of way. Talk about insult to injury. It wasn’t even Friday the 13th.

SKULL BONG

Three teens in Texas have dug up a skull from an old grave and converted it into a marijuana bong. Kevin Wade Jones, Mathew and Richard Gonzales, all 17, dug up the grave of an 11 year old boy from 1921 in an abandoned cemetery, near Humble, Texas. They then took the skull and converted it into a pot bong. That’s just plain bad JuJu boys. The trio is being charged with corpse abuse. OK, I grew up in the 60’s, I’ve been stoned and in a cemetery, but it would never have occurred to me to “Hey man, let’s dig up some kid and make a bong out of his head.” I know I wouldn’t have been jumping on that bandwagon. I’m not usually a proponent of psychiatrists, but I’m making an exception in this case.

 IRONMAN, SPIDERMAN AND THE HULK

For those of you that saw Ironman and want to know what Marvel Studios has in store for the future, Here’s a glimpse.

 

RUSH LIMBAUGH, DRAG QUEEN CHEERLEADERS, DOG POOP LAWSUIT, AND SINKHOLES

DID RUSH LIMBAUGH INFLUENCE THE PRIMARY BETWEEN CLINTON AND OBAMA?

I would like to think people are smarter than that. Rush and his “Operation Chaos” is proving just how flawed the idea of letting non-democrats vote in the democratic primary is. The fact that he is openly trying to manipulate the primary with the zeros that listen to him demonstrates this. It also shows that maybe he isn’t completely off drugs and really should consider re-entering rehab. Next time, try valium. 

 

JETS WOULD CONSIDER DRAG QUEENS FOR CHEERLEADERS

 Denise Garvey, Choreographer for the Flight Crew, the New York Jets cheerleading squad, hinted in an interview that they would be willing to consider any kind of cheerleader trying out including Drag Queens. OK, I’m a football fan, I don’t root for the Jets, but I want my cheerleaders to be women. Actually I want them to be babes. When I buy the calendar, I want to know that January through December is someone I can fantasize about. Trust me looking at the cheerleaders has never been about talent or brains for that matter. Can you imagine if Broadway Joe had dated a cheerleader and found out it was a drag queen, wait a minute, he posed in panty hose didn’t he? 

 TOWN SUED AFTER CHILD STEPS IN DOG CRAP

A Connecticutt woman, Kelly Debrocky is sueing the town of Norwalk after claiming that an outing to the Maritime Aquarium was ruined when her 1-year-old stepping into the proverbial pile of dog crap. She wants reimbursement for ruined shoes and the admission to the aquarium. The city has responded by saying, “Poop happens.” I say watch where you put your 1-year-old. If I sued everytime I stepped in dog crap, well I wouldn’t be working and I would have one very happy lawyer. Next time, take some paper towel, disinfectant and get on with life. What are you going to do when the kid eats a bug?

THE SINKHOLE THAT ATE TEXAS

Just outside of Daisetta, Texas a sinkhole has appeared that has swallowed cars, trucks, telephone poles, even oil field equipment. It is at least 600 feet long an 200 feet deep and it is believed that it is a collapsed salt dome. That’s a lot of sinkhole. It reminds me of something out of a 50’s sci fi film. Discovered by teenagers in hotrods, it keeps growing until someone nukes it or blows up a dam to flood it out of existence.

COCKTAILS ANYONE?

OK, she gets a tip. This is actually one of the members of the Chinese National Acrobatic Troupe in training. This is the first time I’ve seen athletics provide a viable career after sports.