NELSON MANDELA TERRORIST NO MORE
It seems the American Government has decided to give Nelson Mandela a birthday present. They’re taking him off the terrorist watch list. What idiot put him on there in the first place? Somebody was certainly scraping the bottom of the barrel for a government employee with that one. The former South African President is to be removed from a U.S. terrorism watch list under a bill President Bush signed Tuesday. Finally did something intelligent eh? “He had no place on our government’s terror watch list, and I’m pleased to see this bill finally become law,” said Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts. Ya think? Recognized as a symbol of freedom and equality, Mandela will turn 90 on July 18. Mandela shared the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 with F. W. de Klerk, the South African president and National Party leader who worked with Mandela to end apartheid. Mandela replaced him as president in 1994 and served until 1999. Oh yea, that sounds like terrorism to me. “What it will do is make sure that there aren’t any extra hoops for either a distinguished individual, like former President Mandela, or other members of the African National Congress to get a U.S. visa,” State Department spokesman Tom Casey said.
CAT HELD FOR RANSOM FOR DOG
There are reasons we’re suppossed to keep track of our pets. Take this case for instance. Linda Urioste’s black Labrador was recently picked up by animal control officers and later adopted by Jutta Hollar and her husband. That lab must have been missing for a long time. Hollar learned a couple of weeks later that Urioste had been to the shelter looking for the dog. Hollar says she had considered returning the animal until she met Urioste, who yelled and threatened to sue. That’s when Urioste came up with a plan. Catnapping! A few days later, the couple realized their cat was missing. Police say Urioste left a phone message with the Hollars saying that she had their cat and was willing to trade it for the dog. I can picture it now. Come alone, meet me on the bridge and we’ll make the swap. Police charged Urioste on Saturday with theft and extortion. Oops I guess that backfired. Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. She was released from jail on a $6,000 bond.
NEW FUNERAL TRADITION IN AUSTRALIA
I like this idea. I’m going to make my requests now so that when I’m gone. let the party begin. Hymns are being replaced at funerals in one Australian city by popular rock classics like Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell,’ a cemetery manager said Wednesday. Being an old rocker from way back, this idea works for me. At Centennial Park, the largest cemetery and crematorium in the southern city of Adelaide, only two hymns still rank among its top 10 most popular funeral songs: ‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘Abide With Me.’ The dude abides. The Led Zeppelin and AC/DC rock anthems rank outside the top 10, but have gained ground in recent years as more Australians give up traditional Christian hymns. “Some of the more unusual songs we hear actually work very well within the service because they represent the person’s character,” Centennial Park chief executive Bryan Elliott said. Among other less conventional choices were ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ by the Monty Python comedy team, ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,’ ‘Hit the Road Jack,’ ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ and ‘I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead.’ This is such a better idea than all that wimpering and whining that goes on. Rock on into the afterlife. I’m getting my playlist together.
SOME BEER TO GO
Now, I have to admit, I’ve needed a beer rather anxiously, but this is a bit over the top. Lynne Rice, 74-years-old, of Norwalk drove her 1988 Cadillac into Joe’s Food Mart and Video on Sunday evening, Los Angeles County sheriff’s Lt. Jenny Ha said. The car plowed about halfway through the store but nobody was injured. Rice got out of the car, walked over to the cooler and pulled out a six-pack of Budweiser beer, said the store owner, who gave only his last name, Awada, to the Long Beach Press-Telegram. “I don’t know how she managed to walk,” Awada said, adding a cashier declined the sale and instead called police. Rice was taken to a hospital for examination because she had a pre-existing medical condition, Ha said. She was also arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence and released on $15,000 bail, authorities said. Awada said the crash destroyed two 6-foot-wide glass panels. Damage was put at about $8,000.
BASKETBALL TO THE HEAD!
