Archive for Vampire

WEREWOLF HUNTER ARRESTED, VAMPIRE BITES CABBIE, DUCT TAPE LESSON, and WOMAN CALLS POLICE ON POLICE

Posted in Animals, Culture, Entertainment, Ezine, Humor, News, Politics, Random, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on March 25, 2010 by mclassen

 

Werewolf Hunter Arrested in Washington  

I keep hoping this guy was just out LARPing and got seperated from his Dungeons and Dragons group. In Bainbridge Island, Wash., Police have detained a man who was found wielding a sword in a parking lot where he said he was “hunting werewolves and chuds.” Sounds like LARPing to me. For those that aren’t geeky enough, LARP stands for Live Action Role Playing. Now you’re all caught up and you can laugh the jokes. At approximately 1:45 p.m. Tuesday, police responded to reports of the man aggressively waving a sword around and stabbing objects in a parking lot. That’s the first place I’d look for werewolves. Officers found the shirtless man standing in front of the store with a large nanite sword in his hand. The man had several scrapes and cuts on his body, officers said. Forsooth it seems he’s engaged the foul beasts. When instructed to put down the knife, the 35-year-old man did so without incident. Officers also found on the man several throwing knives and other sharp weapons. He’s hunting werewolves, did you think he’d be unarmed? The man told investigators he was “hunting werewolves and chuds” who, in many cases, take the form of humans.  Based on this information, the officers took the man to Harrison Memorial Hospital for an evaluation. Good decision. Officers said the man had also been spotted approaching customers and displaying his sword and knifes near Ace Hardware in the past. Ace Hardware, a front for a clan of Werewolves? Hmm, the guy in the power tool section did look a little…naw.

Vampire Attacks Cabbie During Robbery

Wow, more vampire stuff, all of a sudden they seem to be coming out of their coffins. New York police are hunting a “vampire” attacker who bit a taxi driver during an attempted robbery. The man attempted to rob the cab driver after allegedly pulling out a semi-automatic handgun. I think I might have handed over the cash. The sight of guns do that to me. When the driver refused to hand over any cash, the man proceeded to bite the driver on the neck. Bites were found on the drivers neck, arm and back. Sounds more like a mad dog than a vampire. I hope he got his rabies shots.  The ‘vampire’ fled the scene of the attack shortly afterwards, after failing to steal anything from the cab. Another sucessful day in the world of inept crime. The attacker only began his attempt once he had arrived at his chosen destination near Bronx Community College. Get out the stakes, light the torches, his coffin must be nearby.

Duct Tape not acceptable for silencing the little woman

A Florida man was sentenced to 90 days in jail and a year probation for binding his girlfriend’s hands and taping her mouth shut “so she would listen.”  OK, I admit, I’ve had these moment where, yes, I thought about it. But dude, you don’t actually do it. Kevin John Franco of Port St. Lucie pleaded no contest to felony false imprisonment, misdemeanor battery and tampering with a witness after the sleeping woman woke to find him binding her hands with heavy-duty plastic ties. I have to ask, what’s with this tampering with a witness charge? During the October 2008 incident, he also taped her mouth shut with duct tape, TC Palm reports. He apparently wanted her to listen real good.  The victim was able to free herself as Franco ripped the phones out of the wall. Uh, Oh, I’m sensing a poorly done tie job here. She used a cell phone to call police.  The 34-year-old man admitted to police that he tied her hands and taped her mouth “only so she would listen.”  I wonder if the judge will listen. I bet he won’t be able to duct tape him.

Woman Calls Police to Get Her Out of Jail

Ever come across one of those people that just seems to have something missing? This would be one of those people. 29-year-old Carly Houston was arrested in Naperville, Illinois after she allegedly screamed and swore at a taxi driver when he asked for directions to her destination, and then refused to pay the fare when police showed up. Obviously she has issues. She was arrested and taken to the local police station, where she was offered the chance to make a call to a friend or family member. So far so good, but here’s where it all goes so wrong. Instead Houston used the call to dial 911, which connected her to Naperville police dispatchers, to whom she reported that she was “trapped inside the detention facility.” Ok, what brain process could have happened here that could remotely make this seem like it was a good idea? Unfortunately for her, the Naperville police department proved strangely reluctant to free her from the clutches of the Naperville police department. Imagine that. Instead, she was charged with “theft of labor or services,” criminal trespass, disorderly conduct and, for good measure, making a false 911 report. somehow I’m guessing, all that shouting she was doing at the cabbie somehow was carried over to the arrest and frankly, they’d heard enough.

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FLORIDA VAMPIRE RUNS FOR PRESIDENT, LEPRECHAUN ROBS BANK, and LEANING PUB OF BEER

Posted in Entertainment, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Random, Travel, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2010 by mclassen

Not satisfied with living in Florida, Jonathon _The Impaler_ Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C., to become the nation's first vampire president, reports CBS affiliate WTSP.

Vampire Runs for President….as a Republican

Right now I’m laughing pretty hard. There just seems somthing so appropriate about a Vampire in politics. Maybe it’s all of the “sucking the country dry” jokes I’m currently thinking of. Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C., to become the nation’s first vampire president. Well, with that nickname, it ought to make for some interesting foreign policy. Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre. Well, he should fit right in, he already has the arm candy wife. “The Impaler” claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula. And people holler about Obama’s lineage, good luck finding the birth certificate on this one. He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P. He should fit right in with those bloodsuckers. He ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and also had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008. Hey maybe third time’s the charm. Anyway, let’s check out Sharkey’s record shall we? He’s accused of “brainwashing a 16-year-old in Minnesota. That should prepare him for politics. The two were engaged until last month. Her family now has a restraining order against Sharkey and claims his texts to her violate it. He reportedly admitted to harrassing another 16-year-old Minnesota girl online in 2009. I think I’m noticing a pattern here. Dude wake up, they’re not old enough to vote. He was arrested in Tennessee several years ago and is currently on probation from Indiana after he was found guilty in 2009 of intimidating a judge. I like that one. He’ll fit right in in Washington. He served six months in a Marion Co. jail before his release. Sources confirm the Secret Service has had to keep him on its radar, since he moves around the country. Well, they might as well get used to it. If he wins they’ll have to protect him…from Vampire Hunters. Is Buffy still 16?

Leprechaun Bank Robber in Nashville

It appears this Leprechaun had lost his pot of gold and wanted to replace it with bank notes. A man dressed in green and carrying a large-caliber gun held up a branch of the First State Bank in the Nashville, Tennessee,  suburb of Gallatin on St. Patrick’s Day, said police spokesman Sergeant Bill Storment. The costumed man, wearing a green top hat, vest and shorts and a fake brown beard and wig, had previously gone into the Fifth Third Bank next door, according to its manager Sharon Riehemann, when the bank lobby was crowded with lunchtime customers. “He started to come in, then looked at his watch, then turned around and left,” she said. Apparently there wasn’t enough gold in that one. “He then walked toward the other bank, and a couple of minutes later he ran out of the bank with a blue bag in his hands,” Riehemann said. Police said two men were in the car that sped away, and that they fired at police during the chase, disabling one police car. Storment said the two ditched their vehicle and ran into a field near a subdivision. “They were killed while exchanging fire with officers,” he said. Isn’t it bad luck to shoot a Leprechaun. He apparently had run out of lucky charms as well. No officers were injured, and money was recovered from the suspects’ vehicle, he said. The robbers should have stuck with green beer.

Crooked House tavern

The Crooked House Pub

 Here’s a drunkard’s dream if I ever did see one.  The appropriately named Crooked House has been labelled Britain’s drunkest inn, and for good reasons. Glasses regularly slide across tables at the Georgian pub and coins appear to roll up, rather than down, the bar. This would be so much fun. The tavern, which was built as a farmhouse in 1785, got its design fault through settling of the ground caused by mining during the 1800s. It means that one end of the Crooked House is 1.2m (4ft) lower than the other. So, if it feels like you’re walking uphill to get a brew, you are. The alehouse in the Staffordshire village of Himley has become a big tourist draw. “I look after 1,800 pubs for Marston’s and this is definitely the one that leans the most,” said Sonny Mann, property surveyor for the brewery. I wonder how much sampling of the local wares he does? “The pub’s quite safe though and hasn’t moved for ages. We use special ‘glass tails’ over cracks on the walls – if the glass breaks then we know it’s moving again.” It’s either that or another drunk has fallen off his stool, rolled downhill and collected in the corner. “Hey bartender, set me up again, would you?” I’m thinking, drinking here would be a perceptual challenge. After a few pints, aiming for the door might be a project.

a bar