HITLER BEHEADED, ANOTHER BRITISH UFO, COPS DON’T NOTICE PATROL CAR GONE, OCTOPUS PORN, AND I MET THE WALRUS
Posted in Art, Books, celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Events, Ezine, Family, Food, Humor, Life, Love, Media, Movies, Music, News, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Politics, Random, Religion, Sports, Technology, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized, video, Writing with tags AARP, Art, Baby Boomer, blog, blogging, comedy, commentary, conversations, digg, E-zine, editorial, Ezine, Family, fark.com, funny, Google, history, Humor, Life, literature, Love, Michigan, Music, News, nude women, nudity, odd, opinion, Politics, porn, random thoughts, ruminations, sex, strange, Technology, theonion.com, Thoughts, TV, video, viral, weird, women, wordpress.com, wordpress.org, Writing, Yahoo, youtube, zine on July 6, 2008 by mclassenHITLER LOSES HIS HEAD
Well this didn’t last long. Madame Tussaud’s, the famous wax museum has a museum in Berlin, Germany and they just unveiled their new masterpiece, Adolf Hitler. The presence of the Nazi dictator’s likeness in the new museum led to criticism in German media over recent weeks, but defenders of the replica argued Hitler’s role in German history could not be ignored. The museum, which is near the German capital’s Brandenburg Gate, pledged to portray Hitler without glorifying him, as he would have looked shortly before his 1945 suicide. Well, Adolf didn’t last long. The second visitor they let through the door attacked the wax figure. Stephan Koch, one of the museum employees, said he and a colleague tried unsuccessfully to prevent the man from jumping over a table in front of the figure and damaging it, and said the assailant attacked his colleague. This dude was certainly determined. The man pushed aside the two museum employees and “ripped off the head of the Hitler figure,” police spokesman Uwe Kozelnik said on n-tv television. The wax figure’s assassin said he was just protesting the display. Well, it seems this display just isn’t going to appeal to the public. The museum had produced a likeness of the Nazi leader hunched over a desk in a dimly lit bunker. The figure, unveiled to journalists Thursday, showed Hitler, with deep lines furrowing his forehead, sitting beneath a map of Europe on the wall, monitoring the advance of allied troops from the east and west. I expect the staff will mark this one up as one of their not-so-good ideas. A picture of the wax figure before beheading is below.
BRIT FRIGHTENED BY HOVERING UFO
I had a hard time trying to quit laughing after I read this. It seems in South Wales, England, a man was frightened by an unidentifiable object hovering in the sky near his house. So, he called 999, England’s version of 911. The recording runs as follows: Control Room: “South Wales Police, what’s your emergency?” Caller: “It’s not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there’s a bright stationary object.” Control room: “Right.” Caller: “If you’ve got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It’s been there at least half an hour and it’s still there.” Control: “It’s been there for half an hour. Right. Is it actually on the mountain or in the sky?” Caller: “It’s in the air.” Control: “I will send someone up there now to check it out.” Caller: “OK.” A few minutes later, all became clear in the following exchange between the control room and the police officer sent to the scene. Control: “Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?” Officer: “Yes, it’s the moon. Over.” A South Wales Police spokeswoman said: “It was 100% legitimate. There was no hoax. It was a serious call from a member of the public.” Now that’s what I call a scary UFO.
KID STEALS POLICE CAR, POLICE DON’T NOTICE, TWICE
This has got to be a case of too much coffee and donuts. A 13-year-old with an interest in law enforcement stole a police cruiser and took it out to do some patrolling, according to authorities. Then he did it again. The boy apparently watched someone enter a code to get into the department, then used it to get in and take the keys to the cruiser. Now that’s a smart kid. Residents called police on Sunday to say they’d seen the boy driving a police car. The boy also took the cruiser the previous Sunday and drove it around before returning it to the station. Now, you have to wonder, what were the cops doing all this time since none of the officers noticed it was missing? All this took place in Dillon, a small South Carolina town near the North Carolina border. The boy’s mother saw him bring the car home both times but didn’t see anything wrong with the joyrides, Police Sgt. Jason Turner said. The boy, who was charged with larceny and second-degree burglary, was not identified because of his age. He remained in Department of Juvenile Justice custody Wednesday. I guess he’s going to learn about law enforcement now. His mother, Patricia Gillespie, was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Ya, think? I’ll bet they’ll be paying attention to this kid now.
THE MAN WITH THE ANIMAL PORN DEFENCE
Ok, here’s one for the books. A man goes on trial in Tasmania, Australia for downloading child porn. He claims it was an accident and got mixed up in his animal porn by accident. He admitted in an Australian court to downloading octopus porn, as well as other images of sexual acts with ponies, tigers and snakes. Octopus porn? Rodney Scott McLagan also plead guilty to possessing child pornography but, his defence lawyer insisted that he had ‘little or no interest’ in the child porn, and only had it on his computer because it had been included in the bulk download of bestiality material. Are you buying this crap yet? “In respect of the child exploitation material, while there’s a lot of it he only looked at 20 per cent. He searched the internet for the bestiality material but there was no active search for the child exploitation material,” his lawyer David Barclay told the Supreme Court in Hobart, Tasmania. It lines like this that make you hate lawyers. What a load of horse hockey. Barclay added that McLagan sought out the bestiality porn because of a personality disorder, which gave him such low self-esteem that he thought of himself as “some sort of beast.” Well, at least he got that part of it right. I’m just happy that America doesn’t have a monpoly on weirdos.
A LATE MESSAGE FROM JOHN LENNON
If you haven’t seen this, it’s a gem. I’m rminded of the kid in the movie Almost Famous. This was from a 14-year-old kid named Jerry Levitan who snuck into John Lennon’s room and got an interview with John. The profound thing about this video is that the answers Lennon gives still ring true and deep today. I think Lennon would have loved this video. It’s called I Met The Walrus.
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